Latest News: We've added 5 new bonuses to Submersion, our popular 60-day Subjective Reality deep dive course. These include the new Summary Guide, audio walkthroughs, walkthrough transcripts, Subjective Reality story videos, and the Subjective Reality Explorer's Guide. All Submersion explorers can access these bonuses in the Submersion portal now. See the related news post for details. Enjoy!
The reason I haven’t posted the New York City trip review yet is that I’ve been sick the past several days. Erin and I co-wrote the review last week (about 6000 words), but I still need to add the photos. I’ll have it online by the end of the week.
This was a strange illness. I had a mild cold near the end of the New York City trip, and I seemed to recover just fine. That was the first illness I’ve had this whole year. But several days later (this would be Mon, Oct 29), I woke up feeling terrible: fever, nausea, headache, sore throat, and massive fatigue. I finally dragged myself out of bed, made a fruit smoothie for breakfast, and then vomited it back up 20 minutes later. (Unlike many partially digested foods, fruit smoothies still taste OK on the return trip — they’re just a bit warmer.) Consequently, I’ve been out of commission for the past few days. I’m feeling better today, and the fever has passed, but I still have a sore throat and feel a bit spacey.
My initial reaction to being sick (twice in two weeks) was annoyance. I had a busy week planned. I tried to get a little work done but couldn’t concentrate well enough to do anything worthwhile. At one point I got really confused trying to find a file folder I’ve accessed a hundred times before, only to realize I’d been looking in the wrong drawer. This is why I haven’t done any blogging in the past week.
Eventually I opted to give in and go with the flow. So this week I mostly slept, meditated, and ate lots of raw fruits and veggies. I also watched some old comedies, which always seems to help me feel better.
During this illness my usual emotional regulators went completely offline. While watching Young Frankenstein, I totally lost it when the monster was climbing the castle wall at the end. It seemed like such a beautiful moment. I felt like a Vulcan suffering from Bendii syndrome.
One meditation I did gave me some intense insights that I’m still coming to terms with. I realized I was hitting a lot of roadblocks when trying to go a certain direction, and this meditation allowed me to see why that was happening and that there was a far easier path I’d been completely overlooking. Sometimes an illness acts like a spiritual head smacking.
Another meditation went so deep that it actually slid into a lucid dream while I was sitting on the couch. My conscious visualizations started giving way to a stream of unconscious imagery, and I could see I was beginning to enter a dream state. I relaxed and went with it, and I slipped into a very vivid dream while still conscious. That’s never happened to me before. Previously lucidity had always been triggered while I was already in the dream state. I’ll have to try that again sometime.
I had some extremely deep and vivid nighttime dreams this week as well — the kind where it feels like I’ve spent days or weeks within the dream world. Last night I dreamt I was kidnapped by some “terrorist” group and transported to a country in the Middle East, where I was held hostage. I was allowed to move around within a small community and interact with the people there, but I couldn’t leave the country. However, I still had my laptop computer and an Internet connection, and I was encouraged to blog about the whole experience. I told my captors I’d cooperate on the condition that I would only post the truth — if they wanted me to post anything false or withhold anything true, they’d have to kill me first. They agreed and said it was all they wanted. I spent the next two months walking around, observing, talking to people, and writing. Despite being a “hostage”, I never felt trapped because the joyful background buzz of awareness was still present everywhere. It was just a matter of adapting to a new environment.
This seemed like more than just a routine illness. It’s like I was going through some kind of spiritual/emotional purging. This sort of thing has happened to me a few times before. In 2004 I had a string of nearly identical illnesses, always with the same symptoms. Every time I would get some decent momentum going with my games business, I got sick and was down for a week. It became really irritating. I must have had about 10 fevers that year. Eventually I stopped fighting and decided to turn within and do a lot of soul searching, since I didn’t have the energy to do much else. That led to a major career transition with the launch of StevePavlina.com in late 2004. Shortly after that the string of illnesses just ended. Now I suspect I’m getting another knock on the door.
I’m sure some people consider illness to be a purely physical, objective phenomenon caused by wee beasties. I’m not one of those people… although I’m sometimes classified as one of the beasties. 😉