the inability to judge - are you honest?

[Andrei]

One of the subjects that occupied my thinking the most for the last year(s) is our difficulty to judge. We judge all the time. We judge about whether things are worthwhile doing in this short life. We judge about what is right and wrong. Cool or ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Renewing or Old. And so on.

A lot of people are caught in their own and others judgment about how they should handle their life. A trap difficult to get out of.

I got a lot of knowledge by not knowing. People call it being open, but I feel people who think they are open aren't necessarily open to what I say.

What I'm trying to write about here is a complicated issue for me, keeping my mind occupied for quite some time now. It's difficult for me to explain what I exactly mean, but I'll give it a try. I'm not building op in a normal logic order, but try to make sense in the whole of the post. I realize I generalize as well in my post, but I do that in order to make my point clear. And also because I'm not practiced enough in order not to generalize.

We follow rules to judge ethical questions.

Our reality

Is your life more important than that of another one? To me it isn't. Yet half of the world is dying for a very bad reason. We try to get a grip on this for ourselves, we try to get in focus with it, to answer to the horror going on everyday.

We try to improve our lives upon reaching the improvement of the human position.

There is a huge gap between what seems a good life to our minds and what the biggest part of this planet is getting. We have this in the back of our minds all the time. It's just a reality, one out there. Yet we manage to ignore this. This is absurd. I think this only keeps on existing from out of the fear of never finding a solution to these extreme problems. We don't know how to give it meaning, so we discard part of it.

What if you look it straight in the face?

Our reality can change very fast. Take bipolarity, I guess all of us have it in some sense, or some period of our lives. At some moment everything you do seems totally worthwhile, getting you to a higher goal and gives you excitement and hope for living. A moment later you feel you should kill yourself. The speed in which this can occur makes me think people have a very sloppy judge in their mind. It is weird.

It makes me think that God was right, we shouldn't judge. We are not capable of it.

Because this translates to our feeling of integrity as well. What we feel as integrity to me is a constructed reality. This is a weird thought, because we hold this integrity as our personal trademark, the highest value of our existence. And it seems to be a fraud.

It's a mixture actually. The experience is real, as pain is real, but the reason why you feel this pain seems constructed.

Everything seems programmable, though it is difficult to be a good programmer.

We construct our moral reality with rules adapted in society through real judges and police force. These rules implement the possibility for one to have more than the other. Someone who knows how to implement the rules well will get richer eventually. You are a success, so you are worthy of your luck.

Shock therapy

I kill you and nobody will see it. I take your money and consilidate your wife. Sorry, this is a very extreme example. But it happens all the time and we don't realise it. Because it was your grandfathers grandfather that actually murdered you in Africa. That is, if reincarnation exists.

Sorry – that was a darkworkers mind twist trying to show how absurd this reality is. Back to lightwork.

Responsibility

“It is not your responsibility.” “You cannot take the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

We all support this system, because we abide by the rules and are afraid for a society without rules. It gets to complicated without rules. So we just bend a lot of them in Africa because it's far away.

We keep the ugly things far away from our minds because we can't handle them. Conclusion: we cannot judge. We don't want to see reality. Do you truly look it in the eye? Do you feel like a responsible citizen? Do you do what you in your best possibility can do to improve the life of the people really suffering? No, because we can only handle what is here and now and with the people in our direct environment.

I try not to judge. I am part of it. But it is very difficult to let go of it, we seem to be made to judge, it seems to be a need, we need to go on, to improve and grow.

Of course we deserve happiness. All of them do. Who keeps us that way? I believe, somewhere in the back of your mind you know.

Beyond constructive thinking

When we think our life is not worth living we punish ourselves with a bad feeling. But we keep on living. We refer to this worthlessness and the accompanying feeling as our suffering.

We link value to feeling. In truth feeling is much larger than valuing, our valuing is unable to encompass the vastness of feeling. That is a thing meditation can teach us.

Our mind tries to “capture” reality by describing it. Yet, the rules being formulated by describing always fall short. Why? Because we have the need to “build up”. By building up I mean to act constructive with reality. A big part of reality doesn't answer to this building up. How do we deal with this? I say give it a place, make it part of your reality and accept it. Big part of it is the big part of our world suffering extreme. It is there, complex, vast. It doesn't answer to our need to fix in order to feel happy. I say give it space and give yourself space inside this reality.

When I hear people returning from a development trip to Africa, often I hear them say “when I came back I couldn't understand what we are worrying about so much. We really care about the trivial” They return and in a matter of time they just adapt and continue worrying about the trivial again. This is the “modus operandi”, the way of working of our society nowadays. We wonder about the trivial, hide away from the big and difficult. Because our valuing system is obsolete, because our valuing system can only handle building up.

So my message is: give space to the impossible to encompass. Because I believe you can. You can give it space. It needs to get space.

Carlos Castaneda talks about “the clarity of vision” in his first book. The clarity of vision that we get when we beat our fear gets challenged, and when we beat it it means we can see it is only a point in front of our eyes. Our need to be constructive makes us construct mental plans of reality in order to answer to it. Yet reality is bigger than this constructive urge of us. Does this mean it is wrong trying to be constructive? No. It means our urge of being constructive is not the only thing we need in order to be constructive in effect. I say don't judge and see reality. Try being neutral first, happy later. This needs practice, but I feel it is the only way.

Are you honest? Truly honest? Truly truly truly honest?

I wonder.