Determine whether this is a Good or Bad Idea

[GrigoriySidelnikov]

I am working on brainstorming some ideas to promote my social network website with an ad-like presentation to capture people's attention.

I need some help determining the general impression this makes on people.

What are the first thoughts you get looking at this?

[poika]

the first thing that caught my attention was the green truck, and before reading anything on the page i thought it would be a website of some moving company. so yeah, my first thought was a moving company.

[NickW]

Originally Posted by GrigoriySidelnikov

What are the first thoughts you get looking at this?

1. Same as poika--looks like an ad for a moving company.
2. You should hire a writer.

[GrigoriySidelnikov]

Originally Posted by NickW

2. You should hire a writer.

I am a writer.

You are a writer, too. You wrote your forum post in response to mine. We are both writers. Is that not obvious? The difference is that I am a better writer, because I care about studying the art of writing and expression using words.

When I start asking people to review writing on my websites, I will let you know. For now, let's focus on the general idea. And I thank all of your input very much. (Especially those who do give at least half a rat's asses -- thats one buttock, not much but what can I expect from a discussion forum?)

Ps: I always thought that when someone uses the word should in a sentence expressing an action suggesting that I should do something, that it gave me the moral right to make a suggestion to that person as well.

You should stop having such low expectations from people who post on Internet forums. They are just like ones you meet in person. Would you tell someone in person that they should hire a writer? Most likely not. It's easier to do this kind of thing on a forum, isn't it?

I am a real person, and I have ways in which I choose to do things. Same as you. Yes, we don't know anything about each other. You don't know that I am a writer, and you don't know that I need to create my ideas fast and pass for judgement to others to see their reaction. But that's okay. And this is why... it may not be a great idea to make a suggestion to me that I didn't ask an opinion about. It's unnecessary, it's unhelpful, and it makes you look in a way in which you don't really want other people to look at you in.

We already identified that the "ad" looks like a commercial for a moving company. That's a problem, yes. The are many problems in the world. Thank you for that. But problems are there to solve them.

Saying that someone should do something without that person asking you for your opinion about it makes you appear rude, and quite possibly bitter on the inside. Especially when you really don't know anything about the creative process this person has chosen for themselves. All because you decided to look at other members of this forum as mere mortals.

Guess what? This response and that of other people has been very valuable in determining the next evolution of this ad. Here is an example of where I decided to take it. I used UHAUL colors as a psychological confirmation that it is not a delivery service but rather a moving truck. I also added some words to manipulate the general perception of the message, making it more obvious. I then added boxes next to each feature that will be explained later with more precision.

I think it's a major improvement to the general concept of this idea (we'll worry about the writing later):

[poika]

i like the modifications you made. now the heading (moving to your next...) fits the truck very well. and although i wasn't familiar with UHAUL, white&red look better than green, imho.

[Orionjoel]

I am a little confused, is this a new Social Networking site, or a service to help people move from one Social Networking site to another.

If this is a Social Networking site, then I would think maybe finding some image other then the truck might work, unless you have really got a big idea behind having the truck as the primary focal point on the page.

If this is a service to help people move between Social Networking services then I also think there could be a better way to illustrate it then the truck. I think it could be a little confusing.

Either way while I like the overall layout of the page, it is also a little cluttered. If you look at any Social networking site, before logging in. They are fairly stright forward with maybe some points what their service does. and the option to sign up or sign in big and prominent. Without looking at all of them i cannot remember if any may also have a feed from within the site or not.

Ultimately I would think you want to make it as clear and easy for people to decide if they want to be a part of your site or not, without having to read a big long explanation as to why they need to be there.

[GrigoriySidelnikov]

Originally Posted by Orionjoel

I am a little confused, is this a new Social Networking site, or a service to help people move from one Social Networking site to another.

A very good, overlooked point.

I agree that most people don't read text and want to check out the site right away. I also know for a fact that a small percent of visitors love reading pretty much everything.

Thanks for your feedback, it was helpful.

[Brutha]

You are a writer, too. You wrote your forum post in response to mine. We are both writers. Is that not obvious? The difference is that I am a better writer, because I care about studying the art of writing and expression using words.

The page you linked to gives the impression:
1) This writing isn't the way I would writing on such a page expect to be.

"You should get a professional writer to work on this" is a valid first impression.

A few other issues:
Why is your sign in dialog at the left side?

Why is there a "Move In"-button and a "Create my account"-button?
Why is the "Move In"-button under your copyright notice.

When looking at the page I don't see the order in which I'm supposed to read it. I don't see the flow.

Other UI issues:
Why don't "Unlock your interests", "Moving to ..." and "Select channels" align?
Why doesn't "Authentic Society" align with the text entry boxes. It's only 1-2 pixes but it seems to be a bit of.

[NickW]

Originally Posted by GrigoriySidelnikov

I am a writer.
You are a writer, too. You wrote your forum post in response to mine. We are both writers. Is that not obvious?

Don't be so defensive. It's obvious you're not a professional writer. Professional prose is clear, concise and focused, not wordy, repetitive, and clotted with clumsy phrasing.

Back to your UI:
1. Typically, when people think about socializing, about recreational communication, they don't think "trucks."
2. You need a cleaner, more singular focus on your page. As is, it's cluttered, diffuse, and unfocused.

So assuming you're serious, and not merely a hobbyist, and you're working on an achievable goal instead of a fantasy, you should:

1. Hire a professional writer
2. Hire a professional user-interface designer.

[Leather Husack]

I think the second picture is much better. The first one was hard to grab my attention. In the second one, the title grabbed my attention much more than the first. The trucks change of colors also helped.

[GrigoriySidelnikov]

Originally Posted by NickW

Don't be so defensive. It's obvious you're not a professional writer. Professional prose is clear, concise and focused, not wordy, repetitive, and clotted with clumsy phrasing.

Back to your UI:
1. Typically, when people think about socializing, about recreational communication, they don't think "trucks."
2. You need a cleaner, more singular focus on your page. As is, it's cluttered, diffuse, and unfocused.

So assuming you're serious, and not merely a hobbyist, and you're working on an achievable goal instead of a fantasy, you should:

1. Hire a professional writer
2. Hire a professional user-interface designer.

When I ask you to give feedback on my writing, I will let you know.

You know that it wasn't the question. I don't give a **** about the writing on that page. I asked for opinions on the idea in general (first impression). Thats all - don't make this stuff up.

[poika]

Originally Posted by GrigoriySidelnikov

I need some help determining the general impression this makes on people.
What are the first thoughts you get looking at this?

Originally Posted by GrigoriySidelnikov

When I ask you to give feedback on my writing, I will let you know.

You know that it wasn't the question. I don't give a **** about the writing on that page. I asked for opinions on the idea in general (first impression). Thats all - don't make this stuff up.

'general impressions' and 'first thoughts looking at this' don't exclude writing. if you're so sensitive to comments on writing, then it'd be a good idea to ask explicitly for *visual* impressions. the attitude of asking a question and then attacking those who respond won't get anyone far.