Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

Sam kovacs · 09-24-2009, 05:32 PM

HI computer savy guys.. I need your help.

I have my own computer in my room connected to the house network. And my dad admitted to be spying on me, checking at what times i was turning my computer off from his own computer. He claimed to know what i was doing on the computer.

I giggled and said yeah right. He awnsererd with some numbers which were bang on.

He claimed it was something to help manage windows computers. I have windows 7 and XP on my computer and no matter which one it is he knows what i'm doing. Anyone have an idea what he could be doing? What could i do to stop it? Would installing linux work?
Thanks.

freddy · 09-24-2009, 05:42 PM

Any camera in your room?

SomeRandomGuy · 09-24-2009, 05:49 PM

Just out of curiosity, how old are you?

Brutha · 09-24-2009, 06:05 PM

There two issues:
The first is about protecting your computer by installing a firewall and having a strong password.

The second issue is about going into the internet. If you use the same router it's possible for your dad to log information that goes through the network.
You would either need a VPN or a encrypted proxy to prevent that kind of spying.

Sam kovacs · 09-24-2009, 06:32 PM

Thanks. Im 15. I now know more. He doesn't actually know what i'm doing, he does however know when i turn my pc off. I work out that it is impossible for him to know, if i turn my internet connection off, yet he claims he would still know.

Brutha · 09-24-2009, 07:15 PM

Quote:

Thanks. Im 15. I now know more. He doesn't actually know what i'm doing, he does however know when i turn my pc off. I work out that it is impossible for him to know, if i turn my internet connection off, yet he claims he would still know.

A computer that's on needs power.
It might be that you got one of the new smart meters that allow to get real time data about the electricity that get's used.

SomeRandomGuy · 09-24-2009, 07:26 PM

Assuming that your Dad has administrator access to your computer, knowing when you turn your PC on/off may be as simple as reviewing or monitoring the Event Logs on your PC.

MidasGirl · 09-24-2009, 08:23 PM

Your dad is a smart man. When you can buy your own computer, have your own internet connection, and pay rent for your room, he shouldn't spy on you anymore.

spirit4711 · 09-24-2009, 08:41 PM

Have you asked your father where this need to know what you're doing comes from? And if it's OK for him if you 'spy' on him?

Beuford · 09-25-2009, 01:49 PM

So are you worried that he can see your internet history?

Gasokai · 09-25-2009, 02:21 PM

lol ;D

I think its as simple as the led light on your home router, it shuts down as your computer does.

Or more unlikely, your dad is watching the data that goes thru router, and also sees the computers attached to it. Anyway I wouldnt worry about it too much, unless he starts blocking the pr0n.

JoeRad · 09-25-2009, 02:32 PM

There are also a myriad of software programs (basically legal trojan-horses) that can be installed that hide from the user, and send daily reports back to him.

He's also checking the routers event logs too.

Don't tolerate harassment or intimidation, even though you're a minor. I put up with it, and my life has been worse for it.

If you're up against a wall, do what you need to to have a modicum of privacy. Once you're 18, get the hell out, and never look back. Parents that think they can hold their children under their thumbs because they are "minors" deserve no loyalty...or love!

MidasGirl · 09-25-2009, 03:56 PM

And I think parents who let their children intimidate them by threatening to withdraw or withhold love are wussies and deserve no respect.

MidasGirl · 09-25-2009, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spirit4711

And if it's OK for him if you 'spy' on him?

If my child asked me that I'd be like, "sure, you can spy on me anytime..........when I'm living in your house".

I'm not saying parents should not respect their kids privacy, but it is also a parents responsibility to ensure computer safety for their kids. If you are so intent on being buddies with your kid, rather than a parent, good luck!

JoeRad · 09-25-2009, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

And I think parents who let their children intimidate them by threatening to withdraw or withhold love are wussies and deserve no respect.

So glad you can look down on everyone from your moral high horse. Give me break! Parents don't need to be loved by there kids, but they have an obligation to love them. The parents brought the kids into the world. They need to provide for them until they can provide for themselves. Anything less in neglect, or abuse. What this father is doing is abusive. He's using coercion to abuse his teen's state of mind. "I'm watching you, you little..." Yeah...thats a loving dad.

Get the hell out as soon as you can. Until then, resist!

MidasGirl: Incredible. I hope you look forward to seeing your kids in therapy when they grow up.

Gene · 09-25-2009, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

If my child asked me that I'd be like, "sure, you can spy on me anytime..........when I'm living in your house".

I'm not saying parents should not respect their kids privacy, but it is also a parents responsibility to ensure computer safety for their kids. If you are so intent on being buddies with your kid, rather than a parent, good luck!

There are circumstances where a parent is doing the right thing when they monitor the internet and computer activity of a minor in their house. I know of a young man who breaks the lock on the door and hacks the password on his grandmothers computer. I absolutely agree with his mother that monitoring his computer usage is appropriate.

As long as the minor is living in the parents house it is the parents decision to monitor or not monitor the computer usage. Can a parent be over controlling concerning where the minor goes on the internet and how the child behaves while using the computer and the net? Absolutely!

I agree with Midasgirl in that my children are free to monitor my computer usage if there comes a time when I am living in their house and using their computer.

MidasGirl · 09-25-2009, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoeRad

So glad you can look down on everyone from your moral high horse. Give me break! Parents don't need to be loved by there kids, but they have an obligation to love them. The parents brought the kids into the world. They need to provide for them until they can provide for themselves. Anything less in neglect, or abuse. What this father is doing is abusive. He's using coercion to abuse his teen's state of mind. "I'm watching you, you little..." Yeah...thats a loving dad.

Get the hell out as soon as you can. Until then, resist!

MidasGirl: Incredible. I hope you look forward to seeing your kids in therapy when they grow up.

Hi JoeRad, I understand you're ticked off by my comments. No problem. I would have been too at a certain time in my life.

You stated that a parents job is to provide for their child. You are so right. Well guess what? Providing safety is a top priority on a lot of parents list. How they go about it may not necessarily be the most ideal way, but remember, you did not show up here with your manual either.

I don't necessarily know what went down in your personal situation, but my belief is that most parents are simply doing what they know best to provide. Internet safety is becoming a very thorny issue these days, and most parents don't even have a clue how to go about protecting their children from all the crap that's out there (yeah yeah I know, every kid thinks it'll happen to everyone but them).

Spying on you may not be the best way for a parent to go about doing this, but why don't you help them out by making it unequivocal there's no reason for them to be concerned? And if there's no reason for them to be concerned and they still spy on you, so what? Is that the worst that can happen to you?

First off, I think this parent is very generous. I'd never allow a computer in a kid's bedroom. Not until they're about 17 anyway. Sorry. It won't kill you to have it in a common room.

Oh and as far as my kids being in therapy.......not really. I'm not very much in favor of shrinks. I'll make sure they attend all of Tony Robbins seminars for teens though.

MidasGirl · 09-25-2009, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gene

There are circumstances where a parent is doing the right thing when they monitor the internet and computer activity of a minor in their house. I know of a young man who breaks the lock on the door and hacks the password on his grandmothers computer. I absolutely agree with his mother that monitoring his computer usage is appropriate.

As long as the minor is living in the parents house it is the parents decision to monitor or not monitor the computer usage. Can a parent be over controlling concerning where the minor goes on the internet and how the child behaves while using the computer and the net? Absolutely!

I agree with Midasgirl in that my children are free to monitor my computer usage if there comes a time when I am living in their house and using their computer.

Thanks Gene, I'm glad there are still a few of us left who love our kids immensely and still have the balls to stand up to them.

Trezker · 09-25-2009, 04:50 PM

If it's only an issue of when your computer is on you can start running some research as an excuse to keep your computer on 24/7.

And you'll be doing the world some good.

Angela · 09-25-2009, 04:54 PM

First thing that crossed my mind is that since dad is checking on when you shut down, he would like to know that you are not burning the midnight oil, not getting rest or away-from-keyboard time while you're in your room.

If my 15 year old kid was signing out at 3am, I would want to know about it, too.

carenkh · 09-25-2009, 05:14 PM

I'm raising my kids in such a way that I totally trust their judgment about what they choose to do - whether that's staying up 'til 3, or what websites they visit. Do they make mistakes? Yup. It's part of learning. BUT, we're close enough that I can sense when something's off with them. I've been respectful enough of who they are, and their choices, that they come to me to talk about it, or, they're responsive and open when I come to them.

I am their friend, absolutely, AND their parent. I don't need to control them, because I trust their process of learning self-control. Does my son visit sites that would make me blush? Undoubtedly. But I'm not here to control what he uses for a masturbatory aid, that's a deeply personal decision. Is there sick stuff out there? Yes, and when my son clicks over to it, he clicks away, because he doesn't like how it makes him feel.

He has told me when people he's gaming with have made inappropriate comments, and I've helped him work through that. He's come to me when things started feeling "oogly" when he was chatting with an online friend. That "friend" was probably a predator, but because I've allowed my son to be in touch with his gut feelings on things since he was tiny, he stopped things when it did not feel right.

If you're connected and close with your kids (i.e., their friend), they aren't alone when they venture out into the online world.

The mistrust shown by monitoring sites, looking at histories, limiting times, etc. drives a wedge between kids & parents. That's where the problem comes in, not from the internet.

carenkh · 09-25-2009, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

Thanks Gene, I'm glad there are still a few of us left who love our kids immensely and still have the balls to stand up to them.

And there are those of us who love our kids immensely and live in partnership with them.

MidasGirl · 09-25-2009, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carenkh

And there are those of us who love our kids immensely and live in partnership with them.

Very good

Sam kovacs · 09-25-2009, 05:31 PM

No i don't really mind if he knows what i'm doing, What annoys me is that he knows when i'm doing. He's being a real prick with it. SInce for ever i've been turning my computer off when i felt like it. Mostly 23:30. Which i think is reasonable for someone waking up at 6;30. But he's being stupid, tellin' me i have to turn it off at 21h30 on weekdays, Which is stupid since sometimes i don't come home from basket ball until 23:00

And it paralyses me more than anything else. Because on days when i don't go to practice i like to play the guitar until 21:00 and then because my little brother is forced to go to sleep early, I switch over to the computer. Now look at me; 19:30 and i'm posting here.

GOD DAMN

chrisrushton · 09-25-2009, 05:50 PM

you might as well give him something to spy on.

SomeRandomGuy · 09-25-2009, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam kovacs

No i don't really mind if he knows what i'm doing, What annoys me is that he knows when i'm doing. He's being a real prick with it. SInce for ever i've been turning my computer off when i felt like it. Mostly 23:30. Which i think is reasonable for someone waking up at 6;30. But he's being stupid, tellin' me i have to turn it off at 21h30 on weekdays, Which is stupid since sometimes i don't come home from basket ball until 23:00

And it paralyses me more than anything else. Because on days when i don't go to practice i like to play the guitar until 21:00 and then because my little brother is forced to go to sleep early, I switch over to the computer. Now look at me; 19:30 and i'm posting here.

GOD DAMN

Sounds like the issue has more to do with a difference in expectations than of him monitoring your computer usage. Does your Dad believe you need to go to bed by 21:30? Or is he ok with you staying up until 23:00, as long as you aren't on the computer that last hour and a half? Do you know why your Dad believes you need to be off of the computer by that time? Have you discussed it with him, to try to understand his logic and to explain to him why you don't feel it is necessary? You might be able to find some common ground, and come to a compromise that you are both happy with.

ar81 · 09-25-2009, 06:39 PM

If it is his computer or his network, he can do whatever he wants.

Gene · 09-25-2009, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carenkh

And there are those of us who love our kids immensely and live in partnership with them.

It is my belief that I love my kids immensely and that we are in a partnership. In almost any partnership there will from time to time emerge issues which need to be resolved. I know where my boundaries are and I make an effort to both honor my boundaries and those of my children. As you say it is a partnership. If one of us goes kittywumpas it is part of the deal that both partners have a duty to work through the event.

I see the OP doing some of that work here by being honest about his feelings and his beliefs. I hope he finds a resolution which brings him peace.

rei · 09-25-2009, 08:56 PM

this sounds to me like a pattern or basically there is more to it than just him tracking when you get off the computer. (is there an issue from your past that has something to do with you being up late on the computer? maybe not, just a thought.)

yes some parents here have said as long as you're in his house you must follow his rules, but there is something to be said for a conversation (being calm will often lead to more progress with someone). explain how you want to understand the reasons for this. when you talk with him, focus on saying how it feels to you and what you think about it, instead of talking to him about him.

maybe he doesn't like the fact that you're growing up. or maybe he doesn't want you looking at pornography. i don't know, but i think it is returning manipulation with more manipulation for you to just try and find a way around his tracking your time on the computer. if you want to be seen as mature enough to choose your own bedtime, i think you are better off having a discussion. but that may not be what you want. so hopefully you can use some of the tech advice offered already.

along the lines of the research idea already offered, you can allow your computer to be used for another ambitious project and just leave it on all night: SETI@home if your computer has an energy saving mode, you might be able to have it on constantly and then there would be no power off time. not a very eco-friendly option but you may not care about that.

Desmond · 09-25-2009, 09:54 PM

Quote:

He claimed it was something to help manage windows computers.

Perhaps consider switching to linux?

09-24-2009, 05:32 PM	#1 (permalink)
Sam kovacs Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 153	My dad is spying on me and i need to find a way around it. HI computer savy guys.. I need your help. I have my own computer in my room connected to the house network. And my dad admitted to be spying on me, checking at what times i was turning my computer off from his own computer. He claimed to know what i was doing on the computer. I giggled and said yeah right. He awnsererd with some numbers which were bang on. He claimed it was something to help manage windows computers. I have windows 7 and XP on my computer and no matter which one it is he knows what i'm doing. Anyone have an idea what he could be doing? What could i do to stop it? Would installing linux work? Thanks.

09-25-2009, 02:32 PM	#12 (permalink)
JoeRad Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 95	Fathers like this are $#@&! There are also a myriad of software programs (basically legal trojan-horses) that can be installed that hide from the user, and send daily reports back to him. He's also checking the routers event logs too. Don't tolerate harassment or intimidation, even though you're a minor. I put up with it, and my life has been worse for it. If you're up against a wall, do what you need to to have a modicum of privacy. Once you're 18, get the hell out, and never look back. Parents that think they can hold their children under their thumbs because they are "minors" deserve no loyalty...or love!

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09-24-2009, 05:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
freddy Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 453	Any camera in your room?

09-24-2009, 05:49 PM	#3 (permalink)
SomeRandomGuy Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: KY Posts: 824	Just out of curiosity, how old are you?

09-24-2009, 06:05 PM	#4 (permalink)
Brutha Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Berlin, Germany Posts: 8,749	There two issues: The first is about protecting your computer by installing a firewall and having a strong password. The second issue is about going into the internet. If you use the same router it's possible for your dad to log information that goes through the network. You would either need a VPN or a encrypted proxy to prevent that kind of spying.

09-24-2009, 06:32 PM	#5 (permalink)
Sam kovacs Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 153	Thanks. Im 15. I now know more. He doesn't actually know what i'm doing, he does however know when i turn my pc off. I work out that it is impossible for him to know, if i turn my internet connection off, yet he claims he would still know.

09-24-2009, 07:26 PM	#7 (permalink)
SomeRandomGuy Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: KY Posts: 824	Assuming that your Dad has administrator access to your computer, knowing when you turn your PC on/off may be as simple as reviewing or monitoring the Event Logs on your PC.

09-24-2009, 08:23 PM	#8 (permalink)
MidasGirl Family Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Off this forum from 10/27/10 to 10/27/11. Yay me! Posts: 2,944	Your dad is a smart man. When you can buy your own computer, have your own internet connection, and pay rent for your room, he shouldn't spy on you anymore.

09-24-2009, 08:41 PM	#9 (permalink)
spirit4711 Family Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Nong Seng Posts: 3,975	Have you asked your father where this need to know what you're doing comes from? And if it's OK for him if you 'spy' on him?

09-25-2009, 01:49 PM	#10 (permalink)
Beuford Family Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Australia Posts: 1,041	So are you worried that he can see your internet history?

09-25-2009, 02:21 PM	#11 (permalink)
Gasokai Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Tikkurila, Finland Posts: 60	lol ;D I think its as simple as the led light on your home router, it shuts down as your computer does. Or more unlikely, your dad is watching the data that goes thru router, and also sees the computers attached to it. Anyway I wouldnt worry about it too much, unless he starts blocking the pr0n.

09-25-2009, 03:56 PM	#13 (permalink)
MidasGirl Family Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Off this forum from 10/27/10 to 10/27/11. Yay me! Posts: 2,944	And I think parents who let their children intimidate them by threatening to withdraw or withhold love are wussies and deserve no respect.

09-25-2009, 04:50 PM	#19 (permalink)
Trezker Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 962	If it's only an issue of when your computer is on you can start running some research as an excuse to keep your computer on 24/7. And you'll be doing the world some good.

09-25-2009, 04:54 PM	#20 (permalink)
Angela Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 22,520	First thing that crossed my mind is that since dad is checking on when you shut down, he would like to know that you are not burning the midnight oil, not getting rest or away-from-keyboard time while you're in your room. If my 15 year old kid was signing out at 3am, I would want to know about it, too.

09-25-2009, 05:14 PM	#21 (permalink)
carenkh Family Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 1,800	I'm raising my kids in such a way that I totally trust their judgment about what they choose to do - whether that's staying up 'til 3, or what websites they visit. Do they make mistakes? Yup. It's part of learning. BUT, we're close enough that I can sense when something's off with them. I've been respectful enough of who they are, and their choices, that they come to me to talk about it, or, they're responsive and open when I come to them. I am their friend, absolutely, AND their parent. I don't need to control them, because I trust their process of learning self-control. Does my son visit sites that would make me blush? Undoubtedly. But I'm not here to control what he uses for a masturbatory aid, that's a deeply personal decision. Is there sick stuff out there? Yes, and when my son clicks over to it, he clicks away, because he doesn't like how it makes him feel. He has told me when people he's gaming with have made inappropriate comments, and I've helped him work through that. He's come to me when things started feeling "oogly" when he was chatting with an online friend. That "friend" was probably a predator, but because I've allowed my son to be in touch with his gut feelings on things since he was tiny, he stopped things when it did not feel right. If you're connected and close with your kids (i.e., their friend), they aren't alone when they venture out into the online world. The mistrust shown by monitoring sites, looking at histories, limiting times, etc. drives a wedge between kids & parents. That's where the problem comes in, not from the internet.

09-25-2009, 05:31 PM	#24 (permalink)
Sam kovacs Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 153	No i don't really mind if he knows what i'm doing, What annoys me is that he knows when i'm doing. He's being a real prick with it. SInce for ever i've been turning my computer off when i felt like it. Mostly 23:30. Which i think is reasonable for someone waking up at 6;30. But he's being stupid, tellin' me i have to turn it off at 21h30 on weekdays, Which is stupid since sometimes i don't come home from basket ball until 23:00 And it paralyses me more than anything else. Because on days when i don't go to practice i like to play the guitar until 21:00 and then because my little brother is forced to go to sleep early, I switch over to the computer. Now look at me; 19:30 and i'm posting here. GOD DAMN

09-25-2009, 05:50 PM	#25 (permalink)
chrisrushton Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Leeds, UK Posts: 303	you might as well give him something to spy on.

09-25-2009, 06:39 PM	#27 (permalink)
ar81 Family Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 2,756	If it is his computer or his network, he can do whatever he wants.

09-25-2009, 08:56 PM	#29 (permalink)
rei Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere Posts: 9,713	this sounds to me like a pattern or basically there is more to it than just him tracking when you get off the computer. (is there an issue from your past that has something to do with you being up late on the computer? maybe not, just a thought.) yes some parents here have said as long as you're in his house you must follow his rules, but there is something to be said for a conversation (being calm will often lead to more progress with someone). explain how you want to understand the reasons for this. when you talk with him, focus on saying how it feels to you and what you think about it, instead of talking to him about him. maybe he doesn't like the fact that you're growing up. or maybe he doesn't want you looking at pornography. i don't know, but i think it is returning manipulation with more manipulation for you to just try and find a way around his tracking your time on the computer. if you want to be seen as mature enough to choose your own bedtime, i think you are better off having a discussion. but that may not be what you want. so hopefully you can use some of the tech advice offered already. along the lines of the research idea already offered, you can allow your computer to be used for another ambitious project and just leave it on all night: SETI@home if your computer has an energy saving mode, you might be able to have it on constantly and then there would be no power off time. not a very eco-friendly option but you may not care about that.

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Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums