The Joy of Sadness (Blog)

[Savage]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

The Joy of Sadness

[mjukr]

"I think it’s best not to take life so personally."

What a great line!

[winyourmind]

Your description of emotional storms resonates deeply for me. I have struggled with depression for most of my life. What is depression but a constant emotional hurricane.

It can be difficult, in that situation, to find the eye of the storm and stand back to observe the emotions. Not impossible, just difficult. I have survived the storm and learned some of the lessons you are teaching here. It sounds so simple when written, but in practice, it can be a painful process of separating from and identifying the source of overwhelming emotional floods.

A quick question for clarification - You said: "Some regard their emotions as a problem and drug themselves to disable the connection". Were you referring to anti-depressant drugs, or alcohol and recreational drugs as self-medication?

Thanks for your insightful articles
Quint
quint@winyourmind.com
winyourmind.com

[Xin]

Couldn't agree more. Mainly, about when you talked about the beauty in bad emotions.

Can't really be explained, I guess, but that's how it works. You're just amused at the way you react to things. Even the pain gets sweet.

It was a major shift for me to start feeling emotions in this way. =)

[geekchic9]

Originally Posted by winyourmind

A quick question for clarification - You said: "Some regard their emotions as a problem and drug themselves to disable the connection". Were you referring to anti-depressant drugs, or alcohol and recreational drugs as self-medication?

I'm not trying to speak for Steve here, but it could be either one. People who don't need anti-depressants are being prescribed them all the time by doctors who don't know any better. They really need therapy, but they want the quick fix of the pill instead. It's a shame...there are people out there that really need anti-depressants and their ilk, but for most people, it's a waste of money.

[Mr.Mustache]

I really enjoyed the article Steve. I live in St. George, Utah and I experienced the same storm. It woke me up twice last night, like you described amazingly bright lightning, loud thunder and pounding rain. I thought the analogy was great and the simple and profound realization that emotions are really feedback to keep you on track was excellent.

[ArthurHung]

"When I notice myself feeling the urge to ingest an excessive amount of sugar, caffeine, or idle entertainment, I can trace it to an emotional storm that I’m having difficulty dealing with. That’s when I have to remind myself to step back, observe the storm, and receive its message. I often resist the message out of fear for what it might require of me, but when I do eventually hear it, it’s invariably more gentle and forgiving than I imagined. I’m usually left with a feeling of gratitude."

This "urge" leading to idle entertainment and other random "purposeless" actions is definitely a deadly resistance. Basically, this is the source of procrastination. A permanently serious outlook in one's life is my guess to the solution to having less of these "urges". I don't mean a permanently serious demeanor or a stoic manner of behaviour, but a serious view of every present moment, an understanding of the serious importance of every present moment.

[lizthefair]

What helps me (and is perhaps the first step to the place Steve describes) is to simply acknowledge my emotions on an intellectual level when I notice the big ones--usually anger or frustration. By simply saying (out loud) "wow, I'm feeling really angry right now" I can usually distance myself from the emotion enough to explore where it came from and then decide how I choose to respond (rather than react) Before I began this practice I would get caught up in the emotion, or deny the emotion--either way I lost a lot of control--it almost felt like was drowning.

Acknowledging the emotion and "studying" it certainly doesn't make it go away (and I wouldn't want it to) but it does allow the emotion to be a tool for growth rather than a rock in the path.

[winyourmind]

@geekchic9
I have to agree that I see many people who take anti-depressants in an attempt to silence the emotional struggles. These people are cheating themselves out of great opportunities for personal growth.

I am currently taking medication. After years of counseling and other steps at resolving depression, I found that medication was helpful in giving me a space to work with in resolving the depression long term. When you are struggling with depression, it is like having your emotions in your face yelling at you all the time. In that situation, there is no time space or energy to take many of the excellent steps suggested by Steve and others.

@lizthefair
I have noticed that just acknowledging the emotion can reduce the power it has over you. If you let it overwhelm you now, it will continue to overwhelm you in the future. And, as you said, pushing it away and trying to ignore will just make it pop up later. I am glad to hear that you have found that space to examine your emotions and choose your reactions.

Quint
quint@winyourmind.com
winyourmind.com

[adamkhan]

Very nice post indeed -- following through with the computer game avatar analogy was great. I think this one will get thrown around the blogosphere.

[Andrew Brunelle]

Beautiful, wonderful post, Steve. I really liked it. Your posts are getting increasingly better than before, and they were amazing then too. I could say keep up the good work, but I know you'll do that regardless. Keep on trucking.

[Iff]

I must say that the contents of the last couple of posts resemble nothing of what I first thought they'd be after reading the titles, but tens of times better. And also for some odd reason they seem to be exactly what I need where I'm at in my life right now. Thanks, Steve.

However, I also have one question. The whole concept makes perfect sense and I believe one should observer one's feelings as closely as possible, but I have run across a little problem. I am experiencing a recurring emotion that manifests itself not only mentally, but also physically, and it's one I cannot identify. Maybe it's just in my programming, but an emotion I cannot identify or even name the cause of I tend not to be able to observe peacefully without it devouring me. Can someone point me in the right direction as of what I might be doing wrong?

[Paul C]

Wow, this post appeared just when I needed it. Considering that just yesterday I picked up the book 'A New Earth' again and reread the chapter concerning the pain-body- how it uses emotion to further itself, but can be transmuted if the pain is observed and allowed to be.

This post really resonated with me, thank you again.

[Shamou]

Very poetic and very profound Steve...

"Observe the storm without becoming the storm." summed it for me... a quote that I will remember, assimilate and use as a guiding star...

Thank you...
.

[ericwordelman]

I have a question concering the paragraph where you describe , "When I have the urge to consume an excessive amount of sugar/caffeine/idle entertainment I can usually trace it back to an emotional storm"

Are you strictly referring to candy, or fruits with sugar as well?

Because I consume a lot of fruit and if that is lowering my awareness I intend to stop that right away. I do not eat any candy at all thought. The only sugar I consume is coincidentally from fruits where it's naturally occurring.

Should I stop eating fruit?

Thanks.

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by ericwordelman

I have a question concering the paragraph where you describe , "When I have the urge to consume an excessive amount of sugar/caffeine/idle entertainment I can usually trace it back to an emotional storm"

Are you strictly referring to candy, or fruits with sugar as well?

Because I consume a lot of fruit and if that is lowering my awareness I intend to stop that right away. I do not eat any candy at all thought. The only sugar I consume is coincidentally from fruits where it's naturally occurring.

Should I stop eating fruit?

Thanks.

In all things, moderation, including moderation.

@Steve: Good article. Best I've seen in a while, imho.

[JiriNovotny]

WOW! And just imagine what kind of posts is Steve going to write in 5 years. The quality of his musings is rising exponentially. Even when he's talking about the things I already know, he can describe them in the most profound and insightful way, so everything *clicks* beautifully.

[Jaben]

Thanks Steve, really great post!

Originally Posted by Iff

I am experiencing a recurring emotion that manifests itself not only mentally, but also physically, and it's one I cannot identify. Maybe it's just in my programming, but an emotion I cannot identify or even name the cause of I tend not to be able to observe peacefully without it devouring me. Can someone point me in the right direction as of what I might be doing wrong?

Iff, as soon as you come out of the state of the emotion devouring you, simply observe what occurred and what your current state is without judging it or letting it pull you back in. Be OK with it.

Repeatedly drop the demand that the present circumstance shouldn't be as it is.

Realize there is always a background consciousness behind the identification with the storm. When it occurs again can you be aware of this consciousness that isn't identified with the storm?

[Akashic_Librarian]

In ten years Steves post will be so powerfully spiritual you will have to read them in the astral plane they are that high-a frequency

[MariaG]

@lizthefair - thanks for making that point. I am really working on my ability to step back from emotion and came up with a solution for overcoming anger, but I'm definitely still struggling with anxiety and nervousness. One step at a time!

@ericwordelman - Do you binge on fruit? Meaning, do you get strong cravings for fruit and then consume large quantities? If so, you may be lacking some nutrients in your diet. Otherwise, I wouldn't worry about it.

[Sireesha]

WOW!!! Excellent. Just what I needed to hear today.
Thanks Steve!!!

[vandana2626]

I don't know how to express my admiration, my very, very dear Steve, for all that you have done for me in the past few months... All I can say is that you are dearer to me and far better loved than many people I know in my real life This post paritcularly moved me, and I couldn't help joining this forum instantly to tell you how grateful I am! A million thanks Steve, from faraway India!

[songwriter]

That's why I meant, that "It has take me long but I've learnt that joy doesn't depends on happiness, you can laugh at your sadness, etc".

I can't "cause happiness", I can cause joy no matter if I'm sad...

(Well... if you accept your sadness, then it becomes happiness... but that's not this point... that's very tricky and not the same).

How can I laugh when I know I'm down!... those are the most important moments when to laugh!!! lol...

Joy is an attitude not an emotion, so it can be separated from any emotional state, I guess!. I'm not an expert....

"Laugh when you're eyes are burning..." Paul McCartney.

Okey, Joy is an attittude, but you can be afraid of choosing that attitude, or you may think that is not congruent with what you're feeling... like "How the heck I'm gonna laugh or joke with what I'm going trough"

Well, Life is too important to take it seriously.

[Dave Mess]

Brilliant post. I always think it's great to learn the thinking styles of someone more spiritually developed than myself.

[Iksander]

One of your best.

[smartile]

Steve,

Your explaination of the 'God's Eye View' sounds alot like what NLPers call being associated or disassociated.

Exercise:

Imagine yourself in a movie theater sitting in the center of the front row (Sate 1). Now begin to slowly float out of your body and sit comfortably in the balcony up above as you watch yourself in the front row staring at the movie screen down below(State 2).

State 1 is the associated state and the second state, State 2 is what NLPers call he disassociated state. This a place where you can take a bird's eye view of yourself. In my own experience this perspective is a great place to observe how you're being in the moment and is a more resourceful place to work from in tense or stressful situations. Great exercise to experience and learn from.

Stephen Martile — Personal Development with NLP

[Andrew Brunelle]

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

In ten years Steves post will be so powerfully spiritual you will have to read them in the astral plane they are that high-a frequency

That's good news, because I have a time share up there. He may even put up an astral website. Wouldn't that be interesting?

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by smartile

Steve,

Your explaination of the 'God's Eye View' sounds alot like what NLPers call being associated or disassociated.

My first thought was the example of Moon over Water. The moon is reflected in the water, and when the water is disturbed, the moon's image disappears. But when the water settles again, the moon is still there.

[grimslater]

Another life changing post, thanks Steve.

[Old Soul]

I agree with that!!!!

just a note... >>>Sadness becomes beautiful melancholy <<<

yes , I've seen myself so sad that It litterally changes to a beautiful melancholy and I sing ......... in this state you can not help but sing