Calling All Extroverts

[Kindred]

I'll try keeping this to the point, so I don't lose anyone's attention spans.

After listening to Steve's 18th podcast Faster Goal Achievement for the second time, the idea really clicked in my head. I believe it'll be quite useful in getting my social life moving instead of trying to accelerate straight into a brick wall (as I've been doing.) However being a chronic introvert, I hardly have a foggy idea of what an extrovert would do if they suddenly found themselves in my life. This is where I need a lot of help.

A few situations I thought up I can't think of a clear answer to are what would an extrovert do if they suddenly found themselves: without any friends; alone and bored on a weekend afternoon; spending half their day on the computer?

Also what would be some side effects from being extroverted? One side effect I can think of is that talking to people wouldn't be a big deal, and they probably wouldn't even give it a second thought.

[lizthefair]

Well, I think you hit on part of it-- for an extrovert, meeting new people isn't something you think about--it just happens because having conversations and getting to know people is how we charge our batteries.

That having been said, it only works for extroverts because that is what feels natural to us. I see a lot of advice out in the world about how introverts can/should become more like extroverts and then they will be happier--but I don't think that's true. I'm friends with several introverted people and while they can "turn on"' in public--and even be very engaging with the strangers they meet in those situations they pay for it in a big way-- it's just not sustainable in the long run.

If I were you, I'd spend less time trying to be someone you're not, and more time figuring out how to meet people or grow relationships in a way that feels comfortable and even joyful for you.

Here are some ideas, but only you know what will work or not:

Join a book club--you will meet people who like similar things and you won't ave to make small talk

Meet people from the internet in real life for coffee etc.

Look for opportunities to spend time in small groups rather than large ones.

Good Luck!!

[Roxy421]

My sister in law is able to talk to anyone. We would go out to dinner and the next thing you know she was going shoe shopping with the waitress next Saturday. That may be a bit of an exaggeration, but I always admired her for being so easy to get to know initially. So I watched her. "Hey There!" was her opening line every time. Waitress, sales clerk, anyone. So I stole it and started using that phrase in my life. Hey there! With a smile of coarse. It is very easy. I have probably done this for the last four years. Now I go shopping with the waitress.

[Jayne]

One side effect is that talking to people is as important as breathing! If I am not connected to the people in my life for even a few hours, I feel like somebody is standing on my chest. Seriously.

That being said, I agree with both Liz and Roxy. It's probably not a good idea to go to the mall and introduce yourself to everyone. On the other hand, stepping outside your comfort zone just a tiny bit might help. Liz offered some good suggestions.

Others I can think of:
- Talk to people who are in places where you normally go. One of my closest friends used to work at my doctor's office.
- Find things you are interested in, and get out of the house to do them. If you like to cook, take a cooking class. If you like to read, go to the bookstore.

When you do meet people, look them in the eye, smile, and say hello. Most of my introverted friends never look people in the eye until they get to know them - and that's a sure sign that you don't want people to approach you. If you just look people in the eye and smile - even if you don't say anything - I bet you will feel better, and sooner or later will feel comfortable saying hello - just like Roxy has done.

Wishing you the best!

[Kaspian]

I am friendly & outgoing, it's easy for me to make new friends & meet new people, and I am introverted. Yes, I am an introvert. Though I am comfortable being around people, I recharge by being alone.

[Dreamwalker]

I think its pretty retarded to tell yourself somethings impossible just because its generally accepted as being so. Especially if it has to do with the mind.


I used to be one of the worst introverts I've ever known. I would go to public school every single day and just sit in my desks silently. I would often count the words I actually said at school, the lowest I ever got was one, I usually had an average of about 3-4.

Anyway, one day I decided I didn't enjoy being an introvert. I went out into the world knowing that I had nothing to lose (3 words spoken a day) and just started overcoming my shyness one step at a time. First I got several girlfriends (never had one before them), then I got some friends, then I started becoming friends with everyone I met.
(note: that took over a year of step taking. I failed and made a fool of myself an incredible amount of times)


Nowadays I have no problem going to parties all night then sleeping over at a friends house. I also have few problems sitting alone by myself with a good book.
I've become the best of both worlds, my "introversion" and "extroversion" are like things I can switch between with the press of a button. Neither are dominate over the other.


Don't limit yourself just because everyone else has decided to just give up. Be what you want to be and nothing less.

[Tishie]

EXTRA = "in addition to; outside of"

EXTRO = not a word or prefix used in English

[uberinquisitive]

Take a class/seminar that meets for a couple of weeks. You meet similar-minded people, and have time to acclimate to another.

Meet people online in-person. I've met probably over 100 people in person, and so through just that experience, I am the queen of small talk. The more your do something, the better you are at it.

Also, extroverted people tend to be more aware of their external packaging. Call it vanity, call it whatever - but it's part of the entire process. If you look really well put together, people will respond more readily. This really smooths the process.