How to Stop Complaining (Blog)

[Savage]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

How to Stop Complaining

[winyourmind]

I am just taking baby steps in the area of being a creator. It is difficult, almost shocking, once you realize that you are responsible for creating your life. But it is also very empowering. Once you accept that responsibility, negativity starts to look less attractive.

Now that I have accepted that responsibility in my life, I find that I am challenging myself when negativity comes knocking. I am not as willing a participant in complaining. I even feel a little ashamed for giving up ground when I spend time in that negative place.

Once you get over the initial fear and begin to move forward, each successive step gets easier.

[Shindra]

your emotions are not the problem
nor your thoughts
it is your actions
that is, actions of consciousness in choosing your thoughts and emotions, and how to relate to them.
Blaming how you think or feel is illusion. For those things have no power over you. You have the power to focus on the positive. Your frustration itself is annulled the moment you truly choose that.
Frustration is fighting frustration. Negativity is dwelling on negativity. Anxiety clings to itself.
Acceptance is pure acknowledgment. Positivity is focusing on positivity. Courage is it's own reinforcer. Freedom breathes life into itself.

Why fear responsibility? I think that stems from fear of judgment. Realize that the only judgment you truly experience is your own. Take responsibility for that, too, and create actively instead of reactively - for in truth, there is no such thing as reaction, in creating. You are always the source of your own experience.

Things I am not done learning myself...

[ethereal]

I like Steve's solution about surrendering to the negative thoughts. Because negative thinking has to be countered at its source, not at the level of thoughts. All thoughts are like bubbles coming out of this formless field of energy, prior to thought coming into form. If you focus intently on where thoughts come from, like in meditation, you'll be able to find it.

Negative thinking is really coming from your LOC with regards to that particular situation or experience. It isn't that you're experiencing fearful thoughts, but you're experiencing fear and that fear then engenders all sorts of fearful thoughts.

The permanent solution, like Steve said, has to come from an elevation in consciousness. You process out the negative emotional energy, by surrendering to it, and just keep running it out. By being willing to face this energy, and even asking to let go more of it, you are coming from an LOC of Courage, Willingness, even Love. But through resistance, you are really coming from the LOC of Fear and Anger. That keeps you stuck in that negative energy, because resistance doesn't have the necessary power to be able to process out the energy, it only makes it worse.

First you realize that negative thinking won't get you anywhere, you're freaking tired of it, and you want to change it. You have to let go of the secret pleasure of indulging in it. We don't like to admit that we derive pleasure from it, but with self-honesty we can see the enormous payoff we get from grief, self-pity, fear, anger, pride. We have to let go wanting to experience those emotions. This unplugs the whole mechanism, rather than refueling and keeping it running.

However, it has built up so much momentum that it takes awhile for it to really stop. You then surrender to and keep processing out that stored up negative energy that is underlying the thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. Once that energy runs out, the negative thoughts automatically stop, since it was that energy that was creating them in the first place. You then automatically see the situation differently and have more positive thoughts about it, since you're now coming from a higher LOC.

[winyourmind]

ethereal -
I like what you say about the guilty pleasure of negative thinking. I have never really thought about that little hit I get when I indulge as pleasure. But you are right, it is almost that same little pleasure I get with my first cup of joe. A little rush, a little something in the gut that is satisfied.

I will have to pay more attention to that as I deal with my own propensity toward negativity.

[Shindra]

perhaps realize that you can have the pleasure without the negativity.

self-pity, for example, can simply be a subconscious search for compassion. In that case, you can create the feeling of compassion itself. Try feeling compassionate toward the part of yourself that is self-pitying. Or just put yourself in a compassionate state, or find something it's easy for you to feel compassionate towards and then notice that you are creating, holding, that feeling within you when you are and that you have the ability to call it forth.

Negativity can be a subconscious call for something that is important to you. If you can see what it is, then you can take the role of convincing that part of yourself that you will seek, create and sustain the positive without the negative thought-process needing to ping for it.

applying the appropriate positive feeling to the negativity that is really a need for it can make it go away fast.
if that is the case.
but it takes acceptance of the negative process to be able to 'hear what it wants'. You can't do this while fighting it, of course. You have to be sincere.

[qed]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

If you need a few more lifetimes to work through your negativity, you’re free to take your time.

There is only one "bodily" lifetime per conscious mind. You can't figure out a way to learn it before you die, you are done with the learning. You are stuck with what you got forever.

Your "body" is recycled and the parts will make other bodies (until Earth is gone too), but your "consciousness" remains intact. It will not be recycled, destroyed or sent into a new body.

[Iksander]

Good post Steve, I liked it alot.

[Life Warrior]

I'm speechless. I've been thinking of the same concepts and solutions from a viewpoint of my experiences for the past few months now, the fruition of which had materialized in my mind this weekend. And now Steve you post this. I am still hesitant to accept synchronicity and the connectedness of the whole through consciousness and the source as a an undeniable part of our life, but this is another event that tips the scale closer to my acceptance of it.

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Unfortunately, this escapism has consequences. The only way true creators can deny responsibility for their creations is to buy into the illusion that they aren’t really creating any of it. This means you have to turn your own creative energy against yourself. You’re like a god using his powers to become powerless. You use your strength to make yourself weak.

I mean, this concept has materialized in my mind with a greater and greater force until I had an epiphany about it this weekend, and now you write the same thing in clearer terms. That's pulling a hat out of a rabbit in my book.

[patrick24601]

I never really thought it was that difficult to get out of a negative rut. But now it sounds like I have never really been in "real" negative rut.

I think this quote from ethereal sums it up for me and other people I talk to about negativity:
"First you realize that negative thinking won't get you anywhere, you're freaking tired of it, and you want to change it."

Thanks Ether.

[pdnewbie]

I saw this program on the news yesterday, and it said that drug addicts have a hard time giving up the habit because their frontal cortex is impaired. The cortex supposedly has the effect of controlling impulses, but after taking drugs it stops working efficiently. I thought this is somewhat relevant to explaining negative thinking, and what could be done to fix it.

Here's the link to an online article about this research:

http://abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/...tion=australia

[smartile]

Hi Steve - Excellent post btw.

Some people believe that there needs to be a balance of positive and negative in the world, the sort of yin-yang balance. This would mean that complaining would become a normal part of creation in addition to feeling good with appreciation.

I used to think this a couple of years ago. I used to have waves of good things and bad things happen to me all the time. I didn't think it was OK to have good things happening all the time. It made me feel uncomfortable.

In the past, every time I ran into a lot of good luck(or high energy attraction) I would get this feeling that there was something bad about to happen next, and something bad always did. When the bad stuff used to come (accidents, loss of money, arguments with people, etc) I used to think well there has to be some good positive stuff coming next and the good stuff always came.

That was at a time when I wasn't prepared to take full responsibility for everything in my life, which brings me to my point. I agree with Steve here. In order to be the master creator of your life, you MUST take FULL RESPONSIBILITY for everything you create if you expect to achieve your biggest dreams. Half-assed responsibility gets you half-assed results.

Cheers,

Stephen Martile — Personal Development with NLP

[NotesMaeve]

Excellent post, Steve. Had an opportunity to consciously try this today. Gotta say: It feels better to look for solutions. I found myself complaining to a friend about another friend who is unhappy her former lover is getting married to a woman he doesn't love. Rather than expressing her unhappiness, she mocks the unfortunate life of the bride to be (she has no friends, not very attractive). Finally stopped complaining and told the person what she was doing was tacky and destructive, and while I will listen to her and try to help her through this, I won't let her pick on others. Felt good.

[Dan.Linehan]

I think my main compaint is that I see so many other people struggling.

Its my job to fix all that?

[Gene]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

I think my main compaint is that I see so many other people struggling.

Its my job to fix all that?

I don't think it's your job or my job to help those who tenaciously continue to struggle. It is my choice to help those who wish to receive help. Sometime it is not easy to recognize who wants help and who does not really in their heart of hearts desire help or positive change.

When I know help is not wanted I move on along my journey.

[Erik]

Hi,

I have embraced the concept of subjective reality and, though it is not easy to constantly live from within this context, it really helps me in growing in areas where I used to be stuck.

The moment you embrace subjective reality, and you ARE the creater of everything you experience, complaining feels so stupid and pointless it automatically stops. Feeling negative for a little while is OK, but then I look at the current creation and notice that it doesn't help to create more negativity, and I keep in mind that every complaint is a little seed that WILL be manifested.

Makes it really easy to stop complaining!

The 2nd thing I notices is that when I have an initial negative reaction towards something, this requires my focus and attention. I don't like that a lot but it is almost like a negative magnet. I have the habit now of vizualizing little boats, each with the distracting thougs on it, and see them drifting by instead of requiring my attention. This helps, brings some rest in my usally hyperactive thoughts and creates room for positively formulated points which are usually more helpful and constructive.

The 3rd point that helps is that whenever I hear myself make a really negative statement, (sort of slips from my tongue) I add a funny subsentence to it which makes the whole sentence meaningless. It creates some laughter and takes away the negativity.
For example: when I made a bad comment on the weather I had during my summer holiday (3 weeks of rain and lots of storms), I said: 'Man, it is like I live with a rain cloud over my head' .. (then realized the negativity and request for more bad weather), but fortunately . . . (fill in your own funy little sidetrack here). Notice how the complete meaning of the sentence now has changed and how much it opens up the mind for a positive way of looking at your own reality.

[eblight]

Observing one's thoughts in meditation gives a person the opportunity to become aware of the mind's constant chatter; past and future scenarios, positive and negative thoughts. The mind's job is to create thoughts. Condemning the thoughts makes the mind struggle to be heard even more. Accepting and allowing the thoughts to be there but not paying them any attention alows the mind to become peaceful and calm. Have you noticed people who are peaceful and serene do not engage in negativity because it has so little life force for them, so no value in their lives? They are just not attracted to negativity.

[songwriter]

Yes, that's my way of thinking.

Anyway, what I can't get... is a girlfriend, lol, yes, and I'm the one to blame. There's something that I don't realize about it I guess. I need to be more conscious to solve it, so...

[Cochonette]

Hmm.... This works when I first think about it. But it seems like the harder I try to stop complaining, the harder it gets to break out of the cycle again once I've gone back into it because I haven't truly internalized the focus on posivity/potential to the point of habit... so I'm having to rethink the same thoughts over and over till they get worn out. Maybe this is related to the article on willpower.... willpower only works in the beginning. But what, I wonder, would allow me to change my mental environment so that I didn't need willpower anymore to stop complaining?

And maybe also developing this into a regular meditative practice might help, but I haven't yet figured out how. To embrace the negative thoughts, I suppose.