How to Make Smart Decisions in Less Than 60 Seconds (Blog)
Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:
How to Make Smart Decisions in Less Than 60 Seconds
Steve, did you get the scooter, too? It's fast, efficient, stylish, surprising, inspiring, fun, and half-obscured. It's you!
you are not your job. you're not the car you drive. you're not the contents of your wallet. you're not your [...] khakis! :)
dicing is another fun way to make decisions
I found your personal example very helpful. I'm actually in the process of buying a new computer desk, and wasn't really able to find anything that suited me well. I'll be sure to stop by Fry's again and use your shopping-method to find the "Mig" desk. Thanks! :)
Is this Me?
Steve, nice post.
I ask the same sorts of questions to get the "truth" about something I want. I also think that our core values must be in alignment with who we are before we successfully complete this exercise. In my opinion, if core values aren't in alignment with who you are then it's difficult to participate in this type of exercise.
In my own experience I've been able to ask the question, "Is this me?" or "Is this who I really am?" and come up with the appropriate answer confidently and calmly. It wasn't always this way. In the past I wasn't able to trust myself to come up with the right answer. I remember reading self-help books and on many occassions I hadn't come up with clear answers. It got me frustrated and I thought the whole self-improvement thing was crap.
It wasn't until I began to trust myself that I was able to answer these questions calmly and confidently. In my opinion, trust in your self is the gateway to making decisions.
Stephen Martile — Personal Development with NLP
Thanks, the timing is perfect and your article lets me know I'm on the right track.
Last weekend my husband asked me "If I quit my job (that he has been at for six years) and take some time off will you support me"? In less than 60 seconds I said "of course I would support you". My husband is very dependable and has never quit a job without having a job to go to - so I didn't take his comment too seriously. Monday night during dinner he said "I did it...........I handed in my resignation today and gave them two weeks notice, I've quit my job and I'm taking the summer off". Although his company asked if he wanted to take a leave of absense instead of resigning he said "no thanks, I can't see myself here in the future".
Wow!! after the initial surprise I was very happy he made the decision. Life is too short to be doing something that doesn't make you happy.
Who knows what tomorrow brings, pehaps it will be my turn to take time off but our life is about to change and it took less than 60 seconds.
I think Steve's idea is great, and it goes right in line with my own default concept. When I talk to people about making decisions, I advise them to ask the same question I ask myself:
"What do you want?"
I think Steve's concept of asking, "Is this me?" is right along those lines. If something doesn't resonate with you, then you shouldn't do it, no matter how much "sense" it makes!
The same could be said for things that don't make sense, though. For instance, when you are considering an unhealthy treat, like a big ol' ice cream cone, or a double scotch on the rocks, ask yourself the same question.
"What do I want?"
Chances are that you DO in fact want that treat, and having it isn't going to kill you. However, ask yourself the same question, only in follow-up mode:
"Do I want to get really (fat, drunk, etc.) by constantly indulging in this practice?"
Chances are that as much as you want the "treat," you don't really want the habit.
Make decisions accordingly! :)
I've been debating with myself for a couple months whether or not I want to teach group horn lessons to middle school kids again next fall. Well aware of the positives and negatives, as well as a sense of commitment and responsibility, I hadn't yet made the decision to quit.
So this morning, prompted by Steve's blog entry, I asked, "Is it me?"
The answer is: No. At this stage, I am more effective one-on-one, and I enjoy teaching individual lessons more than group sessions. I realized that I could add 3-4 more private students if I dropped the group lessons, and not only would the hours per week be similar, but I'd make more money and have more control over my schedule. Now that I look at it this way, it's a no-brainer!
To only think about whether or not a decision "is you" ignores the fact that people change - and sometimes the choices one should make must not be according to who they are but who they would like to be. For example, if a man would like to get married and, in his search, finds the woman he believes to be perfect for him. She, however, is looking for a man who possesses qualities that he does not currently have, but could easily learn (let's say more kindness.) If the man makes a decision of whether to pursue her and a relationship with her based on whether or not doing so "is him" instead of whether or not he can learn and change from that relationship, he make miss the woman that inspires him to change his life. Knowing that woman could teach how to be more kind, through the experiences and challenges that all relationships bring. My point is, I feel we must make a decision based on logic or logical rather than emotion and feeling. In doing do, we can make decisions based on who we would like to become rather than whether or not it's the present you. If we make decision based on the present us all the time, how will we ever stretch ourselves to the future self that we can be?
Oh and Steve? i think you got jipped - $600 bucks for a desk? hmmmm.
Ouch, I can't believe I'm about to disagree with to someone who came to the table with the logic badge on... ;)
Ordinarily, I am about as logical and reasonable as they come, to the point where I'm sure it annoys people greatly. However, although looking at the decision making process through a logical lens is a GREAT idea, I don't think that people really "change" very much.
Oh sure, we'll pick up and drop habits along the way, but I don't think who we are as individuals ever strays very far from our own personal status quo. If someone needs to learn how to be a certain type of person so that they can fit into any given circumstance (such as a relationship), or so that they can be comfortable with a material possession (such as a desk), then they should not be in that relationship or own that desk.
I think that people picking up habits or even personality traits in order to mold themselves to any given situation is nothing more than a dog and pony show. They will still be who they are on the inside, even if the habits or personality traits provide a different "wrapper".
Playing devils advocate :)
Ok Steve, you have on numerous occasions said you like a challenge. Here is one for you:
How does this decision strategy, and your description of youself in the about section fit with your intention to identify with consciousness within your beliefsystem of SR? Will it help or hinder you in your climb through the levels of consciousness?
My question is within the context "How are you programming your subconscious mind?". I define your subconscious mind as the level of your mind that takes care of all the stuff you have learned to do so well that you do not have to think about it to do it. This part of the mind follows instructions literally, and are also involved in automatic sorting of all your sensory input into blocks your conscious mind can deal with, that is your filters as you descirbed so humerously in the article 10 Weaknesses of Human Intelligence. These filters are very much involved in how much extrasensory information will filter through in addition to the commonly accepted senses. This definition/context is a very short and weak summary that stems from the study of hypnosis.
I was wondering if you have considered the effect of instructing your subconscious mind every time you make a decision with such very clear identity definitions on the physical you on your ability to experiencially and through inner realisation get in touch with the identity of being consciousness itself.... If the data from the field of hypnosis is correct, you are actually hypnotising yourself to identify heavily with your body and ego-personality and recommending that to others as well, while at the same time promoting SR and identification with one all-pervading consciousness. Getting any conflicts out of this? Or maybe less benefit of subscribing SR beliefs than possible?
You place high value on being congruent. I do not know you well enough to say if I have spotted incongruency in you with this, and the information you blog about is only a fraction of what goes on with you, I know. But just judging from your writings, this does look like a potential incongruency to me... ;) So I'm posing the question - have you thought about this - and if you have, how do you put it together to protect your congruency?
Is browsing this forum every day really me? Just kidding.
You have to be yourself and get items that reflect who you are. Now, I'm not an overly materialistic person, so I just need a few things that really express who I am. Many marketing agencies sell things to promote a lifestyle. You are not just purchasing our product, but you are also defining yourself.
I like how Steve takes an alternative approach by saying, "I know who I am and I am now looking for something which represents that." It is a more proactive approach, rather than the reactive ways most people I've seen. When they see an ad for something that will define them, they go for it. It is this constant searching for identity that has us buying useless junk. I guess the best way to avoid that is already know who you are and buy accordingly.
Great blog post Steve. Easy to read, easily applicable, very helpful.
Okay...BUT sometimes you have to do something that's 'not' you in order to grow. If I only did things that I felt were me, I wouldn't have stretched my limits and grown as a person. Even today, I try not to pigeonhole myself by saying, "oh that's so not me" (well, within reason). Even when it comes to something as frivilous as fashion I think it's good to venture out now and then and wear something that is NOT you, just to keep yourself from getting in a rut.
It seems a very good idea to make choices in 60 seconds.
But I don't really like the example of the desk. Here is what I thought when I read the article :
"Oh, Steve says he is very good at making choices and yet he has difficulties choosing a simple thing like a desk. Is he so good actually? Ho well, he seems to apply this method of "is it me?" to buy a good desk. Let's see how it turns out..."
Then I cliked on the link to see the desk...and :
"Whaaat?! he paid 600 dollars for that?! Well, I am not sure about this method finally. I'll have to test it for myself with little things before doing it with relationships, job, career like he advises. I am not convinced yet."
I am skeptic but the good thing is the article made want to try and see.
The $600 included the 3-piece L-shaped desk, the small drawer cabinet (not really visible in the photo), and the bookshelf. Overall I think that was a fair price for the set. I looked at many desks in the $1000-5000 price range (big sets with a credenza, file drawers, bookcases, etc), and I liked the simplicity of this one the best. I actually spent a lot less than I was planning to.
$600 isn't a lot of money to me though, so perhaps the perceived value is a relative thing. For anything that costs less than $1000 or so, I don't really have to consider the price. It's just a question of whether I want it or not.
Selling yourself in desk form LOL
Well, I liked this blog!
Someone just started a thread on getting bogged down in PD, and I think this comes from getting too "mental" about it all. (Story of my life. My attic was full of ill-fated planner notebooks until I painfully purged them recently.)
This 60-second thing is kind of a Focusing sort of approach that takes in your preferences at a more visceral level, seems to me. Cool.
Maybe you could write a blog about "trying too hard," or something like that, if you haven't already?
'Course my problem is (thinking out loud):
Aha (still thinking out loud)...Chiron bridges Saturn and the outer planets, and I am very sensitized to Chiron.
Maybe, like Forrest Gump said, I'm a little o' both.
This might not translate into desk-buying real soon for me...but thanks for some yeasty thoughts!
I think the desk looks cool!
Anyway, what I do sometimes when making decisions is ask myself "If I was watching myself in 3rd person (like in a movie, or tv show) what would I want the person (me) to do?" It makes the results very interesting and can be quite entertaining at times.
I understand from your point of view the perceived value is different.
Thank you for explaining.
Just thought I'd chime in
I like the desk too. :p
notes from a pedantic former Psych major
Great post, nice desk, but just a note on terminology: you are using the term "positive reinforcement" in a slightly different way than it means in a clinical sense.
"Positive reinforcement" can be a reward or a punishment, but it implies that you are adding a stimulus (a cookie, an electric shock) to reinforce behavior, while "negative reinforcement" means you take something away (you stop the shock, you remove the cookie).
Re: "Idealized version of yourself"
I think maybe what we're talking about is our body's sense of our authentic self which is 'speaking' about the desks or whatever.
If we trust them, our bodies are capable of giving us a 'readout' of the "chorus of our deeper reality" (as Donald Epstein, DC calls it) that our conscious minds have a hard time wrapping around, since there are often so many disparate elements within us--not to mention all the 'idealized versions of ourselves' foisted on us by others which are knocking about inside us too.
This somatic 'readout' includes and transcends our conscious reasoning, it seems to me.
In any case, I ran out of filing supplies yesterday and ran in to Office Depot, so I thought, "Hey--desks!" and went back and looked at them while asking, "Is this me?" in my mind, just for an experiment on the fly.
Wow, talk about a way of chunking information fast! Absolutely no deliberation necessary!
All the desks were obviously and unequivocally 'men' (to me). There weren't any 'woman' desks, much less 'me' desks. I knew this in under a minute, as promised!
If I'd had $1000 to spend and was shopping for a desk without looking for a 'me' desk, I might have bought one of those desks, because I would have just been looking for features alone.
And then I probably would have felt vaguely uncomfortable with it for years to come for reasons I might never figure out. Interesting!
Kudos for a great heuristic, Steve!
That desk is nice, but so not me! Maybe if I changed my taste in desks.............
Great post Steve
Very useful post, practical, easy to implement, covers a weak spot for me (making decisions), quick, and it doesn't involve writing :) !
Love it! And, I have a different process that's great
I'm looking forward to trying this.
I've used a different process that I've found very useful, especially when deciding between a small number of choices.
For example here, I'll take one with three choices A, B, and C. (It's important to do some brainstorming first to make sure you have fully discovered the very best three choices you can. And, one of the choices can be to take more time for brainstorming with other people etc.)
Basically, I take one breath and feel how that breath feels in my body. Then, I imagine "living" Choice A, as I take a single breath with that. Similarly with choices B and C. Finally, I take one breath to make a decision. It's always very clear how I want to breath, and therefore how I want to live.
BSP: In my work we empower people in the area of finances and life, and we've talked about adding an exercise in this. Check out Financial Circles - Supporting clarity, expertise, and action and if you register and bug me about I'm sure we can work it in! ;-)
In the past I have often used the "is it me" method to make some very quick decisions. However it has often served me poorly. Possibly due to a poor definition of "me", but more likely I didn't really know enough about the things I was deciding. For example I didn't play sports for years because I didn't think it was me, too fast paced, too competitive etc. For various reason's I have gotten quite into fitness and outdoors activities such as cycling and tramping. I really feel that I was missing out all that time, the sports have really helped build my confidence and energy levels.
To quote Dave Matthews "If you hold on tight to what you think is your thing you may find your missing all the rest".
Since I'm a growth-oriented person, anything with a growth element has at least some appeal to me. Consquently, I tend to be drawn to things that are new and different. On the downside I can get quickly bored with the familiar.
|All times are GMT. The time now is 06:44 PM.|
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2013, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.1.0
Copyright © 2010 by Pavlina LLC