How to Defeat Kolrami (Blog)

[Savage]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

How to Defeat Kolrami

[Grandiouse]

I think this post was beautiful. It applies not only to business but to other areas of life. We win when we play to have fun.

But I'm a little confused about this one thing: A lot of personal development is about growing and improvement. So then, if we play to have fun and not to "get something," what happens to our goals? Can we still grow as human beings if we don't have a clear focus/vision?

[Savage]

Originally Posted by Grandiouse

I think this post was beautiful. It applies not only to business but to other areas of life. We win when we play to have fun.

But I'm a little confused about this one thing: A lot of personal development is about growing and improvement. So then, if we play to have fun and not to "get something," what happens to our goals? Can we still grow as human beings if we don't have a clear focus/vision?

It probably wasn't clear from the article, but you can still set goals and define visions. You just don't do these things from a place of trying to win or achieve success. You do them to express your creativity and to have fun.

I had a clear idea for writing this article, but it wasn't to win, to make money, or to achieve some kind of success. I simply felt a desire to share some ideas, and I wrote it for the love of writing. I also listened to songs by Sting while I was writing, which I purchased via iTunes just before I began.

So my intention was very simple. I wanted to enjoy creating a new article for a few hours.

I gave the article a weird title on purpose because I felt it would be fun to do so. Only a die-hard Trekkie will even have a chance of understanding what it means. This title won't help me with SEO -- I seriously doubt that "How to Defeat Kolrami" is a popular search term, even though I already rank #1 on it now.

Some people may decline to read this article because the title might not make any sense to them. It's a title that stems from my desire to be playful, but not a desire to win or succeed.

Kolrami can't defeat a player who plays to be playful.

[Grandiouse]

where's the line between doing something for creativity/fun and doing it for money/success?

Let's say I wanted to act in films or theater. I can do this independently or for free in a community college. This would satisfy the having fun/expressing my creativity side.

But what would it mean if I were to do it professionally? Would that be considered doing something for money/success?

I guess what I'm trying to think about is: it doesn't cost anything to express creativity and have fun. But then when we choose to monetize that activity, would that be "doing something for money/success' sake?

[Angelique]

Just the article I needed to hear. Thank you, Data!

[Savage]

Originally Posted by Grandiouse

I guess what I'm trying to think about is: it doesn't cost anything to express creativity and have fun. But then when we choose to monetize that activity, would that be "doing something for money/success' sake?

Why are you monetizing the activity? To make it sustainable, so you can do more of it? To make it easier to enjoy the activity? To prove to yourself that you've arrived? To acquire the latest iStuff?

Look at your motives for monetization, and you'll have your answers.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by Angelique

Just the article I needed to hear. Thank you, Data!

You are welcome, Counselor.

[Grandiouse]

excellent! Thank you, Steve!

Asking those why questions really breaks it down and clarifies a lot of things.

[inverse Paranoid]

Originally Posted by Savage

Why are you monetizing the activity? To make it sustainable, so you can do more of it? To make it easier to enjoy the activity? To prove to yourself that you've arrived? To acquire the latest iStuff?

Look at your motives for monetization, and you'll have your answers.

What about just wanting to do something because you'd enjoy it, but thinking in the back of your head that no one will value your service if you give it away for free?

Obviously it's not sustainable to do something for free forever, I guess I just feel a little lost. I see money pretty much the way you described it as pre-1999 Steve: for me to get it, someone else has to lose it. It feels like the only way I can make money is if I convince someone else to give it to me.
I have found things that I've enjoyed doing for free in the past, but the mindset of trying to "optimize" and start making a profit quickly cuts off my initial joy and replaces it with the discomfort of seeing money as a zero sum game.

I've often thought how awesome it would be if I could just find enough people who are willing to "use" me, and then just pick from their requests the opportunities that appeal to me most. Because when someone's using me, they're taking care of their end of the equation. All I'd have to do is choose opportunities that are a win for me and it's an automatic win-win. But when I make it my responsibility to make sure they get a win, it's harder to focus on the reasons I want to do something in the first place.

The perspective you've outlined in this article seems so foreign to me (are there even win-wins in a play-for-the-draw world?), yet I find myself in eerily similar circumstances as the early-1999 Steve. I've found playing for the win to be tremendously dissatisfying; so much so that I can't really claim to be playing the game anymore at all — I'm just existing. How do I start leaving money on the table and playing for a draw when I've already excused myself from the table and withdrawn from the game itself?

[ellie]

This was a very timely article. You could of just as easily be writing my own story.

I am in the midst of "playing for draw", before I was way to competitive and wanting to prove something and beat other people at their own game, at the time I thought "that was what you needed to do" to get ahead, I also thought I liked that sort of challenge. I now realise that for my "personality" it was a terrible game plan. My "nature" is really not like this at all, so it was like to opposite magnets trying to attract.

I'm much more of the mindset of letting go now, and not trying to "win" and instead just enjoy doing simple projects. Although I can't say I have seen vast improvements yet (this is just quite a new perspective) so far monetary wise (slightly improved), I have felt much more enjoyment in the journey. I'm now simply doing something that "just flows", there's no major strategy, no target to beat, no victory to win.

One of the things I have also done, is simplify what I create for business. I thought I wanted the challenge, of large, complex jobs, I wanted to tackle the "big guys", similar to you wanting to "tackle the big guys" in games. I wanted to tackle something that seemed almost impossible for a single person to achieve, but all the "big challenge ideas" were really just distracting me from creating any value at all. I can always try and tackling the bigger ideas, later on when I have more experience under my belt.

Essentially I think it's just best for me to start really small and very simple.

I've also blocked out any marketing chatter too, "I no longer listen to sales gurus, bloggers on business or SEO, who tell you, do this, do that", that was distracting me to and was making me begin to feel rather compeditive.

I actually noticed funnily enough, that the product that I put no focus into whatsoever, but was rather just done for a bit of fun and was simple and easy to create, was beginning to take momentum compared to the other product that I was focussing on heavily on.

I literally wasn't doing anything with this little product, but began to notice people blogging about my work, sending me messages etc and I was like 'huh?'

Anyway, as it turns out I much prefer where I am heading now.

There's no denying that the universe gives you little hints along the way, but it's not alway clear to see them, it's only once you look back and reflect that you can see what's actually taken effect.

[ButterflyWoman]

Originally Posted by Savage

Only a die-hard Trekkie will even have a chance of understanding what it means.

I do (<- Trek nerd from my earliest memories of watching Mr Spock on a black and white television!). I never thought of approaching an entire enterprise (business, university, life itself) from that perspective. But it is, to quote Data, intriguing.

Originally Posted by Savage

I seriously doubt that "How to Defeat Kolrami" is a popular search term, even though I already rank #1 on it now.

You might get a message to or spark an inquiry process in an unexpected audience that way.

Originally Posted by Savage

Kolrami can't defeat a player who plays to be playful.

Excellent advice. It has certainly been my experience that taking oneself and one's plans too seriously tends to make it all, well, too serious. There's a great deal to be said for just lightening up and letting it go.

[nzmegs]

What a great post and also timely for me.

I have recently set up a blog which is getting just a few readers each day. Building slowly however. But people in my life are questioning why I am working so hard on it when it isn't bringing in very much income. They fear I might be wasting my time and not seeking out other opportunities instead.

Trying to explain that I love to write for my own enjoyment rather than just as my job is hard for others to understand. I believe that if I just keep doing what I love I can't help but succeed. because any level of success when you are doing something you enjoy seems like a bonus.

The £3 I got on adsense yesterday was all the bonus I needed. Others don't understand that at all.

Live life always aiming for fun, creativity and enjoyment and you will reach your goals in a much shorter time. Positivity always leads to success.

[cacheborn]

Very interesting perspective. Lately, I have been coming across articles that are trying to cause a paradigm shift in my PD concepts. Usually, the straight forward PD concepts like set goals, take massive action, visualization etc. have been around for so long that I was sort of following them without being conscious of it.

I am now wondering which limiting beliefs I would have to overcome in order to make such a change. I usually visualize that I am a successful writer and people are reading my novels. Maybe I should concentrate on how much I enjoy the writing process itself and how can I improve myself.

Loved the velocity-friction analogy. I need to watch the Star Trek episodes again.

[SatvikBeri]

Well, all I can say is that this definitely works for dating.

[dan1529]

"It was a major lesson for me to learn that I can actually make more money by trying to make less money. I can achieve more success by trying to succeed less. This is what has actually worked for me in the real world."

Me too. In the Wall Street world we (the few of us who tried to be ethical, I guess) had an expression: "be long-term greedy."

You can be short-term greedy (taking obvious avenues of advancement) and screw your client on a deal. You can stick him with crappy mortgage paper or some IPO that is going to go straight down. And yes, you'll make money, but you'll also burn your relationships with the people you work with.

On the other hand, if you are long-term greedy, you'll help your client make the most of her investment assets. You'll help her with her decision-making. And instead of poisoning the relationship with short-term deals (yep, obvious avenues of advancement again) that exploit the client, you'll provide real long-term value to the client. In the long run, you and she will get rich together.

It worked for me.

_____________________________
Visit me at Casual Kitchen!
Cook More. Think More. Spend Less.

[Artelus]

YouTube - &#x202a;Guile Theme goes with everything (Star Trek)&#x202c;&rlm;


This is so relevant, and so hilarious.

[TheOrange]

When you win.. you lose. It's nice to win sometimes though.. I see it more like a sport.. although looking back in time it's quite obvious that any country that has ever started a war and vigorously advanced towards their opponent, in the end.. lost.

One can only advance for a while - one can hide for ever.

[invisiblehouses]

This idea fits well with the reasons I've been forcing myself to produce content while forcing myself to not think about monetization.

I figure that part will happen when and if I begin to deserve it. In the meantime, I'ma just (sing it with me) give it away, give it away, give it away, now...

[rodrigo]

Nice article, Steve.

I also don't have a Facebook account for a matter of principles. But I miss some things, for instance the "Like" button. Won't you include a Google's +1 button in your articles?

Another, unrelated, thing: did you remove the "Discuss this article" link? I didn't find it...

Regards,

Rodrigo

[Savage]

Originally Posted by inverse Paranoid

What about just wanting to do something because you'd enjoy it, but thinking in the back of your head that no one will value your service if you give it away for free?

Obviously it's not sustainable to do something for free forever, I guess I just feel a little lost. I see money pretty much the way you described it as pre-1999 Steve: for me to get it, someone else has to lose it. It feels like the only way I can make money is if I convince someone else to give it to me.
I have found things that I've enjoyed doing for free in the past, but the mindset of trying to "optimize" and start making a profit quickly cuts off my initial joy and replaces it with the discomfort of seeing money as a zero sum game.

I've often thought how awesome it would be if I could just find enough people who are willing to "use" me, and then just pick from their requests the opportunities that appeal to me most. Because when someone's using me, they're taking care of their end of the equation. All I'd have to do is choose opportunities that are a win for me and it's an automatic win-win. But when I make it my responsibility to make sure they get a win, it's harder to focus on the reasons I want to do something in the first place.

The perspective you've outlined in this article seems so foreign to me (are there even win-wins in a play-for-the-draw world?), yet I find myself in eerily similar circumstances as the early-1999 Steve. I've found playing for the win to be tremendously dissatisfying; so much so that I can't really claim to be playing the game anymore at all — I'm just existing. How do I start leaving money on the table and playing for a draw when I've already excused myself from the table and withdrawn from the game itself?

Ideas are the leverage for cultivating transactions where everyone wins.

For example, if people are already paying $17 for CDs with only a few songs they like, and you come up with a solution where they can paid $.99 each for just the songs they want and make it sustainable, you're offering them a better deal for something they're already doing.

When I got into the field of personal development, people were already buying lots of self-help material. I myself had spent many thousands of dollars on such pursuits for books, audio programs, seminars, etc. I thought how great it would be if I could provide such a service at much lower cost, ideally for free, so transactionally it would be a bigger win for people, and it would potentially draw more people into the fold who wouldn't have otherwise bought even one book.

It's still a game, and it still requires solid strategic thinking. A dumb approach in one game may still be a dumb approach in another game.

By getting clearer about your strengths, by consciously developing them to a high level of skill, and by leveraging those strengths to deliver significantly valuable transactions to people, you can essentially give more than you're getting.

Start paying attention to transactions throughout your day where you feel like you're getting the better end of the deal. Ask yourself how the other side in those transactions made it possible. When you buy an awesome song for 99 cents, or watch your favorite TV show, or use Gmail, or use these forums, ask yourself how the transaction works from a top-down perspective. What was required to set it up? What older system did it seek to improve upon?

[James Fletcher]

Which businesses do you dislike most? Do you feel those businesses are playing to win at your expense? How does that affect your ongoing relationship with them?

Apple.

*Ducks as objects are thrown at him, and tries to continue talking over the booing*

Their products are very user-friendly and super sexy, plus from what I hear their customer service is above average.

What I don't like is their shameless practice of planned obsolescence, particularly with regard to the iPhone. When iOS 4.0 was released, owners of the 3G models found that upon installing the new OS, their devices suffered serious lag just from performing the simplest of tasks. Therefore the only option if you wanted to keep using an iPhone was to upgrade to the new handset, or plod along with something that now makes Gordon Gekko's cellphone seem more practical.

Sure, everything has an expiry date. But it's the concept of "indentured customers" that I find objectionable and unsustainable. People wise up eventually.

Kolrami's next move on Apple will most likely be the widespread adoption of Android. A "Touchphone Spring" could be just around the corner.

[Balmy]

I'll just say that after reading this article, I added "Meet Steve Pavlina and hug him" to my bucketlist.

[nzmegs]

Originally Posted by Balmy

I'll just say that after reading this article, I added "Meet Steve Pavlina and hug him" to my bucketlist.

Oh, that is really sweet! A bit stalkerish though....

[Savage]

Originally Posted by Balmy

I'll just say that after reading this article, I added "Meet Steve Pavlina and hug him" to my bucketlist.

It isn't difficult. Two other posters in this thread (Grandiouse and inverse Paranoid) have already done that within the past several weeks. Inverse Paranoid's g/f also got huggled, and he and his g/f both hugged Rachelle too.

The most recent forum member I hugged was MyEyeIsOpen, who got hugged on Sunday -- twice.

Hugs are abundant in my reality.

[Footballman]

This article seems to have been a God send. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking about decision making..and analyzing where and why I went wrong at times. The most fruitful things I’ve done were when I wasn’t determined to ‘win’, but was playing within my capacity...life was sustainable – my work, my friends etc..things were natural. When I did go down the road of trying to win...it didn’t make me feel better, but made me feel worse...almost like i could sense the resistance in me growing as I tried to defeat other ‘opponents, at sport, education, or anything. Eventually it did fail. The synchronicity of this article is startling to me! I also play chess...so I’m rethinking my strategy for that as well. Thanks for sharing your experience Steve.

[sebtanic]

Being competitive is so 20th century

[TheOrange]

Ok so in summary.. this is how we're supposed to look at life and business..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmXWkMlKFkI

\o/

[lifetimelearner]

great blog -made me think outside my box !

[inverse Paranoid]

Originally Posted by Savage

By getting clearer about your strengths, by consciously developing them to a high level of skill, and by leveraging those strengths to deliver significantly valuable transactions to people, you can essentially give more than you're getting.

I've had some difficulty trying to market my strengths. It seems that when I'm at my best, I'm often around people who are feeling their worst. For instance, I love being around suicidal people. It almost instantly energizes me and I find it near impossible to wipe the smile off my face at times. I attribute this to the fact that suicidal people tend to emanate extremely powerful desires. From their place of desperation they're summoning forth powerful new solutions to their problems, and they're so near the point of surrender that they're on the verge of giving it all up just to end the pain. And since I don't have resistance to the new solutions they're calling for, or judgment about wanting to kill yourself because it feels so painful to be around those solutions without getting to experience them, I get to experience the value of those new solutions and feel uplifted around people who others would consider a major downer.

Originally Posted by Savage

Start paying attention to transactions throughout your day where you feel like you're getting the better end of the deal. Ask yourself how the other side in those transactions made it possible. When you buy an awesome song for 99 cents, or watch your favorite TV show, or use Gmail, or use these forums, ask yourself how the transaction works from a top-down perspective. What was required to set it up? What older system did it seek to improve upon?

The traditional approach to helping someone who's suicidal is to first do everything possible to prevent the suicide, then to find ways to make the problem more manageable so that it doesn't tip them over the edge into a(nother) suicide attempt. It's almost a solution-last approach built around numbing the pain rather than getting to the root of the problem and allowing for a genuinely happy life.

I could make radical improvements upon the older system just by applying my natural point of view and sharing what I see with those who see suicide as perhaps their only option left. I mean, how long would you stay suicidal if you started spending time with someone who can't stop smiling around you? — who can't stop smiling because of you!?! Wouldn't you have to start wondering what it is that he sees that you don't?

My sister attempted suicide a couple times while we were growing. I had a much different perspective back then, but I remember she got shipped off to some suicide prevention clinic about an hour away. Perhaps I could approach that clinic and start volunteering my time there, almost like a Big Brother, Big Sister program for suicidal teens. Anyone want to dare me to try? Or have any other ideas of where I might be able to apply these gifts to improve pre-existing systems?

[Savage]

Originally Posted by inverse Paranoid

I've had some difficulty trying to market my strengths. It seems that when I'm at my best, I'm often around people who are feeling their worst. For instance, I love being around suicidal people. It almost instantly energizes me and I find it near impossible to wipe the smile off my face at times. I attribute this to the fact that suicidal people tend to emanate extremely powerful desires. From their place of desperation they're summoning forth powerful new solutions to their problems, and they're so near the point of surrender that they're on the verge of giving it all up just to end the pain. And since I don't have resistance to the new solutions they're calling for, or judgment about wanting to kill yourself because it feels so painful to be around those solutions without getting to experience them, I get to experience the value of those new solutions and feel uplifted around people who others would consider a major downer.



The traditional approach to helping someone who's suicidal is to first do everything possible to prevent the suicide, then to find ways to make the problem more manageable so that it doesn't tip them over the edge into a(nother) suicide attempt. It's almost a solution-last approach built around numbing the pain rather than getting to the root of the problem and allowing for a genuinely happy life.

I could make radical improvements upon the older system just by applying my natural point of view and sharing what I see with those who see suicide as perhaps their only option left. I mean, how long would you stay suicidal if you started spending time with someone who can't stop smiling around you? — who can't stop smiling because of you!?! Wouldn't you have to start wondering what it is that he sees that you don't?

My sister attempted suicide a couple times while we were growing. I had a much different perspective back then, but I remember she got shipped off to some suicide prevention clinic about an hour away. Perhaps I could approach that clinic and start volunteering my time there, almost like a Big Brother, Big Sister program for suicidal teens. Anyone want to dare me to try? Or have any other ideas of where I might be able to apply these gifts to improve pre-existing systems?

Don't even worry about marketing your strengths.

If you practice your strengths to the hilt, you'll soon find that other people tend to market them for you. Ask them for referrals if you'd like, but if they're resistant to spreading the word, then perhaps you aren't as good as you think you are. So keep going until you're so good that people can't help talking about you and referring others to you.

When your email inbox is filled with requests for help from suicidal people each day, you'll know you're getting some word of mouth going.

I don't do anything special to market my work. Other people do it for me. I've been interviewed by the New York Times 3x now, and I never did so much as send out a press release. It's all word of mouth.

I just write. If people like it, they'll tell others. If they don't, and all I hear is crickets, then I keep experimenting with my writing until it's good enough that people practically feel compelled to share it or discuss it.

More importantly, what's the intention deep down? Is it for the ego boost of helping a suicidal person... or the body count of lives saved? Or is it because you genuinely care about helping people get back on track? If it's the latter, then the more people you help, the more people you can help.

I like to think of it this way: If I'm serving as a truly empowered cell in the larger body of humanity, it will refer plenty of other cells to me, and it will make sure all my needs are well handled because I'm serving an important function. But if I slack off or try to get attention, the body rolls its eyes and ignores me, letting me fend for myself.