How to Defeat Kolrami (Blog)

[cshwk1995]

Steve, u mentioned : "......I worked hard, hard, hard, sometimes even sleeping at the office. But I could never get the money coming in with any consistency. Ironically the harder I tried to make money, the faster I lost money......"

I 'm curious about why. would u kindly explain why?

if work hard like that, there would be good reward in most case......

thx.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by cshwk1995

Steve, u mentioned : "......I worked hard, hard, hard, sometimes even sleeping at the office. But I could never get the money coming in with any consistency. Ironically the harder I tried to make money, the faster I lost money......"

I 'm curious about why. would u kindly explain why?

if work hard like that, there would be reward in most case......

thx.

Funding retail game projects was expensive. Ambitious projects would burn through a lot of cash in production expenses. Publisher advances sometimes covered part of these expenses, but between deals I used credit card debt to keep the lights on.

When I tried harder and secured deals faster, I just raced to the point where the deal fell apart faster, thereby ending up with more debt than when I started. It didn't result in games getting released faster.

[sarah786]

Thank you I needed this!

[inverse Paranoid]

Originally Posted by Savage

More importantly, what's the intention deep down? Is it for the ego boost of helping a suicidal person... or the body count of lives saved? Or is it because you genuinely care about helping people get back on track? If it's the latter, then the more people you help, the more people you can help.

Actually, it's more because it just plain feels good to be around people with powerful desires. I don't really buy into "saving lives" — I see it more as merely delaying death — I just really, really enjoy having the opportunity to "love the unlovable." Nothing is truly unlovable, so perhaps it would be best termed as "loving the under-loved." I'm like a balancing agent of sorts, I tend to criticize popular beliefs and lionize things that are widely condemned.

I remember getting an intuitive reading with Erin about three years ago and writing a statement of intention the next day that ended with:

It is in the arms of the lost and discarded souls that I feel Love's warmest embrace. Now is the time for me to seek out that embrace. To stop living life on paper and start living life. To traverse blindly through unlit shadows armed only with a knowing that there is something beyond the darkened corridors. To travel deep into the Heart of Darkness, and at long last, turn on the light.

Honestly I'm not that attached to creating a specific outcome. I just want to go in there, love purely, and let what happens happen.

Is it so wrong to want to spend my time around the people with whom I feel most alive? Do I need to dictate the ways in which others should benefit from working with me in order to benefit them? Or can I just focus on beaming pure love and allow the universe to sort out the rest?

[Savage]

Apparently James Ray tried to take on Kolrami. Kolrami won.

Don't mess with the Zakdorn.

[sarah786]

It's funny, yesterday I read a quote on someone's facebook saying "In our victory may there be no one's loss" (this is the translated version, it is an expression in another language). I was thinking about the quote right before I read the article.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by inverse Paranoid

Or can I just focus on beaming pure love and allow the universe to sort out the rest?

Absolutely.

Are you finding many of those people in this thread?

[inverse Paranoid]

Originally Posted by Savage

Absolutely.

Are you finding many of those people in this thread?

Many suicidal people, or many people worth beaming love to? Was that a prod to get off my ass and start doing what I've described above, or to broaden it from the narrowness I've cast it in?

[waizen]

While reading the article, I kept wondering: are you suggesting that this is an actual phenomenon that the universe employs? Or, just a great way to interact with people? What are the mechanics of what you are talking about? How does it work?

Am I over-analyzing what you wrote?

[Aghora]

This was a synchronicity of great proportions. Lots of love and gratitude.

To a world with players for fun! (No winners or losers)

[Savage]

Originally Posted by waizen

While reading the article, I kept wondering: are you suggesting that this is an actual phenomenon that the universe employs? Or, just a great way to interact with people? What are the mechanics of what you are talking about? How does it work?

Am I over-analyzing what you wrote?

For the answers to those questions, you'll have to play more Strategema.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by inverse Paranoid

Many suicidal people, or many people worth beaming love to? Was that a prod to get off my ass and start doing what I've described above, or to broaden it from the narrowness I've cast it in?

What does your intuition tell you?

[ellie]

Originally Posted by Savage

Is it for the ego boost

I think this is the key. I now know I was previously, it clearly didn't work.

But if I slack off or try to get attention, the body rolls its eyes and ignores me, letting me fend for myself.

And I love this too So true! I think my body has done a lot of "rolling it eyes" in the past few years. I'm sure it's been waving big flags in front of me without me noticing!

[Savage]

There's a big difference between helping people in order to feel good vs. helping people as expression of good feelings you've already created.

The first creates a needy, pulling sensation. You need people to acknowledge you, to boost your fragile ego.

The second is a choice to give with no need to receive anything in return. You just give because you feel like it.

In the past I've sometimes written articles partly for the reaction. It can be like a drug at times to see what effect an article has on people, and it's entirely possible to write for the effect. This is a very different energy than writing for the love of writing, to create something that I feel is beautiful.

When I write articles I feel inspired to write (this one was such an article), I'm not attached to how people react to it. It's the act of creating the article that I enjoy so much, the feeling that I've created something which, at least to me, is beautiful. That beauty is still there regardless of how others may react to it. I don't need people to like it or even to understand it. I wrote the article to create something I felt inspired to create. It has meaning to me, and some people may resonate with that meaning because ultimately we're all connected.

[ellie]

Originally Posted by Savage

There's a big difference between helping people in order to feel good vs. helping people as expression of good feelings you've already created.

The first creates a needy, pulling sensation. You need people to acknowledge you, to boost your fragile ego.

The second is a choice to give with no need to receive anything in return. You just give because you feel like it.

Do you think this applies universally or to certain personality types? The reason I say this, I know lots of people that are successful and do it not for the "love" but rather for an "ego" boost...or maybe I am wrong in my perceptions.

Sometimes I feel this current approach your talking about suits people with more of an 'empathetic' personality.

I mean maybe this is where the darkworker/lightworker comes into effect?

[inverse Paranoid]

Originally Posted by Savage

There's a big difference between helping people in order to feel good vs. helping people as expression of good feelings you've already created.

The first creates a needy, pulling sensation. You need people to acknowledge you, to boost your fragile ego.

But see, this isn't always the case. I can feel good just by sending love to someone I don't even know. It's the act of beaming the love feels good, it doesn't require anything in return to create the good feelings.

The second is a choice to give with no need to receive anything in return. You just give because you feel like it.

OK, I hadn't read this part when I wrote the above. But sometimes the good feelings are created from the act itself, not from excitement about what we're going to receive in return. Maybe I'm not understanding the point you're trying to illustrate, though.

Let's take the example of giving someone oral sex pleasure purely because you desire to do so. The act itself is enjoyable... — ah, but I'm starting to see what you mean. If you want to give someone oral sex and they don't enjoy the receiving it, and then you cease enjoying it because of this; then you weren't really feeling good from giving it, you were feeling good in response to the reaction you were getting. And that is the almost needy sensation you were describing, where you "need" them to respond a certain way to feel good.

So let's say you visualize giving someone massive amounts of pleasure via oral sex, and you feel great about it all day long, and then you share those good feelings with them. That to me would sound much more like "an expression of good feeling you've already created," but at the same time, you could still cease enjoying things if they're not in the mood and it isn't received as you were envisioning.

So is the important variable really when the good feelings are created? (Is an improv troupe needy because they feed off of each other's energy rather than sharing premeditated jokes?) Or is it about being able to feel good regardless of how the person on the other end reacts? Such as that same improv performer being able to enjoy himself on stage even when the scene is bombing?

[inverse Paranoid]

Originally Posted by Savage

What does your intuition tell you?

That this was an awesomely playful response! (Seriously, I started almost dancing involuntarily upon reading it.)

Upon thinking it through a little more I was reminded of

The path of abundance isn’t the path that maximizes velocity. It’s the path that minimizes friction. If you try to maximize velocity, you end up maximizing friction too, thereby causing massive amounts of heat. Ultimately, you burn up.

and I thought that trying to gain access to a mental health institution doesn't sound like the path that minimizes friction. What would minimize friction would be to find a way to begin offering this without needing anyone else's permission first. I could just start beaming love out into the world and see where it leads me. I don't need anyone's permission to make love a greater focus in my life, I can just decide that that's what I want to do and let the cards fall where they may.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by inverse Paranoid

But see, this isn't always the case. I can feel good just by sending love to someone I don't even know. It's the act of beaming the love feels good, it doesn't require anything in return to create the good feelings.



OK, I hadn't read this part when I wrote the above. But sometimes the good feelings are created from the act itself, not from excitement about what we're going to receive in return. Maybe I'm not understanding the point you're trying to illustrate, though.

Let's take the example of giving someone oral sex pleasure purely because you desire to do so. The act itself is enjoyable... — ah, but I'm starting to see what you mean. If you want to give someone oral sex and they don't enjoy the receiving it, and then you cease enjoying it because of this; then you weren't really feeling good from giving it, you were feeling good in response to the reaction you were getting. And that is the almost needy sensation you were describing, where you "need" them to respond a certain way to feel good.

So let's say you visualize giving someone massive amounts of pleasure via oral sex, and you feel great about it all day long, and then you share those good feelings with them. That to me would sound much more like "an expression of good feeling you've already created," but at the same time, you could still cease enjoying things if they're not in the mood and it isn't received as you were envisioning.

So is the important variable really when the good feelings are created? (Is an improv troupe needy because they feed off of each other's energy rather than sharing premeditated jokes?) Or is it about being able to feel good regardless of how the person on the other end reacts? Such as that same improv performer being able to enjoy himself on stage even when the scene is bombing?

If you enjoy giving oral sex -- to use your example -- you can attract partners who enjoy receiving it without getting overly attached to how any particular person reacts to the notion.

When I did improv, I did it for the fun experience and the growth lessons. An audience showed up and laughed, but some of my best moments were had during the practice sessions with no outside audience.

I have a certain style in how I like to relate to people, based on what I desire to express and experience. For example, when I meet people for the first time, they'll often offer me a handshake. I look at their hand to acknowledge it, then stretch my arms out to offer a hug instead. So far no one has rejected the offer of a hug instead of a handshake, but if it ever happened, I'd be okay with it. I'd just realize that particular person might need more warming up, or they might not be a great match for the ways in which I like to connect. But I'm not going to stop hugging people just because someone doesn't react to it a certain way.

By being myself in this way, I do tend to attract more like-minded people. If people know I have attributes that they don't like, and that's a turn off for them, they'll probably want to avoid me. All that does is create more space to attract people who are more compatible.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by inverse Paranoid

and I thought that trying to gain access to a mental health institution doesn't sound like the path that minimizes friction. What would minimize friction would be to find a way to begin offering this without needing anyone else's permission first. I could just start beaming love out into the world and see where it leads me. I don't need anyone's permission to make love a greater focus in my life, I can just decide that that's what I want to do and let the cards fall where they may.

I often like to start with easy steps and build momentum from there. New steps will soon present themselves.

You could start by adding a link to your forum signature that says something like, "Feeling Suicidal? Talk to me for 30 minutes, and you won't be"

or perhaps, "I <3 suicidal people!"

Then link it to a page on your website to invite them to connect with you.

And isn't there an active thread here in the forums right now about someone pondering suicide?

Just stay away from sweat lodges, okay?

[inverse Paranoid]

Originally Posted by Savage

When I did improv, I did it for the fun experience and the growth lessons. An audience showed up and laughed, but some of my best moments were had during the practice sessions with no outside audience.

But when you say that you did it for the fun experience and growth lessons, were those things created before you showed up for improv?

Earlier you stated that, "There's a big difference between helping people in order to feel good vs. helping people as expression of good feelings you've already created." So did you already create the experience before it happened? Or did you "need" the improv classes to experience it?

when I meet people for the first time, they'll often offer me a handshake. I look at their hand to acknowledge it, then stretch my arms out to offer a hug instead. So far no one has rejected the offer of a hug instead of a handshake, but if it ever happened, I'd be okay with it. I'd just realize that particular person might need more warming up, or they might not be a great match for the ways in which I like to connect. But I'm not going to stop hugging people just because someone doesn't react to it a certain way.

This is very interesting because earlier you talked about how easy it was to manifest a hug with you and how both grandiose and my g/f and I manfiested hugs with you. And I remember telling my girlfriend before we met up with you in Rachelle that Steve is a hug first kind of guy, so don't bother with the handshake. And the reason I knew that was because of a tweet you sent out once that said something like ~"Don't settle for a handshake, go right in for the hug." Which all tied in with how you talked about improving existing systems. "Steve improved his hug greeting system by simply sending out a tweet!"

Then, on top of that little synchronicity, my girlfriend and I were talking about the very things you wrote about in your reply about the differences between "needy" helping and helping from a place of good feeling. And she really identified with "The first creates a needy, pulling sensation. You need people to acknowledge you, to boost your fragile ego" in terms of where she is right now. And then you ended that post with, "because ultimately we're all connected."

[inverse Paranoid]

Originally Posted by Savage

I often like to start with easy steps and build momentum from there. New steps will soon present themselves.

You could start by adding a link to your forum signature that says something like, "Feeling Suicidal? Talk to me for 30 minutes, and you won't be"

or perhaps, "I <3 suicidal people!"

Haha, I LOL'd at these. Especially the "I <3 suicidal people!"

And isn't there an active thread here in the forums right now about someone pondering suicide?

I have a little resistance to this because I responded to a thread earlier this year about someone who was suicidal and offered to help them and never got a response. It made me question whether or not this is truly the path of least resistance. Then again, I have changed a lot since then, and I may have been looking at it from a "how helping this person might benefit me" point of view, for instance, as a life coaching client, or how helping them might have led to future clients.

Maybe I can clean up my perspective a little and then come at from a place of pure love. That feels good to me!

[OptimistPrime]

Like others here have said, this was a very timely article for me. Lately I've been focusing a lot on letting go of my beliefs that I need to Do things with an eye toward getting ahead, and instead simply Being Who I Choose To Be and letting my intuition guide me with regard to when and how I Do things.

To take a concrete example, sometimes I get into a mindset where I think that I need to reply to threads on these forums even when I don't feel a gut-level motivation to do so, because otherwise I'm not contributing as much as I could, and that might somehow make me less successful as a poster here. (As if I can "win" at being a pundit. )

But with 1 or 2 exceptions, I've been quite successful at trusting my intuition when it comes to when and where I post. Often my intuition tells me to just let a particular thread or post go by, without my 2 cents having to be added.

So I think from now on, whenever I'm about to make a post, I'll ask, "Am I playing this game to win, or am I playing it for fun?" Thanks, Steve.

[Upper Hand]

Steve...it was a fun article.

I think doing something for fun doesn't always go with positive things. I'll give an example: a thief might steal for fun or she might steal for the money. The former type of thief should be successful because they are being playful.

So, does it mean that if you enjoy something without being attached to the outcome, there won't always be a positive result as in the case of the thief (which was a bit exaggerated)...

[Asten]

Originally Posted by Savage

There's a big difference between helping people in order to feel good vs. helping people as expression of good feelings you've already created.

The first creates a needy, pulling sensation. You need people to acknowledge you, to boost your fragile ego.

The second is a choice to give with no need to receive anything in return. You just give because you feel like it.

In the past I've sometimes written articles partly for the reaction. It can be like a drug at times to see what effect an article has on people, and it's entirely possible to write for the effect. This is a very different energy than writing for the love of writing, to create something that I feel is beautiful.

When I write articles I feel inspired to write (this one was such an article), I'm not attached to how people react to it. It's the act of creating the article that I enjoy so much, the feeling that I've created something which, at least to me, is beautiful. That beauty is still there regardless of how others may react to it. I don't need people to like it or even to understand it. I wrote the article to create something I felt inspired to create. It has meaning to me, and some people may resonate with that meaning because ultimately we're all connected.

THIS!

I knew there was a reason I was lurking on the forums tonight that didn't involve me simply procrastinating. I needed to see this post.

This post and this blog bring some things together for me that I've been trying to link: abundance, oneness, and using business and activity as a creative outlet that sustains one's ability to continue creating. It makes a lot of sense and explains a lot of my resistance to certain paths. Tons of synchronicities too.

I'm still stuck on finding my strengths though. I'm "good" at many things (though I don't think I truly excel at anything--yet), but I can think of very few things I want to create (or do) simply for the sake of creating something beautiful, rather than for the desire to get a response from others. It seems like many of the things I want to do could unsustainable too.

I'll have to think about it.

Actually, no, I need to start having fun with experimenting and stop thinking so much.

[munish]

Originally Posted by Savage

Ideas are the leverage for cultivating transactions where everyone wins .

Steve Jobs idea for The "Digital Hub " strategy is also a good example .

[munish]

Originally Posted by Savage

Facebook, on the other hand, left me feeling used and abused after two years as an active user of their service. [/url]

Sick Looking Steve Jobs Revolutionizes the Tech World Again; and Leaves Facebook Out In the Cold - BCNN1

[NicoleNicki]

I really enjoyed this one -- wonderful

[impaul99]

Originally Posted by Savage

I don't do anything special to market my work. Other people do it for me. I've been interviewed by the New York Times 3x now, and I never did so much as send out a press release. It's all word of mouth.

But isn't that kind of like Oprah saying "I'm not going to market my new book at all, I'll just see if it spreads through word of mouth marketing." ??? Of course it would because she's Oprah!

I mean, you don't have to do any marketing because you ARE the #1 Personal Development blogger on the planet. As soon as you write an article, it's already #1 on Google due to your PageRank 6 ranking with Google, and the volume of internal links pointing TO your content within minutes of publishing it.

If you started a brand new Blog tomorrow and told NOBODY here about it, hiding your identity as Steve Pavlina so as not to have any influence from your current brand, and published a post with a title like "How to Defeat Kolrami", I just don't see how it would get any traffic in the first place.

If you had PageRank 0 and you didn't already have millions of people knowing your name, how would the "word of mouth" happen in the first place?

I understand that when you started in Oct 2004 you had no PageRank and no followers, but that was Oct 2004 and this is 2011. Back then the number of personal development bloggers who were giving away free advice was very small compared to today.

Your story is very inspirational but I always wonder how much of a boost you got just due to "First Mover Advantage".

Realizing that your "bliss" is being a personal development Blogger at a moment in time when you have "First Mover Advantage" is awesome, but what about people who want to follow down that path later on like for example someone starting today in 2011.

I just write. If people like it, they'll tell others. If they don't, and all I hear is crickets, then I keep experimenting with my writing until it's good enough that people practically feel compelled to share it or discuss it.

This once again already assumes you have enough people on your Blog reading your content in the first place to form a critical mass big enough to give you feedback.

I speak to so many Bloggers who write amazing and valuable content, but they don't have any readers yet and then they beat themselves up thinking that their content SUCKS because it's not spreading yet.

Once I show them how to actually get SOME people to their Blogs, they start getting some discussions happening, and people start linking to them etc.

I like to think of it this way: If I'm serving as a truly empowered cell in the larger body of humanity, it will refer plenty of other cells to me, and it will make sure all my needs are well handled because I'm serving an important function. But if I slack off or try to get attention, the body rolls its eyes and ignores me, letting me fend for myself.

Once again I really like your story, and I really liked this post and it sounds amazing....

... however, how do I align with it's reality because what you describe does not reflect what I see day to day. People come to me who have businesses and websites where they have great products or services to offer, but they have totally ignored marketing themselves for years and they're going nowhere.

When we put a proper marketing plan in place, they start to see results. But it does take a lot of effort. The effort is not in the marketing itself, but in changing their mindset from the "If I do good things, marketing will just automatically happen by itself and people will show up." to teaching them how to properly market themselves.

I'm having trouble reconciling this in my mind.

[ellie]

@paul - Hmmm yeah, I get the distinct feeling that Steve's concept wont work for everyone and I'm not sure why that is...I'm not sure what they key is?

But I get a distinct feeling it will work for me. Marketing, blogging etc, just doesn't feel right to me, there's a really strong pull when I try to go down that path, that it is not the right approach. It takes me too much into the mindset of ego boosting and I notice I become competitive, obsessive about getting noticed etc This is something that naturally I don't align with, so it sort of counteracts what I am trying to do. Basically it doesn't feel very natural to me.

How are the bloggers egos that you are working with, they might be writing good content but what is their main reason behind creating it?

[Lioness]

Originally Posted by impaul99

People come to me who have businesses and websites where they have great products or services to offer, but they have totally ignored marketing themselves for years and they're going nowhere.

When we put a proper marketing plan in place, they start to see results. But it does take a lot of effort. The effort is not in the marketing itself, but in changing their mindset from the "If I do good things, marketing will just automatically happen by itself and people will show up." to teaching them how to properly market themselves.

I think you're right, in the sense that you have to build to a certain level of recognition before you can rely on word-of-mouth and good will to continue and increase that success.

But I don't think Steve is anti-marketing, he's anti-making money your primary goal. In business dealings, he's saying, give more than you receive, stop trying to maximize profit, and maximize the value you provide. A money-focused mindset can backfire, much like closing your fist allows nothing out, but nothing in either.