Inspired Relationships (Blog)

[Savage]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

Inspired Relationships

[Criseyde]

Hey, how did you know what I've been thinking about?

[Savage]

Originally Posted by Criseyde

Hey, how did you know what I've been thinking about?

You were thinking very loudly.

[Grandiouse]

holy crap! relationships have been on my mind the past few days. Then this article shows up? How did this happen?!

Thanks for writing it, Steve!

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by Savage

You were thinking very loudly.

I never was too good at that "indoor voices" thing.

Good article though. Thanks.

[spacecadetglow]

Yeah! Nice one, Steve. I have been jiving with this line of thought myself... I love the way the article flows.

... I was going to ask you some questions but it's like I can already hear your answers in my head. I still have a lot of conditioning surrounding relationships, much of which needs updating, but a lot of it I don't really want to let go of. For some reason, I still want someone whom I can call my partner, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that for me. I'm currently traveling all over the country, though, so it seems like in many ways I've been learning about flow and the beauty of transitory connections. I'm not really in a place to settle with just one person nor do I want to be, but the universe just keeps sending me the right people at the right times. That doesn't mean it's all a cakewalk, like you said it's pretty challenging sometimes. Worth it in the end!

Thanks for the reminder about intuition, too. I had a bad feeling about some people I met at the wharf but I hung out with them anyway so I could get stoned. One of them was a real buttface to me later on. Intuition should be regarded over egoic desire...

[raskolnikov]

Hi,

I'm new to the forum, however, I've been reading the blog for a few years, so I'm only new to posting, not to reading.

This is perhaps sort of an arbitrary post to comment on, but one question for the author (and readers); do you ever think you might be overanalyzing things?

This is in no way meant in a sarcastic way. I am very much for thinking about how to live and I am a quite open person. However, I'm at the moment single and therefore naturally thinking a lot about relationships. I'm 29 now and have had girlfriends since I was 17 or 18. I've been living abroad for the last couple years and find myself in a difficult situation meeting girls I like, because of cultural differences.

So, as most other people living abroad, I compare my life to my friends' lives at home. And I've come to realize that (at least in my social circle) the happiest people are the ones that (seem to) think the least about personal growth. This isn't true for other areas such as health or work, but certainly for relationships.

I have myself been hesitant to marry or get kids because I want a stable career first. I'm self employed and in my case that means no pay, high risk of going broke, big goals and little time for anything besides trying to reach them.

Then I see my friends who got married when they were in their mid 20s. Many of them picked girls where I at the time thought whew, glad that's not me getting into that, but now they have villas, grill parties, play with the kids and develop in areas that I didn't even come to yet. Sure they have their own problems, but they at least have someone close. I still live in an apartment and get drunk with other single guys on weekends.

I see that a lot of people I know who just went with the flow and relationship-wise picked a non-perfect path being happy and content now while I'm still considering for and against getting serious with this or that girl. As opposed to just thinking 'OK, this is what we have, let's make the best of it'. This makes me think that perhaps nothing won't ever be perfect and that building on an imperfect base might be better that twisting your mind around lifestyle design to the point where none of the 'traditional' ways of interacting with people are enough?

In other words - concerning relationships, are 'stupid' people smarter than smart people? Is improving on the imperfect better than waiting for the perfect? Does all this abstraction and conscious choice pay off in the end?

Any thoughts on this?

Cheers

PS. Thumbs up to you Steve, for your inspiring blog.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

Yeah! Nice one, Steve. I have been jiving with this line of thought myself... I love the way the article flows.

... I was going to ask you some questions but it's like I can already hear your answers in my head. I still have a lot of conditioning surrounding relationships, much of which needs updating, but a lot of it I don't really want to let go of. For some reason, I still want someone whom I can call my partner, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that for me. I'm currently traveling all over the country, though, so it seems like in many ways I've been learning about flow and the beauty of transitory connections. I'm not really in a place to settle with just one person nor do I want to be, but the universe just keeps sending me the right people at the right times. That doesn't mean it's all a cakewalk, like you said it's pretty challenging sometimes. Worth it in the end!

Thanks for the reminder about intuition, too. I had a bad feeling about some people I met at the wharf but I hung out with them anyway so I could get stoned. One of them was a real buttface to me later on. Intuition should be regarded over egoic desire...

No reason you can't have a stable partner this way if it's what you need. Welcome into your life whatever is good for you.

I didn't mean to imply that you'd have to shift from a deep intimate connection with one person to lots of casual connections. That isn't how it's playing out for me.

[pras]

Hi Steve,

The way I currently think about this is to imagine the sum total of my relationships with all the people in my life as if they’re a relationship with a single entity. I hope that makes at least some sense.

When I read the above lines, I felt like sharing the following video with you. I think you will love it:

YouTube - ‪Sadhguru & Shekhar Kapur - On Love‬‏

-pras