Do You Have the Right to Put Your Childrens' Lives Online? (Blog)

[Savage]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

Do You Have the Right to Put Your Childrens' Lives Online?

[Mike0149]

I agree with Steve's stance one hundred per cent.

[NicoleNicki]

I am not a parent, however I agree 100% with this blog post.

[Lucidism]

Originally Posted by NicoleNicki

I am not a parent, however I agree 100% with this blog post.

Same here. Any reasonable person would agree with Steve on this. Those people who say otherwise, and then go on to say that he is neglecting his kids because he doesn't blog about them, must be dumber than bricks.

[Tobias Zimpel]

Steve, you're sooo right about this!

I'm just thinking about all the celebrity kids out there who are constaltly pulled into the limelight either by their parents, or by others who don't respect their privacy at all.

If you are a public person, it might be a constant struggle to protect those who are near you from becoming public, too!

Glad that you are able to protect your children that way, so that they can decide later on how they feel about it.

[Andreas]

Well-elucidated, Steve.

This really comes back to free will, again and again. Your kids should always have the right to choose how much is revealed about them, just like anyone else.


However, in reading the article, I felt like I missed something. Because, to be frank, the article seemed the first reactionary article you've written in a while. And it feels like an event that happened quite recently caused this post to be written, to provide clarity on the situation. Am I off-base in getting this impression?

It’s pretty hard for someone to push my buttons, but when people behave like Internet pedophiles with respect to my kids, that’s the sort of thing that makes me want to go shotgun shopping.

I completely know where you're coming from here. But the imagery in that paragraph did come as a bit of a surprise. Again, I could be completely off-base here, but it seems like a negative event relatively-recently triggered this; and if so, I offer my condolences to your family and kids. That sucks, plain and simple. No one should have to deal with being harassed (which is what sounds like what happened).

Given what I’ve seen happen online already, can you blame me for not wanting to share intimate details of my kids’ lives online?

Certainly not! I know I wouldn't in your situation... In fact, our opinions of how to deal with this are the same. And don't forget, you're an excellent role-model to other bloggers who face this issue, as well.


All the best to you, Erin, and your two awesome kids, Steve. I hope people continue to respect your kids' right to privacy; and for what its worth, since the early days, I've sensed you've deliberately sheltered them from your fame. And that was a very wise (and foresighted) decision.

[Savage]

@Andreas: It's happened quite a number of times, but you're right. There was an incident this week that motivated me to write this post having to do with another blogger. He was also a forum member here (now an ex member). I'm really shocked that anyone in this community would do that sort of thing.

I contacted him personally and explained that it's not a problem if he wants to trash talk me on his site, but young children should be off limits. He agreed, so I do hope he honors that.

[invisiblehouses]

...like when I posted my April Fools joke last week.

Ah, so it was a joke.

It actually had me thinking, "What would I do if a similar opportunity had presented itself at some point in my life? What would have been my choice?"

In other words, congratulations, you did the following:

1. Totally "got" me
2. Made me think
3. Worked some pretty serious PD into an April Fools joke.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by invisiblehouses

Ah, so it was a joke.

It actually had me thinking, "What would I do if a similar opportunity had presented itself at some point in my life? What would have been my choice?"

In other words, congratulations, you did the following:

1. Totally "got" me
2. Made me think
3. Worked some pretty serious PD into an April Fools joke.

There were a lot of subtle and not-so-subtle layers to that article. I had a lot of time to think about it, write it, and re-edit it multiple times because I came up with the idea 3 weeks prior. It was hard to wait till April 1st to post it, so I kept tweaking it along the way.

As one forum member noted, a dead giveaway that it was a joke was that I included it in the Humor category.

[Andrew Brunelle]

Yeah, there's this band of Mommy-bloggers out there that post intimate details about their kids even when they are very young. I've never read such websites, but heard about them from another blog, where they were made fun of mercilessly. Even if that is in poor taste, it does give the Mommy bloggers a reality check.

For the record, I never cared whether you posted about your kids or not. And I agree with your stance that it is not right to do so. If you kids want to express themselves, they'll start a blog.

[Melchior]

A sound decision. I'm sure your kids will/have thank you for it.

[cacheborn]

Originally Posted by invisiblehouses

Ah, so it was a joke.

It actually had me thinking, "What would I do if a similar opportunity had presented itself at some point in my life? What would have been my choice?"

In other words, congratulations, you did the following:

1. Totally "got" me
2. Made me think
3. Worked some pretty serious PD into an April Fools joke.

Interesting to see how people are still guessing what it was.

[cacheborn]

A sound decision, IMO. It's unfair to the children to make their lives public.

[invisiblehouses]

Originally Posted by Savage

As one forum member noted, a dead giveaway that it was a joke was that I included it in the Humor category.

I didn't see that. I'm beyond categories!

Actually, I just never scroll down far enough to see them.

I'm a good man, just not very thorough.

[javamannen2]

Originally Posted by Savage

They need to be able to trust that I’m not going to turn intimate details of their lives into a pubic spectacle.

Yes, those are the worst kind of spectacles!

[glow]

Steve, its ironic how the article was about why you hadn't covered parenting adivce on your blog yet it is parenting advice that you ended up giving.

I don't have children, but I find the article touching.

I'm sure I'd have hated it if my parents or anyone else had shared personal details of my life with other people at large with out my express permission.

[Curtis2011]

Originally Posted by Savage

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

Do You Have the Right to Put Your Childrens' Lives Online?

Damn. It does seem like a tough trade off: Do you help others by sharing your life lessons, or do you protect your children from unforeseen consequences?

Overall I think it would do more good in the world to share the lessons, but really it is your own call to make. You don't owe that openness to anyone, especially at the expense of your children's futures.

Tough nuts man.

[SireneB]

Wow, can I relate to this topic.

Back around 1990 (pre-web, pre-search engines) I was isolated in a violent and abusive relationship with a young daughter. Because I worked for a university, I had easy access to Usenet newsgroups, and found a parenting group, and processed a lot of what was going on in my life - both the parenting and the abuse - on that board. Felt safe, it was mainly other people associated with universities, using their real names. And I got a lot of feedback and it was tremendously helpful in making the decision to leave the relationship. Once I was out of it, I was so busy as a single mom, I rarely went online for about a decade.

Fast forward. Google indexes Usenet. I come to find out that searching my name on google pulls up many of those old posts! How do I find out? from the sister of my ex (who fortunately, was sympathetic to me in all that).

This drives home a hard lesson, that anything put online may be tied to you in the future by tools that don't even exist right now.

Fortunately, I have enough of an online presence (including an odd instance where my ex went through and updated several wikipedia articles making it look as though I'm integral to the development of a particular construct integral to the www - I'm not, really!) that those Usenet articles have dropped 2 pages down in a search on my name. But worst, I used my daughter's full name in some of them - again, fortunately, she has a lot going on and those citations are about 6 pages deep for a search on her name. I did finally tell her, though, and gave her the links to the posts so it wouldn't be a surprise to her. She's in her early 20's, and was a little taken aback, but not upset with me. There was an emotional moment, though, when she said "Was I really that mean to you, mom? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be."

I feel as though I have tons things both from that relationship and from being a single parent to a difficult child under trying circumstances that would be helpful to other people ... would love to share, and have even started writing articles about it ... but dare not put them online because the examples feel like they would be too easily identifiable.

Understand where you are coming from in this article, and I'm sure your kids will appreciate that you have considered them and are protecting them.

[aelle]

I read a bunch of parenting blogs that manage to talk about their children in relevant yet respectful and non invasive ways, and I fail to see how talking about how your kid wet his pants could lead to interesting articles. But hey, your blog, your call.

[Bizarre Jester]

interesting article, unusual topic for you to blog about. I like how you point out that parents do not own their children, and should be very careful about what decisions they make for them.
I don't have children of my own. If I ever do I will value their privacy and show them more respect.

[gingerbaker]

This has long been a topic I have struggled with. I don't blog that much, especially of late, and it has been more of an issue with my sister, who watches my kids when I am at work. For the most part, none of the anecdotes she writes about are particularly worrisome to me in terms of details shared, and she is not "famous" on the interwebz. I did request that she lock any posts with pictures of my kids. And of course their full names are never used. Still, it is something I return to mull over on occasion. I do make a point to not link my blog (which I use, or may use, to write about sexuality, burlesque, etc.) from her LJ, ever. While I have written one or two posts about aspects of parenting (like expanding the range of what your kids eat), I am much more circumspect than my sister in any details I include about my kids. This is in part because she is writing to a much smaller community of friends that she has known for many years at this point, and therefore her LJ has a quite different feel to it.

I am never totally sure that I make the right choice, as I suspect most parenting choices go (that is, we always second-guess ourselves). As others have said, I 100% respect your choices and in fact it made me think of something I have a very similarly-strong stand on: piercing my kids' ears. I see so many babies with earrings and it bothers me a great deal. My daughters both know that they can get their ears pierced whenever they like, as long as it is *their* decision to do so (and, needles, no piercing guns, period!). My older one finally decided on her 7th birthday that she was ready. I think my younger one will do it sooner, at or just before 6, since she has seen her sister get it done and decided it is not so scary. This is something I feel VERY strongly about: because they are not MY property.

[glow]

Originally Posted by SireneB

Wow, can I relate to this topic.

Back around 1990 (pre-web, pre-search engines) I was isolated in a violent and abusive relationship with a young daughter. Because I worked for a university, I had easy access to Usenet newsgroups, and found a parenting group, and processed a lot of what was going on in my life - both the parenting and the abuse - on that board. Felt safe, it was mainly other people associated with universities, using their real names. And I got a lot of feedback and it was tremendously helpful in making the decision to leave the relationship. Once I was out of it, I was so busy as a single mom, I rarely went online for about a decade.

Fast forward. Google indexes Usenet. I come to find out that searching my name on google pulls up many of those old posts! How do I find out? from the sister of my ex (who fortunately, was sympathetic to me in all that).

This drives home a hard lesson, that anything put online may be tied to you in the future by tools that don't even exist right now.

Fortunately, I have enough of an online presence (including an odd instance where my ex went through and updated several wikipedia articles making it look as though I'm integral to the development of a particular construct integral to the www - I'm not, really!) that those Usenet articles have dropped 2 pages down in a search on my name. But worst, I used my daughter's full name in some of them - again, fortunately, she has a lot going on and those citations are about 6 pages deep for a search on her name. I did finally tell her, though, and gave her the links to the posts so it wouldn't be a surprise to her. She's in her early 20's, and was a little taken aback, but not upset with me. There was an emotional moment, though, when she said "Was I really that mean to you, mom? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be."

I feel as though I have tons things both from that relationship and from being a single parent to a difficult child under trying circumstances that would be helpful to other people ... would love to share, and have even started writing articles about it ... but dare not put them online because the examples feel like they would be too easily identifiable.

Understand where you are coming from in this article, and I'm sure your kids will appreciate that you have considered them and are protecting them.

Wow. Thats kind of sad. May be you can ask that website's webmasters to remove those threads.

[Vulpina]

I enjoy this post, and agree with it wholeheartedly, despite whether I have kids or not.

I particularly agree with the "bullies bringing up information." People could pull up all sorts of things if their parents were too lengthy with their child's lives, making the bullying so much worse.