Self-Help Junkies (Blog)

[Savage]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

Self-Help Junkies

[jojo]

I appreciated reading this post...I was discussing this exact situation last week with someone and reviewing my life over the past year. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster and rode it proudly (although at times I have wanted to throw up when it plunged in a downward spiral!).

I was really proud to be able to talk about how I have improved my life in tangible ways and am still actively pursuing various goals and milestones.

I am an avid reader of personal development books, but have found my favourites and tend to stick to the fundamental truths within these...the other books I now read merely re-enforce these fundamentals or are a bunch of fluffy crap (the latter I don't finish reading and tend to speed read through and then dump them in the bin!). I have become a lot more discerning about what I will read and whether the book has value for me; even books I read years ago (first example that comes to mind is the ‘Celestine Prophesy’ – this book had a major impact on my life when I first read it, but now I find the writing quite rough and immature, yet the concepts have stuck with me).

I am enjoying my journey as I bring out the best of who I am and each day (month/year) I know I am building on previous foundations. I couldn’t be where I am today without the experiences I learnt from yesterday.

And Steve your articles have been a huge inspiration to me and have only added benefit to my journey. Thank you!

Many smiles!

[Henrik]

I got out of the self-help junkie stage mostly because I got so fed up with myself and how I was taking very little action and using almost none of the useful stuff I had learned. It didn´t last that many months though, so I am grateful for that.

Though, I have been thinking if it is possible to wake someone up from a self-help junkie stage through products/methods that are a bit like a magic pill.

By that I mean stuff like paraliminals (that I feel give a great boost that can break you out of just sitting around reading and create momentum), EFT/Sedona Method (I haven´t used them much myself but from what I have read they are easy to learn, use and get good results with). And maybe something by Eckhart Tolle (his Flowering of Conciousness DVD had a very real and immediate affect on me is it allowed me realise how I could make negative feelings dissipate by allowing them. It also had a great impact in teaching me how to stay in the now. Being in the now is pretty awesome )

Perhaps such products could let the self-help junkie to break through his/her fear - or whatever is holding him/her back - and taking more action?

[starlet]

When did you meet my ex-boss? You described the man to a T

I was such a cynic when I got into the PD phase that I only checked out books from the library and if they did not catch my interest immediately, I stopped reading them. I own 6 whole PD books (3 of which are Abraham-Hicks books) which I hi-lited the first time I read then and put in paperclips so I could find important passages later. I started keeping a list of accomplishments, my "Triumph List" as I call it. I write down what I achieved and when I did so. I like tangible proof.

[ricky]

This is one of your best articles Steve. When I first found your site at the beginning of last year, 2006, I was going into the action mode instead of just reading and reading. I found your site quite good since you were describing how to improve by taking action.
I was in this self-help cycle for years. After reading and memorizing books by various authors, and literally years spent doing this, I was broke and in debt. That's when I realized that something just wasn't right.
Problem with this is that if you fail to achieve something, instead of thinking of ways to improve it by taking various actions, self-help junkies start feeling like they need a better book or a better seminar, better audio tapes and so on.
I reminded myself daily that people like John D. Rockefeller did not achieve great success because they read some self-help book, they achieved it by taking action towards their goals and just not giving up. By keeping that in the forefront of my mind, I started achieving things and started turning my life around.
That's when things started manifesting for me. Instead of just sitting and hoping for things to get better, I started taking action and just not giving up.
And I was getting caught in the same cycle again now. So, this post came at a really good time.
I started developing good habits and disciplining myself and that's when I found your site, your posts about self-discipline.
It is just soooooooooooooo easy to get caught up in reading another book and end up procrastinating taking action that needs to be taken towards your goal.
It is not even the fault of a lot of self-help junkies as you call them. It's just that when they speak to some guru about not achieving their goals, the gurus tell them that maybe they were not visualizing the goals enough or not listening to self help tapes enough. Instead of telling them that get off of your butt and start working by taking action towards your goal.
It's such a huge business, this self-help books.
Majority of them do not spend enough time focusing on the need for action.
That's why I think you must write a book which places importance on action. If you do, then you have got a customer already for your book.

[Victoria]

I suddenly realized that this describes my stepmother. It's good to take a reality check on your personal development. I've found that I have tangible results, so I'm good to go, and no second-guessing!

[JAlvy]

How sometimes Steve seems to write an article that lines up exactly with what is going on in life at that particular moment? What do they call that? "Synchronicity"? I suppose that would fit.

When I started on this site (end of September), I came across the "Where to Begin?" article. I began on the physical.
Stats on 10/2/2006: 185 pounds, 23% body fat
Stats as of 4/2/2007: 157 pounds, 15% body fat

I only mention this because I realize that I've been nearing the end of this segment, and must move on to the next. I'm scared. I've never felt so physically fit, but I know that... it is time to move on. But to what?

I pulled this article up after my sister called me out on having a computer addiction.

I quit my job months ago, and my savings are evaporating. I haven't even looked for work in weeks, so I suppose this makes me a "discouraged worker". I realize, that term is appropriate, because to get back in the game, I will need "courage".

Also my social life out of college has suffered, I don't have as many friends as I used to, and I don't know any girls. Hell, I'm terrified of approaching random girls.

For those of you that have successfully moved from area to area, have you found it easy to... "transfer" the energy? It's been one of the few times I've been "in shape" in my life, and I cannot lose the progress I've made.

I'm guilty of being a self-help junkie. I'm a total... 'fraidy cat. I'd end this post gung-ho, like I'm going to tear the roof off, but I don't want to be delusional.



Maybe if I read more of "Getting Things Done", I'd make progress...
d'oh!

[child]

Selfhelp junkie? Don't label me Steve, you think you know me but you know nothing. (leaves the forum crying...)

[ricky]

Originally Posted by JAlvy

How sometimes Steve seems to write an article that lines up exactly with what is going on in life at that particular moment? What do they call that? "Synchronicity"? I suppose that would fit.

When I started on this site (end of September), I came across the "Where to Begin?" article. I began on the physical.
Stats on 10/2/2006: 185 pounds, 23% body fat
Stats as of 4/2/2007: 157 pounds, 15% body fat

I only mention this because I realize that I've been nearing the end of this segment, and must move on to the next. I'm scared. I've never felt so physically fit, but I know that... it is time to move on. But to what?

I pulled this article up after my sister called me out on having a computer addiction.

I quit my job months ago, and my savings are evaporating. I haven't even looked for work in weeks, so I suppose this makes me a "discouraged worker". I realize, that term is appropriate, because to get back in the game, I will need "courage".

Also my social life out of college has suffered, I don't have as many friends as I used to, and I don't know any girls. Hell, I'm terrified of approaching random girls.

For those of you that have successfully moved from area to area, have you found it easy to... "transfer" the energy? It's been one of the few times I've been "in shape" in my life, and I cannot lose the progress I've made.

I'm guilty of being a self-help junkie. I'm a total... 'fraidy cat. I'd end this post gung-ho, like I'm going to tear the roof off, but I don't want to be delusional.



Maybe if I read more of "Getting Things Done", I'd make progress...
d'oh!

That's an amazing accomplishment that you have under your belt with the weight loss. You just have to remind yourself of that. If you can discipline yourself to do one thing, you can use the same discipline with anything else as well.
E.g., in the girls department, you do not have that much confidence right now. Instead of worrying about it or fearing it, break that into small steps and using the same discipline, attack those steps.
Break down the dating scene into such small steps that it seems easy for you to tackle them.
If you force yourself to do something, you won't do it for very long and you'll fall back. So, stretch yourself a little bit. Get out of your comfort zone but just enough that you don't experience any resistance from your subconscious mind. And once you have that, your comfort zone gets stretched a little bit, now you stretch it a little bit more.
I'll give you my example. I used to be very shy and used to actually have anxiety attacks around people. Now I do not have any problems such as that. I started by small steps e.g. asking random girls for the time. I kept that up until I felt comfortable with that. Then I increased that to have a one sentence conversation, and then two sentences and then a little more and a little more. And I hit it hard. I found out what the easiest thing for me to do which would still require me to get out of my comfort zone and I hit it hard. I'd go to a mall and ask tons of girls for time. hehehehe now if you think about it, it sounds hilarious. This young kid running around in the mall asking for time. ahhh well....
Point is: NEVER GIVE UP.
You have the discipline, you do not need to prove that to yourself again.

[LillyoftheValley]

Sweet!

''mental masturbation''

..and this is why I keep comin back to your site.

[dor]

i read this from a review on amazon about a book attacking the self help movement::

"Self-Help Nation" opens with a sad story: The author, Tom Tiede, having once been a bookstore owner, is called to a near-empty house to purchase a personal collection. There are hundreds of books, three-quarters of them self-help, almost all "hardcover, rush-out-and-buy first editions." Mr. Tiede estimates the owner spent $12,000 on these books over a period of four years. This hapless man had lost his business, his wife, and finally his home. Had he put that 12 grand toward mortgage payments he would perhaps at least still have his house.

another book critical of this movement documents a fact: most self help books and seminars don't help people...now you can say its up to the people and I agree but I also think its because there's a lot of bad or wrong advice given by people who are just basically good salesman but not good at actually giving advice that works (i feel steve's advice and articles fall on the side of stuff that works...like this latest post ) And that's why I am highy critical of junk science 'cures' - they don't help then you go on looking for the next 'fix'.

I also think it's good to do 'maintenance' even deeply religious people still read the bible and said prayers every day. Why? to remind them to be religious. In the same way people who are improving should read stuff about improving everyday, but they need to actually improve too

I think i am going to get rid of most of my self help books and just concentrate on 3-5 -and resolve to buy no more.... and i think the most important thing you can do is write out your own 'system' of beliefs and actions (and constantly tweak and improve it)

[John Wesley]

This was the article I've been waiting for. Finally, Steve came out and stated the obvious truth that reading books and becoming a PD enthusiast doesn't necessarily lead to personal growth. It seems like more people like reading and talking about PD than actually doing it.

Personally, I don't see the need to read anymore than a few of the best PD books. They all basically revolve around the same intuitive ideas. Anymore than that is overkill, as Steve said, for the emotional high.

After a certain point, people get more real personal development from reading more educational books on other subjects like philosophy, history, and science.

[Savage]

I probably define PD more broadly than most people, since to me any form of intentional growth falls into the realm of PD.

There are a lot of generic PD books on topics like success, motivation, and goals. I've read hundreds of such books, and I find the vast majority of them worthless and highly forgettable. I think the reason there's such a glut of these books is that they're easy to write. Throw together an obvious lesson with a personal story, and you've written a chapter; repeat 10x to complete a book. Many seminars use a similar pattern.

I prefer to read PD material that's targeted to specific result areas such as weight training, communication skills, growing a business, time management, psychic development, etc. In those kinds of books, I often find good ideas that can be readily applied.

On the other hand, it's equally problematic to be too cynical. Sometimes good ideas can be found in strange places.

[JohnK]

This intrigued me since Steve's list is a great way to measure accomplishments. I copied it into a spreadsheet and was very surprised. In the last 6 years, I've accomplished or am close to accomplishing 34 of the 120-odd items. The most surprising fact to me is that I've actually achieved all of the items in the category of Personal Effectiveness Growth. Thanks, Steve!

JK

[BraveGiant]

Steve, I've been reading your blog for a long time. Number one, Thank You! I really get a lot out of your writings. They always "ring true" with my spirit and it seems you are talking to me. Okay, enough of that!
Your "Self-Help Junkie" blog made me join group and post. I am a professional man..no, really, I am.....who was, er a "self-help junkie." You have described me exactly. Now I have had more pluses than minuses, but I had fallen into the habit of thinking...if I read it, I did it!
Thanks for opening my eyes a little more. I wonder if at one time you were not a self-help junkie? To be able to describe with detail the attributes of "self-helpnitism" the way you have, it just seems you may have had some experience. It gives other's hope that they can turn "good intentions to good results."

Thanks
BraveGiant
Drink and Drug No More

Sorry for the double post, I was in the wrong thread...rookie

[thestral]

I went through that phase for awhile, when I first decided I no longer wanted to be a victim. I would read a book, then spend a few weeks doing everything that book said, and seeing no results. I realized I was wasting my time, and not everything the books said to do made me feel empowered. I still read a lot of different books, and will jot down notes if something really meshed with me. I pick and choose nowadays and have my own mindset. I do not even buy books, I check them out from the library

[Andrew Brunelle]

I thought this article was great, in all aspects. It even had me laughing at some point. It is possible I was a self-help junkie maybe a year ago, but to tell you the truth, I started improving my health almost immediately. I also achieved almost inner peace, equanimity if you would, and as I keep taking action, I find it is very motivating. I started a blog, I am simplifying my life, and all of this is something I owe to my pursuit of personal growth. I still have some areas to work on, but it is the intention that will get me there, along with hard, long action, but it will be worth the effort. Eventually, I will be able to have nice things. Good luck to you all.

[RonS]

Steve,

I must admit that when I read your article, I found a bit too much of myself in it. I have spent a small fortune on books, tapes, CD's, and seminars. For far too long, I never put the any of the information to use.

I was constantly in information acquisition mode. I was always trying to get the latest and greatest information before taking action (that's the perfectionist in me). And since there's a never ending stream of information, most of the time, I never took action.

However, recently that has started to change. I'm now taking action and manifesting results on the outside due to the changes on the inside.

One of the primary reasons for the change can be summed up by something I read recently written by Dan Kennedy.

He wrote, "I once flew cross-country on a red-eye, then chartered a helicopter, then a cab, to race to a hotel, to hear one speech. From which I got (only) a few “gems.” Less than a single page of notes. But it was worth every cent of expense and all the trouble a hundred times over."

When I read that, it really struck a chord with me. I realized that I don't have to integrate an entire book, CD, or seminar into my life. It's OK (and in fact preferable) to simply take the "gems" and through action, implement them in my life. By doing this, I can create outstanding results!

Steve, thanks for a great article!

[Fusebox]

Article definitely highlights a negative in my opinion of getting into PD. But people will soon make a self realisation that stuff needs to happen.

[ArthurHung]

"I'm thinking that there are probably many who use Steve's site thinking that it is helping them greatly, but it really hasn't. It's obvious as to why, these people are unconsciously refusing to actually practically use Steve's models, their intentions of using Steve's models not being congruent with their inner thoughts."

I wrote this in another post but it's applicable here. As for me, to achieve a particular goal that I've set for myself-which I won't explicitly say here-I plan to write one quality post here everyday for thirty days. I will admit to have the intention to become a writer of sorts. Comments/Criticisms therefore are highly appreciated and greatly encouraged--I'd like to know if I'm on the right track, and if people are actually getting anything from my posts.

Though I have bought many books, many of which could be considered self-help, it would not be accurate to describe myself as being a self-help junkie, either now or in the past. This is because I had strong intentions to develop my level of consciousness; I even wrote something akin to that as a goal, though I did not use those specific words. I wrote down, at the age of 18, something like: "I will become supremely confident, no matter how long it takes me and no matter how much suffering I have to go through". Though the process was difficult, in hindsight I have no regrets at all--thanks to creative observation. Before using that model, I could not help but look back and think, if only I had the intention to develop real confidence immediately, it would have manifested much sooner. And I'm sure it would have had I done so. But on some level, I feel most people need to go through a certain process of self-development through self-introspection before the universe delivers the specific help they need to get to where they want to go. For me, at the end of the process the universe gave me the gift of his site. People around me have described me as confident—however, only after reading and thoroughly understanding intentions and manifestations as well as a few other key models did I feel that my level of confidence was truly high.

I can’t help but openly admire Steve’s bravery and intelligence in writing and putting out this post. It MUST have come to Steve’s mind sometime before or during this post that there would be fans that read this and became disgruntled. But Steve saw the long-term picture; he wrote this specifically to deliver AWARENESS to the masses, and understood that even those who would become disgruntled, those who would be compelled to leave this site for a length of time, would eventually come back in appreciation—or get shocked into an eventual process towards the right path.

Arthur

[dmaterialized]

Originally Posted by JAlvy

How sometimes Steve seems to write an article that lines up exactly with what is going on in life at that particular moment? What do they call that? "Synchronicity"? I suppose that would fit.

When I started on this site (end of September), I came across the "Where to Begin?" article. I began on the physical.
Stats on 10/2/2006: 185 pounds, 23% body fat
Stats as of 4/2/2007: 157 pounds, 15% body fat
I pulled this article up after my sister called me out on having a computer addiction.

...

I quit my job months ago, and my savings are evaporating. I haven't even looked for work in weeks, so I suppose this makes me a"discouraged worker". I realize, that term is appropriate, because to get back in the game, I will need "courage".

...

Also my social life out of college has suffered, I don't have as many friends as I used to, and I don't know any girls. Hell, I'm terrified of approaching random girls.

For those of you that have successfully moved from area to area, have you found it easy to... "transfer" the energy? It's been one of the few times I've been "in shape" in my life, and I cannot lose the progress I've made.

I'm guilty of being a self-help junkie. I'm a total... 'fraidy cat. I'd end this post gung-ho, like I'm going to tear the roof off, but I don't want to be delusional.



Maybe if I read more of "Getting Things Done", I'd make progress...
d'oh!

Congratulations on the weight loss! I know how hard that can be.

Synchronicity indeed. I just recently came to my senses about all of this, and today I am just knocking things down left and right. (Or as we say here in college, pwning the f*** out of this moment). Normally I'm just like you - it's so much easier to retreat into what's "comforting"!

Re: the girls - as others have said, don't worry about amassing ultramega confidence right this second. Best thing you can do? Say "hey" to every single girl you see. Every one. Old, young, married, single, attractive, not attractive. They don't even have to hear it-- you can say it to their backs if they're turned around (but get used to saying it to their face). The important thing is to just condition your brain to have that cool, casual "hey" ready at all times. (Do you think "oh, that's far too easy... why should I bother?" Try it for a few days and you'll see what a difference it makes to your ENTIRE MENTAL STATE). It's ridiculously simple, yet somehow you'll just start to feel "cooler". It works!

As for all that other stuff in your life, it's true that you need to 'cultivate burning desire' (and most likely you're going to go read something about exactly that! )... but the point is simply that you need to identify what it is you want and then take action - no matter how small, but the bigger the better - in order to achieve it. Reading a book or even Steve's site will not MAKE your goals clear to you. Only you can do that. So sit down and ask yourself what it is you want, and tear into it the way you fought with your body to make it work for you.

You didn't tolerate slacking off when you lost all that weight, so why are you settling for inaction in any area of your life?

I find the angrier you get at yourself for not doing something, the better chance you'll actually do it Don't settle for anything but what you really want!

[kpollock]

To JALvy, On the girls front - why random girls? This seems so strange to me. Get to know *people* - including girls. Friends of friends or relatives, relatives of friends, people you meet through hobbies, activities, sports, work whatever you do. Hell, even online :-). Then you will have a common interest and enthusiasm and the conversation (and maybe more) will just flow from that.

[JAlvy]

To all of those that have replied to my post. This article makes me think of something I heard from a guru (perhaps Robbins), that after setting the goal and making the plan, you've got to take one step in the direction of the goal. To me, "The Secret" isn't necessarily "You become what you think about", but more so, "The hardest part of everything is starting".

For losing weight, I had a quote for it, one I found in Men's Health, in an interview with Matthew McConaghey. He said, "Just tie your shoes". Just tie your shoes, and then you know you'll do your workout. Perhaps "Just say 'hey'" will help me out on the social front.

To kpollock, I say random girls, in part because that would just be the most "difficult". If I were to become comfortable there, hopefully I could be comfortable meeting random people (i.e. job interviews, the like). Also, I've never had trouble making acquaintances and friends once I'm already in an organization, this is something natural for me, since so much time is spent in their prescence.

I'd like to be better in the moment, when there's no reason to meet a person other than wanting to meet them, when there's no fall-back subject to talk about like work or mutual friends.

[ericblue76]

I appreciate how Steve listed out realistic examples of growth in each major area of life. I started using a similar technique for goal setting a few months ago, that focuses on tangible/realistic results and measurable outcomes.

I use a mind map to capture and track all of my goals. I have it printed out and hang it on the wall above my work area (In fact, I'm looking at it right now). This may be of interest to others:

Use Mind Maps to Achieve Your Goals!

http://eric-blue.com/blog/2007/03/us...our_goals.html

[dor]

i do think with anything you get into you initially need to immerse yourself in it - read up all you can but even then you should be trying everything out..

Steve, if you're reading, you indicated you've read hundred of books on self help and most just say the same thing....so can we assume that you were at one time a self help junkie and realized it? (i think we all are or were to some degree) if you were and stopped that would be very inspiring!

[Savage]

I don't think I ever seriously fell into the trap of being a self-help junkie myself, since I've always had a strong results focus. Sometimes I'm interested in results that are less tangible than others, but I still have a way to measure them as explained in Podcast #2. Basically I rate different areas of my life on a scale of 1-10 as honestly as possible, and then I work on raising those numbers. An example would be if I ranked my overall happiness a 5 and then set a goal to reach an 8. It's intangible but still somewhat measurable. And I also look for external evidence that the internal changes are occurring. So if I'm happier, then how is that going to show up in physical form?

My problem was that I still ended up reading a lot of lousy books before I figured out how to pick better ones. I wrote an article about that called How to Make More Intelligent Info Product Purchases. I've since learned to be a lot more selective.