Focus and Discipline vs. Caring (Blog)

[Savage]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

Focus and Discipline vs. Caring

[gingerbaker]

Funnily enough, I just read the other replies to your last blog post, and was about to post a revised statement there, when I saw this post LOL.

Caring, LOVE, are very highly valued by my. They are the bedrock on which everything else stands. In fact, I agreed wholeheartedly with almost everything in this blog post (except for the vegan part - I have limited experience with that!) Love, generated from me (not received from others - I actually wrote a blog post which pretty much sums that up, as learned from my 3 year old LOL!), is what brings me joy, at all times.

One of the biggest things I love about Flylady (she has a whole system for making routines to keep the house neat easy) is her definition of FLY: Finally Loving Yourself. I've realized that a great deal of my procrastination stems from not loving MYSELF fully. In addition, the more that my life is "together", the more that I am able to give and share of myself with my loved ones. So in many ways, staying disciplined is a TOOL I can use to engage more fully in love. Discipline, more than focus, is my biggest stumbling block, and that's why I am focusing (pun intended!) on it so much currently, but I definitely see is more as a tool than as a value for its own sake. (Or, to put it in Steve-terms, Love is a strong suit of mine; Power is much weaker, and I am working to fix that! )

[supertom]

you also didnt include courage, which was a big one for you

[jeffmjack]

i remember in a video of your house i saw (done in an interview by a fellow blogger) that you had papers up on your office walls that detailed very specific financial goals that you were trying to make a reality- i.e. 'I make $100K/month" etc...
I don't remember seeing anything up about the higher priorities you listed here.
Did you priorities change? Do you have more papers up on your walls about love etc. now? Are you being disingenuine (is that a word?) about where your true priorities are?

I suppose you could say that the 100K/month thing was a way to measure your contribution, but i would think that if love etc. was the most important priority it would also be used as the measure of your success (and therefore there would be papers on the wall up about love, not $)

Right?

not trying to be a jerk or too nosey or anything-

[Savage]

Originally Posted by supertom

you also didnt include courage, which was a big one for you

The word courage comes from the Latin cor, which means heart (or core). So courage = heart-centeredness. It's still represented in my values, just from a different angle now. It comes through in values like caring and honor.

For me courage is no longer so much about bravery or valor or facing fears. Now it's more about seeing reality in such a way that the experience of fear doesn't arise as much.

To use a muscle analogy, instead of pushing myself to become stronger (more courageous), the weights are becoming lighter (not as scary).

When you care deeply and cultivate a sense of oneness, you create a climate where it's more difficult for fear to take root.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by jeffmjack

i remember in a video of your house i saw (done in an interview by a fellow blogger) that you had papers up on your office walls that detailed very specific financial goals that you were trying to make a reality- i.e. 'I make $100K/month" etc...
I don't remember seeing anything up about the higher priorities you listed here.
Did you priorities change? Do you have more papers up on your walls about love etc. now? Are you being disingenuine (is that a word?) about where your true priorities are?

I suppose you could say that the 100K/month thing was a way to measure your contribution, but i would think that if love etc. was the most important priority it would also be used as the measure of your success (and therefore there would be papers on the wall up about love, not $)

Right?

not trying to be a jerk or too nosey or anything-

My priorities changed tremendously since then. I took down those particular papers more than a year ago because I fell out of sync with them. I'm not sure I ever really was in sync with them. When Matt & Angela came over and filmed them, they captured an experiment I was doing, and I conduct such experiments often. So it wasn't representative of my stable, long-term practices. In terms of representing my current priorities, that video is outdated and obsolete.

It's actually a synchronicity that you asked this, since one of my next tasks is to update my goals to better align with my current values and make similar changes to my home and office (like posting signs) to reflect them. I feel that most of my goals are already well aligned with these values, but now that I have more clarity about these values and have them prioritized, it's a good time to review and update my goals for better alignment.

For example, one goal is to kick off a conscious growth meetup group in Las Vegas, partly as a prototype that can be refined over time, then used as a model to spawn thousands of other clubs worldwide. I'm hosting a men's meetup group on Dec 7th, which happened very synchronistically. So I think seeing how that group works (someone else will be leading it) will be a step in the right direction.

My ultimate goal would be to help launch 10,000 of conscious growth clubs worldwide, maintained by an international non-profit org, so that no matter where people live, they'll be able to find a local group of conscious people to connect with for support, encouragement, accountability, and friendship.

The irony is that when I began paying less attention to my income, it started going up on its own. And it happened very synchronistically and easily.

For example, a friend recently suggested that I try adding the Facebook "Like" buttons to my blog posts. He tested them and saw good results. It took me 20-30 minutes to add them, and those buttons have already boosted my web traffic by about 10%, which in turn is boosting my income. At the current rate of traffic, I expect this site's web traffic to pass 10 million page views for the first time ever. So that's another of those high leverage ideas.

So I agree with you that it's better to focus on contribution goals. But an even deeper level is to focus on caring and connectedness since I automatically feel motivated to contribute when that's how I feel.

[ArthurHung]

I find that I become caring of others when I am passionate, so I make sure I am passionate 24/7.

It doesn't really work the other way around for me so much.

[Johnny Skosnik]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

My ultimate goal would be to help launch 10,000 of conscious growth clubs worldwide, maintained by an international non-profit org, so that no matter where people live, they'll be able to find a local group of conscious people to connect with for support, encouragement, accountability, and friendship.

Sounds like Toastmasters, only the focus is on personal development instead of public speaking. That's one Big Hairy Audacious goal! Is this the mystery project you hinted at?

[roxyruby]

Thank you.

[Karanime]

I know you're not a Darkworker, but can you at least include a tad bit of the Darkworker angle? We don't really care about the lovey-stuff, we want to become faster, stronger, smarter. So while money and success don't necessarily motivate us, improving ourselves really does.

Y'know?

[cacheborn]

Intriguing post. I definitely resonate with part where focusing too much on a particular subject deprives you of many other interesting opportunities. That's why I left research. It was becoming too specialized and I was no longer enjoying working on the bench confined within my narrow circle. All my friends in those times have advanced along the same path, but sometimes I feel at least some of them are doing it simply because they don't have the courage to chose the path of the heart.

It's time for me to reassess my values.

[Harmonium]

Very synchronous, this came up as random before I saw your 2 latest entries

Pavlina Purpose and Values

Values have also been on my mind the past few days, I think people whose values differ too much will have trouble manifesting together. For example I want to take advantage of the society around me, the potential money to make, the electronics, instruments, etc. and this could benefit me spiritually whereas another person might be better off learning their lessons in poverty and wealth/technologies could be spiritually detrimental/distracting.

I almost attracted $11.5k out of thin air, my partner was offered $23k for our domain name out of nowhere, and I've been feeling REALLY close to abundance recently, I'm totally getting there, I don't think my partner wants to sell it though, which is a shame, $11.5k would be incredible, maybe I'm not quite ready for it yet though. I suppose I will consider it a giant wink

[jeffmjack]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

My ultimate goal would be to help launch 10,000 of conscious growth clubs worldwide, maintained by an international non-profit org, so that no matter where people live, they'll be able to find a local group of conscious people to connect with for support, encouragement, accountability, and friendship.

So the cat is out of the bag! (I'm assuming this is the project you have previously referred to when talking about stopping the workshops)

I think that's a brilliant idea and could be tremendously impactful for alot of people.
Ambitious
Let me know if there's anything I can do to help. I'm in Austin, Texas.

[Cochonette]

Maybe you're right, Steve. I am trying to focus on focus, and I find that a LOT harder than focusing on being self-confident, which helped improve my concentration and self-discipline. I'm really not sure how to get back to being focused because it seems like focusing on self-confidence is not enough to get me as far as I need to be in improving self-discipline, but focusing on focus (so far) has been even less successful. Then again, maybe I just haven't gotten it yet.

Originally Posted by jeffmjack

So the cat is out of the bag! (I'm assuming this is the project you have previously referred to when talking about stopping the workshops)

Yeah, that looks like what he's talking about. Hmm, hmm... makes me want to start a club.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by jeffmjack

So the cat is out of the bag! (I'm assuming this is the project you have previously referred to when talking about stopping the workshops)

Nope. I've shared this idea previously. It's no secret. I've talked about it during interviews, for instance.

[Lena Carpenter]

I was just contemplating the fact, that 30 day trial don't work very well for me to install a long-term habit. I don't have too much trouble carrying on for 30 days, but even if I'm totally convinced, that I want to keep the habit, I sink back into old routine. Obviously, some changes do stick to one extent or another. I don't nearly eat as much junk food, as I did before, but I'm also not raw, even though I was able to make it through 90 days of mostly all raw. So maybe I need to use something that's more aligned with me to motivate myself to keep going. Or maybe 30 day trials don't work for me and I need a more gradual approach. Or maybe I just don't have the "stuff" that makes people stick to things.

[Tam9]

Focus and Discipline vs. Caring (Blog)

I don't see a conflict in values here! While I agree that you may need to change your priorities/values every now and then, focus and discipline are quite different and not in any way opposed to caring.

You can value focus and discipline and still care very deeply about anything and everything. If you focused and disciplined yourself on the wrong things in the past, there is no need to not continue to be focused and disciplined. Just make sure it's on the things you value!

[jeffmjack]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Nope. I've shared this idea previously. It's no secret. I've talked about it during interviews, for instance.

Ah, I must have missed them.
Do you link to interviews you do for other people on your site? I'm subscribed via RSS, so if those links happen in a way that I wouldn't receive, I would just miss them...

p.s. I'm glad you're taking on the project that you are. When i originally read the post about not continuing the CGW in order to pursue something more crazy/ambitious, i thought you had gone off the deep end and were going to try to run for president or something (!)

[Savage]

Originally Posted by jeffmjack

Ah, I must have missed them.
Do you link to interviews you do for other people on your site? I'm subscribed via RSS, so if those links happen in a way that I wouldn't receive, I would just miss them...

Sometimes I link to interviews in Twitter/Facebook updates if the interviewer sends me a link to an online version afterwards. But most of the time I don't even have that info. I rarely bother to follow up with what happens with an interview after we've done it. Many are for live radio shows. There are too many to keep track of. After my book came out, I was doing as many as ten per week for a while.

p.s. I'm glad you're taking on the project that you are. When i originally read the post about not continuing the CGW in order to pursue something more crazy/ambitious, i thought you had gone off the deep end and were going to try to run for president or something (!)

The overall consciousness of our current political system is too low for my tastes. If I got involved in it, it would frustrate me and drag me down. There are better solutions for creating a more conscious world than getting into politics.

Besides it would be effectively impossible for someone like me to get elected. People wouldn't want me in the White House because I would care about and expose all the stuff they don't want to look at yet. And I'd be a huge media whore, making gratuitous speeches every week to help people wake up and stop living like zombies and vampires.

Plus I'd be honest, which is a big no-no in politics.

My impeachment hearing might go something like this:

Congressman: Did you have sexual relations with your intern Ms. ...?

Me: Oh yes, I shagged her rotten. She was so yummy! It's great for stress relief. Keeps me from wanting to push that red button.

Congressman: Hmmmm... no one has ever answered that question honestly before... it would seem we're off script now.

Me: Can I go back to work? The Pope is visiting next week, and we're decorating the White House with 100,000 condoms.

Congressman: Um, yeah. Good luck with that.

[impaul99]

Hi Steve, just wanted to pop by and tell you something.

Yesterday I spent the whole day trying to define a FOCUS for my life for 2011.

After a grueling and frustrating day of trying to force myself into just focusing my energy on one thing - when really I want to do a whole bunch of stuff, finally around 2am I decided to read your Blog, since I often find answers to questions that way.

Sure enough I read your post about dropping FOCUS from your values list.

Thanks for saving me probably a few months of frustration by writing this timely post.

I now realize - once again - what I've always intuitively known... it's not that we must focus on ONE THING, but rather that we must focus our love/caring/energy/passion on EVERYTHING or ONE THING AT A TIME if we prefer to think of it that way.

Sometimes when I see the results that specialists get by focusing on just one thing in their lives, it can be very seductive for a scanner like myself to drool over how quickly they see results. However, behind every specialist I've ever met lies a totally unbalanced and screwed up life.

Thanks for reminding me that it's OK to have many focuses (focii is it?) and it isn't WHAT we do but HOW or WITH WHAT ENERGY we do what we do.

Anyway, thanks!

[Savage]

@Paul: You can have many different interests and still use single-handling to complete individual projects.

When I select a "focus" for a year, it simply means that I'm consciously picking what's going to be my top priority for that year. But it's not to the exclusion of everything else.

I do this because it helps me pay more attention to something that may previously have been a posteriority in my thoughts, actions, and habits, but I can see that it would be very beneficial to put more energy into it.

Often when I pick a focus for a year, I'm picking an area that I feel has been lagging behind the others, or I pick a new area I want to explore. If an area of my life is already doing well, then I don't need to consciously focus on it much since my existing habits are working; this doesn't mean the area isn't important to me though.

[impaul99]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

@Paul: You can have many different interests and still use single-handling to complete individual projects.

When I select a "focus" for a year, it simply means that I'm consciously picking what's going to be my top priority for that year. But it's not to the exclusion of everything else.

I do this because it helps me pay more attention to something that may previously have been a posteriority in my thoughts, actions, and habits, but I can see that it would be very beneficial to put more energy into it.

Often when I pick a focus for a year, I'm picking an area that I feel has been lagging behind the others, or I pick a new area I want to explore. If an area of my life is already doing well, then I don't need to consciously focus on it much since my existing habits are working; this doesn't mean the area isn't important to me though.

Perfect. That's what I've been doing as well.

Where I was getting tripped up has been seeing other people who "specialize" more in one area of life getting faster results than me, and constantly hearing that I need to focus more.

For example, when I look at my Blog, I've written about 550 posts over the last 4 years, and my Blogging income is doing OK, but if I compare myself to someone like John Chow who pumps out 2-3 posts/day and about 1,000 posts/year, I see a lot more success he has with his Blog.

However, for him Blogging is a main focus. For me it isn't. I Blog, but I also do many other things. Like for example I just became aware of the fact that the last 4 years I have devoted a LOT of energy towards building the values of Spirituality, Peace and Wisdom in my life.

Wealth hasn't really been a priority at all. Meaning, four years ago I had way more money than I do now, but I was spiritually disconnected, I had very little peace in my life, and a lot of knowledge but not a lot of wisdom.

Today I feel I'm at like 8/10 or 9/10 in all three of those areas. I mean even just speaking from a purely environmental point of view, 4 years ago I lived beside a 7 lane highway with the sound of ambulances, and police cars ringing in the background. At least one night every two weeks I would be awakened by the alarm company calling that there was an alarm going off at my office (usually a false alarm).

Today things are totally different. I live on a 5acre property surrounded by 100 year old trees, and the only thing that interrupts the stillness is maybe one of my two dogs barking and chasing a squirrel or something.

Anyway, what I realized is that the values I wanted to focus on - I did focus on and I got what I wanted. The things that didn't really matter to me, I didn't focus on and I didn't make as much progress in them, but that's OK.

However, the reason I didn't make as much money with my Blog as compared to someone like John Chow for example, is not because of posting frequency, but rather because money wasn't my highest value in the last 4 years.

[Savage]

@Paul: Over-specialization has its short-term benefits. Anyone can do better in one area if they sacrifice other areas. But imbalances have a way of building up over time and causing problems later.

Have you ever met John C? Go talk to him face to face for a few minutes. Then see if you still feel envious.

[Bradshaw]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

@Paul: Over-specialization has its short-term benefits. Anyone can do better in one area if they sacrifice other areas. But imbalances have a way of building up over time and causing problems later.

Have you ever met John C? Go talk to him face to face for a few minutes. Then see if you still feel envious.

I've thought about this too, same with ShoeMoney; they don't seem to be balanced at all. Despite all their wealth, they seem to be lacking on so many other areas.

[invisiblehouses]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

People wouldn't want me in the White House because I would care about and expose all the stuff they don't want to look at yet. And I'd be a huge media whore, making gratuitous speeches every week to help people wake up and stop living like zombies and vampires.

Plus I'd be honest, which is a big no-no in politics.

My impeachment hearing might go something like this:

Congressman: Did you have sexual relations with your intern Ms. ...?

Me: Oh yes, I shagged her rotten. She was so yummy! It's great for stress relief. Keeps me from wanting to push that red button.

Congressman: Hmmmm... no one has ever answered that question honestly before... it would seem we're off script now.

Me: Can I go back to work? The Pope is visiting next week, and we're decorating the White House with 100,000 condoms.

Congressman: Um, yeah. Good luck with that.

I'd vote for that.

The campaign promises to INCREASE unemployment might scare off the very voters who most need it, though.

[impaul99]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

@Paul: Over-specialization has its short-term benefits. Anyone can do better in one area if they sacrifice other areas. But imbalances have a way of building up over time and causing problems later.

Have you ever met John C? Go talk to him face to face for a few minutes. Then see if you still feel envious.

I have actually met John in person a couple of times. Although I've never hung out with him long enough to actually get to know him very well.

What I do know though is that I've never met any "specialist" in my life who's results in life I was envious of as a whole. It is pretty seductive though to envy the parts that they do specialize in!

It's funny because your Blog and Darren's 20 or so Blogs that he's ran over the years have always been the "Yeah, but Steve/Darren didn't specialize..." in my mind whenever the "you gotta focus/specialize" limiting belief crept up.

Also, when I combined the multiple Blogs I ran over the years this February my audience grew from 2,000 to over 9,000 subscribers in the last 11 months or so, which I would have labeled as a great success in February, but somehow I lost sight of that.

Thanks for the reminder and the timely post.

[Savage]

I specialize in a message, not a medium. My message about living consciously has been essentially the same since I started blogging in 2004. What changes is how I express it: blogging, podcasting, a book, speaking, workshops, interviews, etc.

Many bloggers are medium-centric, so they focus on delivery vehicles rather than core messages.

[Lauxa]

Seems to me that "caring" would present the same problems as "focus". Focus on what? Care about what?

[Savage]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

Seems to me that "caring" would present the same problems as "focus". Focus on what? Care about what?

It has a more specific meaning for me because I regard it as "caring for" rather than "caring about." It means caring for people, animals, and the planet as a whole. The emphasis is on caring through action rather than just feeling the emotion.

A caring action could be something as simple as saying a few supportive words to someone or giving them a hug. Writing a new article would be another example if it's motivated by the desire to help people. Not eating animal products or buying leather are also actions motivated by caring. Bigger projects can be motivated by caring as well.

[munish]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

The irony is that when I began paying less attention to my income, it started going up on its own. And it happened very synchronistically and easily.

When we do not need something it comes to us.

But when we want it desperately ,frustration is inevitable.