moderation & banning

[rei]

Not many of them like that here either! That's one reason I am so impressed by it when I see it

[James81]

Originally Posted by carenkh

The "and ****" is a very effective way of watering down what you're saying. You say "lighthearted", but to me, it strips away the impact of your meaning. Just saying, "I want to embrace peace and love" is a bold statement, it leaves you out there, naked, having said boldly who you want to be in the world. Saying, "I want to embrace peace and love and ****" says you're just kidding around - you're not really the kind of guy that embraces peace and love! Those guys are... (what? What kind of person says just that, without lightening it up?)

"Back to work inspiring us!" is a bold way of saying you are inspired by Ssandra, and there's a real connection there, and vulnerability. Saying, "Back to work inspiring us and ****" is a step back from that, it's a joke, it doesn't mean much.

Love you! And ****.

I suppose that depends on the intent behind what is said. For example, sometimes the "goal" (for lack of a better word there) IS to be lighthearted...sometimes the goal is to say something ultra serious in a funny way.

But I will take what you said and be more conscious about it, to see if I'm also doing this in situations where I'm intending a bold, serious intention and watering it down so as not to come off too strong.

Interesting way of putting it actually...and another clear example of how a limiting belief both works to stay hidden and perpetuate itself at the same time. (That is, one of my limiting beliefs was "I am weak," and I simulatneously worry about asserting myself in too strong a manner.)

Originally Posted by rei

Very nice, carenk!

I personally get all hot and bothered around men who simply put the emotive stuff out there without taking it back in some way. Saying it and then saying something to take it back leads to something like the feminine emotional equivalent of blue balls.

It takes a very strong, powerful man to own his sweet side. It's very sexy when I see a man who has boldly stopped living under the pressures around masculinity and sweetness.

LOL @ "feminine equivalent of blue balls."

I should do a little trial of being as direct and bold as possible and see how that turns up. I'm noticing suddenly that I'm dipping my toes in the water in terms of getting back to chasing the ladies (). I took a little break from that after ending my relationship a few months ago.

[rei]

Being as direct and bold as possible... If you mean to include that in urges to express sweetness and softness, then I'd say it relates to what I was saying. Otherwise, not so much, but then the way you spaced it, perhaps the idea for the trial wasn't meant to relate to my post.

All I know is... I really dig it when men tap into more characteristically feminine qualities. That's one thing I have really dug about Latin men, who seem on average more in touch with their emotions - including "soft" ones - than their WASP counterparts.

This might be one reason why many girls go gaga over guitar-playing guys. Sadly, though, sometimes guys pick things to get chicks that have nothing to do with their authentic character. Oh what a tangled web...

I had a thought - what if you try on the perspective of releasing the performing stuff? Is that something you might find valuable?

[James81]

Originally Posted by rei

I had a thought - what if you try on the perspective of releasing the performing stuff? Is that something you might find valuable?

It resonates a bit with me, but I'd be curious to hear you expand on it a bit.

[rei]

Originally Posted by James81

It resonates a bit with me, but I'd be curious to hear you expand on it a bit.

Like, what if you try on the idea that you are fun to be around, whether or not you are making others laugh and whether or not you are tapping into the role of a performer. I have seen you tap into the role of performer, though I'm not sure how aware you are of doing so.

Just being who you are, no frills, no dance, or rather just being the James who isn't really trying for any particular change in others (as in, performing can be, for example, something we do so others will feel better and then express positive feedback for that). Trusting that whoever that is, is awesome enough to be enjoyed and accepted.

Might be a bold step on your part, but that's the sort of thing I was talking about. Might not be explaining very well either.

[James81]

Originally Posted by rei

Like, what if you try on the idea that you are fun to be around, whether or not you are making others laugh and whether or not you are tapping into the role of a performer. I have seen you tap into the role of performer, though I'm not sure how aware you are of doing so.

Just being who you are, no frills, no dance, or rather just being the James who isn't really trying for any particular change in others (as in, performing can be, for example, something we do so others will feel better and then express positive feedback for that). Trusting that whoever that is, is awesome enough to be enjoyed and accepted.

Might be a bold step on your part, but that's the sort of thing I was talking about. Might not be explaining very well either.

I have actively been working on disconnecting that "change others" button. Thus far, I feel I'm making pretty good progress in that.

Of course, I've also realized that it's kind of hard to offer life coaching and come to a personal development board where people are actively seeking advice and change in their lives, and NOT make posts designed to make people think, to spur internal reactions, and to effect the change that we come here to seek.

[James81]

As far as the "performer" thing, though, that resonated with me in a couple of ways. First, i've been really debating about starting a 30 day trial here in which I create and deliver as much value as I can in one single thread and offer my services, and the option to donate, just to see what kind of compensation might come from creating such value.

I was going to label it a "personal development carnival" or something like that, which would've been highly theatrical in nature. But that was kind of the point...making personal development "fun" again.

I also resonate with being "theatrical" in the way they talk about it in the movie Batman Begins. That was the point of Batman in that movie (if you've ever seen it)...a bold, dark figure designed to stir people up toward change. And people on other boards have compared me to the Joker on many an occasion.

The confusing part is that it doesn't feel like an activation when I do it. I think that being theatrical and stirring people really IS a part of my authentic nature. In the past, I've used it to fuel that "control" and "change others" nature of mine, but lately I've released my NEED (not desire, but need) to change others and to allow them to be exactly who they are. It's part of the peace I've made with themaster actually.

[James81]

In other words, the challenge, for me, is to change my theatrics from "inciteful" to "insightful."

[Angela]

funny!

[Iggs]

What I'd enjoy would be a parallel Pavlina LLC message board, one where absolutely no posts would be removed excepting obvious spam, and then people could make the conscious choice whether to read the moderated version or the unmoderated version.

[moonrambler]

I wanted to show this as an example. The OP got banned. I'm sure there's no evidence why. It's because the OP almost immediately started spamming. With that low post count, we'd typically delete all the posts from someone who spams, but this was left up because it's a long thread.

Does the Law of Attraction really works?

[AaronB]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

I wanted to show this as an example. The OP got banned. I'm sure there's no evidence why. It's because the OP almost immediately started spamming. With that low post count, we'd typically delete all the posts from someone who spams, but this was left up because it's a long thread.

Does the Law of Attraction really works?

Is that all??? I was expecting the Spanish inquisition.

[royster]

I have resumed moderator status on a very small forum. My question is: would the following statement get a member banned here? If not, what action would be taken?

QUOTE:
DAMNED DIRTY ROTTEN SHAME, YOUR SOOOOOOOOO RIGHT YOU BUTTHEAD!!!

Pavlina forum, yup, very first forum post in my life and about my Mama last year, straight from there to here, oh well, haven't been back there, and if you have your wish and I follow my heart I won't come back here soon either. I've just been making those choices from that 'angel box' of what I want in life, and attitudes such as yours aren't in my choices. But there are good people here who share and care and aren't so damn self absorbed that they think they are Jesus Christ in themselves. I do hate that we are in this headlock together Roy, I once respected you, but you showed your true colors, and your not so pretty after all either, I've taken off my rose colored glasses! You are an arrogant, self centered, controlling, ruling, judgmental, disrespectful butthead in 'my' opinion, and I don't have any respect for you anymore even though I try. As said your long speeches and pretty words don't impress me, I look INSIDE, and well, as said, your just not so pretty to me...
And well, THIS forum was pretty damn peaceful and nice without you!
I'm tired of being the nice one that always gets pissed on, I'm turning it all over to you, and YOU can't affect me!


P.S. Did ya ever notice that YOU are the ONLY one who ever comments on those LONG, DRAWN OUT, BIG WORDED, OBNOXIOUS POSTS YOU MAKE! oooPS!!!
And why are you posting bible quotes to me when YOU don't want NO BIBLE THUMPERS on your thread?
Confusing...

[moonrambler]

Banned if it's a fairly new member or a relatively inactive member, or an active member who's gotten a previous warning or two.

Long-time active members who otherwise haven't caused trouble would get a warning.

Edit: it's not always that straightforward though. What if the person is someone who's a valuable and active member of the community, but has received, say, two previous warnings in a year? We might have to have some discussion about that.

[royster]

Thank you, moonrambler. Obviously, this person is also a member here.

On a small forum, people tend to do anything they feel like, and moderating serves as a reason for them to complain even more. I appreciate the moderation on this forum; it certainly keeps things fairly clean.

Thanks again, not only for your reply, but for what you DO. Blessings~

[moonrambler]

Y'know, another option with a small forum, if it has enough moderator activity, is not to ban anybody but consistently delete the offending posts. Which seems to usually result in the person leaving on their own.

[supertom]

The moderation on this forum is awesome. I remember at the start I was on thin ice because of my posts, I never really had a supportive environment or relationships thou my desire to help was genuine I didn't know how to go about it. I actually truly didn't understand why I was in trouble until I had it explained by one of the mods (moonrambler, I think).

[Andrew Gubb]

Originally Posted by carenkh

It's because we hold the standards high here that keep this forum amazing

very true

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by supertom

The moderation on this forum is awesome. I remember at the start I was on thin ice because of my posts, I never really had a supportive environment or relationships thou my desire to help was genuine I didn't know how to go about it. I actually truly didn't understand why I was in trouble until I had it explained by one of the mods (moonrambler, I think).

It was seeker (just to give credit where credit is due )

[sorter]

Originally Posted by carenkh

it would soon devolve into juvenile bickering, arguing, namecalling

I've never seen personal development that didn't include all three.
How do you develop without arousing your inner three year old, and (my favorite) your inner teenager?

And there is so much juvenile bickering and arguing already. People just become adept at masking it.
I'd prefer it be out in the open.

I'm guessing there's no checks and balances to the power and judgement of the moderators.
Are they all (you all) so highly evolved that they never get drunk with power?

I agree that no moderation would make for a bad forum but currently it seems heavy handed.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by sorter

I've never seen personal development that didn't include all three.
How do you develop without arousing your inner three year old, and (my favorite) your inner teenager?

And there is so much juvenile bickering and arguing already. People just become adept at masking it.
I'd prefer it be out in the open.

I'm guessing there's no checks and balances to the power and judgement of the moderators.
Are they all (you all) so highly evolved that they never get drunk with power?

I agree that no moderation would make for a bad forum but currently it seems heavy handed.

I must tell you, I am still chuckling over the concept of the moderators getting "drunk with power." For one thing, there's a bunch of us along with two administrators. "Drunk with power" moderators would be noticeable pretty quickly!

All we do, essentially, is make sure that members are not breaking the forum rules, which were written by Steve with assistance from some of the original forum members. What's an example of moderating that you see as heavy handed?

[sorter]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

I must tell you, I am still chuckling over the concept of the moderators getting "drunk with power." For one thing, there's a bunch of us along with two administrators. "Drunk with power" moderators would be noticeable pretty quickly!

All we do, essentially, is make sure that members are not breaking the forum rules, which were written by Steve with assistance from some of the original forum members. What's an example of moderating that you see as heavy handed?

Maybe I should curtail my hyperbole intended as levity.

People with power are least able to see when they are stepping over the line.
History has shown that with governments repeatedly.
That's why the US forefathers put in checks and balances.

I'm not calling for a judicial system in the forum. Just speaking out.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by sorter

Maybe I should curtail my hyperbole intended as levity.

People with power are least able to see when they are stepping over the line.
History has shown that with governments repeatedly.
That's why the US forefathers put in checks and balances.

I'm not calling for a judicial system in the forum. Just speaking out.

You seem to be making some false assumptions about this community. Please read this post to educate yourself regarding the truth, and then once you have a more accurate understanding, you can decide if you wish to continue participating or not:
Free Speech in Online Communities: The Delusion of Entitlement

I wrote that article partly to correct people who dislike the free speech limitations here. Free speech isn't a protected right in a privately maintained community like this one (nor in any other one, for that matter).

[sorter]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

You seem to be making some false assumptions about this community. Please read this post to educate yourself regarding the truth, and then once you have a more accurate understanding, you can decide if you wish to continue participating or not:
Free Speech in Online Communities: The Delusion of Entitlement

I wrote that article partly to correct people who dislike the free speech limitations here. Free speech isn't a protected right in a privately maintained community like this one (nor in any other one, for that matter).

I'm not sure why you think I need a more accurate understanding to make a decision. I'm not trying to make a decision.
I understand non-disclosure agreements and that generally states and the federal government enforce them but not always.
I understand that any group can create their own policies, to a point.

I didn't demand or request anything.
I don't expect anyone to change anything based on my ideas.
I'm just expressing my ideas. Running them up the flagpole so to speak.

If I pushed some buttons I didn't mean to.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by sorter

I'm not sure why you think I need a more accurate understanding to make a decision. I'm not trying to make a decision.

The point is, you come here as a new member of the community and quickly start saying you don't like the way things are run here. In the meantime, Steve has been running this forum since 2006 and has decided what works and what doesn't.

You've said you think the moderating is too heavy-handed but didn't want to give an example.

What I see from my vantage point is that nearly everyone here has little difficulty staying within the posted guidelines . . . except for maybe a time or two They are really not that draconian.

[yossarian]

There are forums that don't have human curation but still aren't trash talky.

One that comes to mind is reddit, which uses a vote up/vote down system. Comments that get voted down go to the bottom or get hidden. So the community does the policing.

Reddit is actually famous for its suicide watch forum, where suicidal people go and get heaps and heaps of encouragement and good advice. Reddit has been known to do all kinds of good samaritan kinds of things. And there is no censorship whatsoever - but people who say trollish stuff just get voted down.

They still have moderators to enforce staying on topic for the particular subforum though.

[kat]

Originally Posted by yossarian

There are forums that don't have human curation but still aren't trash talky.

One that comes to mind is reddit, which uses a vote up/vote down system. Comments that get voted down go to the bottom or get hidden. So the community does the policing.

Perhaps it works better these days, but I left reddit because I found the level of painful nonsense in the comments too high - specifically, the amount of sexism, racism, anti-Jewish comments, etc. This certainly varied by subforum, as did how serious or trolly the posters appeared to be about it, but I found it overshadowed the value of the actual content for me.

I don't spend large amounts of time on this forum, but I'd certainly rather it not move towards the reddit model.