Polarization and marriage (and sex!)

[sirkinm]

I'm wondering: what kind of repercussions would it have for marriage if, say, two partners polarized to the light. If both have rid themselves of the fear of losing one another, and both are on missions to spread the love, so to speak, would the marriage tend not to be restrictive as far as sexual and non-sexual intimacy? Would the probable result of two married lightworkers be, y'know, polyamory, or whatever they call it.

I'm having trouble seeing the non-fear-based reasoning behind maintaining sexual fidelity. Even if each partner is so satisfied by the other in a way that they don't want to be with someone else, it might serve more people and the higher good if they weren't selfish and had sex with more people. I'm simplifying things big time, I know, but I'm just trying to stimulate conversation, as I want to hear what the everyone has to say.

[Mike_T]

To provide my answer to that question, I would change the perspective a bit.

First, if both partners are love/giving oriented and completely selfless, I think they would want their partner to feel completely loved and fulfilled with their relationship. Even if they knew their partner wouldn't be fearful/jealous/etc., they would still not want to do anything that might hurt their spouse.

An affair would bring that risk into the relationship. The other man/woman might not be as giving, and might try to harm the marriage because they want the person for themselves. If it's more of a meaningless sexual relationship, then that in itself is probably more fear based than love based on both sides.

One argument against this perspective would be the 60's-style "free love" movement, but I would say if that's what you're after, there's no reason to get married in the first place. Once you bring marriage into the picture, it's a given (in my opinion anyway) that you're giving yourself to that one person, not anyone who wants you.

Also, the first assumption, that both partners are completely love-based and have no fear, is faulty in my opinion. To have fear is human, and if you base your relationship practices on the assumption that both of you are perfect, you're setting yourselves up for failure.

[Peeja]

I'll answer from personal experience. I've only started thinking about polarity since I caught up on Steve's posts about it this week, but I see myself as light-oriented if not yet consciously committed. My fiancée is preparing for a life of service, possibly becoming an Interfaith minister. So I think we mostly describe the relationship you're asking about. (We're not married yet, but we've been together for nearly six years now...)

We have an explicitly open relationship. Neither of us has any reservations about the other having sex with anyone (responsibly and safely, of course). We want each other to be happy. We do have our share of fear; we don't want lose each other. But we're not worried that sex outside the relationship will hurt it.

Honestly, I have trouble understanding the motivation behind a completely monogamous relationship. I want her to be as happy as she can be, and to make others happy in the process. I can't see why it should make me jealous or unhappy that she would.

*shrug*