difficult person

[jcat62]

Iam in somewhat of a difficult situation for me to handle, Iam an older student whom recently started to attend a culinary school and Iam in a situation where one of the students is really getting to me,,,he is from another country besides the usa,,,south american,,,several times he has come up to me and in his own little way has told me that iam "doing it wrong" he walk by my work station the other day and tasted one of my dishes and spat out bluntly that it needed salt,,,he has also demanded that i do things for him,,,,and will walk down the isle and just shout out my name for no reason,,, today he said to me "why do you always run away" ,,,,and the other day he said to me ,,,"what is wrong with you?" I have been in school going on 6 weeks full time,,,and really have had it with this ,,there is so much i can tolerate,,and am at my witts end,,,i have not threatened this person in anyway or have made any type of negative remarks to him,,,I try to igonore his comments and demands but that just does not seem to work,,all of the other students are not this disrespectful, and Iam really afraid Iam going to lose my cool with this person, it is effecting my performance and the enjoyment of the class, I would really appreciate any suggestions on how to deal with this.
thank you

[Aleea]

There are some people who need to be put in their place. I would just set him aside and explain to him that it is disrespectful to for him to be saying rude things about your dishes.
Also he is from a foriegn country so to him he might think that he is being nice.
Explain how he is being rude, and tell him that it hurts you. Also tell him that you want to enjoy class. I hope this helps you. If not I hope you will enjoy your experiences in school.

[JHL]

Oy, sounds like this person is making class very unpleasant for you.

This person is clearly overstepping your boundaries and now its time to make him aware of the fact. To state a common truth about interpersonal relationships - we teach people how to treat us. Therefore if you allow this to go on, you are effectively giving him the signal that its ok for him to talk to you that way.

Clearly, however, its not ok. Aleea is right, this person needs to be spoken to. My suggestion is that the next time you feel he is being rude to you, you need to clearly state your objection to his behavior. He's only treating you like this, because he can. If you put your foot down, its likely he will stop.

Confrontation is never pleasant, but currently your experience of the course is in the hands of someone else. You have the right to assert your feelings - take back your power from this person.

All the best.

[jcat62]

hi
thanks for the advice,,,,i think i will have to confront him...do you think i should call him or wait til monday to confront him in person?,,i have his phone number from a class list,,,also any suggestions on what to say to him?,,
I really appreciate the feeback

[JHL]

Personally, I wouldnt call him, even though I understand the anticipation of waiting to speak to him might feel unsettling to you. I would wait until he behaves rudely to you again and then confront him at the time.

I think when you do talk to him, just speak your truth. Tell him that you feel his comments or behavior are rude and offensive to you and that you dont appreciate being spoken to like that.

Perhaps this is just his manner and he genuinely doesnt realise that he's behaving offensively. But in any event its not actually about him - its about you asserting your needs. You will feel infinitely better if you get this off your chest! So go for it jcat62, you deserve to enjoy that class and to not have to put up with offensive behavior!

[Still Growing]

Originally Posted by jcat62

Iam in somewhat of a difficult situation for me to handle, Iam an older student whom recently started to attend a culinary school and Iam in a situation where one of the students is really getting to me,,,he is from another country besides the usa,,,south american,,,several times he has come up to me and in his own little way has told me that iam "doing it wrong" he walk by my work station the other day and tasted one of my dishes and spat out bluntly that it needed salt,,,he has also demanded that i do things for him,,,,and will walk down the isle and just shout out my name for no reason,,, today he said to me "why do you always run away" ,,,,and the other day he said to me ,,,"what is wrong with you?" I have been in school going on 6 weeks full time,,,and really have had it with this ,,there is so much i can tolerate,,and am at my witts end,,,i have not threatened this person in anyway or have made any type of negative remarks to him,,,I try to igonore his comments and demands but that just does not seem to work,,all of the other students are not this disrespectful, and Iam really afraid Iam going to lose my cool with this person, it is effecting my performance and the enjoyment of the class, I would really appreciate any suggestions on how to deal with this.
thank you

Did you every think its about you?
This does not mean that he is acting in the right way but you cannot control his actions, only your own...

In your post you mentioned that you are an "older student" and he is a "younger student". This is irrelevant to two people who are both students. The fact that you mentioned it makes it relavent to you when it shouldn't be.

The most likely situation is that you feel that you are older and deserve more respect. He most likely feels that since he's younger he does not get the respect that he perceives he's earned. (Be it true or not).

You can choose to deal with him in any way you like but I would suggest that you take the high road.

I would suggest that you give careful considerations to his suggestions and maybe even compliment him on his knowledge and get to know about his experience.

If you can swallow your pride and learn from him but retain what you have knowledge of then you will be the evolving one who will become a better chef.

Pursue quality and truth above all and do not care where it comes from. Be it from a younger student or even a worse chef. You can gain knowledge even from the weaker.

Take the high road and show him what you're about.

Many people will disagree with what it is I'm saying because it is common to want to put people in their place or to fight for our pride but by being humble and listening to even the weaker it empowers you. When you've got it and you know it you don't have to show it.

[Still Growing]

Hello... Anyone here?

I'm curious to know your thoughts...

[jcat62]

I went with the later and confronted the kid, and told him he needs to be more respectful, it seemed to work, he is kind of thick headed so i will probably have to do it a few time so he gets the message, I still have 2 more months i have to be around him,,but i think the confrontation approach is the best, I know who iam, and what my behavior is, and iam certainly not going to be disrespected.

[Still Growing]

Originally Posted by jcat62

I went with the later and confronted the kid, and told him he needs to be more respectful, it seemed to work, he is kind of thick headed so i will probably have to do it a few time so he gets the message, I still have 2 more months i have to be around him,,but i think the confrontation approach is the best, I know who iam, and what my behavior is, and iam certainly not going to be disrespected.

Jcat,

I think you should read my post because I really think you should rise above this kid.

You know, take the high road and all that...

Still G