A Few Updates (Blog)

[Savage]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

A Few Updates

[James81]

One last thing I want to address is that some people seem to expect that I should be feeling sad or depressed right now, as if that’s my solemn duty as a guy who’s going through a divorce. Apparently I’m supposed to be miserable since that’s what divorcing people do to themselves. At the very least, I’m supposed to feel bad for my kids and the wretched existence they’re about to endure. To anyone who thinks that way, the best reply I can offer is, “Please remove thine head from thine arse.” A conscious separation is a very different experience than one filled with animosity and resentment.

There have been a few sad days in the past weeks, but overall I’m feeling immensely happy. If you see that as a betrayal of reality, of Erin, or of my children, that’s your business, but please don’t foist it on me as if it’s my business too. Rest assured I won’t be joining you in such foolish nonsense. I see no reason to wallow in negativity during this time when I’m perfectly capable of creating the emotions I want to experience — especially joy, abundance, bliss, excitement, and gratitude.

Wait for it....wait for it...negative comments in 5...4..3....



I don't think you're "supposed" to feel that way. I'm pretty sure it just happens to most people. If I didn't feel sad about losing an intimate relationship with someone I loved for years, I'd probably see that as a litmus for examining myself.

I mean, I'm all aboard the "Joy" train, but I really don't see how you could face a loss without a period of sadness (note: not depression, sadness). And someone who faces a situation such as this without facing those emotions is someone I pity moreso than admire.

But enough about that noise. Your emotions are you own personal business, but I thought I'd comment on that because you made it seem like some great achievement or something. *shrugs*

I'll be interested to hear about the DVDs and how they turn out.

[Savage]

In order to feel negative emotions from a situation that occurs (like a divorce), you have to assign the situation a meaning that disempowers you. That's a choice, albeit one that most people make unconsciously.

To me it doesn't make any sense to assign this separation a disempowering meaning, so I assign it an empowering meaning instead of using my power against myself. Consequently, I feel good about it.

If I wanted to feel bad about it, I'd assign a meaning like divorce is failure, kids' lives will be ruined, or similar lame and destructive beliefs.

Since I regard feeling bad about reality as a foolish endeavor, I don't apply those meanings. To me this is a period of positive transformation, accelerated growth, new opportunities, and experiential freedom. I can see that my life, Erin's life, and the kids lives will improve massively as a result of this change. It is a major life upgrade. It's something to be celebrated.

[Erin Pavlina]

We didn't lose our marriage or lose our relationship, we adjusted our course, we adjusted our situation, we shifted our way of viewing it. We swapped out the lens, and now we're both happier. How would that feel like a loss?

The only times I feel sad are when I think of some of the things I wanted to do in the future that I probably won't get to do now. But I realize I'm reading from the old story and now I need to open the new book and see what amazing things await me in THAT story.

[Daffy Duck]

I've known people to get very sad through a divorce, and on the other end I've known people to be ecstatic. "I finally got rid of that jerk, woo hoo! PARTY!!"

I'm sure Erin and Steve don't consider each other to be jerks, but they can certainly be experiencing much more happiness than sadness if they both feel it's really the best thing to do, just like any other people who is glad to have a divorce.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

In order to feel negative emotions from a situation that occurs (like a divorce), you have to assign the situation a meaning that disempowers you. That's a choice, albeit one that most people make unconsciously.

This is where we disagree. I honestly think that negative emotions are MORE empowering than positive when you react to them properly. Avoiding them and not working through them, to me, is cutting my potential power in half. Heh, and I just realized that that probably makes me a darkworker of sorts. lol

Although, I can understand what Erin just said about the relationship shifting as opposed to a full blown "divorce" in the sense that most face. Amicably splitting makes the emotional process easier, I suppose.

[Andy7]

Steve,
Google Chrome for Mac is in development:
Google Chrome

[matta]

The hardest part was getting used to using command-C, command-V, command-X, command-Z instead of using the ctrl key, but I’ve got the hang of it now.

ASSUMING YOU DON'T TALK LIKE THIS FREQUENTLY, I've found switching between Mac and Windows is easier if you make the caps lock key be a command key on the Mac, and a ctrl key on Windows. Then you just need to retrain your pinky to use caps lock for all your control character uses.

On the Mac, it's in System Preferences -> Keyboard & Mouse -> Keyboard -> "Modifier Keys...". I can't remember where it is on Windows, but I'm sure you can find it...

matt

[JoePike]

Steve, you and Erin are truly one of a kind. If only the rest of the world approached divorce this way!

Your situation is very unique however. Most relationships don't contain very conscious people like you two...

[fredthomas]

Steve,
I respect the privacy of your divorce process, however, just one appeal, for those of us going through a similar process, with perhaps less emotional maturity than you and Erin. We would love your insight and help, especially with respect to helping children through this process.

[Patricia]

I started writing a reply in the Separation thread a couple of days ago to say many of the things you covered in this post. I didn't have a chance to finish writing it, but I agree that as a society we are way too conditioned to see a divorce as a failure when it's not always the case (in fact, failure is a perspective, so it never has to be the case unless that's how you see it). Granted, there are some horrible divorces out there, but not to be able to recognize the exceptions is a result of social conditioning and narrow thinking. Marriage is a social and religious construct. Divorce is a social construct. And they carry all the social meanings that generations have assigned to them. Many people react negatively to a conscious divorce because they get trapped in that mentality. Having gone through a conscious divorce myself, I completely empathize with Steve and Erin's situation. I didn't have any kids from that relationship, so I can't address that aspect of it from experience, but I do know from personal experience that a marriage can evolve to a friendship that remains after the divorce, while allowing people to be happier in the long run. I think experiencing sadness is natural and it's a personal choice how to handle that, but that's hardly an indication of failure.

Well said, Steve. I'm glad you wrote this post, I was struggling a little bit to say the same things you did in a much simpler way. All the best to you and Erin.

[alexb5784]

I'm really excited about the new products being promoted, especially the ones for women

[bluedragon]

Well said, Steve. What you say makes a lot of sense. I'm sure you got a lot of negative feedback and honestly I don't know how you can deal with it - you are probably a master of negativity-deflection, but I get the feeling that at times, it bothers even someone like you. Maybe sharing so many intimate details wasn't a good idea in the first place...

[vartann]

Originally Posted by James81

This is where we disagree. I honestly think that negative emotions are MORE empowering than positive when you react to them properly. Avoiding them and not working through them, to me, is cutting my potential power in half. Heh, and I just realized that that probably makes me a darkworker of sorts. lol

Although, I can understand what Erin just said about the relationship shifting as opposed to a full blown "divorce" in the sense that most face. Amicably splitting makes the emotional process easier, I suppose.

Steve is not denying, he s just acknowledging them like the trivial powerless things they are then presses "delete" key and keeps writing his positive program

like a palimpsest

[Beuford]

So you've switched to a mac, but have you switched to a dvorak keyboard layout?

[brand302]

We create our own pain by expecting a certain repsonse from ourselves and others. And when Steve and Erin do not behave accordingly people get very upset.

I love what they have achieved and I love the honesty through it all.

I was totally taken aback by the negative responses. I guess we really do need drama in our lives.

I say to both Steve and Erin, I wish only good and positive things and thank you for allowing me to learn from you.

[AdamA]

So far I haven’t had a single piece of software (or the Mac itself) crash on me. “It just works” is proving true in my experience.

Ok, now I want a Mac laptop for Christmas.

[Majesticzero]

Hey Steve,

As journaling software I use MacJournal on my Macbook Pro.
MacJournal : Mac journaling & Mac blog software.

I love that app. It's another reason not to work on Windows

[Andrew Brunelle]

Glad to hear you and your family are doing well. You are absolutely right about how people project their lives onto yours sometimes. AT least you're conscious enough not to let it affect you.

[stripysweatergirl]

Wow, $300 for the DVDs? Call me a tightarse but that sounds way too much for me. Shame to miss out on the wonderful things everyone probably learned.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by stripysweatergirl

Wow, $300 for the DVDs? Call me a tightarse but that sounds way too much for me. Shame to miss out on the wonderful things everyone probably learned.

$300 is nothing. It's a pittance. A committed 12-year old can earn that much. If you think $300 is a lot of money, you're giving too much of your power away to money.

If someone can't come up with $200-300, it's fair to say the DVD content will be beyond their ability to successfully apply. It will probably just frustrate and overwhelm them, or it will go in one ear and out the other with little impact. I want to actively discourage such people from buying this program because I don't think it will help them much. It's not designed with such people in mind. You need a certain minimal level of power to be able to really benefit from this type of content.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

If someone can't come up with $200-300, it's fair to say the DVD content will be beyond their ability to successfully apply. It will probably just frustrate and overwhelm them, or it will go in one ear and out the other with little impact. I want to actively discourage such people from buying this program because I don't think it will help them much. It's not designed with such people in mind. You need a certain minimal level of power to be able to really benefit from this type of content.

The problem with this line of thinking is that you attach a person's personal ability and growth to a dollar sign.

You also assume that just because someone CAN pay for it with no problem, that they are capable of applying it.

I have no doubt in my mind that Eminem (the rapper) could pay $300 for your DVD set and wipe his ass with another thousand just because, but I highly doubt he would take anything on the DVD seriously.

On the other hand, I'm sure there are people here who would resonate very well with the DVD set, but $300 would not be a justifiable cost to them.

A person's bank account is not a litmus for personal growth. Nor is their beliefs about money a good litmus for personal growth. In some cases, yeah, but in other cases no.

Unless, of course, that you are saying that you've structured the whole thing around money.

[James81]

That being said, I really don't care what you charge for the DVD set. lol I'm talking more about the theory behind what you are saying moreso than the dollar figure you've decided to charge.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by James81

The problem with this line of thinking is that you attach a person's personal ability and growth to a dollar sign.

You also assume that just because someone CAN pay for it with no problem, that they are capable of applying it.

I have no doubt in my mind that Eminem (the rapper) could pay $300 for your DVD set and wipe his ass with another thousand just because, but I highly doubt he would take anything on the DVD seriously.

On the other hand, I'm sure there are people here who would resonate very well with the DVD set, but $300 would not be a justifiable cost to them.

A person's bank account is not a litmus for personal growth. Nor is their beliefs about money a good litmus for personal growth. In some cases, yeah, but in other cases no.

Unless, of course, that you are saying that you've structured the whole thing around money.

I completely agree that assigning a price isn't a perfect test, but it's simple and reasonably effective IMO. As of yet no one has been able to suggest a suitable, practical alternative that I found superior to a price tag.

There are other tests too. A person also has to decide to buy the DVDs and watch them. That rules out a disinterested rapper who can merely afford it.

For more details see the Prerequisites section of the Conscious Growth Workshop page. There are three basic pre-reqs listed. Being able to afford it is only one of them.

[ellie]

I don't have a problem with the price. I would just like to know a little bit about what will be on the DVD.

When I think of a workshop, I think of little groups together nutting out their problems and the mentor helping them out. So it would be specific to the person at the workshop...so not sure how it will work with the end consumer.

It might be good to give a minute preview onlline to show potential customers what the content will be like and how it will be presented.

I heart my macbook pro

[Knk]

I love how Steve and Erin have approached the divorce. Instead of seeing it has this horrible failure, they've accepted it as an experience that they've both learned from. I admire the fact that neither of them harbor animosity or resentment towards each other. I think that they're handling it so well because of the fact that it was mutual, and it seems like both of them were ready to move on. It probably would have been more traumatic if one was resistent and the other supportive of the divorce.

And to all those who are angry, upset or critical of their decision, you really can't judge until you're in their situation. It's understandable that you feel an emotional reaction to the divorce, expecially if you've been a long time reader of Steve, but there's no reason to lash out at them and assume that either has negative intentions towards the other.

Anyways, I wish Steve and Erin the best of luck! I'm sure this isn't an easy time, but it seems like you're both going to be able to pull out of this with a new and more insightful way of looking at the world.

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by Knk

I love how Steve and Erin have approached the divorce. Instead of seeing it has this horrible failure, they've accepted it as an experience that they've both learned from. I admire the fact that neither of them harbor animosity or resentment towards each other. I think that they're handling it so well because of the fact that it was mutual, and it seems like both of them were ready to move on.

I wonder how many people they will ultimately inspire to leave or rearrange relationships that were generally good, but no longer ideal for getting them where they want to be. Some may split up, while others might become more conscious of things they can do within their current relationship to make it work better for them in living as they wish to live.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by openeyes

I wonder how many people they will ultimately inspire to leave or rearrange relationships that were generally good, but no longer ideal for getting them where they want to be. Some may split up, while others might become more conscious of things they can do within their current relationship to make it work better for them in living as they wish to live.

I'm slightly freaked out that this already seems to be happening in some cases.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

I want to actively discourage such people from buying this program because I don't think it will help them much. It's not designed with such people in mind. You need a certain minimal level of power to be able to really benefit from this type of content.

I can understand raising your prices for the workshop because you attract different people to the workshop based on the price. I can understand having the DVDs at $300 because you want to recoup the money you paid to make the DVDs, as well as make it worth the time you invested in it. I'm not sure I understand though what is bad about having someone who watches it but isn't able to apply it on the same level as someone who has more power. It doesn't take anything away from you if that is the case, nor anything from the others who watch it (unlike say if they go to the workshop). And they could still benefit from it.

[vartann]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

$300 is nothing. It's a pittance. A committed 12-year old can earn that much. If you think $300 is a lot of money, you're giving too much of your power away to money.

three thumbs up -
even when i used to be down-and-out in backwards regions of China, i got out of desperate situations with mere kindness and a smile - worked not only with Girls mind you, had i been in Shanghai i would be a Gigolo but in remote countryside no way
now out there, people ARE penniless - still, a couple Peasants helped me back on my feet sometimes sacrificing 2,000 Yuan (about US$300) their WHOLE year income -

now i never had any issue with money - even when having to eat off leftovers at local markets in Central China -
that s Karma and i knew i had to go through this
sometimes only had 100Yuan to go for 3 days, still giving away 30 Yuan to a lost child in Northern China freezing to death never made me sad (!!.)

a handful monks and shamans in Asia told me i will be immensely rich (all details, notably "time", being relevant and congruent), and shall have to share with the needy ones - why not start NOW ??.
i never cared for money anyway only focusing on Studying and Martial Arts/ the Tao from prime infancy
if i end up penniless I DON T GIVE A BEAN

you can be immensely rich today - tomorrow you lose it all
you can be sleeping under a bridge today, tomorrow is the Consecration (see Paul Auster to draw from someone who must be familiar to you - ok did take bit more than overnight , still...)

US$300 is NOTHING - US$3 Mn is a trifle - all right a trifle with which i ll be able to buils an Orphanage

put money back in its OWN place - a powerful sword in your scabbard
... but if the Warrior is lousy, then he ll be defeated by a barehanded Taoist...


Pace e Salute