|09-09-2009, 05:52 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2009
Enough Is Enough: It's Time To Take What I Want In Life!
I'm feeling inspired. I'm sitting in a coffee shop slightly depressed because my life is not at the standard that I want it to be. I know exactly what I want, my problem is overcoming my own faults of laziness and procrastination and excuses. I'm starting to realize all this is doing is wasting precious time.
I feel like I want to sit down and write a big post about my life and where I want to go, for the following reasons:
1. To get a different perspective then my own
2. To get my mind in the right space again
3. To get all my thoughts out on paper
My past is a rough one. This is the one section that totally made me who I am today, so I feel it's important that I don't skip over it. I was born into a fairly modern 21st century home, with my Mother and Grandmother. My father was only allowed to see me on every second Saturday, and he was living a fairly normal life. At my mom's house, we were all dirt poor. But not because we didn't have enough money. My mom would take advantage of my Grandma's ignorance and pure love for her kids and steal her pension checks. She was an alcoholic, addicted to gambling and abusing perscription drugs. I can remember nights where I would be in my room playing a game or something and my mom would come in falling over drunk and crying about how she was a terrible mom. It was pure hell for a kid growing up. I would never wish it on anyone. But one can't change the past, and I feel like it turned me into a man. Now, at 21, I'm way more ahead of schedule then most people my age. I think about **** that most people don't. I believe this is because of my situation growing up. As a kid I can remember getting one of my first pay cheques ever. I came home one day to a house with no electricity. My grandma was crying on the couch because she didnt have any cash and she didn't know what to do. At 14 years old I went to the bank and gave them my entire paycheque because my mom forgot to pay the bills and it was so far behind. It was insane. Things progressively got worse, and it became a ticking time bomb. My mom was months behind on rent and we were on the verge of being homeless. She would deposit empty envelopes into her bank account and she was on the verge of going to jail. She spent all her money on booze and gambling. She even had a pharmasist that would "hook her up" whenever she needed a fix. I began to tell my father and cousin some of the situation. Up until this point, they had no idea. They must of been in complete disbelief. When I was 16, they pulled me out of the situation. I went to live with my dad and his wife, and we put my grandma into a really nice seniors home. Just bringing that bit onto paper brought tears into my eyes. Crazy.
I was put into a decent contructive, normal home, and this is what saved me. My dad and step mom had regular jobs, owned a house, owned two cars and were basicially happy people. When I first got there, I was messed up. My mom withdrew me from real school so I had no friends and I had a messed up mind that was conditioned for a path like my moms. The positives were I stayed out of drinking and drugs my whole life. I entered high school, began to make a social circle and generally began to live a normal life. My mom however, I would sometimes call her but I began to ultimately ignore her. Perhaps this was my brains way of adapting? It was around this time that I began to educate my mind and devour self improvement type stuff. I began to realize I was in control of my own life. This was a key part of my growing up. Time went on, I graduated high school and went on to college. After about 52,000 ideas for a career, I decided to become an interpreter for languages. I decided this because I have a wicked gift for language and i'm passionate about travel. I continued to go to school, but I found it hard to focus and maintain good grades. The exception being if I was interested in the subject, I would ace it. I began to question school and if it was really what I wanted. This is when my path changed.
I began to realize I was not passionate about interpreting languages. I enjoyed speaking them, but I didn't want to sit behind a desk for hours translating pages of language. That to me is boring. Shortly after, I began to go to big DJ shows like Ferry Corsten and Paul Van Dyk etc. At one show, I was blown away at the older little chinese guy that opened for Ferry, and also Ferry Corsten himself. I was amazed at the power and grip the DJ's had over the crowd. I had always loved electronic music, but this was the first time I had seen anything live. I decided the next day to buy some "how to DJ" books and read up more on this interesting topic. I devoured books on the subject, and I began to realize how passionate I am about music. As a kid, I would play the keyboard and the family would gather around and they would all be blown away at how skilled I was with no formal musical training. I was a musically gifted lad. I got deeper into DJ'ing, and I bought some cheap equiptment and began to practice. My parents didn't like this at all. Then one day, I tracked down that old wise chinese guy that I saw blow the roof off at the Ferry Corsten show. I asked him to teach me how to DJ, and after some hesitation, he agreed. A month later he called me to see if I was still interested, and our first lesson was scheduled. It turns out, this guy is like the mister miyagi of the DJ world in Calgary, and the guy is so solid its insane. That first lesson was unreal. It brought me so much happiness, and my new mentor was blown away at how talented I was right off the bat. Success!
Around this same time, I was torn between school and DJ'ing. My logic being that I wanted to commit 100% to whatever I was gonna do, not 50% to school and 50% to DJ'ing and music. So I made the decision to leave school and stop pursuing my degree. I was gonna jump into DJ'ing full time. I was not, and still am not passionate about school or anything else the way I am about DJ'ing. I feel as though it is my purpose in life.
This brings us to the present...
Today, I'm generally pretty happy with what i've done so far, except I have huge standards for where I want to go with my life and sometimes I feel that I push myself so hard that I feel down lately. I have only been DJ'ing for a little over a year, and I have been dominating. I feel because it's my passion, I work insanely hard at it and I have a wicked work ethic. I have gone from a bedroom DJ to:
-I currently have 3 residencies as a DJ, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
-I have grown to be the right hand assistant of my DJ mentor. He trusts me more then anyone and we
are learning from each other.
-I have opened for several huge DJ's myself, which for how little i've been DJ'ing is HUGE.
Well, now it feels like i'm between a rock and a hard place. I am surviving off of DJ'ing but i'm just scraping by. I had a 50,000 a year job as a retail manager, but I was layed off due to the recession. Because of a stupid mistake when I had a high paying job, I racked up $27,000 in debt on stupid stuff. I am about to go into bankrupcy because I have bill collectors on my ass and I can't afford to make minimum payments. When I get a regular job, it feels like its eating at my soul because its not what I want to do. I absolutley love DJ'ing, but i'm not at the point yet where I can make a comfortable living. I realize it's bad to chase money, but I want to be financially comfortable more than anything. Perhaps its my history growing up, but I feel like the main source of my unhapiness is my lack of cash. In order to make more cash, I need to have more cash to spend. It's like a big spiral. I am currently living with roomates in a house that I hate in an awful neighborhood. One of the ways I accumulated debt was living how I wanted to live in a nice neighborhood.
On the flip side, DJ'ing is absolutley rocking right now. On Saturday night, I played to a crowd of 400, and I played so well, and the energy was so amazing that it made my knees weak. People we going insane and chanting my name. On one side, i'm like wow, this is what I need to to cause it's my purpose. On the other hand, I feel like i'm being stupid and I should just go get a regular job and live a normal life.
This brings us to the future, or where I WANT to be...
-I would like to be making $10,000 a month, idealy with a combination of my own dj related businesses and music production and DJ'ing. I would be making a killer living and living my passion.
-I would be contributing to this planet, via my own charities and funds. I wanna help kids that came from a similar situation as mine, and I would like to help enable them to live their lives.
-I would like to be traveling and seeing the world 4 months out of the year at least.
-I would have an awesome home, and a nice car, and I also really want a dog.
-I would like to find a way to help my parents retire from their dead-end jobs, and start giving back that way.
-I would eventually like a family and a kid, but not until im in my 30's.
-I want to be happy all the time. No more of this helpless feeling.
I would like to be in complete control of my life. This is the vision and dream that makes me sooooo happy deep inside. Perhaps this is because of my past, but this for me would be the ultimate happiness and success. Lately, the ideas of of Timothy Ferriss and Steve Pavlina have really intregued me, but I feel like I have been reading SO much I'm confusing my brain as to how to get there. I would love any insights or comments you guys can provide, or anything that will get me closer to my goal.
Even some additional perspectives would be wicked so I can get closer to figuring this out!
|09-09-2009, 08:06 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jun 2007
I'm not far up the road from Calgary! (Olds) I'd definitely come out to one of your shows sometime!
As for doing what you love, I quit my full time (and great paying job) last fall to work for myself. It was awesome at first, but when the recession hit, I had no work at all. I've been back and forth in the meantime, working jobs I hate, and jobs I dont really mind. Always in the back of my mind is the nagging thought that "I dont want to do this."
Being able to do what you want is great, it just takes some time and effort to get there. Never let go of that dream, and always keep working towards it. Just because things arent great right now doesnt mean that they wont get better.
Keep at it, work a terrible job if you have to.. it's just a step towards your goal right?
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