|02-01-2007, 08:13 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2007
In your life purpose blog, June of 2005, you present a very interesting idea in your intro. It is something that resonates with me as very true, but I am not sure how I can use this to move forward in the way that I want to.
The idea is to observe your actions and that they will revail your true beliefs. I can understand how this is true, but what I do not understand is how this is suppose to help us/me change into the person I want to be and to believe and do the things that I want to do.
By looking at my actions I can see clearly what my beliefs actually are, and I can see that they are not the beliefs that I would like to have, or the beliefs I feel would most greatly benefit me.
I guess my question is once I've identified my actual beliefs by observing my actions, how can I begin to change my beliefs and actions to be the ones I actually want and not the ones I currently have?
Here is a reposting of the portion of the post in question.
"Actions, not words, reveal beliefs. If you want to understand what you truly believe, observe your actions. This may take some courage to do, but if you follow the trail of your actions, it will lead you to a more congruent belief system. And once there you can begin consciously moving towards new beliefs that empower you, while your actions and beliefs remain congruent along the way. But you’ll make no progress as long as you claim to believe one thing but consistently act in violation of it. Most people in such a situation will spend time trying to get their actions to better reflect their so-called beliefs… and meet with nothing but frustration. I say first get your beliefs in line with your actions and reach the point of being totally honest with yourself, doubts and all. Then you’ll find it far easier to move forward. Don’t be afraid to do this — no divine being is going to smite you for being honest with yourself. And if one ever happens to show up, you always have me to use as a scapegoat.
Although it can be a bumpy ride (it certainly was for me), you’ll come out the other end a far more integrated and empowered human being. Internal incongruencies absolutely cripple us, forcing us to live on only a fraction of our potential. When our actions and beliefs are in conflict, we can’t think as well. We become less intelligent and less resourceful — easily manipulated by others. We have no clarity at all, and we can’t seem to get moving in a consistent direction. We’re like a rudderless ship, being tossed around by the waves.
Congruency is clarity. When you get clear about what you truly believe about reality by observing your actions and admitting the deepest, darkest truths to yourself that you never wanted to face, you’ll set yourself on a path of growth that will put all your earlier accomplishments to shame. You’ll unlock access to resources that were previously dormant — greater intelligence, greater awareness, greater conscience. And you’ll finally start living up to the greatness that has been too long buried under a pile of denial.
Don’t be afraid to face who you really are. You’re a lot stronger than you realize."
|02-02-2007, 01:02 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
For example. say you once held the belief that you are selfless and do a lot for others. Then as you observe your actions, you notice the following
- You have no volunteer activities
- You don’t give money or time to people or places you thought you wanted to support
- Heck, you don’t help someone who dropped papers in front of you.
Now, you noticed you live incongruently with your belief. You think you are selfless but you really aren’t. Everything you do has a gain for you. So, there is where it is your choice. Do you:
A) accept that you are aren’t as selfless are you thought, embrace that and try to get ahead.
B) Change your actions to BE more selfless.
As your actions change to match your beliefs, your beliefs get stronger because you are living them.
Back to the example, lets say you chose option B (what can I say, I am an optimistic realist ). What can you do to bring your beilfes and your actions closer together?
· Give money or even better give time
· Volunteer at a hospital, a shelter, a fire station, hospice, community events, adopt a child, etc.
· When someone needs help, give it without the thought of how it impacts you.. (At first hard, but it gets easier)
There are lots of options from the easy (giving money) to harder ones (adopting a child, working with special needs kids etc)
I hope that helps. If you want, if you post your specific example your wrestling with, it might be easier for people to explain things they would do to alter their beefs to match instead of my hypotheticals.
|02-02-2007, 06:01 PM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
If you want to change anything, it all starts in your patterns of thinking which ultimately control your actions. Change isn't inherently difficult, but the way your brain works makes it so.
Your actions act out your beliefs, and your beliefs are formed by two things: Your previous actions (habits) and your previous experiences which formed your beliefs in the first place (experiences are basically your understanding of how "reality" works). Realizing that beliefs are arbitrary and relative in nature, and that none of your previous actions and/or beliefs need to influence the current ones is a huge step towards changing your beliefs.
The next step is to try to understand the new beliefs you would like to turn into habits. I would recommend trying to understand where the new belief comes from rather than accepting it because someone else told you so. For example, someone might have told you to eat carrots as they are good for you. That may be so, but knowing why and how they are good for you will get you to act on this belief more easily. Understanding is a great motivator.
Lastly, you can take this one step further by adopting the "subjective reality" point of view where what you experience is simply a validation of what you believe. According to this point of view, the flow is from "inside" to "outside". You believe something first, and then your life unfolds in a way that validates that belief. This seems rather complicated and weird when you come from the "objective reality" perspective where what you experience is separate from you, and your beliefs are formed based on what happens "outside". Thus, the flow is seemingly from "outside" to "inside". Steve and many others (including old mystics) have a ton of written material on this.
It is hard to accept the "subjective reality" point of view because you've already accepted and heavily exercised the belief that "the reality you experience is separate from you and has nothing to do with your beliefs or the inner dialog in your head". It'll take time to shift away from it. You can apply the same techniques I described above to replace this belief.
Last edited by eternomi; 05-20-2007 at 10:16 PM.
|02-02-2007, 08:54 PM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2007
Adrienne (or whoever else)-The specific problem I have been having, for I don't know the past ten years or so , I am 28, is that I have never known what I wanted to do with my life. I have severely lacked direction. I guess other people lack direction and they say 'oh well' and they just look to enjoy their lives or whatever and get on with it, but for whatever reason I made it into this life or death situation, totally blew it out of proportion, I guess, caused great depression, anxiety, shame, etc; to list a few of the negative emotions and thoughts that I have had originating from this issue.
My parents just told me to go to college and get a job, but this never suited me. All the jobs I have ever worked or even thought about working seemed so pointless to me. The goals of the job always seemed to be in direct opposition to the values I have held in esteem and the beliefs I have had about the world. It just seemed to be a struggle towards something which I didn't believe in anyways. Even journalism, which is what I got my masters degree in, seemed utterly pointless to me.
In any case it was very appropriate that you brought up the value/belief of selflessness. I am not trying to claim to be this selfless individual; look at what I have done for the past ten years, completely obsessed about myself, my direction, my purpose, etc.
In any case your, Adrienne's, response really hit a chord with me. Monday morning I am volunteering at the Foodshare in my hometown and have talked to them about a possible internship. A 28 year old intern, never would have predicted that one when I was growing up. In any case I think it could be a great opportunity to getting involved in something I see as whorthwhile.
|02-02-2007, 09:09 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2007
Outback- I believe what you are saying intellectually, but emotionally I have a hard time implementing it.
There was a time in my life where I spent a great deal of time meditating and immersed myself in ideas of the mind and creating my own reality. I believe this is similar to what you mean by subjective reality. Unfortunately I have slipped away from meditation practice and harnessing the powers of these beliefs.
I haven't stopped believing in these ideas with my mind. Intellectully I still believe that this is the ultimate truth, but like I said in my previous post I have spent a great deal of time obsessing about what I am going to 'do' with my life, which I suppose is a more objective reality.
I know these ideas of subjective reality benefit me and hopefully I can bring them back into focus. I look forward to more conversations on this topic and I will try and find more information on the exact nature of what you mean by subjective and objective reality.
|02-03-2007, 05:54 PM||#7 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
subjective reality is a bilief system that everything and everything (all peope, aliens, all dementions, trees, planets, truely everything) is all part of the same contiousness. Becuase of this, if i want to change something in someone or some occurence, i need to make that change in me, becuase I AM that which i wish to change
I have been a beilver in this for as long as i can remember. I can even remember explaining to my best friend when i was about 4 that we are all part of the same body, just different cells with different fucntions (it was the only way i could explain it back then lol)
if you are looking for resources for this.. Here is a list of a couple blog entries steve has made about it. I think he does a great job explaining it
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...ultimate-game/ (this one is no about subjective reality per say, but i thought you would find value in it)
|02-03-2007, 09:29 PM||#8 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
Thank you for this thread, especially for your answers Adrienne, it is very helpful. I am having a hard time redefining my life purpose and now realized that if I set directions instead of goals, I don't have this feeling that I have to be 100% sure that I made the best decisions. That empowers me and makes me take action now instead of pondering on the best option.
|02-03-2007, 05:35 PM||#9 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
Lacking direction is a common issue many people deal with. It can also be a tough one to handle.
I have never figured out what I want to be when I grow up, I just know I want to be me.
Since I love examples, (and because I think people understand showing more then telling), let me use one
When I was younger, at least in the USA, schools always make a big deal about what are you going to be when you grow up. Ever year you can look forward to at least one paper or project that is all about what you want to be when you grew up.
I never understood this. Why would I want to be anything but myself?
When I was in kindergarten everyone wanted to be a police officer, or fireman, or a doctor. When I got a little older, everyone wanted to do whatever they could to make a lot of money so they no longer had to do anything (again a concept I never understood).
Every year my project was never anything special. I would make something up just to get by. But it was a question I really wrestled with for a long time. And I finally figured out why when I was about 18 or so. The people around me focused on what they wanted to be to enable them to have money. I observed people. And this is what I saw.
People wanted to have lots of money so they did not have to do anything. They just wanted to watch tv, spend whenever they feel like it, and have someone to sleep with at night. That was all they wanted. And I totally did not get it.
So I made a list (in my head) of everything I can do and want to do. If I can do it, but I don’t enjoy it, I did not write it down. The list was long, and I found I do take joy out of everything I do. For example some of the stuff on my list was:
Helping the Earth
I looked at my thought about my list and thought “I can do anything… I can do everything.. I can change the world.” But then the thought came of, well what do I want to do to change it? I know then whey I die, I want to come back to a place that is better because I had lived here before.
So then I thought some and made a yet another list of what changes in the world I want to see, which was no small task and included things like:
Everyday kindness is a normal occurrence
No such thing as war or starvation
Schools kids like, people having a passion for learning and making the world a better place
World Peace / Tolerance and love for everyone and everything
No such thing as animal shelters because all the animals have homes
Animals aren’t killed or hurt for food
The earth is happy and clean and the trees reclaim their land
There is a lot more… I have high aspirations lol. So then I started thinking, what can I do now to start making a difference even in just a little way towards all this?
So I found things I can do now, on a much smaller scale, to set in motion a better world. I will never be content to come home every night to watch tv. And I call a life like this, the life I lead to be far from ‘pointless’. (Bill, your word about how you feel that so many ‘jobs’ in life are pointless). Between work, my business which will one day fund the businesses I need to help the world on a much larger scale, and volunteering I am on the go over 90 hours a week. I volunteer over 40 hours a week on average, from being a volunteer EMT to dressing up as an elf to give presents to kids who have none.
Make your life worth living for yourself and for others.
Whatever you chose to do with your life, is ultimately a choice you make. You have a few choices:
Let life pass you by, and when you are 80, the only thing worthwhile you have done is watch 80 years worth of tv OR
Take charge of your life, so when you die, no matter the age, the world is better because you lived and loved, and had a great time.
Now, I am an odd sort of person. If there is a mountain in front of me and a nice grassy path to walk up, I will chose to get some ropes and scale it. Because the view from the top is the same no matter how you got there, but the journey which will be what takes most of your time, for me is much grander if I climb then if I walk. Because I want the journey to be fun and enjoyable.
Now, this is not advice I would give anyone or everyone but since you talked about wanting to add value, that is why I brought up all that.
You sound like the kind of person who needs a challenge. Something to work for that is not pointless. Set some goals that make a difference. Set an ultimate goal that to you is so outrageous and work for it. (I have a few, see world peace, and world hunger above). And last but not least, have fun with everything you do, vary what you do enough that it never gets boring, and make everyday the best day ever, because today, this moment is all you have.
PS thanks for sharing your experiences, it makes easier to make the my answer more relevant.
|02-02-2007, 09:45 PM||#10 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2007
I thought about what I wrote and it brought to light a specific belief or question I have. A lot of my problems come from the fact that I ultimately see everything as pointless. I see the benefits of working out, contributing, trying to be rich, or being in a relationship but ultimately I question the worth of this or that activity or goal.
When I look at my actions I see someone who is probably scared, but also someone who questions the point or value in everything in this world. Possibly you could help me address this belief, which is probably not serving me.
|02-27-2007, 12:53 AM||#11 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2007
I'm new here and would like to start by saying, "Hello, Smart People."
I like proverbs because they are simple kernels of truth which provoke thought. Here's one I hope you like:
"If you refuse to be made straight when you are green, you will not be made straight when you are dry."
Happy thoughts and have a great day.
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