In your life purpose blog, June of 2005, you present a very interesting idea in your intro. It is something that resonates with me as very true, but I am not sure how I can use this to move forward in the way that I want to.
The idea is to observe your actions and that they will revail your true beliefs. I can understand how this is true, but what I do not understand is how this is suppose to help us/me change into the person I want to be and to believe and do the things that I want to do.
By looking at my actions I can see clearly what my beliefs actually are, and I can see that they are not the beliefs that I would like to have, or the beliefs I feel would most greatly benefit me.
I guess my question is once I've identified my actual beliefs by observing my actions, how can I begin to change my beliefs and actions to be the ones I actually want and not the ones I currently have?
Here is a reposting of the portion of the post in question.
"Actions, not words, reveal beliefs. If you want to understand what you truly believe, observe your actions. This may take some courage to do, but if you follow the trail of your actions, it will lead you to a more congruent belief system. And once there you can begin consciously moving towards new beliefs that empower you, while your actions and beliefs remain congruent along the way. But you’ll make no progress as long as you claim to believe one thing but consistently act in violation of it. Most people in such a situation will spend time trying to get their actions to better reflect their so-called beliefs… and meet with nothing but frustration. I say first get your beliefs in line with your actions and reach the point of being totally honest with yourself, doubts and all. Then you’ll find it far easier to move forward. Don’t be afraid to do this — no divine being is going to smite you for being honest with yourself. And if one ever happens to show up, you always have me to use as a scapegoat. ;)
Although it can be a bumpy ride (it certainly was for me), you’ll come out the other end a far more integrated and empowered human being. Internal incongruencies absolutely cripple us, forcing us to live on only a fraction of our potential. When our actions and beliefs are in conflict, we can’t think as well. We become less intelligent and less resourceful — easily manipulated by others. We have no clarity at all, and we can’t seem to get moving in a consistent direction. We’re like a rudderless ship, being tossed around by the waves.
Congruency is clarity. When you get clear about what you truly believe about reality by observing your actions and admitting the deepest, darkest truths to yourself that you never wanted to face, you’ll set yourself on a path of growth that will put all your earlier accomplishments to shame. You’ll unlock access to resources that were previously dormant — greater intelligence, greater awareness, greater conscience. And you’ll finally start living up to the greatness that has been too long buried under a pile of denial.
Don’t be afraid to face who you really are. You’re a lot stronger than you realize."
For example. say you once held the belief that you are selfless and do a lot for others. Then as you observe your actions, you notice the following
- You have no volunteer activities
- You don’t give money or time to people or places you thought you wanted to support
- Heck, you don’t help someone who dropped papers in front of you.
Now, you noticed you live incongruently with your belief. You think you are selfless but you really aren’t. Everything you do has a gain for you. So, there is where it is your choice. Do you:
A) accept that you are aren’t as selfless are you thought, embrace that and try to get ahead.
B) Change your actions to BE more selfless.
As your actions change to match your beliefs, your beliefs get stronger because you are living them.
Back to the example, lets say you chose option B (what can I say, I am an optimistic realist :) ). What can you do to bring your beilfes and your actions closer together?
· Give money or even better give time
· Volunteer at a hospital, a shelter, a fire station, hospice, community events, adopt a child, etc.
· When someone needs help, give it without the thought of how it impacts you.. (At first hard, but it gets easier)
There are lots of options from the easy (giving money) to harder ones (adopting a child, working with special needs kids etc)
I hope that helps. If you want, if you post your specific example your wrestling with, it might be easier for people to explain things they would do to alter their beefs to match instead of my hypotheticals.
Adrienne-Thanks that did help. I think I'm even gonna take you up on some of your advice.
If you want to change anything, it all starts in your patterns of thinking which ultimately control your actions. Change isn't inherently difficult, but the way your brain works makes it so.
Your actions act out your beliefs, and your beliefs are formed by two things: Your previous actions (habits) and your previous experiences which formed your beliefs in the first place (experiences are basically your understanding of how "reality" works). Realizing that beliefs are arbitrary and relative in nature, and that none of your previous actions and/or beliefs need to influence the current ones is a huge step towards changing your beliefs.
The next step is to try to understand the new beliefs you would like to turn into habits. I would recommend trying to understand where the new belief comes from rather than accepting it because someone else told you so. For example, someone might have told you to eat carrots as they are good for you. That may be so, but knowing why and how they are good for you will get you to act on this belief more easily. Understanding is a great motivator.
Lastly, you can take this one step further by adopting the "subjective reality" point of view where what you experience is simply a validation of what you believe. According to this point of view, the flow is from "inside" to "outside". You believe something first, and then your life unfolds in a way that validates that belief. This seems rather complicated and weird when you come from the "objective reality" perspective where what you experience is separate from you, and your beliefs are formed based on what happens "outside". Thus, the flow is seemingly from "outside" to "inside". Steve and many others (including old mystics) have a ton of written material on this.
It is hard to accept the "subjective reality" point of view because you've already accepted and heavily exercised the belief that "the reality you experience is separate from you and has nothing to do with your beliefs or the inner dialog in your head". It'll take time to shift away from it. You can apply the same techniques I described above to replace this belief.
Adrienne (or whoever else)-The specific problem I have been having, for I don't know the past ten years or so :eek: , I am 28, is that I have never known what I wanted to do with my life. I have severely lacked direction. I guess other people lack direction and they say 'oh well' and they just look to enjoy their lives or whatever and get on with it, but for whatever reason I made it into this life or death situation, totally blew it out of proportion, I guess, caused great depression, anxiety, shame, etc; to list a few of the negative emotions and thoughts that I have had originating from this issue.
My parents just told me to go to college and get a job, but this never suited me. All the jobs I have ever worked or even thought about working seemed so pointless to me. The goals of the job always seemed to be in direct opposition to the values I have held in esteem and the beliefs I have had about the world. It just seemed to be a struggle towards something which I didn't believe in anyways. Even journalism, which is what I got my masters degree in, seemed utterly pointless to me.
In any case it was very appropriate that you brought up the value/belief of selflessness. I am not trying to claim to be this selfless individual; look at what I have done for the past ten years, completely obsessed about myself, my direction, my purpose, etc.
In any case your, Adrienne's, response really hit a chord with me. Monday morning I am volunteering at the Foodshare in my hometown and have talked to them about a possible internship. A 28 year old intern, never would have predicted that one when I was growing up. In any case I think it could be a great opportunity to getting involved in something I see as whorthwhile.
Outback- I believe what you are saying intellectually, but emotionally I have a hard time implementing it.
There was a time in my life where I spent a great deal of time meditating and immersed myself in ideas of the mind and creating my own reality. I believe this is similar to what you mean by subjective reality. Unfortunately I have slipped away from meditation practice and harnessing the powers of these beliefs.
I haven't stopped believing in these ideas with my mind. Intellectully I still believe that this is the ultimate truth, but like I said in my previous post I have spent a great deal of time obsessing about what I am going to 'do' with my life, which I suppose is a more objective reality.
I know these ideas of subjective reality benefit me and hopefully I can bring them back into focus. I look forward to more conversations on this topic and I will try and find more information on the exact nature of what you mean by subjective and objective reality.
I thought about what I wrote and it brought to light a specific belief or question I have. A lot of my problems come from the fact that I ultimately see everything as pointless. I see the benefits of working out, contributing, trying to be rich, or being in a relationship but ultimately I question the worth of this or that activity or goal.
When I look at my actions I see someone who is probably scared, but also someone who questions the point or value in everything in this world. Possibly you could help me address this belief, which is probably not serving me.
Lacking direction is a common issue many people deal with. It can also be a tough one to handle.
I have never figured out what I want to be when I grow up, I just know I want to be me.
Since I love examples, (and because I think people understand showing more then telling), let me use one :)
When I was younger, at least in the USA, schools always make a big deal about what are you going to be when you grow up. Ever year you can look forward to at least one paper or project that is all about what you want to be when you grew up.
I never understood this. Why would I want to be anything but myself?
When I was in kindergarten everyone wanted to be a police officer, or fireman, or a doctor. When I got a little older, everyone wanted to do whatever they could to make a lot of money so they no longer had to do anything (again a concept I never understood).
Every year my project was never anything special. I would make something up just to get by. But it was a question I really wrestled with for a long time. And I finally figured out why when I was about 18 or so. The people around me focused on what they wanted to be to enable them to have money. I observed people. And this is what I saw.
People wanted to have lots of money so they did not have to do anything. They just wanted to watch tv, spend whenever they feel like it, and have someone to sleep with at night. That was all they wanted. And I totally did not get it.
So I made a list (in my head) of everything I can do and want to do. If I can do it, but I don’t enjoy it, I did not write it down. The list was long, and I found I do take joy out of everything I do. For example some of the stuff on my list was:
Helping the Earth
I looked at my thought about my list and thought “I can do anything… I can do everything.. I can change the world.” But then the thought came of, well what do I want to do to change it? I know then whey I die, I want to come back to a place that is better because I had lived here before.
So then I thought some and made a yet another list of what changes in the world I want to see, which was no small task and included things like:
Everyday kindness is a normal occurrence
No such thing as war or starvation
Schools kids like, people having a passion for learning and making the world a better place
World Peace / Tolerance and love for everyone and everything
No such thing as animal shelters because all the animals have homes
Animals aren’t killed or hurt for food
The earth is happy and clean and the trees reclaim their land
There is a lot more… :) I have high aspirations lol. So then I started thinking, what can I do now to start making a difference even in just a little way towards all this?
So I found things I can do now, on a much smaller scale, to set in motion a better world. I will never be content to come home every night to watch tv. And I call a life like this, the life I lead to be far from ‘pointless’. (Bill, your word about how you feel that so many ‘jobs’ in life are pointless). Between work, my business which will one day fund the businesses I need to help the world on a much larger scale, and volunteering I am on the go over 90 hours a week. I volunteer over 40 hours a week on average, from being a volunteer EMT to dressing up as an elf to give presents to kids who have none.
Make your life worth living for yourself and for others.
Whatever you chose to do with your life, is ultimately a choice you make. You have a few choices:
Let life pass you by, and when you are 80, the only thing worthwhile you have done is watch 80 years worth of tv OR
Take charge of your life, so when you die, no matter the age, the world is better because you lived and loved, and had a great time.
Now, I am an odd sort of person. If there is a mountain in front of me and a nice grassy path to walk up, I will chose to get some ropes and scale it. Because the view from the top is the same no matter how you got there, but the journey which will be what takes most of your time, for me is much grander if I climb then if I walk. Because I want the journey to be fun and enjoyable.
Now, this is not advice I would give anyone or everyone but since you talked about wanting to add value, that is why I brought up all that.
You sound like the kind of person who needs a challenge. Something to work for that is not pointless. Set some goals that make a difference. Set an ultimate goal that to you is so outrageous and work for it. (I have a few, see world peace, and world hunger above). And last but not least, have fun with everything you do, vary what you do enough that it never gets boring, and make everyday the best day ever, because today, this moment is all you have. :)
PS thanks for sharing your experiences, it makes easier to make the my answer more relevant.
subjective reality is a bilief system that everything and everything (all peope, aliens, all dementions, trees, planets, truely everything) is all part of the same contiousness. Becuase of this, if i want to change something in someone or some occurence, i need to make that change in me, becuase I AM that which i wish to change :)
I have been a beilver in this for as long as i can remember. I can even remember explaining to my best friend when i was about 4 that we are all part of the same body, just different cells with different fucntions (it was the only way i could explain it back then lol)
if you are looking for resources for this.. Here is a list of a couple blog entries steve has made about it. I think he does a great job explaining it :)
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...ultimate-game/ (this one is no about subjective reality per say, but i thought you would find value in it)
Thank you for this thread, especially for your answers Adrienne, it is very helpful. I am having a hard time redefining my life purpose and now realized that if I set directions instead of goals, I don't have this feeling that I have to be 100% sure that I made the best decisions. That empowers me and makes me take action now instead of pondering on the best option.
Direction and passion for what you are doing and what you want to do, is essential.. Best of luck redefining your purpose.
Adrienne thanks again for your responses. You have given me a lot to think about and provided me with a nice exercise to take a better look at myself and what I want from myself and for the world.
At risk of driving you nuts though I have to admit I am still confused.
See unlike you when I wrote out my two lists they did not look similar. The things I wanted to do and enjoyed to do were all things that I couldn't really see how I could make money off of.
The kinds of changes I wanted to see in the world included things like people being more intelligent, conscious, enlightened, understanding of each other, and more respectful of each other's differences.
When I look at this list pursuing something like journalism or teaching seems fine.
My confusion comes in however when I look at what I want to do and I start getting more selfish in my desires. I start thinking about how I would like to do this or have this, and then it seems so silly to me to hand over my time to either a school or a newspaper or whatever.
I mean I guess it doesn't really make sense, because I am hardly making any money at all right now and to be honest I am really not doing anything that interesting either, but I guess it just seems really hard for me to commit to doing something that I see as limiting to me.
I am probably being unrealistic, but at the same time it might be unrealistic to think that I can go work for someone else and do what they want me to do, for a limited amount of money and potential.
I really don't even know what I would want to do for myself, but I know that I start to feel clastrophobic just thinking about going to do someone else's work.
If you're not tired of this, I'd love to see what you have to say, and please be honest.
Thank you Adrienne for those blog links as well.
One thing I know I will be doing with my life is reading Steve's blog.
I enjoyed all of them. I found the one about the law of attraction and being aware of the fears that come up when picturing a certain result most helpful.
I am also glad you included the one on the ultimate game even though it wasn't necessarily about subjective reality.
I am always happy to help Bill. It does not drive me nuts at all :) and I am always honest, often painfully so :)
Often the list don’t look similar. Look at my list, I like to program. But the changes I want to see in the world have really nothing to do with programming. My goal is not to create a new OS for the world (tho thinking about it, it could be fun :) ). I cant program food into peoples stomachs over the world or write a program to create world enlightenment. However, programming is something I like, when I do it, I am happy. I also make money at this, and that indirectly will help others and the earths which are my goals.
It is not a straight like to connect the dots.. Since we are all very familiar with Steve, lets use him as an example..
Lets go back 3 years ago before Steve started his blog. (again I am piecing this together from his post, I am not a guaranteeing he said all this verbatim). Steve knew he liked:
• Technology (he ran a game business).
• He did not mind programming (he programmed his games)
He knew he wanted to change the world by helping people by giving them new ideas. He wants to make people think. Disagree with him, fine, but think.
Now there is no clear path between liking technology and trying to give people new ideas… so he created one. He used his skills as a programmer to design a nice blog. He used his love for technology to learn more about servers, hosting solutions, shared hosting, virtually dedicated hosting, and dedicated hosting. Steve probably also looked into other ideas then doing a blog. Ultimately, a blog fit in both places. He can reach anyone around the world with access to the internet. He can do what he loves, write, reach and help people, and mess with new technology.
I see lots of things in common with your list. From the sound of it you like to read and write (I get this from the teaching and journalism comments). You like to snowboard. You want to create people more intelligent and enlightened etc? Do you see yourself as being intelligent, enlightened and conscious? Are these goals you are working towards yourself?
I am sure lots of people know the quote “be the change you wish to see in the world”. And it is true. On a scale of 1 to 10 how conscious are you? Intelligent? Accepting of differences? By working on those yourself, you help the world. Do you find yourself judgmental of anyone (it might not be obvious like dislike a race, it could be flippant comments about the rich, the poor, animals, hippies, painters, people badly in debt, smokers, drug users, alcoholics, speeders, rapists , killers, etc?).
Back to the lists. Here are just some ideas that cross the platform that can make you money without a boss, and without huge start up cost..
• An Ezine that’s focus is the changes you want to see in the world. Stories of people going out of their way to help people. Kids (like steve and myself and that kid steve wrote about earlier in his blog) who graduate college in just a few semesters.
• You like to teach, teach people to snowboard or something else you love to do.
• Create a website with daily stories of the good that goes on in the world. Of people acting intelligent and conscious. Spreading word of things like the free hug campaign.
That is just rough ideas thought of as I saw the list you wrote. Imagine how many more ideas are hiding in your list waiting for you to find? Think outside the box. It does not need to be anything anyone has done before.
You said, right now what you are doing you don’t make money and the work is not interesting.. Well look at it this way. In a year, no matter what, a year would have passed. Not making a decision is the same as making a decision, you chose not to act. In a year, you can be doing new things, or you can be what you are doing now. You can put off trying something new, and in a year, you will still be wondering. You also said “its hard to do something limiting” well it sounds like you are always doing something you find limiting, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying something else that might not be.
As to the mindset, the more you think about what you want the more selfish you get. It’s ok to want things. It really is. I am not saying you should live as if a monk. The problem beings when you put your happiness above others all the time. Ever been on a plane? You know how they give you that long talk about what happens if the cabin loses pressure. Always put on your mask then help those around you with theirs. You can’t do anything to help anyone if you start losing consciousness. Same thing. Its hard to try to help people (not impossible but harder) if your go to bed hungry at night. At the same token, once you have your mask on, wouldn’t you want to help others? Wont life be better for the kid next to you that you helped her? Would you just sit there, watch her struggle so you could continue to watch a movie or read a book undisturbed?
Let me ask you this, all those things you want. If you suddenly had them all, how would that change your life? Would you just want more? (think of kids on Christmas, you give them a bunch of toys they want, and they are happy and grateful but the next day or the next week they need more stuff to play with, but a kid with an imagenation has anything whenever he wants it). Would having a new X, Y, and Z really change your life that much? Are you saying that material possession have the ability to make you happy? I will agree that having a warm bed, food, and clean water makes is easier to be happy. But do material things make you happy? If they do, then that is an issue unto itself. While getting a new computer makes me very happy, I am happy without it. I know I need some things for my business and to live and such, but most things, what do you really need it for? Do you want things just to want things?
On a side note.. I think one of the main pieces you are missing is passion. Passion for life. Passion for something, passion for everything. What are you passionate about? Once you find passion, true passion for one thing, it’s just a few steps to be passionate about everything. Without passion, gusto for life, or whatever you want to to call it, life is just a complacent time with nothing but occasional issues (such as money etc) that get in the way of being complacent. I wish I could draw a graph for this but words will have to do…
Negative emotions ----> complacent ----> positive emotions
Complacent people want things because things bring temporary happiness because they are not just happy with life. Complacent people don’t strive for much they want status quo all the time (these are the people that want to work 9-5 everyday or even better not to work. They want to go home, watch tv and occasionally sleep with someone (please don’t read that as everyone who has a job or likes to watch tv etc is complacent)). They have material happiness when they get something, but mostly they slip down from complacent to upset/depressed/angry/jealous/etc as soon as anything changes that threatens status quo.
Now a passionate conscious person (think of Steve, Erin, and some of the people on this forum, etc) setbacks are just that, a setback, a challenge. They don’t accept happiness form their situation. They just are positive and conscious regardless of outside stimuli. There are challenges, something fun that makes life interesting. Passionate people change activities a lot so nothing ever gets boring (notice with Steve’s blog, he often writes about what he working though, sometimes money, sometimes LOA, sometimes kids stuff, then he upps the level by launching forums). Passion comes from within. Happiness does too. Every emotion does.
Complacent people go thru life never really living it. They go thru the motions to try and keep a status quo, live in fear of someone taking that away. Passionate conscious people love to live and you cant take away from them.
Ok ok ok so that was a long side note.. but I thought it was relevant.
Hope that helps. Wow that is really long.. if you got to the bottom thanks for reading :)
Thanks Again and again and again
Adrienne- You are a very helpful person. I greatly appreciate it. You really hit the nail on the head with your responses. I hope I can apply your advice and return the favor to someone. :)
Glad i could help
LOL i actually do have a blog. However it is not really on this topic. I have about 5 websites i am working on right now.
I never really thought about starting a blog dealing with PD. I can write articals, but i usally like to answer direct questions. I suppose i could make an AskAdrienne.com but then people might want good answers lol :D
Thinking about it tho, i think i would really enjoy it, and could go a long way to help people. I dont know what that would look like tho... if you have a suggestion let me know...
Most of all i am just happy you and Bill got value out of those few thousand key strokes :)
I will take the hint life is no so quitely telling me and look into starting a blog on the PD subject. As i mentioned to Norbert.. i am not sure what they would look like exactly.. meaning i dont know what people would want.. how i could help people with a blog in a way that Steve and others aren't already doing? I really dont want to be a Steve II, so if you (or anyone) has an idea of what they would want me to do, i am all ears (ok ok all eyes :D )
Adrienne, what's your Life Purpose?
Wow look at that.. I can make a short post in this thread… who knew? :D
What is your purpose?
The reason I asked you is so that you could look to your purpose and incorporate it in your blog, or whatever media you choose, to express and design what's being called forth from you now, here. Something feels ripe, right? I'm just inviting you to use your purpose as a springboard. :)
I will definitly think about it. I think i know how i can use my purpose.. its the medium. Bloging is good and fun, and would be great, but its the what would i want it to look like issue, i much rather address questions then just write an artical, but to ask questions, one must have readers who want help? or what to do if i have a million questions??
Its a good idea, i just have to work out the details
See Bill, i have issues to work out as well. :) i dont always know exactly what to do, but if i was going to give you advise on this problem, i would tell you to jump in and try, because you dont get anywhere without trying.
Probably should take my own advice (and the hint the universe is not so gently knocking me up the side of the head with) and just jump in, and let the detials work themselves out as they will.
Since "ultimate balance" is part of your purpose, maybe you could ultimately balance presenting articles and answering questions from readers. Love, joy, laughter, and learning could all be the kids on the teeter-totter of your blog!
Thanks for the direction. I will take the universe's gental thap and that of the readers here and do such. :)
Thanks for the help
I just wanted to reitterate what Norbert said about the plane metaphor. I didn't think to specifically compliment that one part, but it has been running through my mind all day.
Also I think an AskAdrienne website would be a great idea. I know I could supply you with a steady stream of questions if you were ever at a loss. :)
I am glad that analogy worked well for you. I wish you luck. I got the easy part, i just talked, you get to figue out the action and take it. Best of luck. and i complment you and all the peoeple who actually managed to make it to the end of those long winded posts..
I'm new here and would like to start by saying, "Hello, Smart People."
I like proverbs because they are simple kernels of truth which provoke thought. Here's one I hope you like:
"If you refuse to be made straight when you are green, you will not be made straight when you are dry."
Happy thoughts and have a great day.
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