How to be a positive influence on others?

[Manomanman]

Hey Steve,

I'm making my 2nd major pass through your blog content. If the first pass raised my consciousness to level 2, this time I'm doubling again to level 4. I'm starting to actually adhere to what you suggest, and I'm seeing insane moment-to-moment benefits, especially in productivity.

But the one thing that's been bothering me is that I've had trouble getting my family, which I consider to be a very intelligent and conscious family on some levels, to come along for the ride. I've had success with a few friends - I got them reading your stuff and a light in their head turned on. But here are the following things I can't get to budge in my family:

1. Parents are religious - they are Mormons. Their belief in God is their central belief about reality. They vainly cling to the hope that I'll be a good Mormon child and go to church every Sunday.

2. Mother and sister take antidepressants. In other words, they're totally addicted to drugs. They switch drug brands every 2 or 3 years, as the effects tend to wear off over time. There's really no need for them to do drugs (they certainly aren't clinically depressed) - they really just need to clean up their environment, be more productive, and expand their consciousness.

3. Brother is 27, lives at home, doesn't have a job, and plays MMORPG games all day. He still struggles to find work, as there are few occupations that he might find meaningful (despite having a Master's degree). Parents enable this by not demanding rent, and they also enable other bad habits with both siblings and with each other.

I never confront them about these issues - all I do is suggest things, like floating them ideas about managing their time, improving their health. I talk to my brother about how to find his purpose, how to make more money, how to ace the interview and get a job. But nothing really sticks. They all just seem to sink back into their bubbles (fatty foods, games, drugs).

I've talked to my mother, father, and sister and given them health-related ideas, but they don't try them. (They're all unhealthy, overweight, low energy). I've talked extensively with my brother his career, finances, relationships, etc. Every time we talk on the phone, he goes on ceaselessly about World of Warcraft.

I want to be a better positive influence on them. I understand that working on myself and being an example is somewhat necessary for a change in them to occur, but that seems kind of slow. What are some ways I can influence them for the better WHILE I'm working on myself? In other words, is there a way I can get them hooked on personal development (for smart people), the way I got hooked?

The more general form of the question is, "When somebody is rooted in a belief that they find central to their reality, and they are not willing to part with that belief even for a brief moment, what can one do to influence that individual to experience a shift in their thinking, perceptions, or beliefs?"

[Manomanman]

I already manifested my intention.

The idea is to give them a gift. Sending them a link to a website does not bring about reciprocality.

But giving a book does. I must send them a copy of your book. I think they'll read it if I do.

Physical objects (like books) will never be completely replaced by digital ones, because we are still a hands-on species. A digital article is not a gift, but a book is.

It's ironic that I learned this trick a long time ago from being a Mormon.

(All I need to do is manifest the $$$ to buy the book....)

The answer to the general question is: "Use the principal of reciprocality (or any other principals of influence) to get them to open their mind to new ideas."

[gloci]

I feel exactly the same way about my family

[Dan Carter]

What the... that sounds just like my family. My brother played WOW for the last 2 years and finally moved out to try and find some work. My parents eat terrible food and watch So You Think You Can Dance and American Idol every night. And they wonder why their kids aren't more inspired

I too wonder how to give good advice to my OTHER brother who lives and breathes starcraft.

The best advice I've been given so far is to do good for myself and eventually they will follow. Invite them along with me when I get the chance. I can't tell if this advice is working yet, but we'll see...

That being said I find myself drawn back into their ways sometimes, especially regarding food habits. Manomanman, how do you keep your diet strict while the house is filled with crap?

[theknightwhosaysni-NI]

Why exactly do you feel the need to change them?

From my experience it's hard to change someone who hasn't consciously chosen to.

Do you feel uncomfortable about their behaviours becasue they are people close to you? If so, then maybe that's what you'd need to work on first instead of trying to change them.

If you act based on some level of uncomfort or bad feelings, that's what you'll be projecting onto the reality I think.

[brendannz]

With your parents, I'd say don't bother.

With your brother I'd recommend you try and frame his mind to see the real world living as being just as exciting as the world in World of Warcraft, because it seems like he just wants to escape reality

does this make sense? Steve Pavlina uses quite a lot of gamer analogies I find.

Your sisters seem to just want to escape reality as well. Doing so with drugs, maybe they need to be excited about living, and the very moment. They don't need the depressants but it helps them escape their reality..

inflicting passion in their lives would be easier accomplished by influence rather than preaching. Let them know it's exciting to be alive and living by informing them of their own lives.

What do you do that makes your life exciting? can you allow them to experience your joy?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Manomanman

The more general form of the question is, "When somebody is rooted in a belief that they find central to their reality, and they are not willing to part with that belief even for a brief moment, what can one do to influence that individual to experience a shift in their thinking, perceptions, or beliefs?"

First, accept that they are perfect, whole and complete exactly as they are; they are not broken, they don't need to be fixed. If you are bugged or judgemental by what they are being, you're not in a position of influence, you're in a position of creating no freedom.

Second, when you are accepting and not attached to the outcome of their change, if you'd like to influence them, then get into their world, and speak their language. Telling them to read Steve's book will be good if the are open and ready for the book, but the book is not exactly a "friendly" one to a non-ready reader. By which I mean that it appeals to the conscious mind rather than the unconscious, so it's more likely that the conscious will judge the logic as useful or not, as opposed to a more hypnotic, metaphorical book that can enter directly into and influence the unconscious mind. (Like Jonathan Livingston Seagull, for instance -- a book that was a great hypnotic "intro" for non-pd people.)

If you really want to be influential, start with them from where they are, and let go of thinking they *should* be anything other than what they are or that they *need* to do what you think they need to do.

[justhopingandsearching]

You can't make people change when they don't want to, the only person you can change is yourself (so cliche, but true). As an example about a couple of years ago, I cut all of my hair off, and decided to go natural, which means basically as a black person I would no longer put relaxers in my hair. At first, my family kept criticing me saying it was so nappy and rough looking. This went on for awhile, but eventually they stopped, and funnily enough now my sister and grandma have both cut their hair, and gone natural as well. I never tried to convince to stop relaxing their hair, in fact I've never even talked about it unless asked. They changed because they wanted to, not because I tried to make them. Anyway, I think the best way to change people is to lead by example. Live your life as best as you can, and when your family sees how happy and successful you are, then perhaps they'll want to change, and will come to you asking how to do it.

[Kedar]

Originally Posted by Dan Carter

My parents eat terrible food and watch So You Think You Can Dance and American Idol every night. And they wonder why their kids aren't more inspired

Hey! SYTYCD is a good show!
Well, depends on why you watch it I guess.
I watch it because I enjoy dancing and it is one of my hobbies. It is great to watch that show because many dancers come from many different backgrounds and some of the dances are just drop down spectacular.

Sometimes I think I should make a website around ... dance.

_______

But anyway, on topic.

I know exactly what you mean. While I feel it is too much for most of my family to handle, I do try to spread the "be a good person" role. My whole family is vegetarian (I was raised that way) because of the Hindu faith, but my family eats eggs if its in other products (cookies, for example). I quit eating eggs.

In college, I think I'm the only one in my dorm hall who is going to get a 4.0 this semester.
Whenever my friends (not kids from my dorm hall :-] ) say "I can't do this!" ... I constantly encourage them by saying "look, it's easy... just do this, blah blah" ...

So in my opinion I think setting a good example + leading them the way is somewhat of a good way to show others personal development.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by Manomanman

The more general form of the question is, "When somebody is rooted in a belief that they find central to their reality, and they are not willing to part with that belief even for a brief moment, what can one do to influence that individual to experience a shift in their thinking, perceptions, or beliefs?"

Ask them questions. Find out why they believe what they believe. The problem with newer PD enthusiasts (and we've all done it) is the mistaken belief that everyone else around them needs to get into PD. Well, it's no different than some newly born again christians who become like pests you just want to hide from. Just have a respectful conversation, ask questions about why they believe what they believe, and listen. Listen. And continue to listen. Just share your own successes and eventually they may come around. And they may not. But so what?

[run_fly]

Hey guys - The best way to deal with unconscious parents is to shine!

Develop courage and move ahead and send them unconditional love. Be easy on them if they are not growth orientated and be honest if you think they will grow at the same rate you will.

Anyone struggling with there parents ask yourself - What are my parents teaching me? Maybe they have help develop your patience or tolerance.

They may be content and unwilling to change. Maybe at there level they are enjoying there lives just as much as you want them to.

But I think big one is to shine on!