Abuse of Power (Blog)

[Savage]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

Abuse of Power

[Bud921]

Very powerful article. I especially liked what you had to say about whining..

If we simply stop whining our life will change drastically.. Have you heard of A Complaint Free World? They sell "live strong" bracelets that say "A Complaint Free World" and every time you find yourself complaining you're supposed to switch the bracelet to the other hand. The idea is you're supposed to go one month with it on the same hand. I'm at day 15



While reading I noticed a few grammatical errors:

It that sounds really dumb, that’s because it is dumb.

I realized that just become someone was questioning my behavior didn’t mean I had to justify myself to them.

Hope that helps.

Thanks.

[supertom]

Im trying to read this but my mind and body just wont let me... werid

[Xanafax]

Great post!

I've been thinking about this recently actually 'cos I've been struggling with my studies and I guess this is just what I needed.

As usual Steve your right on time!

[Elfwing]

I think I love you, Steve. Your articles always come at a perfect time for me. Thank you.

[supertom]

"courage is the willingness to empower your desires instead of your fears." is my way too also a total disrespect of fear, people give fear to much respect imo

[supertom]

“Just take note of what I’m wearing, so you can identify the body later.” lols did anybody else see him as tony stark

[carenkh]

I needed that smack.

Thank you sir, may I have another?

[ken nubo]

Today I was about to go for a run, but I didn't think I could do it -- my hips hurt.

So I asked my wife, she said no.

Then the weather sucks, I couldn't run. I blame it on the dog (and weather).

Afterwards I aruged with her.

Yeah, you get the idea.

[supertom]

wonder how the 30 day trial would work thou, just give my the attention of my thoughts towards my desires while still trying to be in the moment, beautiful paradox

[beautyscientist]

What a beautifully clear piece of writing.

I didn't read it when it first popped up in Google Reader because I assumed it would be about how to deal with people abusing the power they have over you. I thought, I am passed caring about that now.

I should have known better of course. Steve is always surprising.

I am a few weeks short of my 49th birthday which I think makes me a bit older than the average on here. From my perspective as someone who has lived a while, can I just say that in my opinion the basic message behind this article is about the most important thing we all need to learn. Whatever happens, what makes the difference is how you respond. Complaining is never helpful. I have done it enough in the past to know how useless it is and to not want to waste anymore time on it in the future.

Thanks Steve, this was great stuff.

[jesstucker]

awesome article. power is my biggest area where i need to grow. thanks for breaking it down Steve.

[bbdream8]

Hi Steve,

I love the part about asking permission. Asking permission is denying ourselves to live our life to the fullest. Great point noted.

Cheers,
Vincent

[cylon]

My victim mentality hates this article.

[steve0617]

How can one expect to maintain a healthy relationship with anybody else if the desires of one partner do not take into account the other's wishes/desires at all?

Husband proclaims 'I am going exercise my personal power and have sex with my admin assistant and if you [wife] don't like it, you're free to leave.' Wife objects as they have a previously agreed to monogamous relationship. Wife is now forced to make a decision.

Is that how one should reasonably expect to live their lives? 'I want, you succumb or else. Period!' This example is extreme of course; it's not unlike quitting your job and starting a business. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it simply because a spouse objects, (I fully accept that you have total power to make the decision and implement it) but to ramrod it down their throats because 'that's what 'I' want to do' doesn't seem doable either.

Does that seem reasonable or doable over time? It ALWAYS forces the other person's hand.

And the way Steve has described it in the article, it seems to be ANYTHING is within your power and the other person(s) that your decision affects can simply pound sand.

Decision making within ambiguity perhaps?

That's where I get lost trying to embrace this concept.

[straysweeper]

This was very humours thank you! It was also very realistic for me, not just for myself but a lot of people I hang around. Which leads me to the question: What about if you misuse your power so long, you now have caused irrefutable damage to yourself and your life?

I say this as I'm around my Mom, her friend and my dad. All whom have significant health challenges due to various reasons, yet I see similarities between them that make me want to smack them! Repeatedly! Then I get angry at myself for similar traits. I don't want to be constantly mad at them, and don't want to completely cut them out of my life either, but its pathetic watching them fall apart and saying they can't do anything about it.

*Smacks himself for the negativity associated with last paragraph*

This is going to hurt....

[helga]

“I don’t know what to do” is not an observation. It’s an act of creation.*
Very well said. We perpetuate what we believe.

If you can’t handle, “I know what to do,” then start with, “I’m now*gaining clarity about what to do.”
Other ways to approach this might be: If I did know, what would I do? If I were more confident what would I do? If I had more support what would I do? If someone I admire were in my shoes, what would she do? We can use our imagination to sneak past what seems to be reality.

Seriously, the next time you catch yourself saying, thinking, or believing, “I don’t know what to do,” give yourself a good hard smack across the face.
Ouch – now isn't that just adding abuse to abuse? Like smacking a child, when they cry. “Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about..” Anyone who has grown through an abusive childhood is already an expert at heaping one kind or another of mental abuse on themselves. I would say if you don't get it the first time, give yourself some compassion and try again, and again, and again. Kindness and positive reinforcement creates change faster than more abuse.

Whenever you catch yourself feeding your fears, stop and remind yourself that this is a serious abuse of your power. Then reclaim that energy by imagining yourself drawing it back into you. Finally, use your power correctly by imagining what you really want, and send all that energy into those thoughts, images, and feelings*instead.

Send that energy into thoughts of “how can I create support”,” how I can make this easier for myself”, “how can I be kind to myself and others?”. If you slap yourself for being weak, how will you treat others when they exhibit fear, weakness and failure?

I love this quote I saw just the other day “You are not required to attend every argument that you are invited to.”

Anyone have an real life examples of how to respond to complaints and arguments? This is a skill we need to learn by practice like any other skill, hopefully without adding more abuse to ourselves while we practice.

[ArthurHung]

Steve is so much more conscious than how he writes, but with posts like these he can't hide much

I especially liked:

If you can see the folly in trying to seek permission from a large and diverse audience where it’s impossible to get everyone to agree on the simplest things, can you also see the folly in seeking permission from people on an individual basis?

Quality problems to have

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by steve0617

How can one expect to maintain a healthy relationship with anybody else if the desires of one partner do not take into account the other's wishes/desires at all? <snip>

Decision making within ambiguity perhaps?

That's where I get lost trying to embrace this concept.

Start with where you are; what is the next step you need to take? Decide to take it.

It's very easy to get caught up in hypotheticals, like sex with the admin assistant; that can be a fun and seemingly dramatic way of staying stuck. Don't think about hypothetical situations; think about NOW. Where are you NOW?

You don't have to embrace every permutation of every iteration of the idea for it to work for you.

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by carenkh

Start with where you are; what is the next step you need to take? Decide to take it.

It's very easy to get caught up in hypotheticals, like sex with the admin assistant; that can be a fun and seemingly dramatic way of staying stuck. Don't think about hypothetical situations; think about NOW. Where are you NOW?

You don't have to embrace every permutation of every iteration of the idea for it to work for you.

Very well put. I think that's what I have to take away from this information.

[methylethyl]

Originally Posted by steve0617

How can one expect to maintain a healthy relationship with anybody else if the desires of one partner do not take into account the other's wishes/desires at all? <snip>

Is that how one should reasonably expect to live their lives? 'I want, you succumb or else. Period!' <snip>

And the way Steve has described it in the article, it seems to be ANYTHING is within your power and the other person(s) that your decision affects can simply pound sand.

I had the same thoughts when I read this part. I lived this with my ex, constantly having to deal with his decisions and actions that affected the whole family with no input on our part at all. "Deal with it" I did, with a divorce.

So, yes, I took his actions and using my own personal power decided how I was going to react, with less than stellar results. Is ending the relationship the only answer? Seems to be from the article. I'm just not getting how this is a 'good' quality to have.

[Harmonium]

Steve, you feel like a dad to me. It doesn't even matter that I've never met you or seen you. Your intelligence and giving has transformed me in such a positive way. You push people to grow, you don't baby them. Words feel inadequate for expressing my gratitude. You taught me to use my consciousness.

[Fullcrum]

One of my favorite articles from you Steve.

Is it your best? I do not know and perhaps cannot judge. But this is one of my favorites. I read it and feel its power.

Action is being taken. Goals are being written. Books are being Photoread. Power is coursing through my veins.

I see what I want, and it is mine.

[Digital Jack]

Originally Posted by cylon

My victim mentality hates this article.

I got a good laugh out of this one, very nicely and briefly stated. It's tough to think like a victim when you remove the 'logical' arguments that work you into that mentality in the first place.

This article came at a good time for me as well, I had a bit of a victim mentality going at the time, but reading this short circuited those thoughts in my brain some how, and not in a bad way. For about an hour my brain was on a thought process of "Now what do I do now that I can't complain? I cant even complain about not being able to complain... too late." And this went on for a little while, but it was followed but a surge of activity and finally getting some things done.

This reminds me of a comment I heard on the net once about the word "enlightenment". Think of 'enlighten' not in terms of brightness, but in terms of weight being lifted. If you let go of the string, the balloon will rise on its own accord.

[SeaRod]

I read this in another forum and it has changed my perspective...

"Start treating yourself like your bestfriend"

Man thats so powerful. Start encouraging and accepting yourself.

[JoeRad]

Steve, you are proving your point of us all being connected. The timing of this article could not be better. I have just become free again, free to build my life and then this is posted, the right summary of points at just the right time.

In the past I've used my power to give selflessly to others...to my detriment. in the past I've used my power to disempower myself through fear and anxiety of an almighty god smiting me.

The last few days of freedom have been so enlightening, I can't help but realize that I am on the right path.

As always, you have given me a gift, just when I needed it.

Well done sir, and thank you.

[Gregorz]

Really inspiring article. I've recently sunk into something of a mire of hopelessness which I'm dragging myself out of now, and this helped a lot.

[st33med]

OH NOES STRIKE OF THE KITTYWOMPUS!

Anyways, this morning I felt really sick after going to this NASCAR race. It was really boring and I did a whole lot of walking and stayed up about 20 hours. I woke up with my head feeling like it would crack open, and I developed a stomach ache later because I ate no carbs this morning. I had to do homework, yet I kept complaining. I was sick. I started to realize later that I could still attempt the homework, and attempt it I did. I ate more carbs (Cheez-its and soda :\) and took some aspirin, and about a half hour later, I felt fine and wrote three timed writing essays in 2 hours and 15 minutes for my AP English class, which is no easy task even in my refreshed state.

I do not think of myself as a complainer any more, but for certainty? I always say, "Probably", or "I think so," when I am not 100% confident about an answer. I used to say, "I don't know" all the time, so it's an improvement.

In the next article that you write (or sometime), can you write an article about sarcasm? I want to know why you abhor sarcasm; I know it can hurt, but what about stuff like "Oh, a dusting tomorrow sounds like a good enough reason to shut down schools,"?

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

“I don’t know what to do” is not an observation. It’s an act of creation. Obviously you won’t know what to do if you’re using your power to perpetuate a state of self-doubt. Whenever you proclaim that you don’t know what to do, you’re creating your own state of perpetual uncertainty.

Is there a principle that can be used to determine whether a given statement is an observation or an act of creation?

In your book you wrote

It's okay to want something and have no idea how to get it, but it's not okay to lie to yourself and pretend everything is perfect when you know it isn't.

"I have no idea how to get what I want" seems stronger than "I don't know what to do." Why is it not also a disempowering act of creation?

[Yynatago]

Originally Posted by Algernon

Is there a principle that can be used to determine whether a given statement is an observation or an act of creation?

You're confusing the act of not knowing what to do with the accompaining thought of "I don't know what to do". By thinking "I don't know what to do", you're contributing to the creation of not knowing what to do.

Steve is emphasing the point that you're thoughts are act of creations so you can direct them more productively.

Regards,
Yynatago