Good Vibrations Visualization - 30 Day Trial Anyone?

[staceyterry]

I had a doozy of a day yesterday (Feb. 11). And this morning, lucky for me, Steve inspired me with his post about shifting one's vibration. I am going to give this a go for 30 days, starting today. I'm usually a wait-for-Monday kinda girl (I'm sure that's part of the problem), but after I read Steve's post, I made myself up a little calendar and decided to get started right away. And I'm hoping others may join me and share the experience of trying this out.

I wasn't sure whether my mind and feelings would stray too far since I'm not used to focusing for 20 minutes. So I broke my visualization into 4 consecutive chunks of 5 minutes and set a quiet little chime on my cell phone alarm.

I started with a relationship... visualizing dancing, raising a family, passion, holding hands, walking, smiles... lots of smiles.... and cuddling.

My next five was my body: seeing the flat tummy I so long for, feeling myself doing chin-ups, imagining the raw food I would make and nourish myself with, feeling incredible energy and spark

Half-way! The time really flew by... the chunking was making it very doable for me!

Next: wealth - Envisioning a beautiful log-cabinish home with natural fixtures and furnishings. Set somewhere with lots of trees and yes, even a little lake. I saw myself sitting out on the deck of this home, wrapped in a blanket in the early morning, felt the thick rise of morning mist and hearing the call of loons on the water. That's a powerful one for me... instantly makes my emotions react with peaceful joy. I tried to visualize a new car and stuff, but I honestly don't get too excited about that, even though it would be nice. I just kept coming back to that very natural place.

Finally, I tried to visualize my service/career. The first images to come were of singing on a stage. First I played a fast-paced energy-pumpin' tune with a full back-up band. Then I heard myself singing a soft folky acoustic song that drew a hush of stillness from my audience and we all enjoyed the moment together. I struggle with this image though. I've actually had the pleasure of a reading with Erin, and I asked her about my singing. My spirit guides indicated that it's my connection to the source, but not really a career path. Which is fine... as long as it's a part of my life! From there I tried to get some images of some sort of natural health career path, but it's very unfocused...not quite there.

So! Day 1 is done. And that's pretty pleasant 'work' I must say. I'll make this a part of my morning routine.

I hope posting will make me more accountable! I have this pattern of starting off strong and fading. I need to break that habit, so I need to do things differently. I hope this will be that difference!

[staceyterry]

I surprised myself this morning and spent 25 minutes on my visualization. Of course, that might be partly because I did it before getting out of my warm comfy bed this morning.

I tried to follow the same pattern, but I didn't use an alarm today... just a go with the flow approach.

I spent some time creating a little imaginative narrative with each of my visualizations. I brought my future relationship narrative into the present and imagined meeting that special someone at the upcoming Festival du Voyageur, a local winter festival, and a setting with a great deal of potential as far as meeting someone musical, or at least interested in fiddle music. I created scenes of how we would meet, what we'd say, how the sparks would feel... not sure how detailed to make this. That's likely sufficient...

I tried applying the same strategy to my health visualizations, but the narrative didn't come as easily there. I ended up with choppy images that didn't connect to one another. I also found it more difficult to get as emotionally involved.

I had better luck visualizing the house again. I took the time to wander up to the house, go around the deck, look out over the lake, and then start exploring the house room by room.

The career section was like the health one... choppy... not as attached to emotion as the other two. I haven't decided on my story there yet. I haven't invested my emotions there.

If anything, I'm learning. My health and career are supposed to be the two areas in my life I'm supposed to be focusing on this year (mostly because they need the most work). But perhaps there's something to this realization that I have difficulty creating a smooth visualization in these two areas. Maybe once I've worked out a narrative for myself, one that I can be excited about, I'll find more success?

[jdbhouston]

Hey Stacey, I just wanted to say thanks for what you've written so far; it's been a great illustration of the practical application of what Steve is talking about. You've given me some idea of how to start, and I'm working on transmitting my own 'good vibrations'! Looking forward to hearing more about your experience.
jdb

[staceyterry]

Well... honestly, yesterday morning only yielded about 5 minutes of effort, and it was lacklustre effort at that. It was a funny thing. The goal I'm trying to achieve is to shift my vibration, but yesterday I was so attached to my glum feelings that I stubbornly, petulantly, refused to do something positive to lift myself out of it.

I've written a gloomy history for myself as far as Valentine's Day goes. The last couple years offered a few holidays of reprieve, starting with this. But now that I'm single again, the universe delivered on my standard order. The difference is that while before I tended to just feel lonely and sad, this time I felt lonely, sad, and disappointed in myself because I know exactly what I'm doing... that the feelings I'm sending out are reinforcing that story. If I know better, why don't I do better?

I did try in the morning... but weak images of new love kept rolling around to missing my ex, remembering the past, and reinforcing the impression, which became a vibrational certainty, that there would be no romantic rescue or acknowledgment this day. So, after 5 minutes I just got up and started my day, thinking maybe I'd try later when I might be in a more positive mood.

That morning there was one shimmering moment of hope when the telephone rang and a delivery man said he had flowers... turned out they were for my neighbour. lol. Maybe that's the Valentine's equivalent of 11:10?

I was just determined to hold myself a pity party yesterday. But realistically, I have nothing to complain about. When I come to a moment in the present, I'm healthy, secure, and capable. I took myself out, enjoyed some more music at the festival, visited The Forks cultural district, and rented myself some videos (and not romances!). And it wasn't all gloomy. I even ended up with some unexpected company when an acquaintance (and no, not a potential mate) stopped by before and after visiting his mother who lives in my building.

And this morning I had better success. I just picked two areas: the relationship area and the health area and focused on those. Though actually, it seemed like a better idea as I was going to just give myself some positive encouraging love rather than think about asking the universe for someone else. I've been hard on myself lately, and I need to make some peace with myself. So that's what I started!

And I do feel that today will be a better day.

[staceyterry]

In addition to doing the 20 minutes of visualization, Steve also suggested changing one's environment. I realize the suggestion is intended to be followed on a daily basis, but just for today I did both!

First, I went to the Centre for Conscious Living and listened to a speech that seemed tailor made for me and the worry/frustration I've been feeling about not being able to always be happy and positive. From there, I went to Festival du Voyageur again today! And this time I danced. I went alone, and I had no one to dance with. Sometimes when I go to events where I'm by myself, I actually shut down more. But today I found I was sitting on a bench, bopping around to fantastic music, and watching other people dance. I wanted to be up there. So I quieted my inhibitions and just did it. And I had a fabulous afternoon because I did! I went from dancing to some African beat music to jigging to fiddle music. I feel better than I've felt in days!

[staceyterry]

So I tried again this morning to do my visualization before even getting out of bed. Yes, it's comfy and I'm inclined to do the activity, but I'm also finding my attention only stays focused for a couple minutes before I cross the line from visualization into dreamland. But it was usually a matter of moments before my attention would kick back in and I'd realize I'd wandered off.

I'm becoming more lackadaisical in my visualizations too. It's more difficult to feel genuine emotions with the images. That suggests to me that perhaps they're not aligned with my true purpose? I've also been in a real physical slump, so maybe that's contributing to the dullness that I feel.

Overall I let go this morning of physical things I'd like to attract, and instead I just focused on feeling good about myself... thinking about the 50 trillion cells in my body and how they deserve my gratitude and love. Actually, I learned a very useful technique in the group meditation I attended yesterday. Our practitioner suggested that if we had any area of pain in our bodies, that we direct feelings of love to that area. Why haven't I thought of that before???

Anyway, my chest is still feeling the effects of exuberant jigging yesterday, so I directed lots of love there and to the left side of my head, which seems to be the side that experiences a bit of mild headache the last week or so.

I think tomorrow I'll resist the temptation to stay in bed and get myself to a more alert state before I do the visualizations.

[staceyterry]

Sometimes one just needs to ask for a bit of help!

I struggled with my day again yesterday, and inevitably I called a friend who tends to help me find a positive perspective on all these changes I'm pursuing. Thankfully, that friend even gave me an unexpected, though welcome wake-up call this morning to encourage me. I've completely neglected my typical exercise component to my day, so this morning after his call (at 6:30 a.m.) I got out of bed, dug my exercise bike out of the corner it's been sitting in since I moved, and rode it for 30 minutes. I stretched, and then I did my 20 minutes of visualization.

Actually, I started even more simply... about 10 minutes or so of just meditation... just trying to empty my thoughts, calm my breathing, and just be. My mind wandered lots, but I just calmly returned to my breath. That felt pretty good. From there I did 20 minutes of visualization... again chunking it into the same 4 areas.

You know... I don't think I really know what I want yet. Every time I do this visualization exercise, the images are different. And though it's always pleasant, I don't find myself getting excited or passionate about the subjects I choose to visualize. I definitely need to revisit my purpose.

There was the odd exciting image. One involved creating a business/education center involving raw food. I paid attention to the story my thoughts created there. The other was winning the local Millionaire lottery that I bought a ticket for!

The thing about visualizing lottery winnings though is that it's at odds with this inkling feeling I have that that would be cheating. Somehow, someway, I'm just gonna have to muddle my way through the challenges I face and grow as a person and overcome the dilemmas I've created for myself, by myself (well, and maybe with a little help from some collective conscious love and support from others). It's funny the little internal debates I have on this subject.

On one hand, I want to open myself to an "anything is possible" abundant mentality and that would include the possibility of a win. On the other hand, there's this sense that somehow I gotta work out my challenges on my own steam. And then I wonder if the latter is just a limiting belief?

Anyway... I'm rambling on! Best get some steam going.

[JackHill]

Hi Stacey,

I just want to say thank you for taking the time to log your 30-day trial/experience and to tell you that I'm following you daily and I find your honest reflections helpful and enlightening. Recently, I had a revelation about focusing on my frequencies rather than actual things, so I did a quick web search to try to get more info on the subject and that's how I found this blog/forum. I was surprised to find that there's not much on the net about this subject, but I'm determined to gain a better understanding and disciple of the matter, because I suspect that learning to focus on and shift our frequencies is possibly at the core of making this stuff really work.

Also, I have an idea about creating a “Frequency” group, where a handful of like-minded people could come together once or twice a week and simply focus on tuning into a particular frequency. I’m thinking that a collective shift is easier than an individual one and that because of the collective focus and power, perhaps the desired results would manifest much quicker and more complete.

One other thing I’m been working on is aligning or “tuning” my internal and external frequencies. I’m finding that I can intentionally be generating a particular external or conscious frequency, but at the same time, I can unintentionally be generating an internal or subconscious frequency, which results in being “out of tune.” I have the notion that generating conflicting internal/external frequencies - being out of tune – could very well be the reason for limited positive results. I’ve come up with a few methods for identifying and aligning my internal/external frequencies and like you, I’m in the process of studying myself to determine the outcome. I figure that if it works on an individual scale, it will also work on a collective or larger group scale. If a whole group can tune their personal internal and external frequencies and then tune the group’s collective internal/external frequency, the possibilities might just be spectacular.

I’d be delighted to hear any of your thoughts on the topic, if you’re so inclined to ponder the matter. All other comments from other readers are welcomed too.

Cheering for you

Jack

[staceyterry]

Hi Jack!

I definitely think there's something to the idea you suggested of focusing on frequencies rather than things. I think I'm maybe now more aware of the concept, but not quite managing to implement/feel it. The situation reminds me of a friend I had in grade school who could wiggle her ears. I always thought if I could just become aware of/find those particular muscles, I'd be able to wiggle mine too. But, still wiggleless after all these years!

And based on my very limited experience of group meditation (I've been to a group session a total of 3 times for 15 minute sessions), I'd definitely agree that it's easier to focus in the group. Actually, this last Sunday, towards the end of our guided meditation there was a moment when our practitioner asked us to receive the love from the other people in the room. I had a visceral reaction to this moment. I truly felt that supportive loving wave. That was a first for me. And I suspect it's going to be like learning any other skill... it will take practise for me to 'catch the ball' each time. But in that particular moment, I definitely had my catcher's mitt tuned in.

And I really like the idea of tuning as a metaphor for what one is doing... especially the idea you suggested of internal vs. external. As I've tried to expand my understanding of reality this last year, I've noticed that many of the concepts (law of attraction, string theory, water memory) utilize the idea of vibration. I'm an amateur musician, and I take a lot of pride in listening to and creating pleasing sounds. I can barely stand anymore to hear an instrument being played out of tune. Hopefully I'll be able to transpose all this understanding to my efforts and learn how to adjust myself the same way I adjust the strings on my guitar. lol... Actually, now that I think about it, maybe part of the problem is that I've become reliant on my automatic tuner, which requires only the effort of pressing a button, whereas I used to tune by ear... a much lengthier process. Maybe it's time to be more self-reliant again.

And finally, thanks Jack for your feedback! It's really nice to know there are others out there following and finding my experiences useful! I'm mostly doing this to track my changes, keep myself accountable, and to work on my writing skills. But if it's of service, that's great great news!

So, onto my experience this morning. As it was day 7, I decided to go back and reread Steve's blog to remind myself of what to work towards, and I think I've been missing an important starting point.

Steve suggested first trying to tune into what signals one is giving out. I haven't been doing that! I was just launching into what I wanted without paying attention to what already is. There were two words/feelings that came to me when I tried to listen. The first was 'confusion' and I should have written down the second! But there's definitely a sense of yearning or awareness of lack. And my reality reflects that.

From there, I did some deep breathing, sitting, and I'm getting pretty good at becoming relaxed. But I know I'm most relaxed when laying down. So I changed positions. I don't think that was a good choice. It's a bit too relaxing. Once again I'd be able to remain conscious for about 5 minutes and then that line would get blurry and I'd realize I was drifting out.

I didn't try to think about external things/objects very often this time. I spent the time switching between trying to listen for what was inside and urging my energy to a more positive, confident, loving place. I'm very quick to be disappointed and hard on myself, so this is probably a more important starting place for me than worrying about relationships or beautiful homes, as nice as those things would be. I tried to visualize how it would feel if I honestly, truly loved myself. It wasn't a feeling/image I could maintain for very long at all. My brain wandered all over the place this morning.

So, I think the external things/objects are better focus-anchors, for lack of a better word, but my intuition is that self-love is still, for me, the direction I should keep going in. I'm also somewhat amused at myself that self-love is a vague or abstract notion for my consciousness to grasp.

One other note to add is an interesting experience I had last night. In his 11:11 blog, Steve wrote that there are other means of having your reality perceptions challenged. While I don't recall many experiences of seeing 11:11, I have noticed in the last year or so that when I'm out and about in the evening, it's not uncommon for streetlights to go out or come on when I pass underneath. I've found this accident? can vary from an almost every other evening event to a once a week occurrence. It had been mostly absent for the last few weeks while I've been down and out. Last night was like a hyper-night of lights. I noticed 3 streetlights go out (at different points and places), and while I was shopping in a Costco warehouse, one of the internal overhead lights (like the kind you see in gymnasiums) actually went out when I passed below. That was a new one.

I choose to believe that that's a positive sign, and that hopefully I'm starting to take myself in a good direction. One week down and four to go!

[staceyterry]

My true self is love.

***

Well, it's been a challenging morning. I did get up at 6:00 am and I did exercise this morning, and I did sit down to do my visualization. A strange thing happened though when I started. After yesterday's session, I had decided that I would approach subsequent sessions with a purpose towards self love.

So, when I started this morning, I relaxed, did some deep belly breathing (sitting up this time), until I felt nice and calm. And then the first image I called into my thoughts was simply that of me giving myself a hug (almost like two separate people). And suddenly, I just started to cry... both literally and in my image. The me in my image that received the hug just let out all the hurt and sorrow and fear that seems to be residing within me, and the other me just loved and hugged. So, I'm holding this image in my mind, and soon, I'm also physically starting to feel tears run down my cheeks. It was an odd sensation... it felt painful and really good all at the same time.

And I just stayed with that image, and the sad me just soaked up that hug like a sponge. But it was somewhat overwhelming. I didn't feel compelled to continue visualizing anything after that. And the waterworks were on now in real life, and I found myself crying over all sorts of things in my life I'm dissatisfied with. Should I mention also that I turned another year older today (and that I've created this idea that I should be x, y, and definitely z by now)?

So... I called my friend again. Boy... am I lucky to have this guy in my life!! And he listened. And after many positive reassurances, he suggested I take some time to come back to Steve's archives and look for some more inspiration. So I did. And I found two that will for sure save the rest of this day and also contribute to my desire to shift myself out of this dive I've been in. This was the first one, and here is the second.

Each was a needed glass of water for a very thirsty tear-drained girl! And after reading the end of the second, I sat at my table and started writing.

And the first thing I wrote was: "My true self is love".

I'll share a little more of what I wrote with you:

My true self is love. My true self recognizes beauty in all things. I see it in the wood grain of this table. I see it in the colour contrast of the ink upon the page. I feel it in the warmth of the sun upon my skin. My true self has value. My true self is learning, growing, helping, waiting.

It is not my hair. Nor my stomach. It is not my skin. It is not my failed relationship. It is not my debt. It is not this apartment, nor its contents. It is not my rusty car.

My true self is love. It is the swelling of my heart when I recognize kindness. It is the tears I cry when I see selflessness. It is the joy I feel when I'm at peace. My true self has chosen this path and everything in it. My true self does not worry about the past or future. My true self is love.

This shifting is hard, hard work and it DOES require patience (gee, where have I heard this before? ). It IS more difficult than I thought it was going to be. I thought that each day I'd just gradually get happier. But the reality is that I'm facing and confronting all sorts of pain and issues in my life.

But I'm committed to keep with it, even if I have to cry every time I do it! And when I take the time to look at all that I have, I don't even know why I'm crying as I have SO MUCH to be thankful for... I just have to get that unruly woe-is-me ego under control.

[staceyterry]

Yay! So glad to see a new post by Steve!

Yesterday ended on a much more positive note than it began. I was blessed with time spent in the presence of two of my closest friends, and, before I went to bed, I was able to fill a page in my gratitude journal (another method I use to work towards a more positive outlook) with all the things I was thankful for yesterday.

Before I started my 20 minutes this morning, I skimmed the articles from Steve I found yesterday. I took a few moments to just remember what it is I'm working towards... an overall shift in my vibration. I reminded myself this could take years, and that's okay. I reminded myself that though I've been through a slump, that slump is not the true me. I knew that I wanted to keep working on the idea/frequency? of self-love. I didn't quite know how to proceed this morning, but I figured I'd start with the self-hug image again and go from there.

No tears this time. This morning, it just felt good. After that, I hesitated about where to send my thoughts/feelings next, but I quickly decided to just let go of any complex stories, images, narratives, etc. and just try to keep two focuses... my breath, and the concept of self-love. I told myself I didn't need any visual images or anything... they were fine if they came, but I didn't need to work at creating them.

This was actually more difficult than I thought it would be. My mind seemed determined to make things more complex (another favourite pattern of mine). But each time I noticed myself starting to build a story, or alternately wandering off into random jumping monkey land, I just came back to that simple idea of breathing and self-love.

No intense or dramatic emotions came. No epiphanic realizations at the end. I even stopped about 11 minutes in to check my watch, but I went back and continued until I reached 20 minutes.

Nope. No fireworks . I'm used to fireworks...i.e. I expect a lot. Hmmmm. I'm not sure what to make of this approach. It's definitely different from what I normally do... and maybe that's a good thing!

There's also the thought residing in my mind that I'm jumping around a lot... not really sticking to any one particular strategy to really give it a chance. This thought comes attached with more self-critical finger-waving at myself though.

Hmmm... [flicks this thought off between the "ego peanut gallery" goal posts].

Happy Friday!

[Peaceflmeadow]

Stacey

Just wanted to say thanks for your posts. They have been very inspiring.

Your Day 8 post hit me hard, but in a great way. I loved hearing how you worked through it all. I am currently working on a 30 day challenge that includes meditation, and your post brought to light something I don't think I had fully realized. I believe I am scared as to what I might find behind the walls I have built through the years, and I am likely holding back. To hear your experience, and how you worked through it makes me much less tentative to keep pushing my limits.

Thank you!!

[staceyterry]

Hi Peaceflmeadow! I'm very happy that my process helps you! I do know that, ironically, one of my strengths is being able to share my vulnerabilities. Somehow I escaped, at least to some degree, the social programming that encourages us to keep our pain to ourselves. I want to be careful though that I'm still moving forward and not identifying too much with being this person who is always talking about her pain and thus needing to have pain to talk about! But I also want to be authentic... it's quite the little see-saw.

This morning's routine was again, undramatic. I counted 10 deep belly breaths before I started, pausing slightly at the end of each inhalation and exhalation. Again, I took a route that was aimed more towards meditation than visualization. I again chose just the two focuses of breath and self-love.

I was more alert throughout this session. I was more aware of just how much my mind wanted to wander, be random, and create pictures. Of the 20 minutes, I'm guessing that I was probably successful for about 4? minutes (not in consecutive time). It's hard to say. Time is hard to measure during this activity.

The way my brain jumps around is very dream-like: not only do the images seem disjointed and random, they're hard to grasp and remember. I thought I'd write about some of them only to sit down now and realize I can't get back and pinpoint any!!

I opened my eyes a bit too soon, so I had about4 minutes left. So, I decided for the remainder to choose some immediate short-term goals for visualization. I focused on making some delicious green smoothies and seeing myself getting some work done today.

In terms of how my efforts so far are impacting my experience of reality, I'd say that while I don't exactly feel bliss or joy as I have in the past, I'm not feeling quite so hopeless either. Yesterday was both productive, and even fun! I faced some responsibilities at work that I've been avoiding. And last night, I returned to the Festival du Voyageur and "lucked out" when I ran into friends in the parking lot and thus had some company to enjoy the music with.

On the drive home from the festival I was allowing myself to think a lot about making a fast food stop as I often do when I'm "off the wagon". I figured I would, but then when I drove to the entrance street, I just kept going. I knew I wasn't hungry. I opted for an epsom salt bath and a chat on the phone instead. That's a positive for me.... choosing to do better when I've already given myself permission to go for immediate gratification.

I'm a third of the way through my 30 day trial. Feels good to be sticking with this!!

[staceyterry]

This is cutting it pretty close. I didn't do my visualization this morning, and then was away most of the day (enjoying fantastic music that I love!). Blah, blah, justification, excuse!!

But it's 11:25 pm and I just finished my 20 minutes, so I made it! I didn't start with a plan. I just closed my eyes and tried to stick with more positive images than random images. My brain ran the gamut of my personal goals... looks, love, service, wealth, spiritualism, connection, children, music... it was all there in wee bursts.

Definitely better to do in the morning!! My energy is much lower at the moment and I was soooo close to sleep. Sadly, the only goals that were generating much accompanying emotion were the more shallow ones of working towards a slimmer body. Well... (argues back against the voice of self-criticism) that's not all true. There was some inspirational time trying to create a personal visualization equivalent for the touching moment I caught on the Oscars tonight honouring Jerry Lewis and his work for MS.

I was actually lucky enough to interview Steve recently, and during our conversation he taught me to pay attention to moments, even TV/movie moments, that spike my emotions. And tonight when I saw Jerry receive his humanitarian award, I felt that tearful spike... thinking back to the years I'd watched his telethon and thinking of all the stories about people and the efforts to improve their lives.

So at one point during my visualization, I tried to think of how I might find such a path... one that would be worthy of that word, humanitarian. I have to admit, I didn't really come to any conclusions.... just the vague sense that giving on that sort of scale would probably be the greatest emotion I could ever experience. My tired brain answers me now that it's probably not about finding anything... it's just about ACTING to meet the needs of others. And there is no shortage of needs.

But I'm afraid my insights are starting to run on empty , so nighty night!

[staceyterry]

I resumed my morning session! It went a bit longer this time.

Again, the experience tends to weave between meditating (aiming for nothingness or a very limited awareness focus) and visualizing (creating positive images and narratives).

I did have a moment where I realized that the positive images and narratives tend to be future based, which feels very different than the meditation which is in the present moment. It occurred to me that maybe my visualizations, which tend to project me into future, should not be "I will" but rather conceiving such moments as already present... I am!! I tried to move those images more to the present, but my ego was always kinda lurking there making sure I knew what a fake I was at trying to pass off these ideas as present reality.

The meditation seems to be pretty useful at lowering the volume of this negative voice. So I find I'm spending more time meditating just to be quietly, peacefully in the moment. I'll have to be patient and let the visualizations come later, because for right now, unless I'm already in a really positive frame of mind/frequency, I'm not getting excited about these goals because I'm too afraid I'll never reach them.

That's the other emotion I was quite conscious of this round... fear. I know Steve has some great articles about fear, so I'll have to do some more archive browsing.

Getting close to the half-way point!

[staceyterry]

Well, today's session was an after supper event. I slept in this morning, but I have no regrets about doing so! Last night I went to bed with a headache that bordered on the edge of being a migraine. I haven't had one of these for ages, but my February food slump included reindulgence in a fair bit of coffee consumption, and so in the pursuit of getting back on the health track I went without caffeine yesterday. So, by the evening, I think I was experiencing some withdrawal that just got a bit away on me.

And I have no idea if the headache played a part, but I woke up a little after six this morning and still felt the head pressure, so I just went back to sleep. And during that phase of dreaming, I think?? I had a few minutes of lucid dreaming. I remember a moment where it suddenly occurred to me that I was awake in my dream. The environment of my dream was my parents place where I grew up. We were preparing for my sister's future wedding. And then presto. I had that moment of realization, and then I was in control. And the first thing I tested out was my ability to fly. Well, it wasn't so much flying... more like incredible leaping! I was jumping from hydro pole to hydro pole down the highway. The experience didn't last very long though. But boy that was fun!!

Anyway, having slept in this morning, I chose to get started on my day, so I just finished supper and did my visualization just now.

I figured my brain would be pretty jumpy, so I opted for the image visualizations this time. I started again with the self-love and then moved onto self-image... yes... the vain kind. I think I spent most of my time there. But I did include some time thinking again about making raw food recipes and visualizing lots of greens and smoothies. Finally, I again visited some pretty innocent romantic fantasy. I took myself on a horseback ride with my future mystery beau out to a lovely picnic where we talked and enjoyed each others' company. lol... I added an extra five minutes of visualization for that one.

I didn't exactly aspire to frequencies of nobility or inspirational personal growth with today's session... it felt very indulgent. But also quite enjoyable!

[staceyterry]

I made sure my visualization exercise was the first thing I did after getting out of bed. I was tempted to do it in bed, but I didn't want to risk falling back to sleep again this morning.

I've happily created the habit now, I think, of starting with those deep belly breaths and feelings of self-love. I stayed with visualizations this morning rather than meditation. Again, I tried to choose images I thought would inspire the most emotion.

Once again I tried to conceive my present body in the image that I am working towards. This morning I happened to see myself in a striking long and slim red dress. In reality, I tend towards muted colours most of the time. Once in awhile I do whip up the courage to wear something vivid. And I do like wearing red when I have something that fits well. So this visualization played not only to my desire to get fit, but also to my desire to be more courageous.

Though as the visualizations continued, I found I just wasn't really feeling all that excited about my choices. I know I have a great capacity for emotion, but everything inside felt muted. I still think it's fear. I'm afraid to get my hopes up towards those things that I want because I've let myself down so many times before.

So I returned to more immediate positive visualizations... making the green smoothie I would make, and now am, enjoying for breakfast (banana, mango, dino-kale, nutritional yeast, and coconut water). I thought about the big salad in my fridge and choosing that for my supper. Those are definitely possible and very attainable successes for today.

But I jumped around again trying to look for an image that would create more emotion. I tried out the wealth one again. I visualized a lottery win and thought about what that freedom would look like, how I would dance and bounce around my apartment. I thought about how it would feel to be able to go to my parents and be able to offer them support after all the times they've helped me out. I thought about how I could hire some movers to help my father clean out the garage that is currently stacked floor to ceiling with 'collectables'. I thought about how I could hire people to look after their 5 acre yard, and how then they could remain in the house and not have to worry about the heavy work now that they're retired. I thought about hiring myself a couple of music teachers and how then it wouldn't matter about needing to succeed (financially) with music, I could just do it because I love it. This direction felt more inspiring.

But of course, now that it's 15 minutes later, my eyes are open and I'm conscious of 'reality' (whatever that is) that particular 'get out of jail free' card doesn't seem to have much credibility.

So... I'm left with more learning about myself... I'm carrying a lot of fear and self-doubt, and I still want something for nothing. I can think of ways to start working on the first part... the latter is going to be a bit more tricky I think.

[staceyterry]

I'm very happy that I've got this far! It's certainly going to take more than 30 days to get to the frequency I'd like to be at, but I do feel assured that after 30 days I can pull myself out of the mud. I do feel like it's starting to happen. I'm not crying everyday anymore. That's a plus! lol. And not only did I have a fantastic green smoothie for breakfast, I made a raw soup yesterday for lunch. I haven't tried one of those since first trying to go raw in November. But, (confession time... TRUTH!!) Something happened though when I went out to drop off my mail.

It started with a little reward snack... so I got the "healthiest" processed snack I could find at the drug store (under no illusions that this had any redeeming qualities - it was a lesser of evil choices). Got in the car, opened the bag of rice crisps, and they tasted terrible. And somehow that result, which is in no way surprising, turned into a trip to A&W. This is the thing I need to understand about myself. I start to get myself going in a positive direction, and then I just as quickly make a sabotaging choice. I intentionally turn off any internal voices that might encourage me to make better choices and shoot straight for instant gratification. I brought my food home, ate it, and then moped about it the whole night, making the choice even worse.

I debated about writing about this. I've had a pattern of hiding food. There's a lot of shame for me in that choice yesterday. It's part of a repeating pattern. I know to break the pattern, I have to do things differently. That's the scary part. I know I'm going to try a new goal for March. I've been thinking about trying for 30 days of raw food, or 30 days of exercise, but maybe even a gentler gradient of 30 days of being honest about my food might be helpful. I still have a few days to decide. If anyone has input, I'm interested.

This morning's twenty minute session was more geared towards frequency/meditation. Again... belly breaths, then self-love. And that's all I was aiming for. My mind wanders a lot; it craves distraction. I was trying to focus on feeling good and moving past my choices from yesterday. That's my goal for today... just pick up again. Try not to let a bad choice influence the present.

Thankfully Steve's been posting lots of encouraging thoughts on twitter/facebook, and many of them are aimed at appreciating the present moment. I need all the reminders I can get!!

[Peaceflmeadow]

I am glad you are enjoying your progress on the meditations and growth. Its so much fun to watch the changes in myself, even if its going to take awhile, to just remember how far I have come makes the future seem like nothing I cannot tackle.

In regards to your inquiry on food changes and how to go about it, thought I might toss a few considerations out there.

I myself have 'poor food choices = medical problems and feeling miserable issue'. I have developed food allergies/sensitivities, and have a lot of food restrictions, especially keeping my carbs/sugars low. While I have grown over the years, I still have the same voices that try and convince me that eating this or that is not a big deal. That I can live with the discomfort and pain for a short period, just do it, you deserve it, you were stressed, you have been so good, just one slip up is no big deal.....ect ect. Luckily, overtime those voices are much quieter.......much. I have new voices now, that remind me how good I feel, how much more aware I am, and how much more balanced my diet is. Through practice, I have made those voices louder, and use them to combat the evil destructive ones

Couple of items that have helped me battle my food issues and make this easier:

• Menu planning and shopping on a set schedule
• Lots of recipes of food I truly enjoy
• packing my lunch and snacks religiously
• having 'treat' foods that fall in my limits so I can indulge now and again
• Eliminating items in stages, and making that stage a 100% rule

You can break down your food changes into pieces. Anytime I have struggled, its because I have taken on too much at once.

Most food choice mistakes happen for me happen when I don't have anything easy to cook/prepare in the house, or I am out and about and hungry. So menu planning, shopping, having snacks available, and having quick prepare foods on hand is a must for my personal success.

If you don't menu plan now, maybe that is a good starting point. Get really good at food plans and shopping first before you tackle some of the restrictions/changes. I am VERY specific about my menu planning. I include snacks, treats, breakfasts, everything.

From there you can get more into the habit of eating at home and bringing your food with you if you can. If you don't cook/prepare meals several nights a week, maybe that is another starting point or stage.

Its going to probably be too big of a step if you add menu planning, additional meal preps, struggling with food restrictions, and having to create/find new recipes all at the same time.

Another angle I have used in the past, is I use breakfast as my starting point for a change. So my first phase of a change, is to have 100% 'approved' breakfasts. Maybe I do it for a couple weeks, maybe a month before I move to the next meal or snack. Its easier for me to start with one meal, especially breakfast since its pretty much exclusively at home and I am less likely to run out and grab something.

Its also easier for me to say 100% NO to something. Like its easier to remove say 100% no to bread, period, then it is to say a small amount of bread is okay. I always push my limits when I allow something partially into the picture.

I know this doesn't work for everyone, and I am sure some of the above may not apply to you at all.......... but hopefully they are thoughts that will help you decide how to tackle your future goals

Good Luck!!

[staceyterry]

Thanks again for your feedback! I have to admit, I've never tried menu planning for very long. I've tried periods of it, but I found I couldn't stick with the time required for planning. But the fact that I have not really achieved the success I want yet suggests that it still might be a tool to get me over the hump.

Breakfast and lunch tend to be times for stronger choices. Supper seems to be the weakest link, so perhaps just choosing to plan a menu for my suppers would be a good starting point. Thank you for the idea!

I don't have a lot of time this morning for writing, but I felt good about this morning's session. It felt easier to be more positive this morning. Things were so quiet inside I was able to hear/feel my heartbeat, and so with every beat, I added the mantra of "Yes I can". That felt good. And as the odd little scene (mostly visions of making raw food and going to the gym) came to mind, it had that background music to accompany it.

I feel myself gearing up for March. I know I want to set a big "I'll do it all" goal. I feel myself wanting to make up for 'lost' time and be perfect. I need to carefully maintain the enthusiasm, but cultivate more patience and a gentler gradient. My naturopath has been encouraging me for months to adopt and stick to a schedule. I'm leaning towards that choice for now. 30 days of following a schedule. And that would be a reasonable goal if I hadn't backed myself into a corner with work. I have a contract deadline at the end of March and lots of hours to put in. On the other hand, probably the only way I'll realistically be done (and still find a balance for health) IS IF I follow a schedule.

Tough choices, but I feel like there's only a positive direction ahead.

[staceyterry]

I'm back from my weekend away from home. I have to admit I didn't get in a full 20 minutes yesterday. I feel asleep on the couch on Friday night, and then had to scramble to get ready to leave yesterday morning (was heading out of town to attend a surprise birthday party for my brother). I didn't have any time to myself until late Saturday night after my brother's party. I tried to do a stint of visualization while my parents drove us home, but I apparently fell asleep in the car after only a few minutes. I tried again once we were actually home, but again, I fell asleep sitting up. But I was eye-wateringly tired. Excuses, I know; I'm disappointed I didn't make it, but I just have to keep focusing on the positive and move forward.

I did my practice this morning, and it felt good. I had a few moments where I even felt 'humming' for lack of a better word. And I was able to decline my dad's offer to make me bacon and eggs this morning (our traditional family breakfast), so that's a positive!

I'm feeling optimistic about March. I believe I can develop some discipline this month and apply more effort to my goals. Even once I'm done my 30 days of visualization, I plan to continue. I believe this is the most consistent I've ever been, so that's progress too. Baby steps!

[staceyterry]

Well, I made myself a schedule last night, and so far so good. I was up at 5 a.m. this morning, and I've just finished my 20 minute session.

It felt good. I went with an aim of meditation. For awhile I did try to visualize my chakras. There is an image that comes, and there are some colours, but overall it's definitely fuzzy. I need to remind myself of each of the areas, functions, and colours. But mostly I went for a quiet mind with a background feeling of self love.

The only other variation from this was when I thought about shifting the background feeling to my two other favourite Pavlina words: power and truth. Power came with an image of all my cells looking like little Conan the Babarbarians... Truth... well... that was fuzzy... more abstract.

I finished off with a couple minutes of visualizing my day... seeing myself at the gym (where I'm heading next), and working on my contract today.

Yes I can!!

[staceyterry]

Whew! I had SUCH a great day yesterday. I managed to follow my schedule for myself, eat raw food all day, and get some work accomplished. I had lots of points to put into my gratitude journal before bed last night.

I'm up early again this morning, and I wish I was as pumped as yesterday. I'm feeling the effects of my bootcamp class yesterday. My body is quite sore. I feel like I need about one more hour of sleep. But I'm still going to go to the group weight training class. I'll just try to take it easy.

My visualization was a 5/10. I think perhaps because I'm tired my brain wandered more randomly than usual. And I wasn't as quick at realizing that I was in la-la land. But I still had moments of self-love that felt good. I focused on some pride for my accomplishments yesterday. I opened my eyes a bit too early, so for the last 4 minutes I worked on some of my favourite images: the flat tummy, the log house, and someone to share it with.

I am happy that things are going in a positive direction. It will be interesting for me to see how I feel after another 10 days of this!

[staceyterry]

A rather strange day yesterday. After I finished my post yesterday morning, I got ready to go to the gym and realized that my purse was missing. It wasn't in my apartment, nor in my car. With a sinking feeling, I realized that the last time I remembered having it was on my date at a busy coffee shop the night before. I gathered my stuff and headed there straight away. I asked at the counter, but no... they had not found a purse.

I didn't completely lose hope yet. I'd only quickly scanned my apartment, hoping the purse would be either in the car or at the coffee shop. I still went to the gym and did my workout. But once I got home and did a more thorough search, that's when the wheels fell off. It was gone.

And suddenly that circumstance became the trigger to have an emotional meltdown. I felt sooo cheated. I felt like a failure. Here I'd done everything I could the day before to do things right, to make my day positive, to shift and be productive. And still I'd done this stupid thing that felt overwhelming. This morning I can see how losing one's purse is not the end of the world, even if all my ID was in there and a large amount of cash. But yesterday, I felt like I'd been kicked in the teeth. I'd really tried my best. And I think underlying the real devastation was that I interpreted losing my purse as evidence confirming that my best was not good enough. Failure and shame were flooding through me.

But as I've mentioned before, I do have a friend who is often able to shine some light on such situations. I called him, and he did his best to provide some hope. After all, I didn't know the future. It was possible that someone might return it. And I hadn't murdered anyone or done anything wrong. It was just something that had happened. He also sent me this Steve Pavlina article. I read it, and went and soaked in the tub, managing for at least a few moments to just find some peace in present moments.

I spent the day canceling cards and moping. I didn't manage to eat all raw, but I didn't cave and run off to the drive through either, so that's a win. Then, in the late afternoon I got a call from the coffee shop. Turns out they DID have my purse afterall. No one had checked the back office where someone had put it. I had some initial moments of anger that my day had been so 'ruined' by this oversight, but then honesty forced me to take a look at myself and my reactions. If I'd gotten my purse back right away, I probably would have looked at the day through a completely different lens. The circumstances were just as they are. The variable was me and my attitude.

Wanting to find strategies for dealing with my emotions, I did a bit of research last night and came across the idea of EFT. I found it fascinating!

So actually, by the time I went to bed, I was excited and optimistic again and even grateful for my experience during the day.

This morning, I began my 20 minutes with one round of EFT. I'm sure it may help to do more, but I just wanted to give it a try. I can't say that I felt instantly different or anything. My 20 minutes was long. I felt pretty tired throughout. I kept opening my eyes and checking my watch. Each time I opened them I changed my focus a little: from self-love, to visualizing my actions today, to visualizing long-term goals, back to self-love, etc.

But time is ticking and I'm off to the gym! Interesting blip on the energy shifting front though.

[JSB]

Originally Posted by staceyterry

Wanting to find strategies for dealing with my emotions, I did a bit of research last night and came across the idea of EFT. I found it fascinating!

...

This morning, I began my 20 minutes with one round of EFT. I'm sure it may help to do more, but I just wanted to give it a try. I can't say that I felt instantly different or anything. My 20 minutes was long. I felt pretty tired throughout. I kept opening my eyes and checking my watch. Each time I opened them I changed my focus a little: from self-love, to visualizing my actions today, to visualizing long-term goals, back to self-love, etc.

EFT folks love to talk about the instant fixes and immediate shifts that some people experience, but that isn't true for everyone; you may have to stick with it for awhile to notice results. Try it for 10 minutes per day, and work to completely clear the emotional charge around whatever issue you're focusing on, i.e. rather than bringing it from an 8 to a 3, keep tapping and work on getting it all the way to a 0.

Keep it up and I'm sure you'll get some great benefits!

[StarieEyed]

Very interesting day! I must say I would have done exactly as you cept I probably wouldnt have gone to the gym! Great insite and I will have to contemplate it a little more and maybe learn something from your little ordeal. Love reading your updates, keep it up!

[staceyterry]

Wow! A landslide of feedback! Awesome! It really is great though; thank you!! And even kind of interesting. This will be a quick update. I have 8 minutes before I have to leave!

Had a great and productive day yesterday. This morning I again tried the EFT, two rounds this time... picking the concept of loneliness. Even though I didn't really feel lonely this morning, it's one of the negative emotions I'm prone to. At the end of my 20 minute visualization, I had the image of being hugged by two spirit guides... Phillip and Maggie, apparently (I have no idea where these names come... they just came out of the ether and I just accepted that perhaps it's true?? I'm putting a little faith in venturing into "out there" land). And then I came here and found two replies. Neat!!

It was a positive session. lol... which it's supposed to be, so I guess mission accomplished. The feelings of self-love were strong and confident this morning. I again visualized my day and spent a little time at the end thinking of more long-term goals.

I feel purty darned good at the moment. My muscles might object to that statement as they are certainly feeling the effects of my workouts, but I hope they forgive me for another round of resistance training this morning.

And on a final note... I too am missing Steve's posts! Will be sending him some virtual love though. I'm sure whatever he's doing at the moment is contributing to his growth and inevitably ours. 5:59 woo hoo!

[staceyterry]

Into the home stretch!

I did wake up at 5, but because I don't have a morning gym class this morning (I prefer to go to a particularly lively and spirited group step class at 5:30 on Friday's), I let myself sleep an extra 45 minutes this morning. My muscles appreciate the extra nap, but I think I feel more groggy.

My visualization wasn't as sharp today. It was hard to generate any clear feelings. Even the self-love I like to start with felt forced... as far as vibration goes, this morning would be equivalent to the sound my guitar strings make when I strum them too close to the bridge... tinny and muted without much ring!

I think it's very related to my breathing. I had a moment where I realized I was thinking about random blah. I noticed that at that moment my breathing had become quite shallow again (I always start the visualization process by taking lots of deep belly breaths). The moment I started to breathe more deeply, I also noticed that my mind seemed less clouded.

But it was an effort this morning. My concentration waned quite often. But that's okay. I had a great session yesterday, and a pretty good day too. And overall, I am starting to feel better!

And little opportunities are starting to appear. There's the possibility now that I might get a little gig teaching music to kids. And my friend phoned just at the end of my visualization to let me know the piano player in a little throw together band we have has confirmed he'll play with us for a summer festival again this year. More good news!

My thoughts at the moment are centered around my guitar strings and wondering about the mechanical or physical process of how they vibrate. I wonder if I learned about that process if there would be any corresponding knowledge I could take away to apply to my own vibration? hmmm...

[Peaceflmeadow]

Originally Posted by staceyterry

I still went to the gym and did my workout.

I think there is a lot to say that you still stuck to your goals that morning after not knowing where your purse was. I don't know if I could have stayed that focused at ALL in that situation

Great job, and I am glad it worked out in the end!!!

[jdbhouston]

Stacey, your posts continue to encourage and inspire me. Thank you for sharing so freely your experience.

May I share some encouragement? When you said (on 3/3/09):

My visualization was a 5/10...

May I just say that the fact that you are sticking to doing your visualizations each day is AWESOME! It seems to me that the very act is, in itself, a 10!

Thanks again for letting us all in on your journey.
jdb