Judge Not (Blog)

[Scandinavian light]

Originally Posted by magi13

To judge is instinctive and intuitive, it'll classify who is a friend or a foe. ^^ That is why it is really very hard to imprint it into people's mind and keep an open mind.

Imagine in the past, we recognize our parents, our friends and when we see them, we're at ease. When a new face arrive, we instinctively judge them, not because we're biased or because they are asian/black/white/yellow/lesbian or gay. It's more on the reason that we want to classify them as a fellow tribesman or a threat.

That's why no matter how nice an idea this subject is. ^^ I can't agree with it. Still, I like it, and I can respect it.

The topic's title should have been, how to keep an open mind or learning to accept. <-- then that blog would have been truly perfect. ^,^

Humans are more advanced than our primitive background, after all the principle on this site is to live your life consciously.
You may judge people at first when you see them, but if you are aware of that, then you can try to treat them without any bias.

[magi13]

Originally Posted by Scandinavian light

Humans are more advanced than our primitive background, after all the principle on this site is to live your life consciously.
You may judge people at first when you see them, but if you are aware of that, then you can try to treat them without any bias.

^^ Like I said, I respect the idea of the blog. I just don't agree with it. I do not plan to be w/o bias ever, it's my impediment to carry. You guys may agree with it, and that in itself is not a problem. I do live my life consciously and I utilize what works for me.

Let's just keep it at that. Respect each other's ideas and have a nice debate about it. ^^

[Scandinavian light]

Originally Posted by magi13

^^ Like I said, I respect the idea of the blog. I just don't agree with it. I do not plan to be w/o bias ever, it's my impediment to carry. You guys may agree with it, and that in itself is not a problem. I do live my life consciously and I utilize what works for me.

Let's just keep it at that. Respect each other's ideas and have a nice debate about it. ^^

I didn't mean to judge you Then my point wasn't clear enough, this discussion should also be about how you define "judging", it seems that the definition varies a lot.

[Hayer]

I was recently in Vegas with my sister who’s a steadfast fundamentalist. She originally wanted to bring along her twelve-year-old daughter and while walking down the Strip and having people thrusting “hot babes” fliers upon us, she commented that she would never actually subject her children to Vegas and she was, in my opinion, very judgmental of the whole scene.

When I was thirteen, I went on vacation with my parents to New York City; I have a vivid memory of Times Square and being fascinated walking by the topless bars. It didn’t damage or affect me negatively. It just wasn’t a big deal.

I wanted to say that to my sister... that the advertisements in Vegas for prostitutes just weren’t a big deal.

My point here, is that whether I like it or not, I was actually judging my sister. I was taking the position that being non-judgmental of the prostitution ads was more conscious, more fair, more intelligent, than her dogmatic Christian morals. That she’s living in a smaller box than my “less judgmental” sensibilities.

So what I’m saying is that non-judging is still a judgment.

I think the issue is that there’s a huge difference (yet a seemingly fine line) between judging and condemning.

Actually, Steve, I feel that it shows integrity that you are balking at those who condemn you for the polyamory.

But at the same time, I feel they should definitely be allowed/invited to be a part of the discussion.

[hithere]

Hypothetical question:

There's a religious maniac hidden somewhere in your neighborhood who is going around maiming non-monogamous people in their sleep. What do you do?

EDIT: Following is a link to a considerably offensive comic series; however, the one linked is appropriate and demonstrates quite accurately my suspicion/question. Comics - Explosm.net

(I'm not endorsing this website in any way, and don't recommend exploring it.)

[magi13]

Originally Posted by hithere

Hypothetical question:

There's a religious maniac hidden somewhere in your neighborhood who is going around maiming non-monogamous people in their sleep. What do you do?

Bind him, for safety reasons, then subject him to due process and equal protection. ^^

No need to judge, that is a clear and present danger to society scenario. Heck, it even goes against your own right to be free.

I may not agree w/ polygamy but I can respect it and protect it, if it is a right.

Originally Posted by Scandinavian light

I didn't mean to judge you Then my point wasn't clear enough, this discussion should also be about how you define "judging", it seems that the definition varies a lot.

^,^ True, people understand it differently. In the context of that blog, it's more of being open minded and accepting or non-judging :P
I just find it to be good ideas, but only up to that. If I were to apply it, I'd still judge someone on a first meeting, but keeping an open mind.

I cannot, find a loophole why not to judge someone. hehe

[Gregorz]

There's a pattern with most of these anti-polyamory arguments, which is that they're arguments based on fear rather than strength. In other words, you're making decisions based on what you want to avoid, not what you want to experience ("What if someone tries to attack your family!" "What if you get jealous and insecure?"). Consequently, you probably will avoid all the things you fear, alongside a lot of things you might enjoy.

You should be asking questions like "What if this change of lifestyle makes Steve's marriage even stronger and happier?" For me, realizing that a lot of my decisions were being made out of fear ("What if I go into uni and they get angry because I've missed a few lessons?", "What if I ask this girl out and she rejects me?" etc) was one of my biggest steps forward. Ultimately, fear-based thinking just keeps you in a box -- safe but missing out on the really juicy parts of life.

After living that way for so long, I can honestly say that a few minor risks are nothing compared to the soul-crushing boredom and unhappiness such thinking breeds. It might be helpful for these people to read some of the stuff Steve's written on the subject.

[alexplatups]

Hello,

Just wanted to make another comment...it took me three times to read the article...to actually get what Steve wanted to really...get across

and it is his *whole* message that hits home...and not so much...what judging or not judging means to us

imo...Steve has to name his articles...but...I think they could stand on their own without any names

a good example would be....you can eat a cheese cake...and enjoy it alot...I know i do..whenever I eat one!

but if you ate the ingredients....one by one....you would not enjoy it as much...as the prepared cheese cake

so after reading Steves' writings...I re-read them once or twice more...until I soak in the whole message that he is delivering to me through his content

hope this makes sense to someone...lol

anyway....that is it

Thanks

Alex Platups

[smart and bored]

I am in love with the Judge Not blog. It really puts a finger on a lot of the issues I'm confronting. Nice to hear you stopped by AVN - hope one of the stars you visited with was my daughter (Dana, The Internet's Girlfriend). She is one of the most authentic and honest people I've ever known, my shining beacon as I plot my escape from corporate life. Was it all about the parenting? I'm not sure. We did our best to provide a nurturing, positive, & honest environment, however her spirit and in-your-face independence was evident from the crib. I have always been proud of her and I'm proud of her now. If you were to meet her in a bookstore you would be impressed by her intelligence & kindness, more than the pretty package. It burns me that I can't share my pride with everyone I know - experience has shown they'd be freaked out & draw senseless conclusions about her, me, and the rest of our family, to the extent my (currently necessary) employment could be jeopardized. (I am plotting my escape!!!) Anyhow, I've been reading your blog for about 18 months and you haven't shocked me yet & I find your views refreshing and sensible. Maybe not everyone's cup of tea....

I'm enjoying your adventure. Thank you!!

[bluedragon]

I see such people as a part of the larger body of humanity. I am inseparably connected to them. It makes no sense to turn my back on them and punish them.

I love it that there are still people who don't agree with locking criminals up. I always hated the idea of prison. Especially now since I watched Prison Break. I don't know if the real prisons are like that or not, but I bet at least some of them are. But the mere thought of depriving someone of freedom for some part of their life is much worse than most crimes that might have gotten those people in jail.

Imagine if I ran this website so as to avoid revealing anything about myself that might offend or annoy certain people.

What would be left? Most likely we’d have a pretty generic self-help site. There would still be some decent articles, but I think you’ll agree that something precious would be lost.

Oh, that means you've been lucky so far, Steve. If I were to write a website that would offend nobody, I would be left with NOTHING! Last day I got criticized by a very religious person who had a problem with my article "How to Stop Worrying". He said this is a wrong theory and that it is unnatural to stop worrying. We talked for about 3 hours online for nothing - I couldn't make him understand what worrying means and why people who stopped worrying would be better Christians, if that is what he wishes, cause they would be better at building churches and helping other people. I did my best but with no success. The thing that annoyed me was that he seemed to understand what logic was and demand it of me, but didn't seem to employ much of it himself. Anyway - there is no way you can please everybody. Or maybe, I don't know. I wish there were.

[CelebritiCat]

Originally Posted by -B-

If you have *more than one close friend* - you are polyamorous. Polyamory can include, but does not require sex. The end.

That said, you to be yourself, first, for that to work - if you're gaining close friendships by being someone you're not, then those friendships are based on lies, and are not, in fact, close.

A big part of that is - whose standards are you judging /yourself/ by? The standards of other people? Why?

Other people are other people. You are yourself.

Well said, B. I have discovered that if I trim myself to fit the world, I might as well not exist, because in that case, what I am presenting to the world is not who I really am, anyway.

People who march to their own drumbeat often effect significant change in the world, but usually not before they have stirred up a fair bit of controversy.

I think this kind of openness will help to move our world in a positive direction. So many people hold back from love because they are afraid love will become a prison. What I would like to see more of are relationships that are driven by the joy people share, instead of by outdated agreements that continue long after any real engagement has ceased. And people who love and yet hold their lover in an open hand.

I think this was what the "free love" movement in the sixties and seventies was meant to be. It was used as an excuse for mindless, soulless sex, and I think that's what de-railed it and made it seem harmful, but I believe the basic concept was sound - that real love is a temple and not the prison we tend to make it.

[magi13]

^^, The blog needs to be outlined in major topics for the people who wishes to join in the discussion.

Judge not <= title

Now we're about love and openness so on and so forth. ^^ (<-- acceptance of self and others)

Anyway, each view has it's own good points, some promote this love and judge not thy neighbor etc.

The other view, that people will judge because it helps them define and adapt to what needs to be done in their surroundings and the people with them.

Both views are important.

The first Ideal
The second realistic.

I doubt fear of accepting the ideal has anything to do with this since it's just a good hypothesis.

It's best to find a common ground between the two. Because alone, the ideal will really loose application in real life. Naivety, the dreamer. >,< I like the idea of judge not, that's why I am posting this out.

^^, Find the common ground between the two ideas and we can apply the judge not content in real life right now. :3..