Judge Not (Blog)

[Nmilgrom]

To Steve, and all who read:

If I say anything that comes off as having RDD or some sort of judgemental perspective, I apologize in advance of my remarks.

I've been an avid reader or StevePavlina.com since my second year of college when I found his posts on getting through college in a few short semesters inspiring and, more importantly, truly helpful. I considered Steve to be an insightful person who has clearly worked hard to muddle through a lot of the things most people are challenged by to make his life (and through this blog others') better.

I also found a lot of interesting and helpful articles/posts in the mix from Steve's experiences with vegetarianism, veganism, and becoming a raw foodist.

I join those in the group who have become a bit concerned about the direction of StevePavlina.com as a result of the 2009 focus.

In response to the various calls on people being judgmental, I have to say this word and the way it is being used seems to be a little skewed.

Judgmental is defined as "involving the use or exercise of judgment" It is a form of critiquing something, be it a person, one's actions, an event, etc.

It has a negative connotation which is that it means being overly harsh or negative, often without reason or solid standing. But this is not always the case. I point this out because it is not inherently evil or wrong to say "I disagree with your opinion, and here is why" or even to say "I think what you are doing is wrong or hurtful to some".

If we are to learn by making choices and openly discussing them, then we need to hear from every side of the argument- and no, Steve, not everyone will have a vast array of evidence to explain their opinion.

I agree, one should have strong evidence to back a claim. but perhaps strong reasoning could also be useful. For example, in a polyamorous relationship where a man has children and a wife, there is a clear possibility that the man will become heavily involved in the love he shares with his other partners. This would likely result in spending less time with his wife and of course his children. That does not HAVE to be true, but it seems to follow logic. After all, it is no secret that when couples form they often spend more time together, and often shut out other persons in their lives (old friends, family even).

All of this as a preface, I have 2 questions for Steve ( I know there is a FAQ, but I see you read these forums as well, and hope you can forgive my posting error):

1) Do you plan to give yourself any form of time frame for dating people before moving into a physically intimate phase? I think a lot of people who doubt your intentions for "expansion of loving encounters" are concerned this is all about physical love. If it is about intimate friendships then one would imagine to avoid temptation you would create a personal law of how long you must get to know someone- perhaps 4 dates? Should they meet your close friends (Erin? etc.) If you find yourself meeting people and having a physical encounter and that is it, is that considered polyamorous? I believe this is the root concern of your readers.

2) This one you, hopefully will appreciate. I miss "old school" Steve Pavlina. I enjoy the newer articles about personal development, but every now and then could you throw in a polyphasic sleep, or 'how to get more done', or "wake up early" article?



Lastly an idea, perhaps you could (to go along with 2008 nutrition articles) start working on exercise and physical fitness in 2009 as a way to see what changes occur to a raw foodist. I enjoy working out a lot and find it hard to get protein in the amounts I need with your diet. Maybe a 30 day trial of a workout routine with raw foods only?

[RT Wolf]

I agree with this post. I really like the tone of his post, too. A bit more compassionate and understanding.

I wrote something similar earlier Someone Out There Disapproves of Everything You Do | Mind-Manual

I reckon that most people think they're doing things "right" just cause they don't encounter that much criticism simply because they don't go where the criticism is. If you're an employee and hang around business owners, you may find them making fun of employees for being sheep or what have you. If you're an entrepreneur and you hang around employees, you may get criticism there, too. The thing with exposing yourself to such a wide range of people as Steve has is that it invites people who're prone to criticism in.

It's important to learn to recognize criticism for what it is: one person's judgement of their perceptions of whatever you happen to be or be doing. And people are frequently wrong, so I discount most people's opinions quite severely. I often discount my opinion quite severely simply because I know I can be wrong so often. And I'm ok with that. I'm doing my best and I don't have delusions of how accurate I can be, while still trying to improve the accuracy.

[Steve Pavlina]

Originally Posted by milly

putting my children first in my life absolutely does NOT mean i would lie, steal, and kill people for them. that would be like me saying that your dedication to the truth would cause you to lie, harm and steal for THAT as well. not much logic in that is there?

Oh, I agree. Not much logic there.

[Steve Pavlina]

Originally Posted by Nmilgrom

1) Do you plan to give yourself any form of time frame for dating people before moving into a physically intimate phase? I think a lot of people who doubt your intentions for "expansion of loving encounters" are concerned this is all about physical love. If it is about intimate friendships then one would imagine to avoid temptation you would create a personal law of how long you must get to know someone- perhaps 4 dates? Should they meet your close friends (Erin? etc.) If you find yourself meeting people and having a physical encounter and that is it, is that considered polyamorous? I believe this is the root concern of your readers.

2) This one you, hopefully will appreciate. I miss "old school" Steve Pavlina. I enjoy the newer articles about personal development, but every now and then could you throw in a polyphasic sleep, or 'how to get more done', or "wake up early" article?

I'll try to answer, but you're making some assumptions that I don't buy into, so I can't answer the questions entirely from within your frame because I don't agree with the frame you're using. For example, one of those hidden assumptions is that an intimate friendship fits with a dating frame. I don't believe intimate friendships and dating are a very good fit. Dating seems a better fit for a long-term romantic interest, which is a rather different type of relationship.

1) It sounds like you're asking if I'm interested in one-night stands. The answer to that is no. I've never had an ONS, nor does that appeal to me.

I see no need for an arbitrary time frame though. I prefer to make such decisions consciously as they arise. Setting up rules like this seems immature and unnecessary, as if I can't trust myself to make good decisions. The truth is that I trust myself to make very good decisions along the way. In this case, adding silly rules would be a block to conscious living, not an enabler. I suppose they could be helpful though if a person's self-trust and self-discipline are weak.

2) I suggest you build a time-travel machine, so you can travel back in time a few years and spend more time with my old self. Personally I've outgrown him, but to each his own.

If you expect me to return to the past, your expectations are unrealistic.

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by milly

there are some things i wish i had the freedom to do publicly without fear of negative consequence

Ah! Here it is. I was thinking you must need an excuse to not be living as full and vibrant a life as you wish, and you've latched on to "the children" as your excuse. A confirmation I wasn't mistaken in that assumption. (yep, I'm indulging in RDD)

Originally Posted by milly

to me, family (especially my children if i had any) would be the absolute priority given the fact that i chose to create them and therefore i have a responsibility to them.

My responsibility to my kids entails living my life in such a way that they see others' opinions are inconsequential (unless the opinions come from people who know us well and love us - even then, it won't necessarily change our choices), that no matter what someone might say about them or me, if we are living lives of integrity, love, passion and joy, they can stay centered in that truth.

My son is straight. We were out with friends and he and his best friend were joking around, poking each other, etc. Another guy there said, "Dude, cut it out. People will think you're gay." My son put his arm around his friend's shoulders and said, "And what if they think we are? It won't bother me."

How frail do you believe children are? The ones I know are quite able to weather some false criticisms.

And, I don't know where you live, but your fear of physical harm coming to Steve's kids is irrational, to put it mildly. I'm in North Carolina, btw, not exactly a mecca of open-mindedness. I think if you really do have that fear, it's an opportunity to look inside and see what that's really about - because it's unrealistic.

[jayh]

I should have said this in my previous reply - "Great post"! This is my favorite of the new year. Incredibly inspiring!

[milly]

Originally Posted by carenkh

Ah! Here it is. I was thinking you must need an excuse to not be living as full and vibrant a life as you wish, and you've latched on to "the children" as your excuse. A confirmation I wasn't mistaken in that assumption. (yep, I'm indulging in RDD)



My responsibility to my kids entails living my life in such a way that they see others' opinions are inconsequential (unless the opinions come from people who know us well and love us - even then, it won't necessarily change our choices), that no matter what someone might say about them or me, if we are living lives of integrity, love, passion and joy, they can stay centered in that truth.

My son is straight. We were out with friends and he and his best friend were joking around, poking each other, etc. Another guy there said, "Dude, cut it out. People will think you're gay." My son put his arm around his friend's shoulders and said, "And what if they think we are? It won't bother me."

How frail do you believe children are? The ones I know are quite able to weather some false criticisms.

And, I don't know where you live, but your fear of physical harm coming to Steve's kids is irrational, to put it mildly. I'm in North Carolina, btw, not exactly a mecca of open-mindedness. I think if you really do have that fear, it's an opportunity to look inside and see what that's really about - because it's unrealistic.

that's amazing that your son is so open minded. way awesome indeed! it just shows that we ARE headed toward a bright future where being gay is just another day in the neighborhood. oh , except in that case no one's friend would give a crap if they might be mistaken as gay.

i did point out that it should be the child who initiates whether or not they choose to be open about things that could ultimately bring criticism and social ostrisization.

are you, by any chance, actually gay? and if so, did you become a public figure and post picture's of you and your family attending social functions? just wondering since you were making connections between what i am talking about and the success of your own family.

there has to be a balance between extremes. im certainly not saying that people living an alternative lifestyle should go hide out in bunkers and fear every second they are alive. but you cannot blatantly say that nothing bad EVER happens to people who push societal boundaries. that would mean ignoring the plain fact that many many people actually HAVE been the victims of hate crimes and torture, and violence just for standing up for their freedoms. it is absolutely possible that steve's family is in danger of attracting unwanted, and yes violent, attention from bad people.

i believe there are just smarter ways of spreading the love than potentially putting a child in harms way. in fact, i even listed some of them.

i also think we have minds SO that we can make judgements. it really just depends on the quality of said judgements. THAT is the mark of someone who is "smart". our ability to think for ourselves is actually what keeps one from rising to the top of the herd and taking power and control to manipulate others to their own ends. no "authority" will ever be able to suppress the freedom we always carry in our minds and hearts. it gives us the freedom to rise against such tyranny.

[Brutha]

It has a negative connotation which is that it means being overly harsh or negative, often without reason or solid standing. But this is not always the case. I point this out because it is not inherently evil or wrong to say "I disagree with your opinion, and here is why" or even to say "I think what you are doing is wrong or hurtful to some".

Judging is about commiting to a certain view.
I might say, I think you haven't thought of arguments X and Y that might lead to you harming someone without commiting myself to the belief that you are actually harming someone.

I can think about the war in Gaza the same time with the words of St Augustine of Hippo in mind "Why do you object to war? Surely not, because men, who eventually die anyway, are killed in war?” and still think that it was pretty stupid for Israel to attack Gaza and that the attack is a war crime.
If you commit to much to a judgment you miss making some arguments on either side and get into stupid confirmation biases.

There's a point where you can make decisions and stick to them, but you don't have to. Steve wrote things about people who have a religion that you could describe as judgmental.
Steves claim that he wouldn't date people who eat meat is also something that you could call judging people.

[Steve Pavlina]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Steves claim that he wouldn't date people who eat meat is also something that you could call judging people.

This isn't a moral judgment. It's much more basic than that. In all honesty I'm somewhat physically grossed out by the practice of flesh-eating.

Would you find someone who ate roaches attractive? Would you feel good about kissing her? Or would you be wondering about the roach legs trapped in her teeth?

I'd find it a challenge to kiss lips that had recently tasted blood. It would be like trying to kiss a vampire.

I'd much rather smooch a woman who'd just eaten fresh strawberries. She would taste a lot yummier.

[Susie]

Dear Steve,
Will you please stop using the word kittywompus, you almost made me spit out my drink laughing. (I'm referring to the blog post)

[Susie]

I have made a few snarky posts in this forum but I have to say that this blog article is really great. In recent weeks I did find myself coming away with the vibe that Steve himself was becoming very judgemental going on some of the snarky comments HE made in the forums, but this article dispelled some of that. Steve, I would love to read an elaboration on how to deal with harsh judgements from the people in your life.

And I would like to know what percentage of women are dying their hair red before that trip to Vegas?

[Gregorz]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

This isn't a moral judgment. It's much more basic than that. In all honesty I'm somewhat physically grossed out by the practice of flesh-eating.

So, is this article in regards to moral judgement alone?

I ask because whilst I fully support judging people -- and giving it as an act of love to help them grow, as opposed to something malicious intended to make them feel bad -- I agree with your moral perspective. Not to mention the other things in the article about being honest, and not worrying about the critique you receive (if everyone could do that, we could all be completely honest with one another without having to worry about offending those who take good-natured critique as a personal attack).

From my perspective, there are no 'good' or 'evil' people, and so moral judgement really means nothing. I see 'good' and 'evil' actions as being the result of much more complex reasons. What other people call 'evil', I see as just being a person who doesn't realise the error of their judgement. The important question is why -- why are they taking harmful actions? Often, it's because they think it's the best thing to do; an error in reasoning, not morality. People who take good actions for the wrong reasons (ie based on a flawed train of logic) are just as 'bad', in my boat.

So from that perspective, I would agree that we shouldn't judge. But I wasn't sure if you meant moral judgement, or any kind of judgement.

[shootingstar]

You have said that we shouldn't be judgmental...

1. When you know someone is doing wrong (yes something which is really wrong - telling lies for his own good). And I happen to know them, care for him and tell him. He doesn't accept that, rationalizes it and he cheats people. What can I do to make him realize his mistake? and after telling him hundreds of times that it is wrong, how can we not judge him?

2. Think of criminals and terrorists, if we cant judge them as bad and punish them, where is the rule of law? If a country has to survive, it has to ensure rule of law? Isnt it?

I can disallow judging people as long as their actions dont cause any real harm to others but once it happens the society cant but isolate and try to cure the problem.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by milly

i never said polygamy was somehow harmful to children. it is the public announcement of practicing such "deviant" (and by deviant i obviously mean not accepted by society) acts in a culture that doesn't want to go there right now. im thinking more like what happened in the 50's if a black man tried dating a white woman. i know las vegas is pretty liberal about such things in comparison to much of the U.S. but still...

That is a very interesting analogy. So, if interracial dating was still a societal taboo, an interracial couple with children would be wrong to blog about it, because it would be exposing the kids to something that the culture sees as deviant, and putting them in "harm's way"? Those kids might be criticized or ostracized, so the parents should just shut up?

people can get pretty ugly when their core beliefs are challenged in some way. srsly.

Quoted for truth!

[Steve Pavlina]

Originally Posted by shootingstar

You have said that we shouldn't be judgmental...

1. When you know someone is doing wrong (yes something which is really wrong - telling lies for his own good). And I happen to know them, care for him and tell him. He doesn't accept that, rationalizes it and he cheats people. What can I do to make him realize his mistake? and after telling him hundreds of times that it is wrong, how can we not judge him?

2. Think of criminals and terrorists, if we cant judge them as bad and punish them, where is the rule of law? If a country has to survive, it has to ensure rule of law? Isnt it?

I can disallow judging people as long as their actions dont cause any real harm to others but once it happens the society cant but isolate and try to cure the problem.

When you judge someone, you decline to really understand them. You turn your back on Truth and Love, which means you're turning away from growth.

Does judging criminals and locking them up solve the problem of crime? Does killing terrorists solve the problem of terrorism? No, this is not an effective solution. In many ways the condemnation only worsens the problem.

I used to be a criminal myself. I'd hang out regularly with people who had no qualms about committing crimes. I'd watch them plot behind the scenes. I could understand why they turned to crime and what it did for them. That level of understanding makes me better at helping such people today. From time to time, I get emails from people who are into criminal behavior, and I don't judge them for doing what they do. That would only push them away, and it violates the principle of Oneness.

I see such people as a part of the larger body of humanity. I am inseparably connected to them. It makes no sense to turn my back on them and punish them.

Why does crime arise? It arises become our society as a whole is too far out of alignment with Truth, Love, and Power. Many people grow up in a climate of deception, disconnection, and disempowerment. The only way we can truly solve the problem of crime is to change that climate. At the individual level, this can be done through small but committed changes. At the global level, a much greater effort will be required.

Judging people harshly and condemning them for their choices will not bring us any closer to a solution.

[impaul99]

This is a little bit off topic but I have noticed something in Steve's writing a lot lately.

Whenever he writes stuff now, he always refers to "Truth" and "Love" and "Power" and "Intelligence" and "Courage" etc. To a lot of us, those words are defined in a certain way, but Steve's definition of them is based on his book.

Yesterday I started reading Steve's book and started reading his definition of "Truth". I'm not finished with the chapter yet, so I do not know for sure, but I may have a slightly different definition for "Truth" than defined in the book.

So here's my point. When Steve refers to words like "Truth" and "Power" and such, I am assuming that he is referring to the fundamental definitions of those words he's created in his book. Some of those definitions are a bit different than most people's assumptions of what those words mean. For example the word "Power" is probably a lot different in Steve's mind and definition than most other people's.

So, the problem I see is that when Steve writes, he uses words and definitions from his book, but for those people that haven't read his book, they aren't really fully understanding what he's saying.

For example, a statement like "I am working on aligning myself with the principle of Power more right now." could have a TOTALLY different meaning if your definition of Power is the one in Steve's book, versus a different definition of Power.

Think of the phrase "That person is on a Power Trip!". That can have different meanings.

Anyway, just wanted to point this out. Some of us might be totally (or at least partially) misunderstanding Steve because we don't understand his basic definitions of the words Truth, Power, Intelligence, Love, Courage, Oneness, etc.

[Gregorz]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

When you judge someone, you decline to really understand them. You turn your back on Truth and Love, which means you're turning away from growth.

I agreed with the rest of your post entirely, but this part I didn't quite understand. If you're judging someone in order to give them an honest perspective on their situation, and to try and help them improve themselves, is it really a bad action? We can't help someone improve until we know what their problems are. Judging someone doesn't necessarily entail imprisoning them or condemning them.

For example, you yourself have admitted that when you were a criminal, you were acting wrongly. That's judging yourself. But is that a bad thing? If society hadn't stepped in, you probably would have kept on stealing. You might not have seen the need to improve yourself, and you wouldn't be here now.

Why does crime arise? It arises become our society as a whole is too far out of alignment with Truth, Love, and Power. Many people grow up in a climate of deception, disconnection, and disempowerment. The only way we can truly solve the problem of crime is to change that climate.

But in order to do that, we need to decide what's wrong, and what needs to change -- in other words, we need to judge. By saying that people are out of alignment with Truth, Love, and Power, aren't you judging them? I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, I'm saying that before we can change people, and change the world, we need to identify what's wrong with it.

That doesn't mean we have to imprison people who're in the wrong; I'd agree, that does nothing to help the world. But we can't help anyone if we don't know what's right and wrong first.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Gregorz

If you're judging someone in order to give them an honest perspective on their situation, and to try and help them improve themselves, is it really a bad action?

There's a big difference between judging and evaluating.

Evaluating someone's actions entails taking in information and then choosing your next right action, while granting them the freedom to be exactly who they are. You are free.

Judging someone entails taking in information and then compartmentalizing your idea of them into your idea of right/wrong good/bad. You are deciding what they *should* do and making them wrong if they don't -- you are not granting them the freedom to be exactly who they are. You are not free.

Judging someone doesn't necessarily entail imprisoning them or condemning them.

Judging another means you are imprisoning or condemning yourself. You kill off all possibility within yourself of that person being free. That doesn't mean anything at all about the person -- it's 100% about you.

[Steve Pavlina]

As Angela basically said, judging implies conditional acceptance of a person. The person must change in order to be fully accepted by you.

But it's possible to make evaluations while still offering someone unconditional acceptance of who they are.

Unconditional acceptance can be very difficult, but it does point us in the direction of positive growth and change, both individually and collectively.

There was a time when I judged my past self and failed to accept who I was back then. I wanted that part of me to stay buried in the past. Later I learned to let go of that resistance and decided to just love him unconditionally. That was a very empowering release for me. Yes, he made some mistakes, but I can still forgive and accept him completely.

I've found that when I can't love and accept other people as they are, it's because there's some part of myself I'm refusing to accept. The more I can accept myself, the more I'm able to accept others.

[Gregorz]

I think it's just a difference in terminology. As I explained earlier, I love people unconditionally, and I honestly don't believe in 'evil' people -- just misguided people. But when I 'judge' people, it would be what you call 'evaluating'. Literally pointing out the right and the wrong.

In other words, just because I think someone's wrong doesn't mean I hate them for it. Otherwise I'd be a very lonely person.

[Jumanji]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

This isn't a moral judgment. It's much more basic than that. In all honesty I'm somewhat physically grossed out by the practice of flesh-eating.

Would you find someone who ate roaches attractive? Would you feel good about kissing her? Or would you be wondering about the roach legs trapped in her teeth?

I'd find it a challenge to kiss lips that had recently tasted blood. It would be like trying to kiss a vampire.

I'd much rather smooch a woman who'd just eaten fresh strawberries. She would taste a lot yummier.

That's because you're grossed out by the practise of flesh-eating. Personally I'm grossed out by loud mouth dunderheads. I never got to looking closely at their teeth.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Gregorz

Literally pointing out the right and the wrong..

That's judgement, Gregorz, as opposed to evaluation.

"He (or his actions) are wrong (and so he shouldn't be or do that)" -- that's judgement ("you should/must change")

"His actions don't work for me (and now I am presented with a choice) -- that's evaluation. ("I choose change.")

[Rudolf]

Authenticity at its best! Thanks for great morning reading Steve.

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

If you want to offer up some honest questions for discussion, that's fine. But please don't troll for an emotional reaction by posting this kind of stuff. This is bait, not authentic communication.

Was that last sentence self-referential by design?

Megan did not come across as a troll to me, although I can understand why you would be annoyed by this kind of criticism.

Is irritation a form of judgment? If I judge someone for being judgmental, I am being judgmental myself.

I am not judging you, or your (forum) post; I am just trying to understand it. Is it an example of getting dragged down by negative energy for a while, or nudging her to re-examine her motives and consider other alternatives?

Either way, I really enjoyed the article. Thank you for continuing to deliver value!

[Gregorz]

I went back and re-read the article (as well as Self-Acceptance vs. Personal Growth, since that's related and also an article that I wasn't sure about) and I think I'm starting to understand how the compromise is possible. Strangely enough, it fits in with an idea that I've lately been writing a lot about (not publicly, just in my own 'growth notes') called 'vantages'.

Basically the idea is that any given stance/vantage has its own advantages and disadvantages, many of the latter being unavoidable consequences of the former. For example, the lifestyle 'vantage' Steve has taken, outlined in all his articles and opinions, allows him to better help people grow, but an unavoidable 'disadvantage' is that he'll probably receive a lot more criticism than most. You can't have the good aspects of a vantage without also accepting the potential downsides.

My idea was that no vantage is 'right' or 'wrong', they're all just down to personal choice. Of course, if you know the advantages and disadvantages of the various different stances, you can make a conscious choice about which vantages best suit you. These vantages exist on a micro and macro level, so a vantage could be an individual personality trait (with its own set of boons and downsides) or a collection of personality traits which make up your character.

And now I'm starting to fit the people whose ideas I previously saw as 'incorrect' into my whole vantages idea. Maybe they've got the disadvantage of being less conscious, but what are the advantages? I'm sure there are some, besides the obvious one of being more accepted in mainstream society.

The past few years I've had quite a lot of trouble keeping friends because, although I love them unconditionally, I find blatantly 'incorrect' ideas in people hard to tolerate. It's difficult, but if my thinking is going down the right lines, I might finally have a solution to my dilemma.

Sorry, I went off on a bit of a tangent. I guess this was more for me to work it out in my head than anything else, but if anyone else finds this interesting or useful, all the better!

[alexplatups]

Hello Steve,

I just signed up to these forums yesterday...and eventhough I lived in America for 13 years...most of my life was spent in Riga, Latvia (Eastern Europe)...maybe this is not important...just saying this because how the internet can bring us all together...from any spot in the world (and i think this is great)

Anyway...I read you article about Judge Not (Blog)...and before that I read three other articles from your archives

I have been fascinated by self-development since I was 13...and now when I am almost 40...it is still what I love the most in life

here is what I think when it comes to the topic of *judging* other people...I read it a few times (your article)...and tried to find something to write...and say that I don't agree with something you have written...this is the feeling I get when I read most self-development info...don't know why to be honest...most likely because most of it is b.s.

I read this article 3 times...in a row...mostly because I liked it...but also to see if I can find a weak spot...this is the side of me that wants to *judge* you probably...lol...

but in the end...all I can say...is that what you write is so simple and honest...I actually feel myself entering a *trance*...but not a *hypnotic type*...but the kind...where I feel like my awareness is expanding...I will admit I have never experienced anything like it from reading information

for this I am grateful that Ken Evoy recommended your blog to us (I have an SBI site) and found your blog on Kens' blog as the #1 favorite blog of his

now I can understand why...after reading 4 of your articles...I understood what power *honesty* carries...and to tell you the truth...I am blown away

So thanks Steve for such great content...I am really happy I found your site...and will definately read the rest of your articles...and participate in your forum

Later,

Alex Platups

[magi13]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

Judge Not

Nice topic, although I don't agree with it, it's just my opinion. Judge not = peace. I respect that.

[Scandinavian light]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

When you judge someone, you decline to really understand them. You turn your back on Truth and Love, which means you're turning away from growth.

Does judging criminals and locking them up solve the problem of crime? Does killing terrorists solve the problem of terrorism? No, this is not an effective solution. In many ways the condemnation only worsens the problem.

I used to be a criminal myself. I'd hang out regularly with people who had no qualms about committing crimes. I'd watch them plot behind the scenes. I could understand why they turned to crime and what it did for them. That level of understanding makes me better at helping such people today. From time to time, I get emails from people who are into criminal behavior, and I don't judge them for doing what they do. That would only push them away, and it violates the principle of Oneness.

I see such people as a part of the larger body of humanity. I am inseparably connected to them. It makes no sense to turn my back on them and punish them.

Why does crime arise? It arises become our society as a whole is too far out of alignment with Truth, Love, and Power. Many people grow up in a climate of deception, disconnection, and disempowerment. The only way we can truly solve the problem of crime is to change that climate. At the individual level, this can be done through small but committed changes. At the global level, a much greater effort will be required.

Judging people harshly and condemning them for their choices will not bring us any closer to a solution.

I've been wondering about this for a while, it's great Steve brought the subject up.

I know I shouldn't judge other people, and I try not to. But let's take this scenario: My frinds try to encourage me to break in a house, that's their plan tonight. I don't want to participate, because it feels wrong to me, therefore I skip the night with the friends and do something else without them.

Wouldn't it be judging if I decide not to spend time with them anymore? For me it would seem like judging, that I judge them on their actions.

[Aleksander Krstic]

Originally Posted by Scandinavian light

I've been wondering about this for a while, it's great Steve brought the subject up.

I know I shouldn't judge other people, and I try not to. But let's take this scenario: My frinds try to encourage me to break in a house, that's their plan tonight. I don't want to participate, because it feels wrong to me, therefore I skip the night with the friends and do something else without them.

Wouldn't it be judging if I decide not to spend time with them anymore? For me it would seem like judging, that I judge them on their actions.

To summarize this thread: read the article carefully before posting, you shouldn't use the verb "to judge" in every single possible way you can possibly imagine.

EDIT:
But then again, I can barely remember what the article was about, so forget about my comment.

[magi13]

To judge is instinctive and intuitive, it'll classify who is a friend or a foe. ^^ That is why it is really very hard to imprint it into people's mind and keep an open mind.

Imagine in the past, we recognize our parents, our friends and when we see them, we're at ease. When a new face arrive, we instinctively judge them, not because we're biased or because they are asian/black/white/yellow/lesbian or gay. It's more on the reason that we want to classify them as a fellow tribesman or a threat.

That's why no matter how nice an idea this subject is. ^^ I can't agree with it. Still, I like it, and I can respect it.

The topic's title should have been, how to keep an open mind or learning to accept. <-- then that blog would have been truly perfect. ^,^