Share Your Shame (Blog)

[Andrew Gubb]

Originally Posted by amyor

Barcelona is so lovely! I went there this year, we should start a Pavlina themed travel group.

If you come here again, drop me a PM

[Lupe]

Originally Posted by alexb5784

I decided not to find a job nor a place to live because all I wanted to do was learn about myself. So for two years, I was purposely homeless just so I could have as much free time as possible. I slept in hospital closets and lobbies, public bathrooms, deserted hallways, homeless shelters, and anyplace else that was safe. Miraculously not once did I ever go hungry or sleep outside in the cold. I always had food, clothing, and shelter. I even made new friends and found time to volunteer with the United Way. I was homeless and volunteering, go figure

As I had so much time to do nothing but study, I read about a hundred books and listened to loads of audio material. And as I still had nice clothes, most people had no I idea I was homeless, to them I just looked like the average college student.

Everyday I went to the public library and studied. In 2006, I discovered Steve's blog and started listening to his podcasts. That summer I landed a job and started saving money, though I was still homeless at the time. Then that job led to another one and finally I got an apartment. I suppose you could say my life became "normal" again.

Now after two years of having a "normal" life, I'm shaking things up again. Though I have a good job in high-tech marketing, I'm leaving it to go work for myself. I have no desire to continue to promote products I don't believe in, it really sickens me.

I made the mistake of believing in a false sense of security (money, a job, apartment, material things). I got sucked right back into the social conditioning I ran away from when I consciously decided to become homeless. I forgot what I had been through and why. The comforts of the status-quo kept me blinded from the truth


Today I'm proud to say that I'm resigning from my job in 60 days and have already attracted a client for my new business. I'm not worried about going broke or failing this time because I've already been there. If it happens again, so what. As long as I'm doing what I love, I'll find a way to get back on my feet. At this point in my life, the scariest thing I have ever experienced was not being homeless, but being dependent on a job for my survival!

I hope this story helps someone. Send me a PM if you have any questions

Inspiring!

[Monique7nuns]

I read a few of the things people have written here and two things occur to me:

1. you gotta be fuking kidding me (especially if/when it's been written by a whiny teen or 20-something) give me a break!
2. at least I'm not as bad off as these poor saps

My capacity for compassion has taken a holiday.

When I've written out my own sap story for public display I bet anything it repulses and irritates some just as much as these do me.

[BeyondtheWrap]

When Steve said to share your shame, I didn't think he actually meant to post it as a reply to the thread, but to stop hiding it from the people in your life.

It seems like everyone ignored the question I asked earlier, so I'll ask again: how do you balance honesty with respecting the privacy of others? For example, if my shame is "I did sexual acts X and Y with person A," the sharing would naturally not be appropriate, right? If I share, I share for the other person as well.

I find the idea of total honesty very appealing, but it has some practical drawbacks. This is one of them.

[Susie]

Originally Posted by pterodactyl

Maybe I didn't make myself clear.

"Why hide this info from your employer? Why try to work somewhere where you have to hide a part of yourself every day you go to work?"

Let's take the alarming case of those people here who are posting, in a public forum, that they have mental illness or have cheated on their spouses or have had thoughts of murder, etc. These things one would not in good conscience admit to one's coworkers because it would be stupid to do that. Now, imagine that one of those people has worked very hard to obtain a position that is leading them in the right direction in their lives. They generally enjoy their jobs, but they cannot control how others treat or perceive them, and if that job is competitive, any fuel for the fire is fair game. Should that person leave the environment because of a few bad apples? No, but in that case you have to be careful. Disclosing your dark and dirty secrets to people on a public web forum, and turning the whole world into your personal twelve step program is stupid. I'm actually a bit alarmed at all these responses. Do none of these folks have employers who do background checks, or anticipate that they might? I suppose if it comes down to that, then yes, you would need to own your mistakes. But why open yourself up to that? If you were a sex addict, mentally ill, etc., why in God's name would you ever share that information with your employer if you wanted to keep the job you worked hard to get?

I am not saying it's wrong or stupid to open up and share. Far from it! But do so wisely. Not everyone is in Steve's position, nor should everyone want or aspire to be.

This has nothing to do with soulless environments and evil employers--it's about being smart and managing your future. Like it or not, there are people in the world who will, for absolutely no reason, do what they can do to undermine you. Why not protect yourself from that? Sure, share all you want with trusted friends and advisors--that is why they are trusted. I am just encouraging others to be intelligent about accomplishing their goals. I'm sorry, but I don't think the world is a big wide open friendly place, and wanting or pretending that it is so is not going to make it so.

I just want to let you know I agree with you 100% completely. Having seen people do extreme full disclosures on the internet, and then having seen the repercussions (losing child visitation as one example) I agree it can be simply stupid to put everything out there in public.

[Andrew Gubb]

Originally Posted by Susie

I just want to let you know I agree with you 100% completely. Having seen people do extreme full disclosures on the internet, and then having seen the repercussions (losing child visitation as one example) I agree it can be simply stupid to put everything out there in public.

I agree with this, but if Ptero was directing that partly at me, believe me I did think that side over. I have actually sworn to never have a boss ever, even to the point of making peace with the idea of living on the streets, and to make a point of being completely open -- and to accept all the lifestyle changes that involves. I have lost friends because of my honesty. My current girfriend finds it pretty hard sometimes to cope with my openness about which other girls I lust over (I have the sex drive of a wild horse). Yet, I find the friends who I still have are the friends I want to have.

This kind of radicalism isn't for everyone.

[ellie]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Edit: burgers is what is inside the nose.

That was a very small fine-print We call em boogers

Oh come on who doesn't