Share Your Shame (Blog)

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Angela

Of the belief that your thoughts are The Truth.

It occurred to me only after I wrote that message that maybe you don't believe your thoughts are The Truth, and your website is kind of a miracle of Darkworker genius. I can't tell which, which itself indicates you've got a sort of Darkworker genius, so never mind!

[ProjectX]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Project X and missing:

I totally agree. I think having children is completely immoral and that's why I'm pro-abortion. I even started a blog about it: Moral Childfree People talk about how racism is so horrible and how they have to live with inescapable rage and then they have children? Doesn't make sense. Either they're lying about racism or they're completely irresponsible. I know that women are so weak that I would never want daughters to have to live like that. I fight for happiness by living as alone as possible, but it is hard to accomplish. I know the pain I go through everyday. Nothing shows the character of people more than their willingness to have children in spite of the suffering they say they have to undergo. A lot of people just up and get pregnant unplanned, knowing they can't afford to provide their children with a decent life.

I agree. I believe people who should only allow to have children when they can support them aka rich.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by ProjectX

I agree. I believe people who should only allow to have children when they can support them aka rich.

Yes and personally I would only have boy children.

[phinax]

Well, we are supposed to share here, right? Can I share mine =)

Well, when I was about 6 or 7, my guy neighbor invited me to his room. I have no accurate memory of what happened next but I know that he got off. I remember him wiping his penis, and me lowering my pants.

This is extremely hard for me..............

I can't really recall what happened next......... All I know is I'm hurt deep down.

[Lauxa]

What about something that you're not ashamed of but you still don't want to come out publicly?

Two examples I can think of are hiding Jews in Nazi Germany or helping slaves escape via the underground railroad. These things are pretty noble, but there could be less heroic activities that would still fit the profile of "things to keep to yourself".

Aren't there some things that it's better not to share?

[newmark]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

What about something that you're not ashamed of but you still don't want to come out publicly?

Two examples I can think of are hiding Jews in Nazi Germany or helping slaves escape via the underground railroad. These things are pretty noble, but there could be less heroic activities that would still fit the profile of "things to keep to yourself".

Aren't there some things that it's better not to share?

Yes.

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I used to be a stripper. What's wrong with being a stripper? I may go back to it once I lose some weight. It is a very empowering experience for women.

For some women, it's not empowering; it serves to confirm that their only worth is sexual/being physically attractive. Obviously, this isn't the case with all dancers, but it's harmful for some.

[Daniel Becerra]

I'm sorry if it's too late to discuss this article (which I read several days ago, and has inspired me tremendously) but I too, wanted to share my shame. I shared my shame in video to a couple of hundred people through YouTube, my website/blog/forum, and personal social site pages combined. I hope that you watch it and learn a bit from it,as I did.

[VictoriaC]

@Phinax - there's really nothing to be ashamed of or even hurt about. On some level, it just is. The point of this thread is that we all do stuff...every single one of us and we're all doing the best we can.

When I was about 7 years old, my parents would hire this male babysitter, a teenager, to watch my brother and me. He would always put my brother to bed first, then start cuddling with me. That progressed to kissing, then fondling, then outright molestation. All this happened over the course of 6 or 7 nights. Why did I put up with it for so long? Even at 7, I knew it wrong. Because I liked it. It was about the only attention I got. It was certainly the only physical attention I got. And it made me feel special. Finally I got very angry with the babysitter one night, pushed him off me and hid under the bed. He seemed puzzled by my anger. but it never happened again. We moved shortly after that.

As an adult I've met many, many people, men and women both, who have experienced a sexual encounter as a child with an adult. You are by no means alone.

[Boby]

Lower your shields.

I know you think that when the shields come down, you’ll be pelted with a volley of phasers and photon torpedoes. But what’s the real worst case outcome? Harsh language? Ouch.

But what about quantum torpedoes?
They will completely destroy the ship.
I think there are still many trekkies. One of the best things in Star Trek are inspiration and imagination.

Well, I think that what you mostly like causes most trouble. And I am starting to realize that the opposite is also true.
But Level 1 secrets may be too dangerous.
And here is the final question:

Are you willing to risk your live in order to grow or do something that's most important to you?

[CroMagna]

From a lightworker perspective, it makes a great deal of sense to share your shame. For one thing, you could be helping a ton of people by doing that! Steve is much more effective as a personal development counselor because he once flunked out of school. Byron Katie is more effective because she spent 2 years of her life in bed. No one would take advice from Mr. Perfect, or High School Valedictorian, someone who has never had any hardships.

From a darkworker perspective, it may sometimes be a good idea to share one's shame. It pulls in people who are drawn to that sort of thing. It's a sign of charismatic leadership. Roosevelt was more effective because he had polio. It doesn't always make sense though. It could be tantamount to begging for approval.

[fountainAtlas]

Steve is an absolutest, which is great in a leader and mentor. I wonder what you would say if there existed a person who by most people's standards was evil. If she spoke what she believed the world would execute her, even in a western type society.

Who are you to tell her that she doesn't deserve to live, because that is what the proclamation of truth will cause. Now, granted, you are not the one pulling the trigger, but as an educated man, with a logical mind, you realize that death would be imminent for such an individual. You are playing God or god in that case.

Absolutism, or relativistic absolutism that most people engage is very helpful for it sets a path in this world that can be followed with full vigor.


Maybe your lens of a western type of society blinded you to the harm that your post can cause.

-FountainAtlas

[alexb5784]

Well since everyone else is sharing their secrets, I'll share mine.

When I was 18, I had a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide. I was attending the very same college where my mother, sister, grandmother, aunt, and a few cousins had graduated from. I didn't want to attend this particular university, but felt obligated to since it was a family tradition. I had very few friends and was deeply depressed. I felt trapped.

I then transfered to a university that was as far away from my family as possible. However, I ended up spending more time with my sorority sisters than I did studying. As a result, I was on academic probation by the end of the semester. To this day I don't regret failing in school because I needed to have fun and make friends. It was the first time in my life that I had ever felt accepted by my peers and I really needed that.

Next, I moved to Boston and start taking classes again. It was also at this time that I discovered I was gay, but unfortunately as I was really ashamed about it, I continued to date men. I had a few crushes on female friends, but I never acted upon them.

Finally when I was 23, I started my first serious relationship with another woman and it lasted for a year. However, we were not well suited for one another. She had a very strong emotional bond with her best friend and it made our relationship a difficult one. In addition, I was not emotionally open with her because I knew she would be judgmental towards me. We ended our relationship pretty badly and I have not seen her in 4 years.

Afterwards, I fell in love with a friend of mine (I don't know why!) and she helped me get over my ex. I felt so inspired by her that I decided to do something more with my life. As a result, I quit my job and started my own business. It was at this time that I started reading books on personal development. Then after three months my business failed, I went broke, and lost everything. I was forced to sell all my belongings and move out of my apartment. Later I found out my friend was not gay.

After living with friends for six months, I had to find a job and a new place to live. I was getting deeper into personal development and felt that a job would ruin my newfound bliss. However, the pressure to do something with my life was so intense that I decided to join the Marines

Because I felt like a worthless failure, I mistakenly believed that the military could help me get myself together. Thankfully luck intervened and my military application was held up for two weeks because of an undiagnosed heart condition. It was during this waiting period that I started having second thoughts about my decision. When I was finally approved to become a soldier, I decided not go through with it and instead decided to take a chance on myself, even though I had no idea how I was going to survive. I was 25 years old, alone, had no possessions, and zero money. One thing I did have though was faith and a vision.

I decided not to find a job nor a place to live because all I wanted to do was learn about myself. So for two years, I was purposely homeless just so I could have as much free time as possible. I slept in hospital closets and lobbies, public bathrooms, deserted hallways, homeless shelters, and anyplace else that was safe. Miraculously not once did I ever go hungry or sleep outside in the cold. I always had food, clothing, and shelter. I even made new friends and found time to volunteer with the United Way. I was homeless and volunteering, go figure

As I had so much time to do nothing but study, I read about a hundred books and listened to loads of audio material. And as I still had nice clothes, most people had no I idea I was homeless, to them I just looked like the average college student.

Everyday I went to the public library and studied. In 2006, I discovered Steve's blog and started listening to his podcasts. That summer I landed a job and started saving money, though I was still homeless at the time. Then that job led to another one and finally I got an apartment. I suppose you could say my life became "normal" again.

Now after two years of having a "normal" life, I'm shaking things up again. Though I have a good job in high-tech marketing, I'm leaving it to go work for myself. I have no desire to continue to promote products I don't believe in, it really sickens me.

I made the mistake of believing in a false sense of security (money, a job, apartment, material things). I got sucked right back into the social conditioning I ran away from when I consciously decided to become homeless. I forgot what I had been through and why. The comforts of the status-quo kept me blinded from the truth


Today I'm proud to say that I'm resigning from my job in 60 days and have already attracted a client for my new business. I'm not worried about going broke or failing this time because I've already been there. If it happens again, so what. As long as I'm doing what I love, I'll find a way to get back on my feet. At this point in my life, the scariest thing I have ever experienced was not being homeless, but being dependent on a job for my survival!

I hope this story helps someone. Send me a PM if you have any questions

[estudiant9]

alexb5784,

That was one of the most impressive, beautiful, eloquently put posts I've read here or anywhere. The story of your "shame" made me realize just how tight my grip on security is. Only rarely do I realize that, I have a pretty high bar for what constitutes a life that is even remotely worth living - $40,000 a year, good health, a car in good working order, a healthy body. Half of what I do everyday is to try to maximize my chances at maintaining this standard of living, and whatever I've been doing as a part of "self-improvement," I realize now, was all about me chasing the hope of one day not having to worry about losing what I'm not willing to lose.

Thank you so much for posting this. Good luck with your impressive journey. This is just beautiful.

[Daniel Becerra]

Thank you so much as well alexb5784!

That WAS quite inspiring!

[Savage]

Originally Posted by alexb5784

I'm not worried about going broke or failing this time because I've already been there. If it happens again, so what. As long as I'm doing what I love, I'll find a way to get back on my feet. At this point in my life, the scariest thing I have ever experienced was not being homeless, but being dependent on a job for my survival!

Awesome story. This is totally how I feel as well. Going broke is really no big deal. It's nothing compared to losing years of your life in a beige cage.

Being employed in a job you dislike is 10x worse than being broke.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

alexb, I really hadn't followed this thread, but I saw your post and it was really great. Thanks for sharing your story and all my best, encouragement, luck, whatever on your next moves. You've got a great mindset backing you up.

[Rose of Cairo]

Pfff.... I hate you Steve

I've been trying to avoid this thread but I can't. There's something I feel I have to admit if I want to align with Truth. And I want to align with Truth. I consider myself a very open person and have no problem talking about all kinds of details and weaknesses of my life publicly - but this one thing, damn! I'd prefer to hide it forever.

So here it is: when I was a kid I was the kind of kid that nobody likes and others make collectively fun of every time they can. I was never invited to parties or other social events. I got hit, laughed at, thrown stones at, etc. When I was 12 or 13, I don't remember exactly, the others at school organized a show, with dance, theater etc, and an entry fee, to collect some money for a well-known charity. I wasn't allowed to participate. For weeks I heard them talk enthusiastically about the rehearsals but I never even saw the show. But then, they gave me the whole money they had collected and asked me to give it to this charity because I was well-known for my strong sense of little-adult-responsibility.

And instead of donating this money to this charity, I threw it into a garbage can.

I promised to myself that "When I'll have forgiven all this, I'll give it back." Whatever this means.

In the last years I've felt tempted to give this money back many times, but every time it felt more like wanting to get rid of my guilt and shame at last than like really being at peace with it and genuinely giving back what I had taken. I kinda felt that the moment hadn't come. The biggest reason for that is, I guess, that I still don't feel truly sorry for what I did!

So, it's out now. I don't feel relieved!

[Savage]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

So, it's out now. I don't feel relieved!

That's because you are truly evil. I can't even talk to you now, Rose.

I'm kidding! You are loved of course.

[missing]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

That's because you are truly evil. I can't even talk to you now, Rose.

I'm kidding! You are loved of course.

maybe I'm just a bad person, or maybe cause I don't know anything about the amazing charity and all the good the money was going to do, but I find Rose's story really hilarious. I totally can understand what she did and why she doesn't feel sorry. Those early adolescent years can leave some real lasting scars!

[Andreas]

alexb5784, that was... incredible. Thank you so much for sharing.

Any chance you could start a blog and so we can follow along with how things go. I would really enjoy reading the continuing story!

[alexb5784]

I really appreciate the feedback from everyone in the forum because I needed to get my story out and into the open

[alexb5784]

Andreas,

I'm actually finishing the design of my blog this weekend and it should be ready next week. My blog will be about conscious marketing.

I work in the marketing field and have noticed that most marketers promote products/services that don't align with their principles and values. I want to help marketing professionals promote products/services that really improve our quality of life, reduce poverty, and protect the environment. I'll put them url in my signature when it's up and PM you the link.

Take care!

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by missing

I totally can understand what she did and why she doesn't feel sorry.

Really?

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

That's because you are truly evil. I can't even talk to you now, Rose.

Hehehe. I'm even more evil than that, Steve. Since I shared this story here, I not only still don't feel sorry for what I did, I even don't feel guilty or ashamed for it anymore! Where's the "evil" smiley??

[ellie]

Ha ha Rose! I actually love that story.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by missing

I totally can understand what she did and why she doesn't feel sorry.

Same here.

Since I shared this story here, I not only still don't feel sorry for what I did, I even don't feel guilty or ashamed for it anymore!

Wonderful, so sharing it on here has helped then remove those negative feelings from it, just in a different way then you expected!

[Matt Willard]

Rose, I dig the hell out of your story. It seems perfect to me. You see, I was also one of those kids. Not really popular, not really allowed out of the house. (Eventually I came to realize that popularity is overrated, but that's something else.) A thing I love to read about in stories is justice, retribution for being wronged. It feels good to feel that something ended fairly, that you got the last laugh. And, you see, it works because I got the background behind it. If you were a fictional character, due to that and my own life experiences, I could easily get in your corner.

I'm just saying it felt righteously awesome :V

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by carenkh

For some women, it's not empowering; it serves to confirm that their only worth is sexual/being physically attractive. Obviously, this isn't the case with all dancers, but it's harmful for some.

Therefore it helps women who feel their only worth is sexual/being physically attractive, because then they would feel they had a sense of worth.

[CroMagna]

Hey, great story alex! It's especially meaningful because it was happening to you at the age of 25, which is my current age.

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Therefore it helps women who feel their only worth is sexual/being physically attractive, because then they would feel they had a sense of worth.

But that's not living the truth. That is never, ever anyone's only worth. To reinforce a lie is not helpful; to support the lowest vision anyone has for themselves does them no good - even if it's the *only* vision they have.