Gen X career crisis

[babssoft]

Hi all,
I have been having a lot of trouble making some important life decisions, and I'd like some input. This might sound like a "so typical" story, but I'll share it anyway.

I have been a musician for over 10 years, and while I love it and have every intention to continue, I seem to lack the drive to make a living off of it. It’s not because I am afraid, it’s mainly because I am not much of a schmoozer and hate the business end of music. I am really proud of my successes which include 3 solo albums, 4 band albums, and guest appearances on at least 6-7 other albums and tours. I am actually happy being a small-time local musician and think it’s cool to keep it underground. Finding drive to get bigger is just not coming to me.

For income, I have a "day job" which I've been at for 2 1/2 years now. It's a very small company, and I've already gotten the highest promotion possible. I've been very unhappy here for over a year, finding it unhealthy and draining for a number of reasons; mostly because I am totally unchallenged and bored.

I'm 31, and I really want to take myself out of the rat race sooner than later. The values I embody at work are totally out-of-synch with my musical life. Basically, it feels like I am trading many hours of my life for something I don't really care about, while my well being and real passions suffer. I am concerned that I have given so much of my life to my job that I am losing interest in things that I really care about. Even my music is falling by the wayside, and this makes me very sad. I know deep down that I need to leave my job because no amount of money could make up for the dissatisfaction I feel.

I live in NYC and rent is very high, so working part-time is not an option. Therefore, I have been trying to probe new fields that may interest me. I began networking and have had several informational interviews with contacts in the publishing industry, but somehow, things aren't "clicking". Also, I am not interested in teaching (just fyi). I have pretty good writing and editing skills, and I have considered the idea of freelancing, though I don’t know much about getting started.

In sum, I feel so mentally and physically exhausted that it feels impossible for me to make good decisions-- I feel like I am on a treadmill that I can't get off of. I am really committed to unraveling this problem and taking steps to make things livable again. So far I have managed to be pretty proactive despite this feeling of overwhelm, but I am afraid that my drive is waning from feeling so bummed. I don't think "just quitting" my day job is the solution, because I don't have another source of income arranged.

I'm not looking for sympathy here, but I'd love to hear any stories or heart advice anyone has. thanks for reading.

[John Prophet]

Cultivating Burning Desire by Steve Pavlina