How to Be a Woman (Blog)

[Savage]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

How to Be a Woman

[Hunter Nuttall]

Erin, thanks for making me one of your top picks! I've only read a few of the others so far, but they're certainly interesting and insightful.

Steve, as far as I can remember, this is the first time you've had a contest in the time I've been reading your blog. Is this something you might do again in the future?

[Erin Pavlina]

Hunter I thought your perspective was wonderfully insightful, accurate, and honest. I was impressed that this came from a man.

[Plato]

This is a great resource.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by Hunter Nuttall

Steve, as far as I can remember, this is the first time you've had a contest in the time I've been reading your blog. Is this something you might do again in the future?

This wasn't really intended as a contest -- it was meant to be a way for people to share their ideas. The reason Erin and I offered our top picks was to provide some minimal filtering for those who only had time to read a few submitted articles. 52 articles is a lot of reading -- almost like reading a book. Our choices were totally subjective though.

I might incorporate more participation-based topics in the future, especially if people find this post helpful.

Personally I found this experiment very insightful. I learned something from nearly every article. This really broadened my perspective.

If we combine all the ideas from "How to Be a Man" and "How to Be a Woman," I think we get a much more complete picture of how to live consciously.

[Dan.Linehan]

Great article Lola!! I love your writing, as usual.

[GreenTea]

Hi, I just posted in the introductions forum, and then I saw this thread and realized I better say my Thank You here

Steve and Erin, Thank You for the 'How To Be A Woman' experiment--I enjoyed participating and reading the other articles....it was a great idea!

[The Wise Turtle]

OK, now switch the word "woman" in the title of each of these, and replace it with the word "human" and we'd have an amazing society of humans who aren't afraid to be both strong and gentle, competitive and collaborative, self-focused and other-focused, when the situation calls for it.

Thanks to everyone for sharing their ideas!

Peace, Love, and Bicycles,

Turil
a "masculine woman" who seeks balance

[The Wise Turtle]

Having checked all 50-something contributions out, I'd like to offer my own winners' list.

The following are the ones that stood out to me as being especially valuable, so if you happen to have a lot more places to go and things to do than a "free-spirit" philosopher such as myself happens to have then these would be the ones I'd recommend as being especially worth taking the time to read.

How to Be a Woman at Questions and Chaos by Helga Sombrofsky - a good solid article

How to Be a Woman at Year of Abundance by Niamh - another good solid article

Muliebrity at The Blooming Heart by Rebecca - which gets my prize for most traditionally "feminine" in only the best sense.

How to be a (Conscious) Woman at Invite Presence by Carol - which gets my prize for most philosophically stimulating!

How to Be a Woman at Space Daisy by Liz Maher - winning the prize for most weird and prosperous!

Consciously being a girl. by Andrea La Rose - which gets my prize for most creatively personal story

How to Be a Woman at Astroblahhh by Apollia - which gets my prize for most expressive writing

How to Be a Successful and Inspirational Woman - which gets my prize for most traditionally "masculine", again, only in the best sense.

And a special mention of How to Be a Woman at Conscious Flex by Nicholas Powiull - this would have been my number one pick if he had simply listed item #10 on his list as his entire post, as "Be Aware of Human Needs" covers pretty much everything else he listed, and expresses what it really means to be a healthy woman, or man, or otherwise, about as well as I've seen anywhere:

• A woman understands that she (and everyone else) needs to be certain. When she has certainty, she has peace of mind.
• She comprehends that everyone needs to be uncertain. When she has uncertainty, she rids of boredom.
• She also needs to feel important and significant, just like everyone else. When she feels unique, she gives herself purpose.
• She needs to feel connected. When she feels a connection, she does not feel lonely.
• She realizes that growth is of the essence. Without growth in a changing world, she will not succeed.

And, of course, I still think that How to Be a Woman at The Wise Turtle, by little old me, is well worth reading, as it's based on the cycle of life as science and psychology understands it, and on what it means to be a truly healthy sentient, social being in this universe of ours...

Peace, Love, and Bicycles,
Turil

[Apollia]

Well, it was fun participating. I'm glad I did it, I almost wimped out.

Steve Pavlina wrote in the blog post:

Reading all of these pieces was amazingly eye-opening.

I agree! Quite a well-written and fascinating diversity of perspectives.

I offer a huge “thank you” to everyone who chose to participate.

You're welcome! Thanks again for the inspiration, etc.

The point of articles such as these isn’t to dictate how you’re supposed to live. The point is to offer you different perspectives to consider, so you can make more conscious and deliberate choices for yourself.

Being a man or woman isn’t about blindly following popular gender patterns, nor is it about rejecting such patterns out of hand and rebelliously embracing their opposites. Ultimately you must define what kind of man or woman you will become. This is a choice you must make for yourself as an individual, regardless of what anyone else thinks. What kind of man/woman do you wish to be? Life awaits your answer…

Beautiful... Hard to disagree with that in any way.


Steve Pavlina wrote in a post:

I might incorporate more participation-based topics in the future, especially if people find this post helpful.

Awesome, I look forward to it if you do - whether I am inspired to write another article, or am just a reader next time.


The Wise Turtle wrote:

OK, now switch the word "woman" in the title of each of these, and replace it with the word "human" and we'd have an amazing society of humans who aren't afraid to be both strong and gentle, competitive and collaborative, self-focused and other-focused, when the situation calls for it.

Agreed.

How to Be a Woman at Astroblahhh by Apollia - which gets my prize for most expressive writing

Thanks, I like yours too.

[GreenTea]

Wise Turtle,

Thank You for your post and reviews. (My post is the one you called most philosophically stimulating--and to me that is a huge compliment)

I also think your comment about switching the word "woman" to "human" would be interesting. Isn't the goal to balance masculine and feminine energies?

[Myrabeth]

Hi all--
Thanks for this forum on the 'How to be a Woman' writing exercise--I thoroughly enjoyed writing mine, even though I did it in a ferocious hurry, and now, in reading all the others--wonderful, insightful wisdom about living life here--it IS almost a book!!

Many thanks to all who submitted, and to Steve and Erin for their time and energy to put this out into the world.

I hope there are more exercises such as this one. It was fun!

[Fullcrum]

Interesting that this thread has generated little criticism or debate. Maybe that's good - and nice articles BTW!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

Interesting that this thread has generated little criticism or debate. Maybe that's good - and nice articles BTW!

Overall, I think there was a whole 'nuther vibe going on with the ...Woman articles. Generally they read more encouraging, supportive and affectionate, while Steve's ...Man article struck me as kickass. It seemed to me to contain the (implicit, not explicit) suggestion of "here's how you *should* be if you want to consider yourself a conscious man," while the ...Woman articles, at least to me, didn't feel so shouldy. They felt more like, "look, sister, here's what I've noticed feels good and valuable, and I'd like to share it with you."

I think it's the perceived *shoulds* that get people all riled up.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

Interesting that this thread has generated little criticism or debate. Maybe that's good - and nice articles BTW!

The reason I haven't commented on the woman posts is that I don't really know what to say about them. I also found Steve's man post shouldy and I disagreed with it being a model for masculinity, yet it strongly resonated with me. I was like "yesssss!!! Wanna be like that!" The woman posts I read did not really resonate with me. It was more like "hm, yes... of course, yeah.. oh, nice one..." and also a lot of "hmm, really? nooo... " and even "yuck!!! eek! no!!!"

So, hmmm, I'm feeling kinda about all that.

[Playlife]

Originally Posted by Angela

Overall, I think there was a whole 'nuther vibe going on with the ...Woman articles. Generally they read more encouraging, supportive and affectionate, while Steve's ...Man article struck me as kickass. It seemed to me to contain the (implicit, not explicit) suggestion of "here's how you *should* be if you want to consider yourself a conscious man," while the ...Woman articles, at least to me, didn't feel so shouldy. They felt more like, "look, sister, here's what I've noticed feels good and valuable, and I'd like to share it with you."

I think it's the perceived *shoulds* that get people all riled up.

They would get my blessing if they changed "woman" to "human". Otherwise it would have nothing to do with me and then... what's the point?

[Niamhlet]

It's really interesting to me how people didn't have more of a reaction to this blog post, but I really think it's just the nature of the exercise and the feelings it drew out of people.

I haven't had time to read every article, but having written one of my own I do know that simply taking the time to think about the kind of woman I want to be has actually made me feel softer and more caring and compassionate in the last few days. There is a real feeling of solidarity in the articles, and I think they didn't spark much debate because they simply speak for themselves. There is no need to argue over points as everyone had their chance to really get their views out there.

On the other hand the How to be a Man article was only one person's opinion and everyone likes to pick apart certain points and give their own opinion.

In this thread I think we are all just impressed by the interesting articles that were created....even if we don't agree with every single one.


P.S. Thanks Wise Turtle for the mention!

[ladybug]

Thank you to all the women and men that wrote their version on "How to be a Woman". Thank you Steve for giving so many an opportunity to do so, with freedom.

I decided that I was going to read every article before I posted to the thread, which I have. I also, for my own sake, copy and pasted quotes from all of your submissions that resonated with me. Not what I should be like, as a woman, but how I am already, as a woman. I think all of the submissions were truly wonderful and insightful, especially with others opinions about how they feel as women or how men view the women around them.

Thank you

[standgale]

I thought about writing something for this, or at least for myself to put on my blog, but I cannot come up with any characteristics that apply solely to women, or that apply to all women but not all men. Although there may be some general differences between men and women as groups, it's not possible to distinguish between what might be social or biological traits, and there aren't any traits that apply to all of one gender.
Any ideas I come up with are merely my ideas on what is the ideal human, with no gender constraint or bias.
Thus, I think the "how to be a <man/woman" idea is flawed, and exclusive.
Reading some of the top picks for how to be a woman just makes me feel excluded, lonely and different. Like there's all these "women" out there being one way, identifying with this, and that's not me, despite being a woman and never having any problem with that until I read something about what that apparently "means" and then feeling like I'm some kind of different person with no "group" to fit into.

Possible misinterpretations addressed:
If the idea is partly that these are ideals one is supposed to aspire to, I have no desire to aspire to them.
If the descriptions are not supposed to apply to all women, then the titles and language is misleading.

I still think we're all the same

I wonder how many people in the general population actually do feel that there are specific male and female differences, and how many really feel that there either these groupings don't exist or that they don't fit into them? Although there are some comments about this on this forum, it's not exactly a large or representative sample.

Edit: although I did say "reading SOME of the top picks" and thus did not say I objected to all of and every piece of writing, I thought I'd mention that parts of some I find quite acceptable or good, but don't see anything particularly "womanly" about them.
One perspective to take on the traits/advice that apply to everyone is that although all people might need to live up to the same standards, etc, due to the society we live in, the pressures on each gender are different and thus each gender is living in a slightly different "world" to the other; and so the advice to live successfully and well would need to be slightly different, tailored to the current societal position of the gender. eg. if women are being pushed into more submissive roles in their lives, they might need advice about not allowing that to happen, whereas, on average, men might not require this advice and would be better off working on other areas of development.