How to Be a Man (Blog)
 

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

How to Be a Man

I'm happy to know that im on the right track, i have to work on 7 thou.

I would put one more, "realise the space between stimulus and response" It adds to number 1, but its more "how to be a human"

I'm glad

"Join the military"

and

"Serve your country"

didn't appear on the list.

"He allows his sexual energy to explode through his heart, not just his genitals." LOL

This is an excellent post Steve. Simply brilliant.

I especially liked this quote.

Is developing self-control a specific trait of becoming a man or is this something that shows up throughout the list, specifically number 6?

I'm taking your "How To Be A Woman" submission request as a personal challenge. I'll post mine on erica.biz - Erica Douglass challenges you to change your life! by Tuesday. I already have a calendar reminder set! ;)

-Erica

this helped me a lot, I've grown up with the thought that it you should hide your feelings, as if it were a thing to be ashamed of. I'm going to have to re-read this a couple times. The self-doubt section helped me a lot too, I guess in a way perserverence can counter self-doubt.

Ahh I just love this post Steve, VERY powerful, this is the sort of thing I personally really like from your site.

It reminds me of Heat Guy J, where J always says "A man must..." and in a funny little synch. I just bought the series 1 boxset *twighlight zone music*

This is both an entertaining and insightfull article. It motivates me, I think I'm going print it an hang it on a wall or something. Thanks Steve!

I think Steve already wrote the "How to be a woman" version.

Just swap "man" for "woman", "masculine" for "feminine", etc.

That is, I don't see anything gender-specific in here (apart from metaphors about exploding genitals, maybe).

"How to be a Woman" is very easy to write: it's exactly the same. Just write "woman" instead of "man" and "feminine" instead of "masculine". I don't see what the differences are, all this applies to women as well.

Tura womens genitals explode too :eek::eek:

Anyway, Niki I am going to shorten it and stick above my computer alongside my Wizards Rules from Terry Goodkinds books, and the poem If by Rudyard Kipling

I realize there's a challenge out there to write an article on 'how to be a woman', but in all honesty, I think I related a lot to 'How to be a Man'. I already strive to live this way, which I thought to be pretty damn interesting.

I personally think it should be retitled to 'How To Be A Human'.

:)

Steve is wise to let somebody else write the how to be a woman section!
;)

I think you are right , but steve has something else in his mind.

May be he feels that there is something extra in them . :-)

I think women are more compassionate than men. But due to present day work culture,they are losing touch with that.

Let's wait till tuesday.Results will be out soon.

I don't think this article translates directly to "How te be a woman". Of course, everyone has a masculine and feminine side. However, a woman following these rules is essentially "acting like a man". I think "How to be a woman" is more about celebrating life, "going with the flow" and having the exchange of love as your priority.

All of this assuming that you accept the underlying principle that men and women are equal but not the same and that if both act according to their own "natural" values and priorities, life and relationships will be much more passionate and interesting.

Steve, this article reminds me a lot of the work of David Deida, especially his book "The Way of the Superior Man". I'm curious to hear what your experiences with the principles in your article are and what you think of David Deida's work, if you're familiar with it.

It is incorrect to compare steve with Deida.

He talks about sex.

Steve talks about the purpose of life .

Deida does not only talk about sex. If you take a look at the book I mentioned, you'll see a lot of what Deida writes is compatible with what Steve writes in his article. That's great though, I think it's great to hear similar principles resound in different voices.

For you who are saying that men and women are the same, that's mistaken. Not if each is on the path to ultimate fulfillment. The externals may look the same, maybe, maybe not, but the internals are difinitely different, the motivation is different, just as an example. You'll see the differences if you look more closely (or find a nice article that spells it out).

Remember, men are the out-breath. Women are the in-breath.

I dont understand the out-breath, in-breath thing, im new to it.

I agree supertom - what does being an inbreath or an outbreath mean? what difference does it make? What if I don't want to be an outbreath or inbreath!

I've voiced my opinion on here before that prescribing gender roles, e.g. "all men are active, all women are passive" for example limits all of us.


I also think the article could easily be titled 'how to be human' too.

Oohh, it's starting to feel kind of tense in here! This is such a taboo subject it's not even funny. I would find it funny but I'm actuallly interested in discussing the different qualities of men and women.

Is it really true that "How to Be a Woman" and "How to Be a Man" would have the exact same content? While there might be some overlap, I really don't think the contents would be identical.

This article was about masculine energy, which can certainly be used by men or women, so it could have also been titled, "How to Use Masculine Energy." I thought the simpler title would be better though.

I wrote this article partly to stimulate some discussion on gender differences and how to deal with them consciously, neither ignoring nor exaggerating them. It's a sensitive subject for some, but I think it can also stimulate a lot of growth by sharing different perspectives.

Should men and women strive for a masculine-feminine balance in themselves? Or should they embrace one side more than the other? What do you think?

Personally, I think we're stronger when we embrace some of those differences and don't try to be the same. I feel best when I stay clearly on the masculine energy side. When there's too much feminine energy flowing through my life, it just feels wrong to me.

Erin is involved in a mastermind group that's all women. Erin loves it and gets a lot out of it. I once participated in the group for a few sessions last year, but I didn't like it. I thought they spent too much time talking about their feelings and not enough time figuring out what to do and holding each other accountable for action. I also felt like I couldn't really be myself with that group -- I felt like I'd scare or intimidate them if I talked about my real plans and goals, and that didn't seem fair to them. I'm sure they get along better without me too. Another guy also participated for a session or two but soon quit as well. On the other hand, when I hang out with a group of guys, especially growth-oriented ones, there's a different feel to that energy, and that feels more uplifting to me. For one, guys seems to tease each other a lot more, which I admit might seem a strange way of relating to each other.

Maybe I am imbalanced, but this sort of imbalance feels right to me.

What if a man has more feminine energy and a woman has more masculine energy? Can the amount of energy be changed, so that the man has more masculine energy?

Can it be changed - does focusing on one type of energy increases that amount of energy in a person? So that for example, if a man has more feminine energy in him, does focusing on his masculine energy increase that energy and reduce his feminine energy so that over time, he'll eventually have more masculine energy then feminine energy?

Brilliant!

> So a man isn’t ready to live until he accepts that he’s already dead.

Feh on striving around masculine energy/feminine energy.

The whole concept is a brilliant illusion (created by my consciousness! :D) to fool us into thinking we're limited beings.

It's too much fun expanding more and more into who I really am -- unlimited joy and abundance -- to fool around with "striving for balance"! ;)

But it was very fun to read your article. It was so manly! :D

I think this kind of mindset originates from the Homeric Greek philosophy... It basically says life is a stage for performing heroic deeds. Life is narrative for you to live out.

"Call no man happy until he is dead!" - Solon (one of the Seven Sages of the ancient world.)

Heroic deeds are very much a manly desire and the priority of a masculine man's life. This is why so many of us loved the film 300 so much.:D

Meanwhile it's been suggested that centering one's life around love of a special few people may be a feminine desire. I'm told "The Notebook" is a good example of this but I've never seen it.

Alot of psychological research has been done to suggest that a balance of masculine and feminine "qualities", I.E/ Adrogyny, is socially more useful. Also research suggests that in all countries around the world (independent of influence) have distinct (and similar) Female and Male roles. This would suggest that there is an innate Masculine and Feminine side.

However there is a lot of debate as to what causes this difference; Biological psychologist argue for a genetic determinist view, Freud goes for an anatomical-with-bits-of-social-influence determinism.

Another interesting theory is Kohlberg's Cognitive-developmental theory and he suggests we learn gender roles through the Social Learning theory which proposes we need reinforcement and modelling of the behaviour appropriate to us, but it doesn't explain why we act in certain ways WITHOUT influence, for example children who have not been influence by gender roles still play with sex-appropriate toys like boys to guns, girls to dolls.

All in all there really are no actual FACTS about why we behave as we do, it may be one single factor, or it may be an amalgam.

From my personal experience (which isn't much I have to admit) I believe that there is something, genetic or psychic, within us that gives us a sense (nothing tangible, but just a feeling) of what we are in terms of our gender.

The traits commonly associated with masculinity aren't neccesarily common to all men, and the traits commonly associated with feminity aren't neccesarily common to all women. Ultimately we're individuals, and yeah, there ARE very manly men, and very feminine women, but there are also manly women, womanly men, and people on every continum in between.

People argue that in general women 'tend to be' one way and men 'tend to be' another, but there is a lot of gray areas where cultural conditioning plays a huge part. After all, whether we like it or not, men are raised with different toys, different 'colours' (blue), different expectations to women. Even in a very 'equal' family, there are still factors of outside media, school, peers, etc etc.

These things probably began because women had children and it made more sense for them to do certain activities, stick close to home etc etc.... but equally, you can argue that just because something made sense back then, that doesn't mean it makes sense now. I am a woman, but I am never going to have children, I am very goal orientated, and I'm not particularly interested in other people's feelings. This doesn't make me a MAN though, I am very much a woman, I enjoy being a woman, and there are some 'womanly' things I enjoy doing.

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that you shouldn't 'try and be a certain way' because of your gender. Any men who like to put other people first and find themselves very good at defusing tense situations, making social networks and so on, should not try and work against these traits.

Surely personal development is about making sure your positive traits are accentuated, so if you are a people person, you don't try and become a lone explorer .... but neither do you spend all day gossiping around the water cooler. Instead you can channel that into something positive and worthwhile, whether it's persuading people to volunteer for good works, or getting people involved in the local community.

Equally, if you are a lone explorer/conquerer type, then trying to become a hostage negotiator is probably a bad idea. Instead you would try and do things that benefited from those traits.

I think it's very dangerous to start straying into 'feminine energy' and 'masculine energy' and all the rest of it. For many hundreds of years 'feminine' meant submissive, quiet homemaker in lots of cultures (depending on your social class, anyway). That WAS a bad thing, and damaged many women (and men).

Sure, there is yin and yang, and balance and it's good to have a couple that compliment rather than overlap or contradict, and different people behave in different ways.... but don't say it's because you are a man, or because you are a women.

After all, a woman might be 'hysterical because she's a woman' or she might have PTSD from being raped by her husband for seven years.

A man might be 'aggressive because he's a man' or he might be angry because he was beaten by his Dad when he was a kid.

Figuring out why we are the way we are is a really important step to self-understanding... and from understanding, we can advance and improve.