How to Be a Man (Blog)

[koke616]

The article is about living consciously as a man and expressing one's masculinity. Nothing on the list is inherently masculine, in that masculinity is a projection and largely meaningless. Holding those ideals obviously reflects conscious living but how does it contribute to expressing masculinity? By forming an association with the concept of manliness, striving towards those ideals reinforces the feeling of being manly. Similar to a woman that associates wearing pretty clothes with femininity, because the association exists in her mind wearing pretty clothes triggers a feeling of being feminine.

I think?

[Playlife]

I love this sweet irony that man should master and control and tame his emotions, but should be ruled by his libido.

[cylon]

I'm not sure what the problem is. We're given a sex-drive. Why is that bad? Why should a man walk around feeling bad for having one?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by cylon

No, it's pretty awesome. Sex for a man is like food and shelter. It's a basic need.

I hate it when guys say stuff like that. Sex is a basic need for all humans! Woman need it too. And we love it.

That doesn't mean we don't make conscious choices about how to go about it. If for some reason my SO couldn't have sex for a while I'd still love him and want to be with him. Because I've made the choice to put my relationship before sex.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

I hate it when guys say stuff like that.

Tough cookies.

Although, in our society, it's usually the man perceived as being the one concerned about sex, the woman as "above that".

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by cylon

I'm not sure what the problem is. We're given a sex-drive. Why is that bad? Why should a man walk around feeling bad for having one?

No need to feel bad about having a sex drive. It's just the insinuation that only men feel the strong urge to have sex that bothers me along with the whole sex first, relationships second thing. Maybe it's just scary to think that men really don't have to care at all about you or even like you much as a person to have sex with you because they are ruled by this primal urge. Like another poster said, it's ironic that you (plural you, not you in particular) are meant to be in control of yourself in every area, but ruled by libido.

[Playlife]

Originally Posted by cylon

I'm not sure what the problem is. We're given a sex-drive. Why is that bad? Why should a man walk around feeling bad for having one?

I'm not sure what the problem is. We're given some feelings/emotions(and more than just anger). Why is that bad? Why should a man walk around feeling bad for having some?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by cylon

Tough cookies.

Although, in our society, it's usually the man perceived as being the one concerned about sex, the woman as "above that".

I don't think I follow...why tough cookies? I was making the asssertion that women have a biological sex drive too. Do you disagree?

[cylon]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

Maybe it's just scary to think that men really don't have to care at all about you or even like you much as a person to have sex with you because they are ruled by this primal urge. Like another poster said, it's ironic that you (plural you, not you in particular) are meant to be in control of yourself in every area, but ruled by libido.

Well, a man HAS this strong primal urge which he needs to honor. To say he is RULED by it, is a different topic.

In my response to Bitsy which you may have missed I get into the "he doesn't really like me he just wants sex" thing.

Men want BOTH. To have sex AND to have a good relationship. Both at the same time. In equal measures.

Yes there are some player dudes. They are the ones that tend to get a lot of women, despite how sad the women feel it is, they still say yes.

They usually get lots of sex but don't have good relationships. Why not have both? I don't think anyone disagrees with that.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by cylon

Well, a man HAS this strong primal urge which he needs to honor. To say he is RULED by it, is a different topic.

In my response to Bitsy which you may have missed I get into the "he doesn't really like me he just wants sex" thing.

Men want BOTH. To have sex AND to have a good relationship. Both at the same time. In equal measures.

Yes there are some player dudes. They are the ones that tend to get a lot of women, despite how sad the women feel it is, they still say yes.

They usually get lots of sex but don't have good relationships. Why not have both? I don't think anyone disagrees with that.

I think I see your point now. Well, if we all want the same things, then why all the problems?

[ScotiaCoast]

Ehh.. as another guy, I feel a little uncomfortable letting what Cylon says be representative of all men. While those may be his own experiences, they certainly do not reflect the experiences and values of all men.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

I think I see your point now. Well, if we all want the same things, then why all the problems?

Not sure if we all want the same things in equal measures. Or if we do, maybe not at the same time.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by cylon

Men want BOTH. To have sex AND to have a good relationship. Both at the same time. In equal measures.

Women want both too. Or do you think we are asexual angels?

Originally Posted by cylon

Well, a man HAS this strong primal urge which he needs to honor.

Women have this strong primal urge too. Besides, according to #6, we should not honor it blindly, but rechannel it towards some heart-centered purpose.

I know I'm going to have a problem with #6

I'm still waiting for an example of something to which people react inherently differently depending on their gender, besides.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by ScotiaCoast

Ehh.. as another guy, I feel a little uncomfortable letting what Cyclon says be representative of all men. While those may be his own experiences, they certainly do not reflect the experiences and values of all men.

I'm speaking for myself, obviously I can't speak for "all men" but being one I'll go ahead and speak about them generally anyway because I can.

I would say my opinions on this topic don't necessarily represent the opinions most men have, or would allow themselves to have. I'm sure I'm in the minority.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by cylon

On the media, most guys I see are simple and foolish or weak. Women are usually (usually) the strong smart ones.

I think we must just be watching different stuff. Take Everybody Loves Raymond for example...the husband kind of fits what you are talking about and the wife is the "smart one"...but she is also seen as a controlling "mom" type and kind of a harpy. No win . I think everybody ends up coming off looking bad in those shows so I don't watch them.

[Spartan]

This thread has deteriorated into a battle of sentiments. What attributes one personally finds attractive has no relevance to the discussion of gender specific traits.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by cylon

Not sure if we all want the same things in equal measures. Or if we do, maybe not at the same time.

Well I was being kind of facetious. But I actually do believe there are fewer diffences between men and women than people want to make out. I believe it's mostly socialization. There are some basic biological differences and differences in brain structure, but I don't agree that amounts to practically being from different planets.

But anyway, I'm not sure I even know what you mean by that, so...

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by cylon

I'm sure I'm in the minority.

Thank god.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Thank god.

Are you expressing a personal sentiment?

[cylon]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

But anyway, I'm not sure I even know what you mean by that, so...

I'm not sure either. Am I even making points? See my point?

[MsKarma]

Well I was being kind of facetious. But I actually do believe there are fewer diffences between men and women than people want to make out. I believe it's mostly socialization. There are some basic biological differences and differences in brain structure, but I don't agree that amounts to practically being from different planets.

Agreed! Sigh ...

Maybe the people who are arguing these points should take a Women's Studies course?

Guys ... there will be alot of women at these courses if you are single! LOL

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by cylon

Are you expressing a personal sentiment?

It seems so.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by MsKarma

Maybe the people who are arguing these points should take a Women's Studies course?

Guys ... there will be alot of women at these courses if you are single! LOL

Ha ha. I'd rather just study one woman at a time.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by cylon

I'm not sure either. Am I even making points? See my point?

Yeah, got it .

[ctarun]

Standgale and everyone else,
First, thank you Steve for this article. Whether we all agree or not (sounds like a little of both), we are all growing just during the process.

I wonder if anyone is familiar with "Myers-Briggs Type Indicator"? I've done a little reading on the net about it and it seems to more accurately characterize people than just "male" and "female". I think that there would be a strong correlation between some of the types and gender. While (how to word this...) most? women like to focus on feelings, and empathy more than facts and action, certainly not all are that way. Anyone who know more about MBTI care to comment?

No matter what you strive to become, "the ideal man", "the ideal human", or anything else, the point is that you need to have ideals that you personally believe in. No one can tell you what the "Ideal you" is. But if a list like this can get you thinking about it, it has helped you move towards your "Ideal you"

[Marco Polo]

Originally Posted by ctarun

I wonder if anyone is familiar with "Myers-Briggs Type Indicator"? ... Anyone who know more about MBTI care to comment?

Oooh yes, allow me to direct you to the appropriate website. everybody should take a look at this. I'm an introvert, intuitive, thinker and judger according to myers-brigg... man, that makes me feel so special.

Originally Posted by MsKarma

Maybe the people who are arguing these points should take a Women's Studies course?

Guys ... there will be alot of women at these courses if you are single! LOL

Sorry, a Women's Study Class mired in ideology is probably the last place I'd go for an oversight of the issue. Plus I'd be like the evil patriarch subconsciously oppressing my female classmates, and everybody would start seeing me as this primitive, patronizing good-for-nothing manslob and they'll do bad things to me (and not bad things in a good way either). No thanks.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Marco Polo

Sorry, a Women's Study Class mired in ideology is probably the last place I'd go for an oversight of the issue. Plus I'd be like the evil patriarch subconsciously oppressing my female classmates, and everybody would start seeing me as this big patronizing good-for-nothing manslob and they'll start doing bad things to me. No thanks.

Lol. But think of how hot and bothered they'd be out of getting their emotions all worked up. That's too much to handle though.

A men's study class would be interesting though. Books like "fire in the belly" "iron john" "way of the superior man" would be discussed there.

[Marco Polo]

Originally Posted by cylon

Lol. But think of how hot and bothered they'd be out of getting their emotions all worked up. That's too much to handle though.

A men's study class would be interesting though. Books like "fire in the belly" "iron john" "way of the superior man" would be discussed there.

Damn right we could do that.

And we could wear big army boots and swing sledge hammers at each other just because we're men and we can handle the pain! Like real men! Right?

Oh, but women have a higher pain tolerance... dammit ...

well maybe we could trade Pokemon cards and stuff?

[cylon]

I just know we'd have to mislabel it, like "pull out your own teeth" class because otherwise it would be burned down.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

I hate it when guys say stuff like that. Sex is a basic need for all humans! Woman need it too. And we love it.

That doesn't mean we don't make conscious choices about how to go about it. If for some reason my SO couldn't have sex for a while I'd still love him and want to be with him. Because I've made the choice to put my relationship before sex.

Lol, sex isn't a basic need.

Will I die if I don't have sex? I doubt it! Why would you put sex on par with food, water, shelter etc?

Sex is a desire, and vital for the reproduction of our genes, but not vital for our own survival.