How to Be a Man (Blog)

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Lol, sex isn't a basic need.

Will I die if I don't have sex? I doubt it! Why would you put sex on par with food, water, shelter etc?

Sex is a desire, and vital for the reproduction of our genes, but not vital for our own survival.

Yeah, yeah. I see what you are saying. Totally right. I do think sex is more of a need than a big screen tv though! It has a more basic quality to it than being just a bonus probably because it is necessary to continue the species. But I was responding particularly to what cylon had said. Basically I just mean that women have just as much sex drive as men (of course not every woman, not even every man has a huge sex drive). Mainly I just hate that guys seem to think it's this big, urgent, primal thing that they can't deny while thinking women just don't get it.

[cylon]

Spartan, lighten up man.

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

Basically I just mean that women have just as much sex drive as men (of course not every woman, not even every man has a huge sex drive). Mainly I just hate that guys seem to think it's this big, urgent, primal thing that they can't deny while thinking women just don't get it.

A lot of women say "men are too consumed by sex, we're not like that".

Don't hate what I am, what I have become. It is urgent and primal, doesn't mean we always act on it but yeah you need to learn to control it or you get in these situations like Bitsy described where you're this little puppet on a string dancing for her pleasure.

And stuff.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by cylon

A lot of women say "men are too consumed by sex, we're not like that".

True. A lot of women and a lot of men say a lot of things that don't apply to men or women as a whole.

I don't hate that you have an urgent primal need, I just want you to realize that women do too. And yeah, maybe we are better able to resist it, I don't know. But as long as you aren't talking about it ruling your life then I have no issue. At first it sounded like something you just had to give into...and sorry ladies, if you get screwed over (pardon my pun) in the process. That's what I call BS on, not the need itself. You've clarified what you meant anyway so I'm not sure why I'm still typing...

[cylon]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

You've clarified what you meant anyway so I'm not sure why I'm still typing...

It's one of those things, just hard to stop. We'll start disagreeing soon.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by cylon

It's one of those things, just hard to stop. We'll start disagreeing soon.

Oh, yeah, that's a given.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

Yeah, yeah. I see what you are saying. Totally right. I do think sex is more of a need than a big screen tv though! It has a more basic quality to it than being just a bonus probably because it is necessary to continue the species. But I was responding particularly to what cylon had said. Basically I just mean that women have just as much sex drive as men (of course not every woman, not even every man has a huge sex drive). Mainly I just hate that guys seem to think it's this big, urgent, primal thing that they can't deny while thinking women just don't get it.

Just for the sake of argument, when a man procreates he doesn't have to worry about getting pregnant, thus in a 'state of nature' without societal expectations, man could go around 'spreading the seed' whilst women would get lumbered with babies and have to walk around pregnant for 9 months, possibly without any help. Thus sex involved a greater risk and a greater amount of consequences for women than it did men. Perhaps this had an evolutionary effect on womens sex-drive, favouring women who selected sex partners prudently?

[Brutha]

Sorry Steve, but I think your argument re: the definition of sexism was weak, at least when using the example of pregnancy by saying 'men can't have babies' and then saying that's a stereotype. That's not a stereotype, it's a fact.

The definition didn't said something about sterotypes but about systemic differentiations.
The statement men can't have babies is a systemic differentiation.

Why do people need to be grouped into stereotypes in order for things to get done? I don't understand your logic here.

The whole scientific project is about seeking pattern and naming those patterns.

This imposes the attribute of being 'confident' as a criterion for being a man. However, there are millions of men that suffer from anxiety problems, and anxiety problems are real medical problems, not some self-induced habit of negativity.

By saying that those medical things are problems you admit that Steves point is right.
If they were good medical things they weren't problems.
The article is about identifing personal problems (of man) to work on those problems.

Making Real Decisions"? Really? [...]To suggest women should do otherwise honestly leads me to conceive of your ideal world as one where men have special access

Steve doesn't he asks for woman to write what woman should be like. Because he is no woman he wants to leave the ideals woman should follow up to others.

"has any of you ever bothered to stop for a while and think why MEN have such a high rate of heart attack, blood pressure and ulcer?"

As Steve wrote, there are more important things for him than to be alive.

This assumes that men need to be somewhat selfish in life in order to be complete.

It not the call to be selfish but to do more than just caring for your family. It about bigger goals. To change the world for the better.

For Steve, when it comes down to trading his life or the life of a family member for his purpose the purpose is more important.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Just for the sake of argument, when a man procreates he doesn't have to worry about getting pregnant, thus in a 'state of nature' without societal expectations, man could go around 'spreading the seed' whilst woman would get lumbered with babies and have to walk around pregnant for 9 months, possibly without any help. Thus sex involved a greater risk and a greater amount of consequences for women than it did men. Perhaps this had an evolutionary effect on womens sex-drive, favouring women who selected sex partners prudently?

I agree. Maybe not that it diminished the drive, but that we've had to be more discriminating since we had to bear the brunt of the consequence. I have a high sex drive, but I don't act on it willy-nilly. Sure there's a joke in there somewhere...

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Brutha

By saying that those medical things are problems you admit that Steves point is right.

No I don't, I'm explaining why an assertion that men are 'confident' is wrong.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

I have a high sex drive, but I don't act on it willy-nilly. Sure there's a joke in there somewhere...

Indeed there is. I agree.

[Steve Pavlina]

"How to Be a Woman" submissions received so far = 34

Several people mentioned that trying to write such an article was a growth experience for them.

3 hours left until the deadline (7pm PST today).

[Plato]

Originally Posted by Spartan

No I don't, I'm explaining why an assertion that men are 'confident' is wrong.

It's not what men ARE. It's (a suggestion of) what men SHOULD be!!!

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Plato

It's not what men ARE. It's (a suggestion of) what men SHOULD be!!!

In the context of Steve's article 'how to be a man', it's more than just a suggestion of what a man should be, it's a suggestion of what a man should be in order to be considered a man.

Anyway, I'm not sure men or anyone should be anything, that implies our existence has an inherent meaning, yet 'meaning' is just a human concept, 'existence precedes essence'.

[cylon]

Good try plato.

[Plato]

Originally Posted by cylon

Good try plato.

oh well, i don't know what the point is anyway. on my list of virtues to learn number one is "not needing to be right." it's a disease.

[DJCT]

Spartan, I find your views to be fascinating. Maybe you could boil them down into a couple of key points so we could better understand them? I've tried to keep up with your posts but find it difficult.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by DJCT

Spartan, I find your views to be fascinating. Maybe you could boil them down into a couple of key points so we could better understand them? I've tried to keep up with your posts but find it difficult.

One day I will write a book.

I'm still a 1st year in college, so I have plenty to learn yet.

[Fullcrum]

I heart Brutha.

Logic wins. Hahaha.

[Plato]

Originally Posted by Spartan

it's a suggestion of what a man should be in order to be considered a man.

1. it's a suggestion of the characteristics a man should cultivate in order to be fulfilled. take them or leave them.
2. who cares what is considered manly?

yeah... i can't resist.

[Spartan]

Personal Development for the Aspiring Individual.

1. Free yourself of stereotypes.

Realize that stereotypes are based on weak inductive arguments; they don’t define you or anyone else. They only serve to limit our range of behaviour and reinforce socially conditioned prejudices.

2. Realize your existence has no inherent meaning.

Your existence is meaningless. You are just another link in a causal chain that started with the big bang. And since meaning is just a human concept after all, you are free to create your own meaning, don’t let others create it for you.

I'll expand on this in my book lol.

edit: I found this quote on Wikipedia under 'Individualism' and I quite like it; "some argue that individuals are not duty-bound to any socially-imposed morality and that individuals should be free to choose to be selfish (or to choose any other lifestyle) if they so desire."

[jamestl2]

Steve, has Erin read this blog post?


OK,
I can't tell sometimes if your writing from a serious point of view or your just messing around half the time. Some of it provides a good way to think about where you are what you can get out of life.

But most of the post gave off a very selfish and egocentric vibe, in my opinion. If you put yourself ahead of your spouse and (especially your) kids, doesn't that makes you a bad father / husband? I'd be scared to have you as a Dad. How does sacrificing for your family and putting them first make you any less of a man?

Although you were right about this post sparking emotions and causing you to think critically, so nice job (as usual) in that regard.

BTW, my opinion is that if someone has to TELL you how to be a "man", then you won't achieve that "man-status". It's a paradox, and you're not really thinking for yourself.

[cylon]

The weird thing is Steve hasn't told anyone to do anything. He wrote an article that from his perspective, are the ingredients. The response is "don't tell me how to be a man" yet you had to read it and consider it. You're telling yourself this.

[jamestl2]

Originally Posted by cylon

The weird thing is Steve hasn't told anyone to do anything. He wrote an article that from his perspective, are the ingredients. The response is "don't tell me how to be a man" yet you had to read it and consider it. You're telling yourself this.

I know, that's why in my last point, I'm emphasizing that if someone has to tell YOU how, you won't achieve it. It was for the people trying to figure out "how to become one".