Life Coaching (Blog)

[Steve Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

Life Coaching

[Angela]

My coaching is a little different than what you describe in your blog.

There are areas in many people's lives in which they feel stopped or powerless and would like to have a breakthrough. You don't necessarily want to commit to a long-term relationship with a coach or spend a lot of money; maybe you'd like to just dig in and get to the meat of the matter (sorry vegans!) and blast through some limiting beliefs into the realm of an entirely new way of being. All in one fell swoop.

If you find yourself repeating the same patterns of behavior or feeling the same old feelings over and over again, you might find the technique I've developed useful. I've described it several times in the forums -- articulate the repetitive negative habit, look for where it originated, examine it for personal truth, be boldly present to the price you and others pay for the belief, and invent something new that works better in living a life you love. One of my coachees told me that she got more out of one two hour session with me than she'd gotten in her years in therapy. Skillfull coaching can assist you in going deep into this work and finding real inspiration, although it can also be done on your own.

I'm still working on getting my coaching website and blog up which will contain detailed instructions for going through this process; my coaching will also be formally offered on the site as well. (I coached myself recently in jumping off into the bold unknown from a "safe" job I didn't love -- my last day is Tuesday!) It takes about a half an hour of emailing, then about 2 to 2.5 hours on the phone (free call) during which you'll generate tremendous inspiration for your life. Afterwards, support/reminder coaching is also available, but it's not meant to be indefinite, therapy-style support. You will be your own ongoing coach!

I'll announce when my site is up and running, but anyone interested in the meanwhile, please feel free to pm me.

[Illumination]

Are there any Life Coaches I can consult online? Via email, msn, etc? I think I'm fairly inexperienced in handling a number of matters. Wondering if getting a life is what I need to get my life in place.

[robertanthony]

That's a great post for me since I am a U.K. Life Coach Life Executive & Personal Development Coaching any questions just ask.

Rob

[Tim Brownson]

Anglea, I'm a tad surprised to hear a coach say that she wants to delve into somebody's past and get to a trigger point. To me that is the fundamental difference between coaching and counseling, coaching looks to the future. I don't give a damn about the clients past other than as background info and I certainly never go digging around in it. What happens with clients who don't know the initial event that caused their problems? Also, what hapens if you uncover an event that you're not trained to deal with such as abuse or trauma? What is your bail out option?

Definitely curious to hear more.

Illumination I wouldn't advise coaching via e-mail. You may as well buy a book! Face-to-face is the best method imho followed by phone coaching.

Good article by Steve and I would re-emphasise to get a coach that you feel comfortable with. That should be your number one criteria.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Tim Brownson

Anglea, I'm a tad surprised to hear a coach say that she wants to delve into somebody's past and get to a trigger point. To me that is the fundamental difference between coaching and counseling, coaching looks to the future. I don't give a damn about the clients past other than as background info and I certainly never go digging around in it. What happens with clients who don't know the initial event that caused their problems? Also, what hapens if you uncover an event that you're not trained to deal with such as abuse or trauma? What is your bail out option?

Tim, I'm pretty sure that is only one of the aspects of my coaching that would surprise you; there are many ways my coaching is very different from traditional life coaching. And it's nothing at all like therapy or counseling. I am certainly not a therapist! My coaching (I call it ALEGRIA Coaching, just because I love acronyms so much) looks to the past and to the future, but really it is all about the present moment, right now.

It's not for everyone. If you are suicidal or dealing with mental illness, I will not coach you with this method. ALEGRIA is for healthy people who would like to have a breakthrough in living a life they love. I know that one of my challenges is attracting the right coachees and not disappointing people who won't benefit from my coaching; also I run the risk of people who try to "fool" me or themselves about their coachability. That's one of the reasons I'm taking my time -- setting up guidelines and an agreement, one of which is that you must be willing to take 100% responsibility for living a life you love -- at least for the two and half hours or so that the coaching takes. After that, you can go back to the way you were, if you want to! Of course, that necessarily limits my potential coachees to an exclusive group!

One requirement for my coaching people is that they be willing to trust me, and that lets out a whole 'nuther big group! After reading what I write, and speaking to me personally, folks either will be willing to trust me or they won't. The people who aren't willing to trust me, or to take 100% responsibility, will not be charged, of course.

It's not necessary to get the very first incident, by the way; often it's easier to "sneak up" on the initial incident and use the first incident you can remember, which may be only a year or two ago. Generally, the earlier the memory, the deeper the breakthrough. But rewards can be begun now regardless of how old the incident is, and I'm finding that once people start the ball rolling, they can usually unpeel insight after insight, and go as deep as they feel comfortable, and as far as is perfect for them at this time. This is all done during the email phase of the coaching. If for some reason someone just can't get to any insight at all (this has never happened, knock wood!) there wouldn't be any reason to go further with the phone portion, and of course, the person would not be charged.

Abuse or trauma? EVERYBODY I've talked to, in coaching or not, has memories of abuse or trauma. So far I haven't triggered any psychotic episodes with the questions I ask, but you are right that it's wise to consider that possibility. I've heard some pretty disturbing upsets, and the interesting thing has been that the more present people have been to their feelings, the more miraculous and astonishing are their breakthroughs. I don't intend to "bail out" on anyone. But my psychiatrist is standing by in case I need help!

Thanks for asking these questions; it helps me very much to articulate my thoughts.

Lots of love,
Angela

[tomstine]

Angela and others,

I couldn't agree more with Angela's general take on coaching. While I don't coach the way she does, I also don't coach the way a traditional life coach does (I trained with CTI, so I know one of the primary models of life coaching). My coaching has a very spiritual focus, and I often use a process called The Sedona Method (curious, check it out at Sedona Method (official site) The Secret self-help program; self-improvement technique).

I've also trained as a therapist, and I prefer coaching because it is less geared toward looking at the past. But the past always comes up in coaching. Memories are very strong and very much active for most people. Not to get all Eckhart Tolle, but focusing on right now is far more useful to my clients than focusing on the past or driving them toward the future.

Steve outlined a traditional approach to life coaching, one that is not being used by large numbers of highly effective coaches. Coaching is very open-ended, very exciting and can benefit clients in all kinds of ways. That's why I do it. Traditional or non-traditional, it works. Okay, I better quit because I'm starting to sound like an advertisement!

And to echo Tim: I will do follow-ups with clients via email, to answer a question or two, but a session is best in some live format. I personally only work via phone. I love the interaction that way. When I worked face to face with clients, I felt they were more inhibited. Of course, that was counseling, not coaching, but still, I love the freedom via phone gives my clients and me.

[Steve Pavlina]

The second coach I hired told me there was a fine line between coaching and therapy. Coaching can sometimes move in the direction of therapy, which isn't necessarily desirable.

[robertanthony]

I trained as a therapist and then went on to train in coaching. Coaching Psychology is still evolving it includes N.L.P. and coaching models such as T.G.R.O.W. & S.M.A.R.T. goals. These are the fundamentals.

Positive psychology is now being applied with the coach asking the client how 'signiture strenghts' can be used to overcome certain challanges.

Psychometric testing have become part of the coaching process. Psychometric testing can show you or your employer what your personality type is, what your strenghts are, what your values are, how you manage stress and interact with other people.

When a client knows this information they become more aware of themselves this awareness increases emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is your ability to understand yourself and others. This is a major life skill.

Part of my personal development was to do all the psychometric tests on myself. The results felt wrong at first - they just did not make sense to me because the picture that I had of myself was different from the psychometric tests.

As I processed this new information there were shifts in identity and improvements in confidence.

My results were that I am a E.S.T.J. / INNOVATOR/HIGH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE my top value HEALTH.

I could not understand why the word innovator came up. But what has happened over the last year is that I have set about creating an innovative health project using modern technology. It's very real my friends colleagues and local community know that I am working on a big project.

What I have discovered is that systems are in place using technology to support innovation so I am just about to take this test to see what the results are so that I can use them to inform future actions http://www.nic.nhs.uk/Pages/Home.aspx



If you hire a coach you need to check that they are not bluffing. Have they got insurance!!!! The reason why this is important is that you can encounter people who seem intelligent and mentally stable yet they are acting out some psychological fantasy. Some people call themselves coaches yet they have never spent a dollar for the training course, examination, insurance yet charge you a fee.

[Tim Brownson]

Coaching is unregulated and as such anybody can call themselves a coach. I personally think this is wromg, but hey, it is what it is.

The issue I have, is with people setting up and devising their own methods from reading a couple of books and attending a seminar simply because they may not understand the fundamentals. That is not aimed at you Angela or anybody in particular because I have no idea how you coach, but I've cleaned up after enough bad coach's to know there is a LOT of them out there and they are damaging to the industry.

I don't follow any one model strictly although I tend to lean towards co-active coaching, but that's only really beacuse that's what I trained in. I also do a lot of intervention work but only ever do that face-to-face. Phone coaching can be great for a lot of stuff but when I do interevention work, I need to see the client. I need to get visual clues because the can be critical in knowing I am moving the client in the right direction. One-to-one coaching is much more intense and requires much more concentration which is why I never see more than 3 clients per day. That and I'm lazy of course ;-)


Having said all that, I think spiritual coaching and LOA stuff is cool because it's a whole different approach and as long as that is what the client wants then I can't see why anybody would have an issue with that.

[sanjay71]

hello to everyone on this forum.

i am from india and wanted to know that how can i find the good coach while sitting in india. how can anyone check the credentials about coach and what steps i have to take to hire a good and honest coach.

if anyone has any experience please share with me and if they know any good and honest coach than please let us have their contact information.

thanks,

[Ace]

Hi to all!

I was searching information about coaching and that post has been very useful, thanks!

But... I wish to know, since I'm italian, if there could be troubles by hiring a coach from a foreign country. I think there isn't any problem if we talk the same language (english for example).
But If I hire a "business coach to help you build or grow a business" (quote from Pavlina's post), I think there would be practical aspects to consider: I'm under my country's laws, I'm not under the coach's country's laws; could that be a problem?

Maybe, I have that doubt because I'm not sure about the differences between a coach and a consultant; could you clarify them?

Thanks a lot!

Bye, Rod