Hopeless Situations (Blog)

[Steve Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

Hopeless Situations

[Angela]

Wonderful article. What is losing, anyway? Like you say, in most cases, maybe excluding death (and maybe not even that), gain or win is at least as true as loss. For material loss, you're going to have to let it go someday. It's not really yours to have in the first place -- you're just borrowing it temporarily. When will you be ready to let it go?

Whenever I catastrophize about losing, my friend Vicki says, "What are they gonna do, take away your children?" Really, as long as that doesn't happen, I know I'll be okay.

And I don't have any children.

[actualize81]

This article matches my recent acceptance of a mistake I made several months ago that will have long term consequences on my health and life. I even received spiritual help through "a voice" that told me to do something although I didn't listen and BAM.. lesson learned the hard way... I realize that overtime that I even created the situation to begin with, which sucks more.. but.....

I am begining to realize that I can choose to beat myself up over it forever, sulk, and punish myself or I can try to make the best of the situation (which is punishment enough). I'm sure my coach up there would prefer to see me doing my best despite what happened. When I look at it from an ETERNAL perspective I realize it's not the biggest deal anyway.. Now, I just have to train my ego to be kind and to have fun.

[Fullcrum]

This is awesome.

And should be taught to all school children.

In Kindergarten.

[prasunsen]

Great article.

"I failed ten times today. It was a very productive day"

[truthcurve]

Just last night, I sent in my resignation. It was a hopeless situation because nothing I did at work could turn things around. I agonized for more than 3 years about this and finally, I've admitted that I can't win so I have to quit.

Thanks, Steve, for reminding me to focus on the lesson and not on the loss.

[carenkh]

So funny - I remembered reading something, somewhere about life being a game. I googled it - and found this article. Of course!

You're such a clever fellow. Reading your articles makes me want to quote your own articles back to you.

[Ramsus]

Seeing your house get pawned obviously sucks, but hey, it happens. If you play the game of life, you have to accept that as a possible move.

Is that a triple pun? pawned, to have something taken by a pawn, pawned to sell something like to a pawn broker, and pwned to receive a beating? I'm impressed! Great article by the way. The way you play with language is always a pleasure to behold. And the ideas you express are phenomenal.

[Berix]

this is one of the best posts which I have read recently in blogosphera!

[rogerw]

I am not sure how you can compare losing your house and maybe your family with losing a chess game...the idea is not the same.

[seeker5]

Steve,

I've enjoyed these posts about chess. It's interesting to get an insight at how you approach learning to play well in a game.

[sheffy4]

Originally Posted by rogerw

I am not sure how you can compare losing your house and maybe your family with losing a chess game...the idea is not the same.

I don't think he is trying to trivialize the idea of losing something big like your house. He is just using chess as an understandable metaphor for "hopeless situations" in life.

[tekomino]

Originally Posted by rogerw

I am not sure how you can compare losing your house and maybe your family with losing a chess game...the idea is not the same.

Heh, heh. The house foreclosure was probably good search term to get into

[mncz]

Originally Posted by rogerw

I am not sure how you can compare losing your house and maybe your family with losing a chess game...the idea is not the same.

Perhaps you haven't seen the amount of drama that arises after someone loses a roll for an epic item in World of Warcraft (multiplayer online game) - essentially an equivalent of a loss in any other game, and an accidental one at that. Best friends become mortal enemies, alliances are shattered, tears are shed.

The idea is precisely the same... it is not important WHAT happens, it is important what YOU make out of it.

[Iamsuperman]

Thanks Steve, great article! Humour always make your articles much more fun to read.

[Ali from The Office Diet]

Thank you, Steve, a brillliant article (goes without saying ) and especially helpful for me at the moment.

I took what seems in retrospect a "wrong turn" after graduating from University a couple of years ago -- desperate for a job, I went for the first which accepted me. As a result, I've learned a fair amount which is useful to me (technology) but I'm not much nearer what I truly want to do (writing).

From now, though, I'm not going to see the last 18 months as a waste. I've succeeded in some ways, failed in others, but most importantly I've learned a heck of a lot about myself and about the world for the future.

Thanks again!

Ali

[pharmboy]

I enjoyed the article, and feel that life is a college where we can we can learn from the seemingly smallest of moments. The article does appear to go against the intention-manifestation belief that Steve shares. Can't you just attract a victory or money for the mortgage? I know that Steve has plenty of articles trying to explain this, but I guess impossible situations come from prior intentions to gain wisdom.

[Jamaloogy]

among best article I ever read.. thx
your articles inspire me for last three month..

[Herbalist]

Originally Posted by mncz

Perhaps you haven't seen the amount of drama that arises after someone loses a roll for an epic item in World of Warcraft (multiplayer online game) - essentially an equivalent of a loss in any other game, and an accidental one at that. Best friends become mortal enemies, alliances are shattered, tears are shed.

The idea is precisely the same... it is not important WHAT happens, it is important what YOU make out of it.

I've never seen any epic items so far, but I imagine it like The Ring from "Lord of the Rings". It's really a great drama - not to gain such an item, letting you friend get it (how much control over the world does it give btw?) Especially if you're 12 yrs old, lol . I think you should add: "tears are shed, accounts are banned" . How many dirty words players say, losing the right to get an epic item? Can you tell?

But that's not the point of my post. I'd like to discuss the question of pain. I've been thinking some time about it. Some of my thoughts:

Sometimes it's really painful to lose something. But don't we add "a pain component" in "the potion of losing" by ourselves? If you're an 80-year-old monk, it's not painful to lose even a big mansion. But if you're a 12-years-old kid, it's really a drama to lose an imaginary house or an item for you. I can tell. I've been there

So - it's us, who make the real things real. We give life to our imaginary creations. And we feel pain, when we see our creations die.

Does it happen because the part of our soul dies with our creation also? We put a lot of "soul component" into our creation. We work a lot, we work hard in order to create (to gain) something. As it disappears. Does some part of the soul really dies? Is it really necessary to make our creations "soulbound"? Or we're able just "not to add our soul" into our creations? But in this case, can we give life to our gains or creations? Will they appear at all, or will they be born lifeless (dead)?

I wanted to write "any answers?" But the answer suddenly struck me. I'll write in in a separate post, so...

Any answers?

[Herbalist]

I received the answer from Deepak Chopra.

We can add, and we do add a "soul component" indeed, to give our gains (creations) life. But what we also add to the formula - is the "ego component". And it exactly presents "a pain component".

Our soul doesn't feel pain. It is self-sufficient. It is always happy where it is. But our ego isn't. And it feels pain where we lose something. It gets hurt.

By the way, the game of Warcraft (WoW) is purely ego-based. Allianses gather to gain something (power, territory, control...). Wars are declared to gain something. People usually fight, talk, even heal for their egoes. But WoW is the model of reality. You can still do something soul-based, even in the ego-centered environment. You can give smiles, gifts and love. You can heal random characters, passing by. You can just sit and have a friendly conversations. Etc...

So... the answer is - learn to control your ego. Your soul doesn't need anything. Your ego does. And your ego is not you (like your body). Your soul is you. It gives life to your creations. Thus, don't make your gains "ego-bound".

Several words about Deepak Chopra. I bow before Dr.Chopra with gratitude. My daily affirmation for today (which I had just remembered, while I was thinking about pain and gain (lol)) was:

My soul knows me as a person, who doesn't need anything.

Everything comes and goes, the soul always remains. "The soul doesn't worry about anything: the gain is not a necessity, the loss is not a threat."

Many thanks to forum members, Steve and Deepak Chopra for my today's enlightenment!

[Raphael]

Awesome post, Steve!
One of the bests, in my eyes. Thanks!

[impaul99]

Great article.

My sensei in martial arts also taught me this one day. It was relating to trying not to get hit. So many people try not to get hit so much that they end up losing everything. Sometimes it is inevitable that you'll get "hit", so sometimes it's better to accept that and move past it.

I believe it was in that class that my sensei gave me a decent "tap" in the teeth with his fist for the first time, and I froze for a second until he kept coming at me saying "Keep moving!" and I had to get past the stunned feeling or risk getting hit again.

Whether it's losing a chess game, getting punched in the teeth or even losing your house, Steve you're right, we need to realize that "we will survive" and use the opportunity to learn something, instead of fearing "losing" something so much that the fear blinds us from the learning experience right in front of our eyes.

Very nice.

[Acting Like Godot]

Hullo Steve:

You might enjoy this book

How Life Imitates Chess, by Gary Kasparov

It's actually a PD book in disguise

[iagodeotto]

. . . and also just too funny.

Yeah, Steve, I have things to tell you. But, hey, gotta run right now. I wonder, though, how many Barack supporters could use a good dose of what your chess article offers up right now with Hill having won in Texas, Ohio and little ole R.I. Anyway, it is late in the afternoon, or maybe that is early in the evening, here in Taiwan where I reside as a long-time Oregonian expat. And I have to be off from my daytime gig (editing consultant for a government trade bureau) and pretend to be a TEFL facilitator for a couple of hours, trying not to be too absurd and, at times, I guess, "sarcastic", while confronting the chessboard of hopes that Chinese-speaking students of English themselves confront. It's all one big learning lesson. And that's pretty funny too. Later on.

Iago de Otto

[Travors]

My biggest hopeless situation was trying to stay with my girlfriend 5 years ago. It was falling to pieces and I knew it but I kept on hanging in there, then she ran off with my best friend... Disaster!
Well, no.

I woke up, I went to a councilor then group support. I finally faced all my demons. I became a stronger and happier person. Every day I thank my lucky stars that that relationship failed. Sometimes you need to fail to see the light.