Beyond Self-Delusional Positive Thinking

[spitfireatme]

In this article, entitled, "Beyond Self-Delusional Positive Thinking", Steve shows skepticism towards positive affirmations. I have been afflicted by anxiety off and on over the course of the last year, and I have found positive affirmations to be very helpful. I shared the same view that they were self-delusional especially during periods of depression in high school, but have come to find that believing in things that you say will help them become real. Positive affirmations help me to affirm the good things in life and push me to believe in them; a lot of my anxiety resulted from not trusting I was healthy or that things would be ok. Positive affirmations affirm that I am healthy, loved, and ok, and hearing these things long enough leads to change. Doesn't it feel good to have someone compliment you on how you look or a good thing you did? Positive affirmations are a self-compliment, and they will yourself into better health, mental disposition, and positive belief. They are only self-delusional if you aren't actually anything that you're affirming: it would be bad to say I am healthy and lean if I am unhealthy and overweight, or happy when I am sad. But oddly enough, you can affirm that your are working towards becoming at a healthy weight, or in the case of emotions, you can change yourself from sadness to happiness sometimes simply through affirming it (given that you don't have a chemical imbalance and that your thoughts are causing your feelings). Positive thought leads to positive health and being, so I'm not sure why Steve would put down the importance of positive affirmation. Affirmations are conducive to the self-trust, awareness, and fearlessness that Steve praises, because such affirmations could even be: "I trust myself, I am aware, I am happy and without fear."

I certainly see the criticism of empty affirmations, but they can also be full of help and optimism, contributing to change. You can affirm that you will achieve a goal, that you are relaxed, that you will do well on a test, that you will not fail, etc. and the benefits are immeasurable.

[Andrew Brunelle]

I believe that positive affirmations can be very helpful and they have helped me significantly at many points in my life. I do, however, believe that Steve's suggestion about Creative Observation is slightly more honest and will lead towards better results. Because, in a way, you are ignoring and denying the present when you say things like, "I am happy," when you are crying in your bed. But if you say something like, "I am getting happier every second of every day," you look at your current situation and intend it to move in the direction of where you would like to be. Optimism is a great way to live your life and an unusual on in this day and age. Good luck.

[Jennihul]

I think there is a subtle difference between being delusional and trying to use positively framed wording to actively create a better mood or mindset even if you aren't currently in that mood or mindset.

My innerself, whatever it is, responds very well to mine, mainly because I have practiced the technique, had good experiences with it and believe it works.

I can even eliminate physical pain to some degree. Just by saying so.

Jennifer

[DRK]

I, too, experienced some positive results in the past from simple affirmations. At the time I was regularly depressed, and constantly down on myself. I could not accept anything positive about myself; I would mentally argue with any compliments. I would secretly scoff at the idea of ever feeling positive thoughts about myself. Affirmations like, "I am a happy person," or "I am a worthwhile person," or whatever, did not brainwash me into actually believing those things. But by repeating them every day, my mind gave up on constantly arguing with those positive thoughts. It got used to hearing/thinking such things, and stopped responding to them. It just left them alone. This was a very important early step - if one cannot even entertain the possibility of happiness, success, etc., then of course one will not take any steps towards making those things happen.
(Yeah, I should have learned all that from The Little Engine That Could, but apparently it didn't stick with me .)

[evelynlim]

I believe that the use of positive affirmations are much more effective if we first deal with our negative thoughts. There is little point trying to affirm ourselves that we are great when there is this little voice in our heads that tell us otherwise.

[Jennihul]

Maybe it matters that I am a pretty even-keel person and generally happy if not joyous.

So little dips from that state feel very abnormal to me. Even severe. But maybe you guys are talking about a deeper state of morose. But it doesn't take me long to fix it...


Jennifer

[Chado2423]

Well, what I think Steve is referring to isn't affirmations as a whole. I think he's referring to a particular type of affirmation... like for example saying "I am a millionaire." when I am really broke. It doesn't really help you to think that if you don't go out and apply for a job and save up money. The only way to be a millionaire is to make or recieve money some-how. For a depressed person saying "I am happy", is a lot like being on fire, saying "I am fine." without doing what it takes to put the fire out. I compare depression to fire, because for me, it felt like I was burning up and no one was willing to put their hand on my shoulder (i.e. the water/tlc) that I needed.
Positive affirmations are okay, but what I think is better is to work on the mood. The affirmations come later, but the mood first. Once the mood is there then the affirmations may or may not become reality, but at least you'll feel better... and when you feel better you do more positive things... so long as you aren't being deluted in your thinking.

[Jennihul]

"Fake it till you make it" is a valid method for achieving. If you don't believe that is true, it's because you don't believe it's true.

When I was depressed years ago, they didn't have silver bullet drugs to take like they do now that sometimes help, sometimes hurt, mostly always take away your 'self' and replace it with another self that is supposedly "better" than you.

You basically had to use your God given power to snap yourself out of it. Introspection. Change of venue. Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. Talking it out with friends. Enemies. Therapists. Meditation. Whatever it took.

There was no clearcut chicken or egg paradigm. All I know was, ultimately, when it was distilled down to it's essence, the one thing that changed was my way of thinking.

So naturally people make the leap to thinking that if the change in my self all came down to a change in my thinking, maybe I can choose to change my thinking to elicit a change in me.

It works.

Jennifer

[yorik]

Affirmations are a method of programming yourself. You have to be careful what you program yourself with, and I think this is Steve's point, although I can't speak for him.

Language is the main method we use for modelling our reality. (Making reality subjective, I guess.) If we make mistakes and say "I'm so stupid for...whatever" then guess what! You'll always make the same mistakes because you've modelled and internalized your own stupidity as reality. If you say "I'm fat" you've modelled your fatness. The trouble is that your casual everyday comments act just like affirmations with either positive or negative effects.

The affirmations are ways to change your language, and hence change your internal model of reality.

The trouble arises when you try to model something that is untrue, and hence a conflict arises.

Affirming "I am skinny" when you weigh 300 pounds is probably a bad affirmation for two reasons. Delusional? Sure. You will notice you're not skinny every time you look in the mirror, and have an internal conflict. Plus, if the affirmation does work, you will probably adopt skinny person behavior, eating anything you want, and wearing anything you want. Neither of these is appropriate for an overfat person.

If you change the affirmation to say "I am trying to lose fat", then you run into another problem; you will end up always trying and never succeeding.

Now if you affirm that "I am losing weight" you have a better affirmation. The act of losing is a process, not a specific state, so it's harder to detect conflicts. You might look the same, but you could still be losing. It also implies actions are being taken, so you are more likely to adopt the right behavior.

The point is that you use affirmations to help you conceive and model a reality which you want to achieve. It all works in the subconscious. Just make sure you are programming accurately. These are NLP (neuro linguistic programming) concepts, BTW.

As for "programming yourself" to be happy, you might like this entertaining Quicktime movie which explains as it entertains:

Program Yourself

I like to watch it over and over.

[Jennihul]

I think the thing most people forget when discussing these types of affirmations is that their purpose isn't to say the perfectly right words that will magically make your dreams come true...it's to trigger appropriate visualizations, which is where the real power is. Coupled with the feelings of joy and happiness you feel during these visualizations, you can actually use these tools to achieve your desired state.

Saying "I have to lose weight," no matter how realistic, triggers imagery of fat. This equates to ineffective or destructive imagery and visualizations. As well, negative feelings of frustration and shame.

Saying "I feel thin, light and beautiful" even if you aren't, triggers visualizations of oneself in a thin, light and beautiful state. Which equates to effective visualizations and feelings of joy, accomplishment and happiness.

It ain't the words: it's what you DO with them that matters.

There is a purpose to the "delusion" and it has nothing to do with mental illness.

Jennifer

[Calisto]

In my experience Affirmations are used not so much to aid visualisation as they are to keep the mind focussed on the positive. Affirmations are used in conjunction with positive thinking. They are a tool which is used to train the mind to be more positive. It is the positive mind that aids visualisation.

[Kaspian]

For things that already feel true, I use affirmations when I want to make them stronger, or true in more situations. Things like: "I love and approve of myself," "it is safe to be me," "I express who I am," and so on.

In other situations, I have framed my affirmations as choices. "I choose to let go of guilt," "I choose to eat healthy," "I choose to listen to my intuition," etc.

Occasionally, I'll state one as an intention: "I intend to play horn with beauty and efficiency so that I can have abundant endurance and enjoy the full range of the horn." (It worked; I interrupted all thoughts of fear and doubt with the intention and played well at a high-pressure, low-preparation gig. They asked me to play again the next day.)

The words matter to some degree—short, simple, powerful, and positive is best. However, it's the meaning and feeling that the words evoke for you that matters most.