The Challenge of Choosing the Right Career (Blog)

[Savage]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

The Challenge of Choosing the Right Career

[cdn2wheeler]

Good stuff in this article. Wish I'd had these insights years ago.

One question remains unanswered, however, which goes to this quote:

Originally Posted by StevePavlina

Once you recognize your mistake, cut your losses and get out as soon as possible. A wrong decision doesn’t become a right decision by pretending. Forgive yourself and move on.

It’s very challenging to hit upon the right career choice even with deliberate, conscious intent. That’s OK. You have the right to make mistakes. That’s how you learn and grow. As you make mistakes, you’ll refine your thought processes, and your decisions will improve.

OK, so let's say that I find myself in a career that's unsatisfying. Fair enough, it's pretty common.

The quote here leads me to believe that I can, and should, just up and quit, forgive myself for making a bad decision, and pursue something else.

But it's never that easy, is it?

If I've got a mortgage and kids and car payments and the whole domestic schmear, simply throwing one's career - no matter how bad a fit it is - doesn't really seem to be much of an option.

Let me give you a brief example.

A number of years ago I found myself out of work due to circumstances beyond my control. (Yes, it really WAS beyond my control; a Canadian division of the firm I was working for was put into receivership by the US parent company.) Given my educational background, age and gender, I had a very difficult time getting new work. The phrase I heard most often during my search was, "overqualified." That, and the unspoken realities of being a middle-aged white male also worked against me. The organizations I was looking to work with all had plans to increase diversity in their employee base. I understand and support that philosophically, but the simple reality was that "middle aged white males need not apply." That bias was usually displayed on the job boards of organizations in question. Here's one, taken verbatim with the name of the organization removed:

"organization" welcomes and encourages applications from the designated employment equity groups: Visible minorities, women, persons with disabilities and aboriginal people.

In short, if you're a middle-aged white male, you're already starting behind everyone else.

Again, I hasten to add that I understand and respect the concept of employment equity. Diversity works, there's no question about that. The danger is that the process simply becomes another form of discrimination.

The result? I was out of work for about 18 months. I used that 18 months to write a couple of books but couldn't get a publisher/distributor, and didn't have the financial means to self-publish or self-distribute. I also offered my services as a sub-contractor for marketing departments in my field of expertise (finance and leadership/organizational development) and that went OK but didn't generate enough income.

So just chucking one's career, even if it's not working out, is a huge decision and affects more than just the person making the career change.

[PrimaryErn]

My biggest problem with this thinking, similar to prevous poster, is the kind of grey smear transition area between careers.

Here's my case, advice always welcome:
1. Have day job, tech support. Started it when couldn't make ends meet as a pianist 10 years ago and trying to build nest for potential mate - friend in tech business remembers my geek hobbies and helps me find a job. Turns into career.
2. Here I am, 10 years later. Mate cheats and leaves ( ) so I'm single with no kids. I discover improv and comedy, and start pursuing that. For the sake of discussion (and apologizing for ego, but it saves time) assume I am brilliant at it. Doing small shows, writing comedy, etc.
3. Current tech job is awful - underpaid from market, company is dysfunctional, multiple layers of clueless management. However time at current job combined with excellent work output from me means I have a lot of flexibility with time, anyway, even if underpaid and misreable.

I feel like I'm at the point where I'm putting in the max amount of effort at my performing career due to a 9 hour a day day-job. I'm usually in a running show, I write. I don't do *enough* work to truly spotlight me enough to make enough money at it to quit.

So what are my transition options?

I can stay at the current job, knowing I am leaving, and work harder at my performance career job? Its very hard to stay motivated after a full day job.
I can quit my day job, making me jobless?
I can quit my day job and switch to a easier-stress, easier-hours job like a temp, at the cost of sacrificing 2/3'rd of my income?

I think - and if you aren't addressing this in a blogpost, maybe you can someday - that the transition between careers is the single hardest aspect of changing. Do you just suffer even harder then you already are to make the switch? Because the threat of pain for that kind of suffering is a major factor in making the change. What if the new job requires 3 years of full-time night school? That's hard to just leap into.

[ChangeYourTree]

I think the strongest part of this is knowing that you have the ability to cut your losses.

If you think ahead of time that you are going to be stuck with the decision you make; you'll be too hesitant about what you try.

That's the good thing about America; you can wake up any morning you choose and go get a new job or start a new business. There is no excuse to not be happy with what you are doing.

[Savage]

As far as mates and mortgages are concerned... if you and your mate support each other at the highest level, the two of you will place a higher priority on seeing each other live purpose-driven, truly fulfilling lives than on achieving or maintaining some arbitrary material standard.

Erin and I have gone through multiple periods where one or both of us went through career transitions that caused our income to dip noticeably. We accepted it and supported each other through it. One time we moved to a smaller apartment and slashed our living expenses by half.

We've had years where we didn't have much of a budget for Xmas gifts. So what? We wrote each other letters of encouragement or poems, gifts we cherish more than the store-bought ones anyway.

If I told Erin I was going to make a career transition that would see our income drop drastically, and she knew it was really important to me, she has options. She can accept a lower material standard for a while, or she can work to increase her own income. Or she can decide she's had enough and dump me. She isn't some helpless weakling who's victimized by my decisions. If she started becoming fearful about our financial issues, I'd help her work through those fears and make sure she was truly pointed in the direction of her dreams. It's hard to worry about money when you're inspired. And if she still couldn't handle that, I'd let her go because I'm unwilling to settle for a fear-based relationship. If Erin worried more about the roof over our heads than the fire in our souls, she'd never be my Imzadi.

Erin and I have gone through enough career transitions and major financial shifts that we trust each other. We also know each other pretty well. We can tell when we're doing something for the right reasons, and doing that is far more important than money for both of us. If Erin needed to shut off her income for a year or more to navigate a tricky transition, I'd be delighted to help her through that, even if it meant dumping some possessions or writing more poetry for Christmas. I'd rather see us both dressed in rags doing what we love than living in fear under a golden roof.

If I didn't have Erin's support on a certain decision, but I knew it was the right decision and that I was doing it for the right reasons, I'd go ahead with the decision without her support, and I'd let her do what she felt she had to do.

Your mate is neither helpless nor powerless. To pretend that's the case is to give your power to fear.

For another perspective on this, see:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...-own-business/

[Zukin]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

If Erin worried more about the roof over our heads than the fire in our souls, she'd never be my Imzadi.

The world could use more Star Trek references on a regular basis

btw, I'm loving this career series.

[Erin Pavlina]

Originally Posted by Zukin

The world could use more Star Trek references on a regular basis

Here here!

[Mr.Mustache]

"Some people really feel the weight of this choice, and it scares them. I see this a lot with students. What if I choose the wrong major in college? What if I get a job I don’t really like? What if I start a business and end up hating it? Those are all good questions. It’s great to be asking them ahead of time."

I'm a college student and I definitely feel the pressure. The effort I'm putting in as a student is currently lacking because I feel like I'm showing up just to show up. I've never been the academic type. Not that I'm stupid or I don't have a passion for learning (I most certainly do), its simply that I have never been motivated just doing something because it was expected of me. In high school I'd get Ds and Cs because I ignored the work that I felt was trivial (most of it) and often I never bothered to show up at all. Before my senior year I just dropped out and took the equivalency exam. I felt no anxiety over it either; the finger shaking of society has never fazed me. Which is one of the reasons I gave up my childhood religion, it just wasn't doing it for me and no amount of pressure would have changed my mind.

Picking a major is way more difficult than showing up to class. The first problem is the necessary uncertainty that goes along with just picking one in terms of finding a major that is the best possible one for you and that will also fulfill you as well. The second, is the fact that even if you chosen one and feel confident about it the ambiguity of where it might take you, how many options you will have in the future and if any of those options can provide enough motivation and money to satisfy you is daunting.

[fjlee]

I recall Anthony Robbins saying the way to measure your success is evaluating 4 things:

Physical, Financial, Emotional, Spiritual.

Many people choose a "career" (or just go to work) purely for financial reasons. They choose to trade time for money (as SP would often say). These people are also unhealthy with physical & health problems.

On the flip side, I coach Track & Field, and only tiny fraction end up making over 6 figures a year from performances and sponsors. But they love what they are doing, and when it's pouring rain, they still show up for practice. These guys are super fit, 6-pack abs, but don't make a dime from their sport.

Do what you love!

Jimson
Speed endurance . com. Success in Track & Field and Life. and
Raise Your Child . org | Advice on raising children for parents.

[Andrew Brunelle]

Why should we all go around pretending to like the careers we choose when we know that the one we want to do is out there, and we are stuck here in this unfulfilling career? I know what it is I want to do, and it's divided between comedy and writing. I feel that if I do not fully commit to one or the other, each of them will suffer. But I'll figure it out. It takes trial and error sometimes. I do like the stand-up comedy atmosphere, minus the smoke and alcohol. And writing really fulfills me. Anyway, I really enjoyed this post. Thanks for being a constant inspiration.

That whole thing about college and being doomed to a particular major is frightening. I feel as though once you go down that wrong path, there is so much pressure to stay on it because of the money spent already and you feel like you're wasting all that money. I love to learn on my own, but learning what other people tell me is significant really demotivates me. It's just how I am. I love to read about things that interest me, but taking all these pointless required courses really get to me sometimes. I have this theory that college is a pyramid scheme anyway. But that's just me...

[Dive Bomb]

Originally Posted by Andrew Brunelle

That whole thing about college and being doomed to a particular major is frightening. I feel as though once you go down that wrong path, there is so much pressure to stay on it because of the money spent already and you feel like you're wasting all that money. I love to learn on my own, but learning what other people tell me is significant really demotivates me. It's just how I am. I love to read about things that interest me, but taking all these pointless required courses really get to me sometimes. I have this theory that college is a pyramid scheme anyway. But that's just me...

Don't panic too much about your major, just pick something you like or something you are comfortable doing if you don't know what you like. For the most part, the major is there to give you focus. Just because you major in something like Computer Science, doesn't mean you can't be a dancer if thats what you want. You just have to be great at it, and that is what college is all about. To hone your skillset and build your strength.

Now say you love the world of dance but you have two figurative left feet! However, you are excellent with computers and can program in a multitude of languages. If you used your strength to do what you love, you'd create some sort of dance program or a dance network! See where I'm going man?

I believe that's the idea Steve is trying to convey in his blog posts. If you feel fulfilled about what you want to do and use your strenghts to get there, it is a recipe for success!

[Mags]

Wrt the initial discussion in this thread, I think they key lies in making the decision to make the transition.

A few years ago, I was unhappy in my job and really wanted to quit to pursue my own business, BUT I never made the decision - I thought about it, I weighed up options, I complained to anyone who would listen... essentially I went round and round in circles. Then one day, I sat on the floor sobbing and thought to myself, "this can't go on - I'm going to resign!". There and then I made the decision, and that made the difference.

It took me 6 months to leave the organisation (partly because of the requirements for notice periods, partly because I wanted an income for just a few months longer so that I could build up some more savings), but I spent those 6 months planning my business in my spare time, setting up the website, designing logos etc (essentially all the necessary legal and administrative stuff) so that it was ready to go the day after I left my previous job. Everything I did in those 6 months was forward motion (versus the oscillating going-nowhereness of before), and everything fell into place beautifully.

Interestingly, cdn2wheeler, I was living in South Africa at the time and was told by almost everyone that I as crazy to give up my secure job - that I just wouldn't get clients in an environment of legal requirements for Black Economic Empowerment (to which my one person business didn't conform). Yet, my decision felt so right that I went for it anyway. It also helped that I had a couple of good friends doing similar work (one whose business was BEE compliant, one whose wasn't) and their encouragement and abundant mindsets were what I repeated to myself after every conversation with someone more scarcity-minded.

Despite my first few months of business being very low income (mostly no income!), I ended up making 1.5 times more in my first year of business than I used to make in a year in my previous job. Plus, my expenses for things like doctor's visits (for stress mostly!) went way down

Round about the time that I resigned, a couple of my colleagues did too (it was a very unhappy department!), yet a couple chose to stay. I don't speak to them very often any more (I'm in a different country now!), but when I do it's like talking to myself before I made the decision to resign They just keep repeating the same old complaints and excuses for why they can't leave. One is still in therapy to help her cope every day. I noticed that my language and topics of conversation changed the second I made the decision to resign - I finally stopped boring everyone around me (and myself ) by continually rehashing the (same old same old) bad stuff! I hadn't realised how much like a stuck record I sounded until I got me some new topics of conversation as a result of getting a new life!

[Catlover]

It seems to me that those of us, including myself, who are struggling with the effects on income that a change in career might bring even temporarily, see that effect as painful and want to avoid the pain. It seems that Steve did not view this temporary effect as painful. I suspect that in fact he saw the other alternative--remaining in the current, but less than desirable career state--as the painful alternative.

Even if we can't change our view about what is painful and what is not in this decision, we know that the Buddha has said that pain or suffering just is inherent in the human state. It's how we react to it that is key.

I know this is all easier said than done, but I think that seeing it this way for me has been a small step forward.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by Catlover

It seems to me that those of us, including myself, who are struggling with the effects on income that a change in career might bring even temporarily, see that effect as painful and want to avoid the pain. It seems that Steve did not view this temporary effect as painful. I suspect that in fact he saw the other alternative--remaining in the current, but less than desirable career state--as the painful alternative.

If I have to go through a period of financial (or other) challenges, I don't frame it as painful. I frame it as an interesting growth experience.

Is a career change physically painful? Not usually. Does it really hurt that much to switch careers? I think even during the slim years it's more rewarding than difficult.

It's not like you'll be eaten by a dragon for saying, "I think I'd like to do something else for a while."

[Mags]

Originally Posted by Catlover

I suspect that in fact he saw the other alternative--remaining in the current, but less than desirable career state--as the painful alternative.

This was certainly true for me - I still have the scars to prove it ... Literally! I developed exzema on my shoulder/collarbone (a stress reaction), which left a mark kind of like a burn scar when it finally went away.

But, I didn't get to the realisation that my job was more painful than the unknown overnight - it took a good few nights (a year of them!). After not only surviving that change, but actually prospering (in every way, not just financially) from it, my view is more like Steve's is now i.e I see career changes as an interesting growth experience. I'm in the middle of another one now!

[cdn2wheeler]

Here's my (very personal) stance on this, and, frankly, it's hard to write and even harder to admit.

My current position is one that I didn't come to willingly. I felt forced into accepting the position despite the fact that every fibre of my being was saying, "NOOOOO!!!! This is a HUGE MISTAKE..!"

And I was right. It was a huge mistake.

How was I forced?

Three things, in no particular order:

1. Money. I happen to enjoy where I'm living, I don't have a lot of expenses (I live alone own so I'm not responsible for anyone's well-being but my own) and my debts are pretty much non-existent but I do require at least a moderate amount of income to keep me going and provide some financial security for my retirement years. No job = no money, and if I just up and quit at my job I won't qualify for any sort of employment insurance benefits.
   
2. History. As I think I stated before, I went through a protracted period of unemployment, around 18 months. That was massively difficult, and the loss of income was only one part of it. Work not only provides income, it also provides social contact, something that pretty much vanished when the company I was working for was forced into bankruptcy. It was an extremely depressing time and did some major damage on my psyche. Rejection upon rejection upon rejection... over 50 interviews with 0 job offers. Fifty kicks in the head, based largely on my age and gender and other factors entirely out of my control.* I can't even begin to express the depths of despair I felt. Were I to turn down my present position, how long could it be before I was offered something else? That's not something I could know. And I honestly don't think I could go through an extended period of unemployment again. Quite literally, I may not survive it, coming to a somewhat inglorious messy end at the bottom of a cliff or smashed up against a bridge abutment.
   
3. Expectations. Whether I like it or not, the expectations of those around me (especially my father, a rugged individualist if there ever was one) played, and continue to play, a huge part in my sense of self. Being unemployed, at my age and with my level of education, diminishes me in his eyes tremendously, and my self-esteem isn't that confident that his opinions don't matter. They do. As well, being a single man looking for a little female companionship and telling a date that, "Uh, well, I'm unemployed at the moment" isn't a particularly endearing quality. Again, it's not something that I'm particularly happy about, but it's my reality.

Last night I started reading Jack Canfield's book, The Success Principles, and number one on his list is to take 100% responsibility for one's successes and failures. Now, I just got started in the book so I can't really speak to the entire volume but I'm hoping that this, as well as some other personal development I'm working on, might break me free from these financial, historical and expectational chains.

It's damn hard, though. Farking hard.

* yea, really... that's not supposition, I actually have proof that I was passed over for less-qualified people because of so-called "employment equity." That's not bitterness, it's just reality

[Mags]

cdn, you sound like my dad Seriously - that may have been my (possibly lame) attempt to inject some humour into this, but your situation reminded me of his (not exactly, but there are some parallels) and I felt like I needed to tell you his story (I promise to keep it brief!).

My dad is a brilliant artist. When he was younger he was accepted to study at the Royal Academy (in England), a huge honour. But, his dad wouldn't pay for it because art wasn't the type of career path that he'd envisioned for his son. So my dad suppressed his artistic side and did all sorts of other things. By the time I was born he had settled on being an estate agent. He eventually opened his own business (in South Africa), which was successful until his partner defrauded him and he had to declare bankruptcy. He returned to England, couldn't find work because he was "too old" (he was about 50 at the time). He eventually found work designing kitchens (finally, some glimmer of artistic skill in his career ) - then that company went under and he was without work. Again, long period of unemployment, eventually leading to a second bankruptcy. Now, at 59, he's finally found work as a kitchen designer again, but... he's not happy. He's never been happy in any of his jobs - not surprising, really, given that he's never given himself the chance to follow his true path. Like you, he keeps diving into "anything that comes up and where they'll have him" because he's scared of not having income again, based on his past experiences with unemployment and bankruptcy. The irony (to me at least) is that if, 20 years ago (10 even), he'd taken a year or two to get himself set up, he'd probably be a very successful artist now.

This, being my background (my mom and dad are divorced - my mom's example has been to cling to a job she only marginally likes for 25 years because she's scared of letting go of the steady paycheck to follow her dreams - her favourite phrase is "when I win the lottery, then I'll do X..."), I was terrified when I came to the conclusion that I had to leave my safe job, terrified to follow my dreams of being more and having more. I didn't want to end up bankrupt like my dad, yet nor did I want to end up bitter like my mom. Hence my own version, the balanced approach - to save like crazy so that I could support myself until my business took off. Even so I ran out of money, but by then I had tasted my new life enough that I couldn't go back. I am very grateful that it all worked out and that I now know what is possible.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I understand where you are (maybe not perfectly, but certainly to some extent) and I feel for you. Even more than that, I applaud you - for your honesty in writing about what is something difficult for you, and for your courage to keep on going and to keep growing.

I sense your despair when you say you may not literally survive another period of unemployment. I was thinking the other day that, even though my dad's unwillingness to follow his heart sometimes frustrates me, I have certainly learned from his unwitting example and changed my life accordingly. Yet, his continual resilience in the face of his many disappointments is something that I admire. I sense that you also have much courage and resilience - may it stand you in good stead as you try to break free from past patterns and ride gloriously into your new future on the bike of your dreams

[Ree]

Sometimes you get really really lucky and things just fall into place, as if the universe is lining up for you. That happened to me. I stumbled blindly into my career and I LOVE IT!

My oldest son is a strange case. He's artistic, creative, a great writer and photographer and loves computer science. He has bounced around from a comp science major to journalism and back again, with a minor in photography..... or maybe not. He recently saw a presentation about visual communications and it clicked for him! Especially since all of journalism will soon be completely online, his timing couldn't be better. And 10 years ago there was no such animal. I've already sent this article to him

So if you haven't yet found a way to make a living doing what you love, keep looking because it's probably out there somewhere. And if it's not already out there somewhere, who says you can't create it??

[Natsu]

What Steve wrote about careers being important in your overall happiness is astonishingly true, both for men and women. Everything in my life feels great, except my job, but that alone is bad enough to spoil the rest, or at least to spoil most of my time. It's horrible to start getting anxious just because it's Sunday afternoon, and tomorrow's Monday again. It's horrible to go to job thinking of the time you'll get out. Horrible not to be able to think "I have this beautiful Tuesday ahead of me now!", and thinking "Four more days to Wednesday" instead. It's terrible to want time to pass quickly instead of wanting to spend it the best way possible. Compared to all that strain, pain, unhappiness and emptiness inside, the added problem of "career=prestige" to males is like a fly bite compared to having a leg torn and bleeding. Even if careers meant nothing socially, being unsatisfied with them is painful to the core.

[impaul99]

I have a slightly different perspective from Steve here. Instead of quitting your job tomorrow and going into panic mode because there's bills to pay and mouths to feed, I take a different path.

Instead of thinking "Either Or" I think "Both". Meaning, why not do your job and pursue what you love, at the same time. It could be based on the fact that I took the path of quitting my job to do what I love when I was younger and two years later I almost ended up bankrupt, but nowadays I advocate a much more practical and less intrusive method of making the transition towards doing what you love for a living.

I wrote an article about it if anyone's interested:

Making the Transition to Doing What You Love for a Living | Inspired Money Maker - How To Make Money Doing What You Love

This path has worked for me. Perhaps it might work for some of you who aren't ready yet to quit your job tomorrow.

[Paul Park]

Originally Posted by impaul99

Instead of thinking "Either Or" I think "Both". Meaning, why not do your job and pursue what you love, at the same time. It could be based on the fact that I took the path of quitting my job to do what I love when I was younger and two years later I almost ended up bankrupt, but nowadays I advocate a much more practical and less intrusive method of making the transition towards doing what you love for a living.

I've got a few irons in the fire right now. I have a good good job that allows me to compress my work week, giving me more days off in a year than I work. I'm building my own house and still have several months of work until it we move in. I plan to keep the job and work on my writing until the house is done, then move quickly to writing full time.

I've tried writing before, with some success, but quit each time when the money didn't come in quickly enough or in enough quantity. One of the lessons I am learning while building the house is to take a big project all the way from conception to completion. I tend to start stong, but I am easily distracted.

I've been talking about earning my living through a creative endeavor for 18 years. The time has come!

Pablito