Reaction vs. Response (Blog)

[Steve Pavlina]

Use this thread to discuss the following entry from Steve Pavlina's blog:

Reaction vs. Response

[joelyle]

I see this contrast having several applications: relationships, for example. It is peaceful to concentrate on our being/actions/intentions vs. concentrating on our partners actions.

[sri]

The Art of Learning: A Journey in the Pursuit of Excellence by Josh Waitzkin
is a brilliant book on many things -- especially the "higher" states of learning.

And it contains great info on how to respond
when an opponent plays "dirty" and how you have
to overcome that to get to the next level.

By the way, we need a forum just for books.
To inform people about latest books that just came out.
And to discuss points about them.

Thanks.

[pharmboy]

This is a very Taoist technique which speaks often of going with the flow, staying present, and competing without attachment to the outcome. The pure enjoyment of the activity is the reward, not the competition. I have experienced this in an extreme sport that I competed in on the professional level. It was a sport that I would've done for free and the experience was the only trophy that I needed. If I ever got caught up in winning, it seems that I did not perform as well. I am applying this to other areas of my life, now.

[Akashic_Librarian]

I used to do Shotokan Karate, but recently I gave up because I couldn't achieve this response-mode, I was always a reactionary...

[carenkh]

I just attended a wonderful unschooling conference in Black Mountain, NC. One of the speakers was Dayna Martin, who had been on Dr.Phil's show in a segment on home- and unschooling, called "The Great School Debate".

I was moved to tears as she talked about her presence while she spoke with Phil McGraw. She said it was important to her to "be" unschooling - that is, present, centered, accepting, and respectful - in order to show what unschooling was. She could have reacted to the negative comments being made, but instead responded to them, with her truth. And you can see Dr.Phil's attitude actually softening at the end of the segment!

Her talk at the conference was about being an unschooling advocate - I learned more from her "being" than I did from her words. Authentic, indeed.

[geekchic9]

That was a very interesting post. We were discussing reaction vs. response in an intensive outpatient therapy group I attended. I concluded that reacting was acting without thinking, based on our emotions, while responding was calmly thinking things through, stepping back from the situation and looking at things objectively before acting. This seems different from what Steve has concluded. How do the two views jive? Or am I wrong about reacting vs. responding?

[Angela]

I think reacting is what you do when you're not being present -- the habitual behavior that arises out of old decisions and old pain running the show. You're not really free to make a choice when you're reacting.

And responding comes with being present -- that is, evaluating your current moment, and answering it. You can still be informed by your past, but in responding you are making a free choice. You don't have to be using your thinking mind to respond; as Steve describes in a dance or martial art (or response to fear or lovemaking) your body can do the responding.

[Steve Pavlina]

Originally Posted by geekchic9

That was a very interesting post. We were discussing reaction vs. response in an intensive outpatient therapy group I attended. I concluded that reacting was acting without thinking, based on our emotions, while responding was calmly thinking things through, stepping back from the situation and looking at things objectively before acting. This seems different from what Steve has concluded. How do the two views jive? Or am I wrong about reacting vs. responding?

I think it's just a difference of semantics. This is about the concepts, not the particular words. You can swap the words if you'd like.

[geekchic9]

Originally Posted by Angela

I think reacting is what you do when you're not being present -- the habitual behavior that arises out of old decisions and old pain running the show. You're not really free to make a choice when you're reacting.

And responding comes with being present -- that is, evaluating your current moment, and answering it. You can still be informed by your past, but in responding you are making a free choice. You don't have to be using your thinking mind to respond; as Steve describes in a dance or martial art (or response to fear or lovemaking) your body can do the responding.

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

I think it's just a difference of semantics. This is about the concepts, not the particular words. You can swap the words if you'd like.

Oddly enough, I found Angela's response clearer than Steve's, but thanks to both of you for responding (not reacting ).

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

The response usually has an undercurrent of calm from what I've found, while the reaction is accompanied by panic or at the very least some level of fear or aprehension...anything but calm. It may not be apparent in the moment if you're not particularly present, but looking back, it's easier to distinguish the times you reacted from the times you responded and evaluate how you can spend more time responding.

Angela does have a way of making things understandable. Ever thought of being a teacher/guru?

[ciel]

Very thought-provoking article for me. Reacting is where I'm at, but I hope to move towards responding by practising mindfulness and staying grounded when things get tense.

Have been reading the articles and blog for about a week now; finally took the step and joined.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Welcome, ciel. I am working on responding rather than reacting too. I think you will find the forums a great place to learn and grow. See you around.

[Steve Pavlina]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

Angela does have a way of making things understandable. Ever thought of being a teacher/guru?

Angela is awesome. She should translate my text into English more often.

[Angela]

I'll give that a try, as soon as my brain decompresses from trying to understand subjective reality and sollipsism.

Ai chihuahua.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I think sometimes it just takes someone saying it in a different way.

I've learned a great deal from you, Steve. It just so happens this place has attracted a lot of really smart people from whom I have also learned a lot. Lightbulbs coming on all over the place!

Thanks. And your blogs lately have been supreme. Good stuff there. Can't wait for what's next.

[impaul99]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Angela is awesome. She should translate my text into English more often.

LOL. I agree. Pretty soon Steve's writing will be like Shakespeare. You need 12 PhD's to argue what a single sentence means.

Maybe Angela needs to start a Blog called "Personal Development for Normal People". Just re-post all of Steve's posts in English.

[zeroone]

"You’re not thinking about what your opponent might or might not do. You’re just centered in the present, trusting that your body will respond accordingly."
"...movements are more flowing..."

It seems to me that being "responsive" is more intuition-based.

[impaul99]

Originally Posted by zeroone

It seems to me that being "responsive" is more intuition-based.

Intuition = True Self = Spirit = God

In my martial arts training I know I've had that experience, where you don't react to a "move" with another "move", you actually "respond" automatically. But it's not automatic as in because it's a move that's been practiced billions of times, but rather it's automatic because it didn't come from Ego.

On my last grading my opponent punched at me in a unexpected way because I "made a mistake" and opened up an opportunity, and then automatically I responded and dodged his punch totally without any thinking whatsoever. My Sensei saw it and told me later that this "dodge" was worth my grading right there. It showed adaptation without thinking.

Hard to explain to people not in martial arts, but it really has nothing to do with "practicing" a "move" thousands of times until you do it automatically. It's a different kind of automatic.

[Steve Pavlina]

Originally Posted by impaul99

Hard to explain to people not in martial arts, but it really has nothing to do with "practicing" a "move" thousands of times until you do it automatically. It's a different kind of automatic.

I agree completely.

I think the role of practice is largely to help us enter the right frame of mind. After 4 years of training (3 in tae kwon do and 1 in kempo), I figure some part of me must be capable of responding appropriately by now.

[impaul99]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

I agree completely.

I think the role of practice is largely to help us enter the right frame of mind. After 4 years of training (3 in tae kwon do and 1 in kempo), I figure some part of me must be capable of responding appropriately by now.

Yup, I know what you mean. It's an awesome feeling. It's pretty much a feeling of nothingness, like nothing happened. Kind of like your body just moved on it's own and by the time your brain cought up to what just happened it was already over.

I've experienced this in other areas of life besides martial arts, but martial arts brings this out more often because that is what you're essentially training towards. You're training to become nothing, to become zero. I know some will understand.

[Steve Pavlina]

There's an incredible interview with a martial artist who responds instead of reacts here:

Vernon Kitabu Turner: A Mind Like Water

I think someone posted it here before, but it's a great story.

[Daniel Sitter]

I enjoyed your take on this topic Steve. I wrote an article last year addressing the same topic from a slightly different perspective that you might enjoy reading. There really is a critically important distinction between the two words!

You Choose to React or Respond

[Steve Pavlina]

This morning I played a round of disc golf with a friend, and I tried to put myself in a state of responding instead of reacting to each situation. Even when I had a bad throw, I accepted it and tried to stay in the present instead of having a reaction or worrying about how I'd recover from it. I didn't think much about each throw. I just let go and remembered that my mind/body knows how to throw the disc, so I tried to stay out of the way of my natural response.

My average of the past 14 games on this course was 64.86, and my best ever was a 61, which I've only done once. Today I shot a 60.

I feel like I didn't really "achieve" this score. Once I got into the zone, I almost felt like I could do no wrong. I got off to a weak start, shooting a 6 on the second hole and hitting a few trees and two light posts, which normally would be enough to abandon all hope of setting a new personal best. But later I made some really lucky shots, including a couple of 2s.

When I had a bad drive, I'd somehow land a great approach shot. When I had a bad approach shot, I'd sink a putt from 40-50 ft away.

On one hole near the end, I had a lousy drive, and then as we watched my second shot veer way off to the right, my friend said, "Good luck getting a 3 on this one!" But as the disc landed, it turned into a roller, angled down a slope, and rolled perhaps another 30 yards to snuggle the basket. There's no way I could have planned or controlled a shot like that.

I also tied or beat my friend on every single hole (for the first time ever on any course), winning the match by 9 strokes. But I wasn't thinking competitively. I was just aiming to stay in the present moment and have fun.

[Rose of Cairo]

Steve, what you wrote about reacting/responding can be applied exactly to dancing tango argentino too, as this is 100% improvisation and communication with the partner. When you dance in reaction mode, you're nervous, tense, and thinking, thus you dance bad. In response mode, you switch off the brain, just let it happen and it feels wonderful.

Thank you for this post, I'll try to dance in response mode all the time

Steve, as long as you were writing about discipline, hard work and productivity, I didn't like you at all! (and your advice didn't work for me) But now I really enjoy reading your blog. I always find it very inspiring and I learn a lot. I feel peaceful and happy reading it. Feels like you are in a wonderful state of flow while writing.

And for me it's perfectly understandable english. Maybe because I am not a native speaker

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Maybe because I am not a native speaker

That really surprised me. Your English is absolutely flawless.

[Roberta]

Steve: I am not suprised at your response to this sad story. I felt sad
for everyone. That David thinks it is a big deal to have and need all that
stuff. That people are not more responsible with their resources..
the deal sounded pretty thin to me. I was sad that the reporter tricked David,
it did not make me happy to see him squirm. The unconditional love, is of course correct.
Are you studying the wisdom of kabbalah?

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Angela

That really surprised me. Your English is absolutely flawless.

Really Angela?? Now I'm surprised, english is worst case among the languages I speak.

You think so because you don't hear my french accent And because I constantly use an online dictionary, for example to look up "flawless".

But I'm really glad to hear. I intended my english to improve, I'm already thinking in english most of the time. Thanks

[Angela]

oh, see now you're writing with a German accent!

In any case, the glow of your spirit shines through.