Overcoming Jealousy (Blog)

[Sunnybayes]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

I'd have to say this was mostly a consequence of a deeper realization I had. Many wise people have said there is no doer in reality and that action can really be effortless. I think I finally "got it." I've been getting a lot more done by holding the perspective that I'm not the one doing any of it.

I know what you mean Steve. Lately I've been laughing at the nature of reality, and scared about it too. I think laughter is when you realize something that is absolutly true, but is totally unexpected. Unexpected truth.

It feels like I just broke up with a woman. The feeling that you get when you come face to face with her, and its all awkward, and your heart is racing, and you try to anticipate and read her every move, with all emotions and memories of how it used to be.

I just broke up with "reality" and I'm suspicious about her... and that I'm trying to be "just cool friends" with her even though I know she's quite messed up and flawed, but I still love her.

Or also like the feeling that you have when you are stuck in a dream and its all crazy and strange, then you realize its a dream, and you wake up, and its all fine.... but now I always feel like I'm in the dream. I'm still trying to wake up to make things feel like the way they used to be, but its continues to be crazy.

Just knowing about how people really work, and knowing how so much of your behavior is just so automatic..., and just knowing about the absolute absurdity of things, like how people chase to become billionaires... but the chase is so absolutly pointless, and they don't really know the reason that they do it. And knowing that we're all nuts on some level, at least in private, but then all is normal and cool beans again when we all get together.

It just feels so arbitrary. I laugh at it. Ha. Reality. Its a funny thing, and I'm just going along for the ride.

[openeyes]

I most enjoy being around people who are better at something than me in some areas, and who I'm more proficient than in other aspects. It affords us both a chance to learn from and admire each other, with little need for jealousy/envy in that case. Luckily I have a number of good friends who fit the bill, and we're a very dynamic bunch

[IAmSoOverMe]

I guess the next question that would enter into my head is, if I enjoy being around others who are doing better and are more successful than I, then how is it for the other person? Do they like to be around me since I am less successful than they are? Or would they prefer to be hanging around someone that is more successful than they? Anyhow, I am the same way as Steve Pavlina. I do prefer to be around people that are doing better than me because I am inspired by it. However, and I have been in this situation, I don't like being around people that are doing better, but are arrogant about it and make sure to let you know that they are definitely above you. So I guess it all boils down to attitude. I enjoy being around people that have good attitudes regardless of whether they have done more or less than I have. A good attitude goes a long way and does rub off on other people. And those other people might open some doors of opportunity for you as well.
http://www.IAmSoOverMe.com

[jksk]

Am I the only who thinks Steve wrote about envy, not jealousy?

From wikipedia:

"Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival."

"Envy is the desire for another's traits, status, abilities, station, or worldly goods. It need not be associated with an object; its salient characteristic is the unfovorable [sic] comparison of one's own status with that of another."

[ProjectX]

Heres a question;

Can you be envious of someone's happiness? Is it justifiable?

[mahreenferdous]

The mindset Steve talks about in this article about 'Overcoming Jealousy' closely follows the mindset the religious school ask us to adapt. One of abundance and that of a temporary world which only exits to put us through trials and turbulence (it's only about the experience) until we reach the hereafter. The fact that one can come to such conclusions through logical deductions from the notion of a subjective reality, brings to me faith that there is a certain truth and higher knowledge in religious scripture.

Mahreen

[khrome]

Your blog entry has confused the definition of jealousy. The blog actually talks about *envy*, not jealousy, which implies loss. Jealousy is based on love and/or inclusion, and the impact of exclusion constitutes a negative impact on your life. It's bad to be envious, almost universally... but a small amount of jealousy is a good thing: it creates an air of vigilance, through which you retain crucial assets to maintaining your operating environment. Sometimes your environment becomes unsustainable, sure... but to say we should not try to minimize that just seems naive and unstable.

[tinasu]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

I've been getting a lot more done by holding the perspective that I'm not the one doing any of it.

Wow, this is really Beautiful. Thank you for the inspiration!
I'm a big believer that if we just flowed with truth, with the energy from the core of who we are, that the 'doing' within presence is effortless.

Like being in the zone when we write or draw a picture.

Steve, Thank you for inspiring bloggers like myself. Thank you for being true to yourself and values. It really shines through your writing.

...

[Revanto]

Envy and Jealousy are pretty close to each other so I suppose that Steve could be referring to either term. I'm sure that some people see Jealousy being something done in a heated passion.

Anyway, the thing is that, no matter how 'enlightened' you've become in life, you won't truly get rid of all your negative emotions. There's always a chance of slipping up. The thing is to catch yourself when you do feel jealous and change your mental perspective on the situation. Easier said than done, though.

The other thing is that Jealousy stems from fear. That is, fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of neglect.

I think the problem is that when people form a partnership, they can get attached to their partner and feel that when their partnership is threatened. Sometimes an innocent person can get hurt. I know cos it's happened to me. Even though the situation wasn't harsh or anything I felt violated in my freedoms.

Basically, what happened was that I just moved into a dormitory style set of apartments and I made a few harmless naughty comments at one of the tennants. She didn't have a problem with my comments because she was laughing along with them and they were indirect.
A few days later I get a knock on my door and there's a guy who says 'I don't like how you've been talking to my girlfriend'. I explained to him that I was jjust kidding around and he eventually let things go.
Now the things that got to me were that:

A) I didn't know that she had a boyfriend. I had no intention of 'wooing' her in the first place. I was just in a silly mood.

B) He said that HE didn't like how I was talking to her. She didn't seem to have a problem with what I said but I never asked him whether if she had a problem or not. I just assume he was being the jealous type. If she said that she was uncomfortable with what I said then I would definitely apologised and watched my language around her in the future.

c) He basically assumed that he had the right to tell me how I was to speak to his girlfriend whether it bothered her or not.

I never spoke to her during my time in the dorms after that. I never had a problem with the boyfriend, though. He turned out to be a nice guy but I was still peeved by that event.

Basically, jealousy does NOT give you the right to control others or to go emotionally nuts and hit something/someone (oh, and all the little levels inbetween).

Emotions without restraint can be a dangerous thing.

Revanto