Demented Thought Awareness and Dissociation

[FXTraderWill]

As I write this, I suppose I'm totally dissociated from what's going on - in what the Buddhists call the walking sleep - and it's where I reside almost all the time. I'm posting this because I'm concerned: last night I had a conversation with a friend for three or four hours about everything: why we're here, what we can do, what the point is, how we all just die and our consciousness becomes as if it never were, how badly people suffer, how we are trapped in our lives and we ride the waves in hope of freedom that for the vast majority of people never comes - why? We don't know, but for some reason, we go on, sometimes we're happy, sometimes sad, and sometimes we choose not to go on. I may be the only consciousness, and I will never know that that's not the case and escape that universal loneliness. But the actual conversation I had was getting much past these basic points, asking the deepest questions that you all can just read and go "yeah, those philosophy 101 pseudozen points." The problem is that when I think like that I feel nothing, dissociated from the moment, totally as if the part of me realizing these absolute truths (or the absolute unaswerable questions - but not just the basic questions, the extent to how profound they are and how our evolutionary history has had us adapt to be unable to realize the extent of what's going on, because 100,000 years ago, the humanoid that thought too much about the "why" killed itself or went off in the forrest alone to meditate and didn't breed) is separate from the observer and I feel nothing. It was scaring me. I wanted to cry deeply and I couldn't; I felt, even feel now, like a machine that just thinks these things and doesn't know why. Why is it that when I can intellectually realize exactly what's going on to the absolute highest level we humans can understand it (which really just means unanswerable questions) I can't feel that but just dissociation?

[Steve Rodgman]

I'm sensing that you have a lot of 'chattering' or ego-noise happening in your mind. Don't over-analyze and force an answer; the ego tells us we need to quickly find an answer to everything so as to keep face. Over-analyzing is just going in circles. You must relax and ask the higher mind and the universe to show you the truth and the solution to your questions. Then be faithful that it will come to you and it will. Don't tell 'things' what they mean: let them tell you what they mean.

As for not 'feeling' anything and disassociating with the moment: this is the feeling you want all the time. Always be in the now and eliminate any thoughts of past or present. You don't want to be feeling insecure or scared though. I'm guessing this is the ego speaking? Just ignore it and tell it to be quiet. Tune your mind away from ego and connect with your self. Pure joy will soon be on its way.

Any feelings of hate, fear, injustice, separation, scarcity, etc., are just the ego speaking to you. Choose to simply ignore the ego and it will die (it is only an illusion). Just tell it to scram and ask the higher mind for a replacement hehe.