I wanna Die

[Wayneworld]

What do you do when you have planned it all and you just wanna DIE.

Finish it or what?

[KH Rising]

"I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom."
- George S. Patton

This is a great opportunity for you to really take a lot of risks and do whatever you want to in life. When you see that you have nothing, you can achieve everything. Seize this chance to make something of yourself. What do you want in life? What isn't perfect?

Let's work through this.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I've been there. What I did was get scared and chicken out. I am so glad I did. I don't know what it is you are going through, but I would encourage you to talk to us. Don't give up.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Wayneworld

What do you do when you have planned it all and you just wanna DIE.

Finish it or what?

Would you like to talk about this...???

.

[Gordon]

Well you would stop and walk backwards from that thought....that would be good start to the journey.

Can I ask why you posted such a question....is there anything we can help you with?

There are a lot of good people willing to help, with whatever it is.

I read your first post, thought it was a great bit of thought ramblings. Post more

G

[BettyBoo]

Death is something you will experience for sure one day.

So why not stick arround and see what is going on in life. Don't be a chicken. :-))

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by Wayneworld

What do you do when you have planned it all and you just wanna DIE.

Finish it or what?

If you're still listening to holosync, I'd recommend giving their free support line a call. The CDs seem to have a knack for dredging up a lot of stuff, and sometimes it's recommended to take a break from them for a while.

I'll also second KH Rising's thoughts. Feeling like one is at the brink of death can be very liberating in some ways (I spent a while there). One phrase that is very true to me is "This too, shall pass". Whatever you're experiencing, things change.

A couple years ago someone asked me to help him commit suicide after he'd been in a vehicle accident and was no longer so agile. I convinced him to wait a while, knowing things would change, and indeed he's gone on to get much more enjoyment out of his life.

The emotional mountains one scales in spiritual work have their pitfalls, but what a view they provide at their peaks ...

[Groundless]

If you're still listening to holosync, I'd recommend giving their free support line a call. The CDs seem to have a knack for dredging up a lot of stuff, and sometimes it's recommended to take a break from them for a while.

I fully agree.

[DoAnyOfYouExist]

Me too, yet no I resist. I want to cease to exist yet I want to exist forever. My whole being is at war with itself, being composed of inifinity causes endless internal paradox. Just keep plugging along my friend, don't go ending the game until you are sure you have it won.

[Blueskied]

Ever considered consulting a doctor?
For therapy or anti-depressants (mood is a bio-chemical thing after all).

[uberinquisitive]

A few months ago, my boyfriend killed himself. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I go to groups for survivors of a loved ones suicide. We all feel extreme guilt, that we didn't stop the person from killing themselves. It's irrational, but everyone feels it. Some of us feel unworthy as human beings, because someone chose to kill themselves. Is this the legacy you want to leave behind? When there is suicide, no one remembers your life. People only remember your death.

It takes something like 3 generations for suicide to stop impacting your family. Is this what they deserve? It has far reaching effects - your parents will probably live the rest of their life with hallowness (some even kill themselves, too). Once you commit suicide, family members, friends, etc. are something like seven times more likely to commit suicide themselves.

There are people who go through genocide, famine, war, rape, etc. and still fight to survive. When you choose life, you choose options and freedom. When you die...you can't say that one last thing, or do that one last thing, etc..

Ultimately, suicide is not an easy way out. Not for anyone around you, and especially not for you. I have seen my boyfriend in my dreams, and I guarantee you that he is very regretful and sorry. He was so involved in his problems and developed tunnel vision. Now that he's dead, and has some distance, he now sees that he could have made much better choices. He deeply regrets the legacy of pain, shame and anger he left behind. And...he can't apologize to us...he's dead. He can't make it right...he's dead.

Think very very carefully before doing anything.

[norbert]

Wayneworld,

I can feel your pain. I want to quit most of the time too. I've lost everybody who ever really mattered to me and I'm in a downward spiral in many areas of my life and there's nobody there for me either. I'd like to share some thoughts with you which keep me alive at the moment:

1. Hey, you're gonna be dead soon anyways! You can never know. Maybe tomorrow you'll be hit by a bus. Nobody told you'll have to live 20 more years here. I think it worths to live just one more day? Hey, maybe it's your last anyways How cool is it when everybody misses you instead of everybody thinking of you like the one who ruined their lives. Remember: just one single day at a time.

2. Notice the underlying fear and the stories that your mind is creating all the time. As Harv Eker put it, the favourite phrase of the mind is "what if?". Because it's primary purpose is protection and not a peaceful/happy state of mind. So it's trying to warn you of everything that can go wrong. Please do just one single thing all the time: separate the facts and the stories!

3. I suspect you're not religious because then you wouldn't think about quitting at all? I'm not either. So look. When you die, they bury you and your body dissolves. That's all. Look. Now you have the chance to control that body and do fun things with it. It's the single chance. After you pass away, it's gone and you never get it back. You'll be dead for an unlimited number of years and you can be alive for maybe x * 10 years. Have fun!

4. I'm ready to go. I won't, but I'm ready. I think this is cool! I don't know many people who are prepared for that. I live my life so much differently now that it's a conscious choice to stay alive! My thoughts have transformed from "I never wanted this life" to "I choose to stay alive to have so much fun!". I became very determined too! I'm unwilling to do anything that others want me to do but not me. It's me who's in control.

5. If you can, watch this video or read its summary in my blog.

Okay, so you're looking for a why for staying alive? Because it's guaranteed that you'll die anyways! It's no question! The only guaranteed thing in life is that you're gonna die one day, probably sooner than you'd expect it. Come on, give a chance for yourself!

You know, loosers always quit saying that "it doesn't work". Winners just make it work. That's the difference.

And just to make sure we're on the same page, again, my life sucks at the moment, there's nothing that works in it, I've lost my loved ones but still, this is my single life and I'm gonna get the most out of it. Will you join us? Because believe it or not, there are many other people with similar intentions! I've met 4 of them only in the last 3 months. They want to quit too. Some of them probably will. Yeah, it's their decision, mine is mine and yours is yours.

Remember: you can only connect the dots backwards. You can never know what the future brings. I don't think I'll ever be as happy again as I was. I don't think I'll ever have closer relationships than I had. But I don't know what will happen.

Come on mate, it won't last that long anyways!

Send me a PM if you'd like to talk to somebody!

Hoping the best for you!

Regards,
Norbert

[Dev the Red]

My mother committed suicide when I was seven. It caused so much pain to my family, that even now (6 years later) most of the people in my family haven't recovered. She had severe depression and the reason she did it is because she kept her feelings bottled up inside. It is very good to talk to people about things like this. Never give up hope.

[Wayneworld]

I'm ok now. i was drunk and feeling sorry for myself? i'm just a fool sometimes. Thanks for your wise words and support everyone. I am ok.

Peace Wayne.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Glad to hear you're still with us. Stick around.

Peace and love to you.

[Matthew Shea]

Me too. I wish the best for you, Wayne.

[swansong]

Hi Wayneworld,

Good to see you... if you're ever feeling a bit drunk/sorry/foolish again, I highly recommend the video that norbert posted in this thread (#7) I just watched it for the first time and found it very inspiring.

Peace back at you,
Swansong

[Maguru]

You must be feeling pretty hopeless and in the depths of despair to come thus far. My heart goes out to you. It is a terrible place to be in. Suicidal thoughts do not come out of the blue. There is a reason.
Hang on in there, these thoughts and overwhelming emotions are signalling change. A change of mind, a change of heart, a changed belief, it will come. Do not fight the changes, they are inevitable. Embrace the new you that is emerging from your darkest hour.

Originally Posted by Wayneworld

What do you do when you have planned it all and you just wanna DIE.

Finish it or what?

[Old Soul]

What do you do when you have planned it all and you just wanna DIE.

you get some help from friends and family, or support groups ,you talk about what it is that is the catalyist behind these thoughts of wanting to die.......


She couldn't see outside her self
The darkness had trapped her in
Or could she the damage left behind
to her remaining family and friends
one choice one thought one impulse
ended her teenage years
Now we are left grieving her loss
filled with many tearful years
It has been 33 yrs now
since I lost my older sister
and she will never know
just how much we all miss her
Denied life's experiences
and blessings to come
No grand finale
for anyone...
So I live and love much
and continue to grow
in honor of her and all
she didn't get to know

Dedicted to EJW

[Wayneworld]

I'm just not sure whats going on with me at the minute? I'm sorry to here about your sister Old Soul, my younger bother took his own life in 1996 and left alot of pain behind in the process, so i wouldn't dream doing the same. I've suffered from Depression and Social Anxiety (out of guilt) for the last 10 years and things are alot better and most of the time i feel like myself, but then i get days where it all comes back and the world is one big scarey place.

I've done everything in my power to get over this stuff, meds, cbt, lots of self help stuff, Medition, Holosync, etc, etc. You name it i've done it. I'm not really sure what i'm trying to get at here with this post, but i'm so confussed sometimes, don't feel like i fit in anywhere, don't trust anyone, and just feel like locking myself away most of the time. Recently i've discovered i'm very Spiritual, and after reading lots of books and relating to alot of it, i'm more confussed? Anyway i'm rabbling... i know that these so called mentall illness that i've been suffering from are on there way out but i still feel like a loner in a world of crazyness. I do have lots of friends.

Your views.

[Shamou]

Wayneworld! Here is a thought... if you could invest your life in something that is bigger than you are... you might get the inspiration that you need to go on with your life...

You are now in a situation where you could do just that... If you will just find the courage to snap out of your current situation... you could share your experience with others who are in the same situation that you are in right now... and teach them by being an example...

I know that you have really tried... and failed... but, maybe, with that incentive in mind you could succeed this time...

The very best of luck to you... and whatever you do... just don't give up...

.

[Old Soul]

I'm just not sure whats going on with me at the minute? I'm sorry to here about your sister Old Soul, my younger bother took his own life in 1996 and left alot of pain behind in the process, so i wouldn't dream doing the same. I've suffered from Depression and Social Anxiety (out of guilt) for the last 10 years and things are alot better and most of the time i feel like myself, but then i get days where it all comes back and the world is one big scarey place.

Understood!! anxiety is hell, It is like a huge dark pit that eventually sucks in everything, I know I have been there, I've learned to "break it down", break everything down in my mind... to its simplist form....... to live in the moment, not in the future or the passed, but in the moment...... most times I do an excellent job at this, but like you every now and then it comes back "like a tidal wave", ready to envelope me..... and I break it all down again

I've been really good for the last 4 yrs or so, and every now and then it comes back but not to the degree it was before..... and guilt is a killer too, it will destroy you, it is like you have to look the beast right in the eyes and continue to say "I'm forgiven" I have forgiven myself along time ago... therefor guilt you have NO power over me!!!


Does this sound familiar? I wrote this a few years ago after my last episode of anxiety? just a blurb.. from a poem

"Scrambled Eggs"

Just when I thought I had a grip
Someones gone and changed the rules
I use to think my mind was straight
But woe! I'm just another fool
My brain is all scrambled
maybe I'll claim insanity
thats if todays deffenition
doesn't become tomorrows
stale philosophy
My head is heavy full of thoughts
someone insisted they lend
now disipation is reigning on my brain
an organ I use to call my friend...

Also remember .... break it down.... if it feels too big , the minds too full than it usually is :-)) Good luck Wayne!!!

[XeutonMojukai]

If you ever need to talk about these little things in private, you can contact me for sure. I have experience in saving people from suicidal thoughts, and I myself am prone to such thoughts along with a stubborn refusal to actually carry it out.

The big point, however, is this:

I know of many, many different ways to deal with depression, because I've dealt with it since I was a very young child.

I also know how useful it is to hear a bunch of ideas and then make your own hybrid, so I won't argue about your use of my suggestions (which my parents do, and annoy me in so doing :P).

My personal way, to give you an idea, is this:

I know one thing for absolutely certain: I care more about others than I do about myself, and I take pride in that.

Now, the reason this is useful is that now, all I need to do is make public my depression, and eventually my suicidal thoughts, and people will be very distressed.

First thought that comes to mind: how selfish is this of me?

Not good enough.

Eventually, people get really unhappy.

Suddenly, the other side of me kicks in. I immediately become the most jovial person in the room, and comfort them that I won't do anything, and feel truly happy and at peace, because unconsciously that is how my family will be happy.

The last bit is not something I created as a backup within myself. I discovered it.

But I now take advantage of it, by always telling someone that I'm suicidal, and always pushing it until I can't bear to see them as sad as they become, so I can convince them - and myself - that I won't do it.

It seems convoluted, and risky, doesn't it?

Well, the thing is, it's foolproof for me, so I just need to make sure my newest friends know about this side of me.

I tell them, the unwilling leave, the rest of them stick around, and I stick close and stay loyal.

Simple from my perspective, and everyone gets the satisfaction of saving a life.

You are also very right to be trying so hard to expand your horizons, despite your recurring depression.

I have the same wonderful habit of stubbornly keeping at this pursuit.

As an astrologer, I find that people have a habit of looking at stressful patterns and thinking, "I'm screwed, for life!"

Truth be told, the hardships in life are what make the places they affect stronger.

Your depression will teach you to be strong enough to help others out of depression. You will eventually find yourself a shoulder of choice among your friends, as I have.

The best way to deal with problems is to let them come as they may, and deal with them enough to get by. Would you get more strength out of one rep of the heaviest load you can carry, or forever repping the next hardest thing compared to your easy limit? One of them makes you look strong because of the scar tissue formed. The other makes you strong whether you look it or not.

Don't give up. I hope you keep at it, because the people with the toughest backgrounds have the greatest capacity for achieving success.

[infinitethoughts]

Originally Posted by Wayneworld

but i still feel like a loner in a world of crazyness.

You're waking up.

[KLmasina]

Originally Posted by infinitethoughts

You're waking up.

I second that... think of it like this.

Before we're born, we're all comfy and protected and fed and happy living in the womb. It's awesome!

And then one day this urge starts... and we don't know what's going on, but somehow we just don't feel RIGHT anymore and we know we have to MOVE.

This means leaving everything that we know, the safety of societies embrace, and chanced the birth canal.

A spiritual birth is just like a physical one.. bloody painful for all involved!

IN the womb, we're surrounded by liquid and love, and feel a part of everything. Once we're born into the physical world, we feel our separateness.

Our spiritual birth is the same - we have to leave the constructs of the Norm and venture out of the material world and into the spiritual world.

It can feel like we're the only one experiencing life this way.

But you know what?

There are THOUSANDS of us...

The darkest, most painful part of birth is right before the light dawns (if I can mix my metaphors horribly)

Know that you are not your thoughts, nor your emotions, or even your body.

You are eternal consciousness, now and forever perfect.

Much joy,
KL

[sunj]

Originally Posted by Blueskied

Ever considered consulting a doctor?
For therapy or anti-depressants (mood is a bio-chemical thing after all).

I don't see how. If it was we would all be jacked up with it at birth so that we would never have to go thru it. The thought in your mind or your feelings cause reactions in the body.

[Rosie]

I'm happy that you've chosen not to take your life. I used to dream of suicide all the time as a child, but one day I woke up and realized how unhealthy it was. I realized that I couldn't leave my family behind.

Anxiety and depression are really terrible things to experience, but it's important that you realize that you CAN overcome them. There is hope in sight.

I wish you the best of luck

[Blueskied]

Originally Posted by sunj

I don't see how. If it was we would all be jacked up with it at birth so that we would never have to go thru it. The thought in your mind or your feelings cause reactions in the body.

Yes. But it's odd how the same thought can have different effects on persons.
For example the thought of a future travel could trigger negative feeling (oh, no) in a depressive person and positive feelings (looking forward to the journey) in a happy person.