Help with changing beliefs

[Erock]

Hey everybody, this is my first topic and it is an important one to me. I have read all of steve's articles and listened to his podcasts on beliefs, and I still do not understand how to change a belief.

I know I have beliefs that need to be changed because the way I act is incongruent with the way I think, and this is a sign that I need to change my belief on a deeper level. For example, I tell myself that I don't get nervous before tennis matches and I talk to other people like I don't, yet I always end up feeling nervous in a way that I can't control.

My question is simply, what are the practical steps to changing a belief? What do I need to do on a daily basis? Have any of you had a lot of success with this? I have a whole list of beliefs like the one above that I would like to change, so how long should I spend on each?

I feel that if I could master this it would be a huge leap for me, so any help would be greatly appreciated.

[mej023]

I like Abraham's definition of a belief. A belief is just a thought that you think over and over. To change your belief, focus on the new belief habitually.

For example, my belief may be that I always catch red lights when I am out driving. Instead of focusing on that, I start telling myself that I catch more green lights more often, every time I am driving. Pretty soon, you will notice that you suddenly seem to catch green lights more often than not.

[AndyMartin]

My view is that the key to belief is what you think belief is.

Is belief something that is to be held as an absolute?

Or is belief a model for interacting with some aspect of the world?

We tend to approach belief as an absolute, which means that we build our idea of reality around it. Since your interpretation of our experience is built on these beliefs, it makes belief very difficult to change--like trying to pull out a rug that you're standing on it. Or more difficult still, trying to switch another rug for the one underneath your feet. That's also why belief-challenging experiences can be so difficult to deal with.

On the other hand, if it's a model, then it has all the properties of any model. It's more accurate in some respects than other models, and less in others. Meaning a particular model is more suited for some experiences over others. But models can be switched in and out without much impact. The first thing that you give up in this approach is the need for belief to be 100% accurate because that's simply not possible. A model by definition cannot be 100% accurate or it would be the actual thing. But we're working through perception and interpretation, both of which are subjective.

In the latter approach you realize that your belief has no affect on reality at all, and can find and utilize a variety of models for different situations. You lose the need to convince yourself of anyone else of anything (e.g. not getting nervous before a match) and accept the situation for what it is. After all, anxiety is only a feeling--it is not your performance. So your perception and interpretation of the experience can get out of the way and let your intention manifest.

[Keith]

In this sort of situation, Steve advised that you question the belief, and 'drill down' until you get to something that is of questionable truth. (Note: In Steve's case, this led to subjective reality, but I don't believe that's a necessary outcome).

You say that you get nervous before tennis matches. I'll use that as an example, but I'm sure your answers doing this will be different to mine:

Q: Why do you get nervous before tennis matches?
A: The other guy might beat me!
Q: That's objectively true. Why does it matter if the other guy beats you?
A: Because I've put a lot of effort in!
Q: That's objectively true. Why does that matter? ie. Why should that make you nervous?
A: Because that's my main thing. If I fail after putting in all that effort, then it means I'm a total loser.
Q: Is that objectively true?
A: Hmm. No - I guess there's the idea of 'failing forward' - that failing just shows me where my weaknesses are so I can improve them. Hmm. And even if I turn out not to be world best at the moment, I'm still pretty darn good and I can get better. Hey, it's just one match - there'll be others!

IMO, just trying to overlay new beliefs on top of the old ones is going to work poorly (if at all) if deep down, you still hold the old belief. If you think the old belief isn't serving you well, that means it's flawed in some way - dig in, find that flaw and undermine it.

Also, try to practice being in the Now. The thing that makes you nervous playing tennis is almost certainly located either in the future (eg. "Can I win this thing?") or in the past (eg. "this reminds me of the time I got demolished"). Just live the moment you're in. The rest isn't an issue until later. (Note: This doesn't mean you can't objectively plan for the future ; just don't let you mind dwell there).

Like Eckhart Tolle says; "in the Now there are no problems". In the Now there are situations to be dealt with but they are only problems for the future (at which point they'll be just situations you deal with in the moment). (Sorry, it's kind of a hard thing to put into words).

I found this (second) approach very helpful in delivering my first speech at Toastmasters (I hadn't discovered the first approach at the time). I took a deep breath, centred myself and just focussed on each moment of the speech that I was delivering (which I'd drilled 'till I knew it inside out, BTW). I was still scared but an awful lot less than I normally would have been ; and my mind was crystal clear the whole time.

Hopefully some of this will be of use to you...

[Erock]

Hey thanks for the responses. I really appreciate these forums and I can feel the inspiring personal development atmosphere.

In one of Steve's blog posts he talks about how he changes his beliefs and accepts different religions (link)
How exactly does one do this? I will try to convince myself of something, but on a deeper level, it does not change. Like I have been trying to accept subjective reality, just to try it out, but I'm pretty sure that I don't accept it on a deeper level because my actions are incongruent with it.

Thanks for the responses and I look forward to more!

[placebo]

I played basketball for a long time and i had the same problem. I was so nervous before the game but when the game begins all that thought simply vanish.
One year i started telling my self :"I am the best. My opponents suck. I can beat anyone if i do all the things i practiced."

I put headphones on my ears with some aggressive music and keep repeating those sentences nad visualizing myself winnig the game. Try that and you'll see improvement in a month. Only problem with that is that i've lost all the self criticism i've had.

If you watch Brasilian football star Ronaldinho in FC Barcelona you'll see that this guy is playing with smile on his face. He is absolutely enjoying every second on the pitch. Of course that he wants to win, but the first thing on his mind is love for the game. To reach that level when playing is more important than winning, eventually you'll start winning.