|10-27-2011, 06:58 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2011
Intense fear (phobia) of God - Help!
Hello, so I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible, because If I didn't, this could be a VERY long posting.
Anyways, a few extended family members are Christian. They're the *real* Christian, if you will.. Meaning they don't follow the catholic traditions of christmas, easter, etc.. They don't do the sign of the cross.. They don't bow to a cross/have mass.. and they practice the sabbath on Friday sun down to Saturday sun down.
At the beginning of freshman year, they began explaining A LOT of stuff about God, Jesus, the Devil, demons, and Christianity. They explained so much, mainly because I was extremely curious and I had tons of questions to ask - which in part helped make me the philosophical person I am today.
I used to tag myself as Christian at that age, saying I believed in God. Then a few years later (skipping a lot of stuff), I had a moment of psychosis when I was smoking some Spice (artificial marijuana [I thought It was real marijuana, I had no idea that my dealer sold me fake stuff]). Spice has been banned in places like Germany due to it causing severe panic disorders and depression. My psychosis, in short, had to do with God and the Devil fighting over me, with me having to choose a side, or else I'd die. Because I didn't want to become full fledge christian, and I obviously wasn't going to go with the devil, I wanted to just stay normal in the middle as a human being without going to either side (if that makes sense), and so I thought that God was going to kill me. It's hard to explain, but I was absolutely 100% positive I was going to die that night, to the point that I accepted it and stopped being scared (even know I didn't die).
Anyways, that was probably the most traumatic event in my life, ever, because I've NEVER experienced ANYTHING like that before in my life.
This event caused me to have panic disorder, and I'd have panic attacks every night (which I no longer have).
I eventually came to the realization that if God IS real, and if the bible IS true, then theres absolutely NO OTHER purpose to life besides following Gods rules in the bible, because you were CREATED to do so.
This also bothered me, because I don't want to dedicate my life to a religion.
Lately I've also been really bothered by revelations, because I believe that if the world is going to end.. It's going to happen in our life times.. My christian relative says the first of sorrows in the tribulations has already begun, and that in 2015 there's supposed to be like 3 blood moons that land on holy days (blood moons are a prophecy in revelations).
So what's the point of pushing to live and be successful if revelations is near?
Also, I fear being judged by God because I feel like I know there's a God out there, but I don't want him to be real, and my psychosis triggered all of this - so now it's being backed up by revelation prophecy's coming true.
The only thing that I can think of that would make the bible false is that the powers that be on this planet are using the bible as a blueprint, and thats why the precise prophecy of Israel coming into place in one day came true - because the powers that be made it so - to correlate with the bible.
Anyways, I hope this post isn't too scattered, but I have a constant fear of God trying to pull me into Christianity, when I want to just live my life and do what I can to help change the world.
I dont know. Any advice, questions, or help anyone can offer me?
|10-27-2011, 09:02 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2011
Thanks for sharing all this! No worries....
Since you mentioned psychosis, let me steer you to an outstanding youtube channel call "bipolarorwakingup". Just watch one ten minute video and I know you will enjoy it. Then keep watching the rest in order as the author builds upon his argument including psychosis. 1. The REAL Cause of Bipolar Mania / Bipolar Disorder (Upgraded for 2011) - YouTube
You may also enjoy his message board too where many people have had experiences like your's.
Also, the unconscious mind cranks out those scary dreams and those dreams are related to stuff packed into the unconscious mind. Psychosis is scary as it's a cleansing process of the unconscious but there's a light at the end of the tunnel...once the junk is cleaned out, the sunshine and lollipops replace the nightmares.
Check out this thread for a bunch of stuff I wrote on Christianity if you want... Old/New Prophets, and Jesus
Finally, what is Christianity or any other religion? Would any of this bother you if you were born into a different religion? You would more than likely have be wrapped up in that religion with the same scary dreams but themed according to that religion. Religion only exists in the mind which is why you don't want to dedicate yourself to it....it's a mindgame and you can sense that you have to force himself to participate or before to long forget to go to church or something.
The Truth needs no believers....if Jesus is the only Savior what did the world do before Jesus and look at the mess the world has been in and is in since Jesus. Your told God is love or Jesus is love yet you're scared to death. Something isn't right and what's not right are belief systems.
One last resource is this library....totally free....search whatever you're concerned about and get a perspective that is diametrically opposed to beliefs. Explore the Osho Online Library
If you want to think that God created you then think about this....you have a physical, mental and spiritual nature....can it be God's will to do anything but to authentically be your natural self? I can't see how a God can create man as he is then give him an instruction manual called the Bible that tells him to repress his nature. It's wrong.
|10-27-2011, 09:04 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: South Gate, CA
dont go then........................stay the way you are, if you dont believe it then dont believe it simple as that, if god or a god wishes to do harm on you or you have no free will then dont listen, the stronger the will the better........................
I have clearly no idea how I put this.................in other words, these are not my words............????
|10-28-2011, 04:31 AM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2007
|10-28-2011, 02:06 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Love in Action (Mod)
Join Date: May 2008
If God exists, would God use fear to make you follow His rules? Would you want to follow someone like that?
Fear can bring you nowhere. When you fear, you are paralyzed to do what you need to do.
Don't listen to anyone else's path but your own. You don't have to believe in Christianity.
By the way, it isn't simply between God and Christianity and the supposed devil. God is everywhere, including in no religion at all. You can still believe in God but not in Christianity.
|12-05-2011, 09:22 PM||#7 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2011
Very true, the people you know are indeed true Christians, but there is a lot more and I have been on this same kind of journey and questioning. I've also had an occultist in the family so I know a lot about satans side too, so I've been on this journey for about 23 years.
1) Definitely do not dedicate yourself to a religion. Jesus himself said in mat 5:20 be wiser then scribes and pharisees in order to enter heaven. In other words be smarter then the priests and their indoctrination. Do not practice the vain traditions, do not worship the queen of heaven of Jeremiah, who is Isis or Mary. Do not decorate a tree. You'd wonder if they bothered reading their bibles at all, no surprise for 1000 years they didn't even let the people read the bibles, as the Bibles condemn the church. Jesus said he wondered if he would find any faith at all when he returned to a world that is mostly Christian. What does that tell you? I go not but to the lost sheap of the house of Israel. The real Jesus has only this to say to the church: come out of her my children that you be not partakers of her sins and receive not of her judgments. And we see in many places in the Bible that they had changed the ordinances, transgressed the laws, and broken the everlasting covenant.
2) Mark 10:29,30 and Luke 20:27-38 Jesus promises everyone who gave up everything for him will get hundreds of fathers, mothers, children, homes, in this age and eternal life in the age to come when death is finally abolished. In other words his martyrs will get future lives when they reincarnate. In Luke he rebukes soul sleep doctrine and says even Moses knew the dead rise.
Reincarnation is all over the Bible. Jesus also said they didn't change the Torah law, which is why the true christians keep the sabbath. The point is, if Jesus taught reincarnation and it is THAT clear and obvious as said above, it means not one single christian or catholic priest has EVER been right about him. It means all the theology is lies, as it is written in Isaih they will come to zion and say surely our fahters have inherited lies and things that are vain.
3) Paul is a false apostle who was carefully position by satan to lead people away from Jesus. This is easily proven with Pauls own words in 2 Timothy 1:15 where he says that all those in Asia had abandoned him and it was the jews from asia that tried to have him killed, and Jesus commended Ephesus for rejecting false apostles in the 7 letters to the churches which are in ASIA. Furthermore Thyratira was rebuked for teaching the doctrine of balaam, that its okay to eat food sacrificed to idols, which paul also teaches. And these christians think they are philadelphia, they aren't even as good as thyatira because all the churches in asia came out of Paul's fake teachings.
Paul or Jesus
paul...a true follower of jesus or a subverter of the faith of jesus and founder of a new religion?
The Ultimate Deception and Heresy in Churches Today
4) Salvation. If we reincarnate what did Jesus's death really bring us? The ability to drive away demons for one thing, but more importantly he is coming back to judge this world and to remove the wicked who are heartless and evil. The sin in the garden of Eden was that Eve had sex with the devil giving birth to the royal bloodline of kings which have enslaved mankind for thousands of years. Government is inherently evil, we wouldn't need it if we were not sinners. So when you forsake responsibility for your own sins you are inviting the hand of oppresion as you are clearly not fit to rule.
Samual warned what would happen if Israel got a king but they denied the creators eternal truth and refused to take responsibilkity for themselves. God did not want Israel to have a king, and king Solomon was considered the greatest satanic black magician who ever walked the earth. Though he began as a seeker of wisdom he departed from God took some 300 wives from the cursed bloodlines, and became exceedingly evil creating the foundations for black magick and occultism practiced today.
6) If you want to know what's really happening in this world please research the following: Jesuits, the Jesuit Priesthood, the Illuminati, Freemasonry, OTO, Golden Dawn, New World Order, and the protocols of the learned elders of zion, who later became catholic thelema and jesuits. The illuminati is an outgrowth of all that. The true enemy is Rome and has always been Rome. The Jesuit infiltration / counter reformation was set up as a means for the Pope to rule the world and to bring us back into papal authority, and it began in late 1580 with Loyola right after the protestant reformation.
7) Enlightenment: most of the wisdom is true, the church and the elite are keeping it from you. All life is duality, existence and nonexistence, man and woman, light and dark, etc. After that realization you see that the two need each other, and you balance them on the straight and narrow. Mind and heart are a good example. If one has only heart they are emotional, whiny, and illogical. If one has only logic, they are cold and calculating.
8) If there are 7 billion souls and 95% die it's going to take a long time before everyone is born again. We see that the wicked lived not again until the second ressurection. Even humanity occurs in cycles, 2000 years is a zodiac age, they began with Capricorn and Aquarius is the last in a very long wheel of ages. Likewise we seem to go from hunter gatherer to agricultural to city life to nuking ourselves with technology and then only the hunter gatherer survive and we start all over again.
9) I know you don't want to caught too far in the middle of all this, but a true initiation into the wisdom is never over, and the thing you need to understand is that there is no chance at making this world a better place until this wicked new world order is dealt with and Christ returns to establish a righteous everlasting kingdom. Until then it's all meaningless. It needs to get as evil as it possibly then, repressing the good so far that the good will bounce back for 1000 years before satan is released again. If you really want to help the world, fight the church. Once the law is restored leaders will be required to follow it. It's the leaders who are guilty of breaking the laws: they kill the time making wars, they steal all the time with their taxes, etc. If the age of grace ends God will step in and the laws will be reestablished. And all thats against Israel in the Bible is against the leaders, the zionists, who when Israel died became the leaders of Rome.
10) If you have other questions ask me. I have studied these things for about 23 years, my father was a To-Mega-Therion so I learned as much about satans side as God's. All religions are just secular factions with one piece of the puzzle along with false doctrines, false gods, and rituals that are vain idolatry and just waste time. There are no idols for the absolute. Picture the universe as a female we are growing inside of, and God as the man outside of her, and birth as death, except that we do return here. At a quantum level atoms are made of two quarks, beyond that is nothingness. So at a material standpoint the universe is a holographic illusion, and what seems like nothing to us, God, Spirit, etc is the true reality. Bodies have all physical qualities, but require origins and eventually end. Spirits have no visual qualities but always are, or rather God always is and takes them out of himself.
11) Good and evil: There are only actions and consequences, good and bad are entirely subjective. For God to be Holy and Father creation must be ordinary, or unholy, and finite. It is polarized like all things. When in doubt, consider how you would define reality prior to any religions? God is Love, which is balanced with Truth, and the ability to act is Courage. All virtue is based on these three.
God has an actual personality and it is possible to know him, if you would seek to be holy and righteous, without error. Jesus and his words are to blame for my becoming wise at all. When you take his sayings to heart you can't help but to love wisdom and grow beyond the church. There is an important disinction between following the customs of men versus God that has always been the problem, and that Satan is the lord of this world. So if satan is the lord of this world, who do you think has the real power?
Codex of Ultimate Wisdom:
Blue: Truth, Yellow: Love, Red: Courage, meaning: Meanings of Color: Symbolism, Chakra Color Meanings, Metaphysical Properties of Color
Green: Justice, the love of truth, Honor purple and Sacrifice orange. Notice the inward lines meet (honesty compassion valor) but the outward lines cross and conflict: honor, justice, and sacrifice. Those virtues are concerned with government. The axiom not shown here is the eightfold infinity. 8 is karmic justice, this symbol also seen in the yinyang describes the paradoxical nature of reality and all duality. how that the little of the other is in each of us. The white center is spiritually or following ones spiritual journey, and the black outer circle is the virtue of humility, which is a virtue containing none of the three principles. The number 9 is the free spirited hermit, whereas the number 6 is the artistically enslaved. The evil ones make us evil and manufacture crisis as a means to justify taking away freedom. They own 96% of wealth and sell our birth certificates on the stock market.
Last edited by Pairodoxice; 12-06-2011 at 02:34 AM.
|12-05-2011, 10:30 PM||#8 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2011
Jesus said, "the kingdom of God is within you." Within You is God. Within You is Peace. Start there. Stay there. Everything else will fall into place.
|12-06-2011, 12:32 AM||#9 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2011
12) If a paradox cancels itself out when it exists, surely it creates itself when it does not. That paradox is infinity. Within the infinity is Love, the two which are devoted to and within each other, but there is more to such a union then meets the eyes:
13) Invocation is the art of invoking spirits into oneself. In a pact with demons you gain their spiritual powers as they are within you, and simultaneously you are within them and they gain you in their world and after death. Likewise if you enthrone God within you, then you are in him in the spirit world. There are many kinds of spirits and they are all able to pick up on thoughts and intentions. Among the spirits there is also the holy spirit, which casts out and prevails over other spirits and even over death itself. Those who had the Holy Spirit were mostly persecuted and hunted down to extinction by Rome. Be careful of higher self teachings and any involvement with spirits, as they are seducing spirits and lead to demonic possession.
14) Commandments and Cabala: The tree of life has 10 sephiroth and 3 veils of negative existence. These are actually just putting the triple veils of the goddess above God who is represented as Kether the crown, on the tree which itself resembles a human body. So what Cabala actually says is that goddess is creator and man is god, reincarnating forever within her. Rather God the Holy Father is beyond time causing life to grow within time, we can never fully catch to him. The queen of heaven therefore is the ancient past in whom is the grace to sin and make mistakes on our way to perfection, except the Catholics worship her as Mary full of grace, and do not grow in wisdom at all. Little do they realize it is NOT Jesus' mother they are praying to, but a seducing spirit. Christians are confused, they don't know whether to worship Jesus as God, they are confused about everything. Jesus said why call me good? There is only that is good and that is God. He said if you would enter into life keep the commandments. There is a corresponding commandment that deals with every sephiroth.
15) Evocation is where the magician becomes one with the universe to act out a magical act, as if taping into the power of God. There is a time for every purpose, but when you start having to worry about what Angel rules over which hour of the day and all these things, it just becomes enslavement. "Thou art wearied in the multitude of thy counsels." If two people freely shared it would be love, if not you might approach them for money when they are in a good mood according to a certain planetary alignment. Satan is therefore all the laws when they become rigid and enslave us, as law must be balanced with grace, and justice with mercy. Normal people are far too ignorant of these things, but the occultist is far too caught up in them. There is only really Love and unity, Truth is merely the means by which we observe the reality and bring it into consciousness awareness. In short: Love acts, truth reacts, Love does this, and truth simply says you did that and records it so. The occult is such. Therefore Love is holy Father and Truth is our mother. Lucifer is truth light, she is the spirit who rules over the sun, the woman clothed with the sun, worshipped by pagans and duped Christians who keep the sunday.
16) Where people cannot naturally love each other and share with each other rigid rules need to be made. Satans whole system is about estranged untrustworthy strangers who settle all of their business according to artificial systems like money. In such a world, the more one knows how to cheat or play according to some stupid and complex rules, the more profit. Interest allows the rich to get richer and the poor to be enslaved with debt. All the true evil in this world is because of authority. If people pulled together in love we would have God, we would have freedom, but Satan thinks he is better then God, better then us, and is always accusing us and oppressing us and judging us. Jesus told the rich man to sell his things and was constantly stressing the need to help the poor. Are the poor helped by any of the money that goes into the Vatican? Hell no! The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer, thanks mainly to the satanic rule of interest which is not real money, nor is it fair at all. So if anyone is a true follower of Jesus let him hate society, hate authority, hate money, and especially hate the rich. Let him hate his own mother and father and even his own life. Jesus was the one man who stood up to them and made a difference for satan rules over the whole world and has deceived everyone. It is enough for a servant to be as his master, all who would live as he does shall suffer persecution, clearly. And that is what is at stake, or else this will become another prison planet like Nibiru. The more wicked you can make people the more then need to be controlled so the only way to break that is to grow, seek wisdom, embrace love, and overcome the evils of the world.
17) To this end it is one of their goals to eliminate the family unit, the true purpose of feminism, lesbianism, and homosexuality is to destroy the family unit so that the computer god who is all powerful all seeing and all knowing, can be our father and replacement for the God we would not follow. The god of knowledge, the computer, our ultimate Idol. When women gained rights, it was actually men losing rights and we lost our sense of duality. The citizen is the new woman and the system or power elite is the new man. We are collectively being feminized. Prior to this only men worked and the family unit functioned, now both have to get jobs just to cope. So there is no time, and all technical forms are a conspiracy to waste time. No one has time to seek truth, they are all too busy working just to exist and keep working. They come at us from all angles, they poison our food and air, put flouride in our water supply, and microchips in their vaccines. They come at our children in schools and we just go on working having no time to sort it all out. We are a gender confused people today, not knowing the beautiful and elegant truth of duality and oneness. There is a difference between mastering gender and being ignorant of it, which is itself another pair of dualities. Duality is inescapable, but when the two work together in all things there is true oneness. There you must embrace it to overcome it. Opposite to Love is not fear, it is conflict. all fear is the anticipation of a conflict going badly. But it is through conflict that we grow, so when say choose love and avoid fear, rather it is better to face your fears. Of course they want you to pacified and feminized.
-In science we kill our fathers (atheistic science progresses only so far)
-In Magick we put our will into the mother (material universe) to get something. It is as though we have impregnated God's wife and is wrong.
-In Church we devour our children with false doctrines and practice the cannibalism of communion.
Therefore the bulk of humanity is an ignorant brood of cannibals who kill their fathers, molest their mothers, and devour their own children.
Last edited by Pairodoxice; 12-06-2011 at 02:04 AM.
|12-06-2011, 01:05 AM||#10 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Toronto & Amsterdam, Holland
Just adopt Law of Attraction into your life, and throw all that religious nonsense in the garbage where it belongs.
Dont get me wrong, I still believe in God and also believe parts of Bible are true, I just stopped believing in pointless, manmade religion
|12-06-2011, 02:22 AM||#11 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2011
There are people who says that the religion that we have now are altered by man although they are originally from God.
I am not here to differ between religion, but the truth about religion might be altered.
Regarding this post, fear is the thing that drives devout people to their religion. Fear is good. It makes us cry and repent. But...if your fear is preventing you from living right, I believe that is not the kind of fear God wants. from us.
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