The Void

[VinceG]

Some call it fear, some see it as death. Nothingness, despair. Irrelevance, homelessness. Censure, shame. It's scary because these things really happen to people, they could happen to you. And it doesn't go away. You'll be living with some form of it always. And it manifests everywhere. It sinks its hooks into your mind while you're not looking, subtly affecting your moods, altering your decisions.

And different spiritual teachings have different answers for it. Christianity defines an afterlife filled with wonder, to distract you. Hinduism tells you to relax, you've got all of eternity. Buddhism wants you to meditate, to detach from your desires, to separate yourself from fear psychologically. All the esoteric schools have their way too. I think the entire purpose of spirituality might well be to share the burden of fear and death with each other.

To me, it's the void. A place of pure nothingness. The ultimate grounding point. Some think of it as rock bottom. Something to a-void at all costs. Facing your fears is scary, because it might lead to loss. But the real loss is to our identity. We're afraid of failure and we're afraid of success. Success brings another set of problems to solve. And whose to say those new problems will be any better than the old ones?

Better to just stay put. Keep your identity.

The 50th Law, by Robert Greene, is all about fear and living a fearless life. At first I thought it was simple. Face your fears, and succeed. But as with many things, it's not so simple. You can go skydiving, and face all the surface fears you want, only to never deal with the deeper ones. The deeper fears are where the magic lies. "What if everything I've ever done has been a lie? What if I'm really just a huge jerk?"

And the deeper fears are harder to access. You've got to work to get to them. I've been exploring my fears for years. I find new ones popping up occasionally. I started riding my bike so I can still get around after gas prices make driving infeasible. I'll get on a steep hill, a tough descent where once I braked too hard because I panicked and went head over heels. I ride that descent every day.

I'm not wearing a helmet, I could seriously die. The fear rises up, and I make the decision, make the right move, and live another day.

When I made my last trip to Colombia, I turned off my cell phone and started using my computer to make and receive calls. When I got back I decided to keep the cell phone off, and keep going on that way. I've got clients that need to reach me by phone. What if I lose them because I wasn't on the phone at a particular time and I didn't catch a call.

Been like this a month now, and I've learned to prefer it. A cell phone is just one more thing trying to grab your attention. This way I can stay connected, but not have to pay a phone bill.

There's a million ways you could take control of your life, hack out advantages that, when added up, can make a huge difference. If you're single, a few conversations can get you a girlfriend, provided you own up to the fear that's keeping you from starting them.

You have to let yourself feel scared. If you try to paper over your fear by convincing yourself it's something else, anxiety, stress, a problem with a solution in and of itself, you'll never really fix anything. It's important to realize that all of your problems are variations on the same basic theme, and to let yourself be moved by that. Stress has a solution, you can take some pills to help you feel it less. Do some exercise, hope it goes away. Fear has no solution, but to realize that it's useless to dwell on it, and to act anyway.

And so my relationship with fear, with death, with all the negative crap that brings us down, has gotten simple. I be with the void. I'll sit and let all the crushing fear hit me. It attacks me and scalds away all of my identity. And after it does that, I feel reborn, renewed. The energy comes back, the restless energy that infects everything I do and lends me strength. The strength to define my life and my struggle the way I want to, not the way others do.

Every day, every minute, you can start at zero, if you so choose. Balance the books and move forward from there. Suddenly things will get clear. You'll realize that you don't have to just read blog posts about starting a business, you can just do it. You don't have to wait until the right time. You're always at zero, you can start now, by facing the void and confronting that fear of being nothing. With that clear head you can begin.

[inri]

Great post Vince!

It was this very realization that quite literally changed the course of my life as well as they way I now view 'self.'

I was in my early 20's and I'd been through about a year of what I now term an 'existential crisis'....I'd hit rock bottom emotionally, only to realize that those emotions were merely responses to layered beliefs I held about myself and my experience. I was struggling with the whole, "nothing matters, nothing is of any consequence, there is no real 'me' kind of thinking.' It dawned on me then that I had absolutely 'nothing to lose'... That I could act on this and approach the remainder of my life as though it truly were nothing more than a dream.

Up to that point, I'd always been a really shy, socially inhibited person and all of my present endeavors had reflected this. I'd experienced extreme social anxiety at times. The thought of public speaking or 'being a public spectacle' had struck fear into the core of my being.

I realized that these were mere perceptions I'd held about myself and that I'd allowed them to shape my experience. I decided to take my knowledge and act upon it.

I decided that one of the funnest, coolest things I could do within the 'dream' was to become the singer in a rock band. This essentially represented to me the antithesis of what I had to date 'been.'

Now...at this point....it's important to note that I really was not much of singer. I enjoyed it, but had never sang in public...Although I had thoroughly enjoyed watching others 'sing', I had never stepped up on a stage to do so myself.

This said, I decided to throw caution to the wind and I answered an ad for a touring rock band who was seeking a lead singer. I found they were all as green as I was and as such, we were a perfect fit. We rehearsed for three weeks, I quit my job, got rid of my apartment and packed my bags. The rest is history and I've never looked back. The fear did not magically disappear but I learned how to channel it instead of allowing it to envelope me.

LOL... We were likely one of the worst cover/rock bands on the Western Canadian circuit, however, After several rather difficult years of living out of a suitcase, making barely enough money to feed myself and touring around Western Canada, I actually taught myself how to sing and how to write songs....from there it was onward and upward. I met a guitar player (who later became my husband) formed a band with him and made a successful living as a singer for the next 12 years.

The choice to pursue this path was the most pivotal of any life experience I've had. It proved to me that I can create and re-create myself and life experience anew in any given moment.

There is little doubt that experiencing from the vantage point of having absolutely nothing to lose is a profound gift...and it's a perspective that quite literally allows us to create our own version of self from scratch.

With this knowledge in mind, I at one point chose to have the experience of making a living as an artist and just recently I decided without any previous writing experience or training, that it would be cool to write a book and have the experience of becoming a published author. Despite those around me telling me that as a fist time author, my chances for publication were slim to none, I absolutely knew at the inception of this that a publishing deal was a forgone conclusion.

It's all come to pass and I'm now mulling over what my next creation shall entail...I truly do know that I can 'be' anything I choose...and that is very, very powerful and enlivening.

I don't share this to in any way demonstrate my greatness or anything like that, but rather to demonstrate exactly just how confining certain beliefs about ourselves can really be and that in shedding them, we can simply go ahead, take the plunge towards becoming that which we dream of 'being.'

It would seem that you already realize this.

[taylor]

Great posts guys. I loved your story about becoming a singer out of the blue inri.

[spacecadetglow]

Awesome posts.

Fear is huge. You're totally right, Vince; spirituality has all different sorts of ways to comfort us from the void, to convince us that fear isn't necessary, that we're far better than nothing. Ironically it was always this aspect of religion that I despised most, because it was something in which I couldn't invest any amount of certainty.

I don't think about eternity too much, it's not something I can wrap my mind around, but I think of death often. Only sometimes in a fearful way, but it's an intense thought nonetheless. I don't prefer to convince myself that death is inconsequential, nor am I interested in becoming a nihilist either.

This is an insightful post. Sounds shadow-worky to me. It's good to be reminded that other people probe the depths, too, and it's really not all unicorns and rainbows for the happy PD pod people 100% of the time.

Also, inri, I loved your story. Do you have any recordings?

[taylor]

[spacecadetglow]

Counterpoint: The Void.

[taylor]

Rofl spacecadet!

[inri]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

Also, inri, I loved your story. Do you have any recordings?

I've got loads recorded throughout the years but the actual CD I was working on writing and producing with my brother when he died kind of died with him....just recently I've had inclinations to restart the project....who knows, this may be my 'new direction'...the desire to get back into it all hasn't quite bubbled up enough to prompt me into action...but I'm getting nigglings!!

The link under your posts leads to some awesome songs...are they yours??

[VinceG]

Yep. Doesn't she rock?

[Yunique]

Originally Posted by inri

Great post Vince!

It was this very realization that quite literally changed the course of my life as well as they way I now view 'self.'

I was in my early 20's and I'd been through about a year of what I now term an 'existential crisis'....I'd hit rock bottom emotionally, only to realize that those emotions were merely responses to layered beliefs I held about myself and my experience. I was struggling with the whole, "nothing matters, nothing is of any consequence, there is no real 'me' kind of thinking.' It dawned on me then that I had absolutely 'nothing to lose'... That I could act on this and approach the remainder of my life as though it truly were nothing more than a dream.

Up to that point, I'd always been a really shy, socially inhibited person and all of my present endeavors had reflected this. I'd experienced extreme social anxiety at times. The thought of public speaking or 'being a public spectacle' had struck fear into the core of my being.

I realized that these were mere perceptions I'd held about myself and that I'd allowed them to shape my experience. I decided to take my knowledge and act upon it.

I decided that one of the funnest, coolest things I could do within the 'dream' was to become the singer in a rock band. This essentially represented to me the antithesis of what I had to date 'been.'

Now...at this point....it's important to note that I really was not much of singer. I enjoyed it, but had never sang in public...Although I had thoroughly enjoyed watching others 'sing', I had never stepped up on a stage to do so myself.

This said, I decided to throw caution to the wind and I answered an ad for a touring rock band who was seeking a lead singer. I found they were all as green as I was and as such, we were a perfect fit. We rehearsed for three weeks, I quit my job, got rid of my apartment and packed my bags. The rest is history and I've never looked back. The fear did not magically disappear but I learned how to channel it instead of allowing it to envelope me.

LOL... We were likely one of the worst cover/rock bands on the Western Canadian circuit, however, After several rather difficult years of living out of a suitcase, making barely enough money to feed myself and touring around Western Canada, I actually taught myself how to sing and how to write songs....from there it was onward and upward. I met a guitar player (who later became my husband) formed a band with him and made a successful living as a singer for the next 12 years.

The choice to pursue this path was the most pivotal of any life experience I've had. It proved to me that I can create and re-create myself and life experience anew in any given moment.

There is little doubt that experiencing from the vantage point of having absolutely nothing to lose is a profound gift...and it's a perspective that quite literally allows us to create our own version of self from scratch.

With this knowledge in mind, I at one point chose to have the experience of making a living as an artist and just recently I decided without any previous writing experience or training, that it would be cool to write a book and have the experience of becoming a published author. Despite those around me telling me that as a fist time author, my chances for publication were slim to none, I absolutely knew at the inception of this that a publishing deal was a forgone conclusion.

It's all come to pass and I'm now mulling over what my next creation shall entail...I truly do know that I can 'be' anything I choose...and that is very, very powerful and enlivening.

I don't share this to in any way demonstrate my greatness or anything like that, but rather to demonstrate exactly just how confining certain beliefs about ourselves can really be and that in shedding them, we can simply go ahead, take the plunge towards becoming that which we dream of 'being.'

It would seem that you already realize this.

Great story Inri.......very inspiring

[spacecadetglow]

Originally Posted by inri

I've got loads recorded throughout the years but the actual CD I was working on writing and producing with my brother when he died kind of died with him....just recently I've had inclinations to restart the project....who knows, this may be my 'new direction'...the desire to get back into it all hasn't quite bubbled up enough to prompt me into action...but I'm getting nigglings!!

The link under your posts leads to some awesome songs...are they yours??

I'd love to hear some! I had no idea you were a musician.

And thank you, yes, they are mine. Well the one I linked to is my friend's, but I wrote the harmonies and recorded it.

[inri]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

I'd love to hear some! I had no idea you were a musician.

And thank you, yes, they are mine. Well the one I linked to is my friend's, but I wrote the harmonies and recorded it.

You have a really lovely 'haunting' voice........and your songs & lyrics are really GOOD....you have a very definite style...impressive!!

I'll send you a PM and maybe you can help me to get my songs into a format where I can share...haha...I'm showing my age here.;... (like the fact that many of my songs were recorded in the '80's wouldn't give that one away!)

[spacecadetglow]

Originally Posted by inri

You have a really lovely 'haunting' voice........and your songs & lyrics are really GOOD....you have a very definite style...impressive!!

I'll send you a PM and maybe you can help me to get my songs into a format where I can share...haha...I'm showing my age here.;... (like the fact that many of my songs were recorded in the '80's wouldn't give that one away!)

Do I remember reading somewhere you were 57? Or did I imagine that? I always thought you were in your 30s, maybe early 40s.

And thank you so much for the compliments. It's funny -- earlier today I was thinking about how I really needed some positive reinforcement from other people on music. It helps me, so thank you.

[taylor]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

t's funny -- earlier today I was thinking about how I really needed some positive reinforcement from other people on music. It helps me, so thank you.

If that's the case then I should tell you I remember playing Quantum Love Song the other day several times 'cuz I liked it so much.

[spacecadetglow]

Awww, no wayz. yayyyy! Haha if there are people to be found who can appreciate the lyrics to that song, they're definitely here on this forum. Cosmic.

[inri]

Do I remember reading somewhere you were 57? Or did I imagine that? I always thought you were in your 30s, maybe early 40s.

And thank you so much for the compliments. It's funny -- earlier today I was thinking about how I really needed some positive reinforcement from other people on music. It helps me, so thank you.

LOL...well...I'm actually 'only' 47..but oh yeah...I can still relate!!

[inri]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

Do I remember reading somewhere you were 57? Or did I imagine that? I always thought you were in your 30s, maybe early 40s.

And thank you so much for the compliments. It's funny -- earlier today I was thinking about how I really needed some positive reinforcement from other people on music. It helps me, so thank you.

You are so very welcome....You are really talented and should revel in it!!...but I know from personal experience that positive reinforcement is always welcomed!!

I cannot thank you enough for your help in getting my songs uploaded....This is something I've been thinking about for a long time now, as I wanted to feature a couple of relevant songs on my site......I had no idea how easy this was!! I feel myself getting excited about music again!!

I'm so grateful!!!!

I've posted a link to some of my songs in my signature..hope it works!!

[SeaRod]

Very well thought out, and lots of critical insights on the 'nothingness' of existence.

Couple of thoughts
"I think the entire purpose of spirituality might well be to share the burden of fear and death with each other."

1. Spirituality is not an escape from the nothingness. Two premises that are central to both Christianity and Buddhism are i. To live is to suffer (sin), ii. There is Truth that liberates us from suffering (Enlightenment, God).

2. To give an analogy: Let suppose that we were all born in a cave and we have lived all our lives in a cave. Christianity and Buddhism posits that there is Light that will liberate us from darkness of the cave. Escapism is living in a cave and denying the existence of darkness. Spirituality is accepting there is darkness and believing there is Light that will liberate us from darkness.

3. I advise you to read some Existentialism; you will love their meditations on the 'nothingness' of existence. Furthermore, a prominent philosopher, Martin Heidegger, posits that these underlying fears and anxieties we have occur from living an inauthentic existence.

[Billy]

The japanese Samurai understood the void, it is a state of mind no mind or Mushin No Shin. A warrior who could embrace the void which is an acceptance of death made them truly powerfull. I used to study Kenjutsu and learned to embrace the void and it made me very profficient as a student. In accepting death it paradoxically helps one to avoid it.

[Wax Frog]

Waxy <- "Pwned"

Nice, no-punches-pulled post.

[Reaper]

Idk why this made me see it, but wouldn't the "void" be a perfect example of the first dimension? Just one endless nothingness. like a dot, around it is everything else but inside that dot, that point on the graph, is an infinite nothingness. lol the void =)

[VinceG]

1. Spirituality is not an escape from the nothingness.

Is not life an escape from nothingness?

2. To give an analogy: Let suppose that we were all born in a cave and we have lived all our lives in a cave. Christianity and Buddhism posits that there is Light that will liberate us from darkness of the cave. Escapism is living in a cave and denying the existence of darkness. Spirituality is accepting there is darkness and believing there is Light that will liberate us from darkness.

Spirituality doesn't really do anything. It's people that do the accepting and the believing and escaping. Spirituality's just a fancy suggestion. You can believe in it and still be trying to hide from the darkness. If we did live in a cave and you told me that and asked me to believe in spirituality, I'd tell you no. I don't need liberating from this life. If it's dark then it's dark.

3. I advise you to read some Existentialism; you will love their meditations on the 'nothingness' of existence. Furthermore, a prominent philosopher, Martin Heidegger, posits that these underlying fears and anxieties we have occur from living an inauthentic existence.

Why would I love philosophy? Most of it's pretty boring. I don't care for existential navel gazing. I think fear and anxiety are pretty much the natural states. In prehistory, fear kept you alive. Now, the danger's gone away but the fear remains. So we conjure up new demons to justify our fear.

[VinceG]

Originally Posted by Billy

The japanese Samurai understood the void, it is a state of mind no mind or Mushin No Shin. A warrior who could embrace the void which is an acceptance of death made them truly powerfull. I used to study Kenjutsu and learned to embrace the void and it made me very profficient as a student. In accepting death it paradoxically helps one to avoid it.

Long time ago I read a book called "The Way of the Spiritual Warrior." It was Japanesey pap. Like tons of self-help new-age spiritual stuff, all it did was introduce concepts and made no real sense of them. Instead it trusted a crappy narrative to make it interesting, making it neither good fiction nor good nonfiction. I think they made it into a movie though, not sure. It's where I first heard "The Void." I forgot about it for six years, only to resurrect the term to help me describe the frame of mine I kept finding myself in. The word sounded vaguely familiar, your post helped me remember where I got it from. Thanks!

[SeaRod]

Originally Posted by VinceG

Spirituality doesn't really do anything. It's people that do the accepting and the believing and escaping. Spirituality's just a fancy suggestion. You can believe in it and still be trying to hide from the darkness. If we did live in a cave and you told me that and asked me to believe in spirituality, I'd tell you no. I don't need liberating from this life. If it's dark then it's dark.

1. Can one believe in Spirituality as a means of escaping Life? Yes, I have seen it countless times. Although that does not necessarily mean that because many people use spirituality as an escape, then Spirituality "doesn't really do anything." How can exercising do something for you if you have never exercised?

Spirituality, but more specifically Christianity and Buddhism, is a map to guide us outside the cave towards the Light that liberates us from the darkness. Furthermore, this Light is not found in believing in an afterlife, it is found in this life.

Your thinking: If it's dark then it's dark. Then my question is: Why not leave a possibility for the existence of Light? You start a spiritual quest once you somehow acknowledge the existence of Light. If not, then you just submit yourself to living inside the cave all your life.

Why would I love philosophy? Most of it's pretty boring. I don't care for existential navel gazing. I think fear and anxiety are pretty much the natural states. In prehistory, fear kept you alive. Now, the danger's gone away but the fear remains. So we conjure up new demons to justify our fear.

Philosophy is a tool to develop our thinking by dialoguing with other thinkers that experienced "nothingness". If you don't want to challenge your own perspectives on Life, well you can live inside the cave for the rest of your life. I am sure no one will bother you there.

[VinceG]

Originally Posted by SeaRod

How can exercising do something for you if you have never exercised?
If not, then you just submit yourself to living inside the cave all your life.
If you don't want to challenge your own perspectives on Life, well you can live inside the cave for the rest of your life.

You make an awful lot of assumptions.

[SeaRod]

We all make assumptions, now the question is are those assumptions true or not?

You assumed this "Christianity defines an afterlife filled with wonder, to distract you. Hinduism tells you to relax, you've got all of eternity. Buddhism wants you to meditate, to detach from your desires, to separate yourself from fear psychologically. All the esoteric schools have their way too."

You are saying that these ways of Life "distract you", or "separate yourself from fear psychologically". In other words, these are forms of escaping this nothingness you talk about.

From my studies, and experience, within Christianity and Buddhism I can tell you that your assumption is false. I don't know about Hinduism, never studied it.

I suggest, if you want to know why your assumptions are false, to go out, stop being lazy, and study what these "ways of Life" actually teach. If you knew what they taught, you would not make lazy statements.

Also, if light did not exist in the physical world, we would all be dead. Although, thanks to light, there's life.

[taylor]

Vince would you call yourself a darkworker?

[MacFly]

great post. I love that book.

[taylor]

Originally Posted by MacFly

great post. I love that book.

I read the 48 laws of power and I thought to myself, "Well Robert Greene is very clever, but this book is evil through and through."

[inri]

Originally Posted by VinceG

I think fear and anxiety are pretty much the natural states. In prehistory, fear kept you alive. Now, the danger's gone away but the fear remains. So we conjure up new demons to justify our fear.

Yes, indeed. On the surface it's a funny thing to look at something, for example, like my social anxiety issue and recognize that in many ways it created a terror within me that was equal to that which I would have experienced had I been a cave person coming face to face with a hungry lion.

It causes me to wonder too, if such a fear of public humiliation, has its roots in a primal fear of being publicly ostracized. Back in those early days, I'm quire sure that to be shunned from the group was pretty much a death sentence.

It really would seem that many of the fears we hold onto senselessly have their inception in man's early psyche...with 'fear of death' itself likely being at the helm of all. And...it always amazes me how simply 'knowing' something like this on an intellectual level generally has very little effect on our fear.

Facing that which is feared head on in order to overcome it, all the while accepting the fact that the fear itself exists, is my method.

Regarding the issue with my choice to drop everything comfortable to go off and sing, the fact that I felt I had absolutely nothing to lose because I was sitting at ground zero definitely helped.

Makes me wonder if I would ever have encountered the empetus to move forward towards such growth if I had not hit such an empty, dark place. Likely not.