What should I do ?

[xermes]

Originally Posted by Darky

Very beautiful thank you.

But, I am nobody.

There is no NOW for me,
I can not look for who I am, since there is no mine I.
There is a Vast, I can not overcome it. I can not break the curse and make the look into the inside. Something termendeous is blocking me. And I cannot resolve this. YET

You are blocking yourself by your own choice. There is no such thing as, "I cannot resolve this". The matter would be much less complicated if you wanted to resolve it at all. Do you want to resolve it?

Wait, was this thread about resolving at all?

The way I see it, you just enjoy too much being a victim.
Since you need quite some guts to admit your own responsibility and that is the last thing you want.

There is I in you, as in everyone.
It's just not the way you want it to be so you won't admit it to yourself as your own.

If you want to derive pleasure from choosing to be a hopeless victim, then be your own guest. I hope for your good sincerely, but hey if you don't care for yourself..then I can care less, as anyone here.
It is about you, your life, your well being.
What can be more important and more valuable than that? Petty validation and comforting for you choosing to victimize yourself to hell? dude, get real

My last post ain't there to be pretty. Every word I wrote, I meant it and if you understood the implications it makes, you would know
what you should do

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by Darky

If I am honest, I sense that my subconsciousness "believe" that I am really isolated inside of "cage"...

Our minds do play tricks on us and it's up to us to catch them out and put reality there instead. Take control David.

[Darky]

Originally Posted by xermes

You are blocking yourself by your own choice. There is no such thing as, "I cannot resolve this". The matter would be much less complicated if you wanted to resolve it at all. Do you want to resolve it?

Wait, was this thread about resolving at all?

The way I see it, you just enjoy too much being a victim.
Since you need quite some guts to admit your own responsibility and that is the last thing you want.

There is I in you, as in everyone.
It's just not the way you want it to be so you won't admit it to yourself as your own.

If you want to derive pleasure from choosing to be a hopeless victim, then be your own guest. I hope for your good sincerely, but hey if you don't care for yourself..then I can care less, as anyone here.
It is about you, your life, your well being.
What can be more important and more valuable than that? Petty validation and comforting for you choosing to victimize yourself to hell? dude, get real

My last post ain't there to be pretty. Every word I wrote, I meant it and if you understood the implications it makes, you would know
what you should do

Well, its useless to speaking about pleasure or enjoying here. You don't seem to understand me.
But thats allright, you opened my eyes.

Its useless to ask other people for opinions since even I dont know whats going on.

But I've talked to shaman and descriebed whole thing a little.

He said that if you can't deepen into yourself or find your I then this is really SOUL LOSS.

And it pretty much makes sense.
I will go for soul retrivial and see what happens. But there arent any Shamans in my country.. but nevermind. I know what to do.

Thank you all

I love you

[inri]

Originally Posted by Darky

Well, its useless to speaking about pleasure or enjoying here. You don't seem to understand me.
But thats allright, you opened my eyes.

Its useless to ask other people for opinions since even I dont know whats going on.

But I've talked to shaman and descriebed whole thing a little.

He said that if you can't deepen into yourself or find your I then this is really SOUL LOSS.

And it pretty much makes sense.
I will go for soul retrivial and see what happens. But there arent any Shamans in my country.. but nevermind. I know what to do.

Thank you all

I love you

I've been following this your posts with interest and can only imagine how disconcerting this all must be to you...my heart goes out to you.

I went through a sort of existential crisis myself many years ago and in my experience, there is light at the end of the tunnel as we often emerge from such an inner crisis as a 'new' version of self that has a forever changed perspective...with a new sense of freedom and purpose that could only be attained through such an internal shift of major proportions.

You say you have no 'I' experience. I would like to ask; Who or what is it who made the choice to come to this forum to ask for help...who or what is it who desires to 'retrieve his soul'?

Perhaps you may want to try asking yourself this question and then focusing deeply upon this particular part of self that obviously does exist within your experience..the part of self who 'desires' to get back to a more personal 'I' and who makes such decisions as to post on a forum and such.

Perhaps also you could use this opportunity of virtually no memories of past likes of dislikes, etc. to 're-create' yourself into a new version.

Who or what would you 'like' to be? This is something that perhaps you could play with a bit. Maybe in one instance, for example, decide that you're going to experiment with 'being' a person who is extremely giving, loving and kind to others...and then you could actively go about 'being' loving, kind and giving....I'd be really interested to hear how the part of self that does still exist within you would respond to this... I wonder if it might trigger some heart-felt feelings to emerge.

When I went through my personal crisis of feeling that I no longer knew 'who or what I was,' (not saying this was identical to what you're going through) I chose to re-create myself into a new version of me..I wasn't overly interested in doing this or attached to any outcome..it just felt like something that I 'could' do, so I chose to do it..as it seemed better than just sitting in the experience of emptiness that I was in at that point

then...I just sat down and decided what would be the highest, best version of a person I could be and I went out and became it. I wanted to be a person of integrity...someone who always acted in the kindest manner possible in any instance...I wanted to act without fear..to follow any inner urges without feelings of limitation...so I set out to 'become' this person.

A new identity ensues when we create a new reality 'within' through choosing new thoughts and then new behaviors.

In the past I'd always been very shy and was always someone that played it really safe....but I just no longer related to that version of self...so....I decided I'd just start doing anything that grabbed my interest even a little.....At the age of 24 with no singing experience whatsoever, I decided to quit my job, let my apt. go, pack up, join a rock band and hit the road....I've never looked back and can now see that the entire 'shift' was a wonderful exercise in creation of self and personal reality. The new 'me' that emerged from following my inner urges was barely recognizable from the old version.

Most importantly, my interest in life itself returned.

I can now clearly see that we can create and re-create our own version of 'self' time and time again in this lifetime...we really are like a blank canvass without limits. Without my identity crisis, I would never have learned this.

Are there any inner urges or 'nigglings' within you whatsoever that may be seem even mildly interesting to you?..for example; does the idea of being a kind loving person hold any interest...or perhaps doing something hugely different from anything you've ever done before, would cause a shift.


Are you aware that you CAN choose the thoughts you think? Getting in touch with that part of you that can 'watch' your thoughts as they occur would likely be a great starting point. From here, you have activated the observer within. (In my experience, there are also varying levels within this observer perspective) Once you've done this, it's easy to see that as the observer within, we can accept or reject any thought that enters into mind. It is this part of 'self' that has the ability to 'choose'.... and it is this aspect of self that we can always identify with if and when the egoic self seems to disappear or change.



....despite your situation you seem to still possess an innate, loving, personal energy that is real enough that it causes others here to want to reach out and help. Those who are reaching out then, obviously feel that there is an "I" on the other end of these messages who is very real and absolutely worthy.