What should I do ?

[Darky]

Originally Posted by Maguru

Dear David, you do seem to have a lot of things running around and around in your mind and these only lead to more confusion. It was like that for me and only I could change it. I think all the members in this thread will tell you the same. Only you can do this but we are all here for you. Blessings, Paula

Hm.. but I can still my mind pretty easy, if you mean that..

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by Darky

Hm.. but I can still my mind pretty easy, if you mean that..

Yes, and also changing it by putting in new thoughts.

[Wombels]

Originally Posted by Darky

I will try classical music then.

and I also have some reiki Music. I will try to meditate on it.

Thank you

You are welcome,

No need to meditate ;-)

Give it a chance,

Reiki is for other purposes than the one you which could maybe serve you best… ;-)

This might be just what you need, a real brain kicker, awesome, the best, amazing, supernatural and ecstatic genius Masterpiece of the King himself!

Lol…it’s true!

Check him out,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Requiem_(Mozart)

YouTube - Mozart - Requiem

Dwell away in it!

YouTube - Bach, Toccata and Fugue in D minor, organ

That's it, no more ;-)

[nietsdoen]

Darky, I'm not sure if this will help, but I did a youtube video on finding true happiness based on my experience of it, and if you like you can watch it. It's about 6 minutes:

YouTube - Finding True Happiness

It may help to give you perspective, and know that there is hope in finding your soul again. Rest assured, you didn't lose it, but you lost connection with your soul and with God (whatever you see God as -- I see God as the unity of everything).

What others said about soul retrieval seems promising. I don't know much about shamanic healing, but it's definitely worth looking into.

Never lose hope. I know you feel your soul is dark, empty, gone right now, but there is light, however small, at the center that you can access. It will take work, but you can do it. It was unclear to me what seemed to cause this, was it the trauma or the weed experience, or a combination? I've smoked weed before, even a lot of it in one sitting, so I know it can sometimes be confusing or a life changing experience if it goes wrong. Hope is never lost. People always care about you and love you.

[The light]

Originally Posted by Darky

Its been for 9 months now. I feel nothing.

I dont have any emotions or anything similar to them.
I feel like I dont have my soul or my self any longer.

thinking about solving my problem and trying to breaking my own "cage" makes me "feel" totally irritating and hopeless, but its still far from emotion.

I simply dont remember this 9 months .. its like I havent really lived them.
and I also dont remember my past.

I can't think, i can't remember.. I try to feel but there is nothing to feel.
Nothing makes sense. I even hardly descriebe all this , since its not like I am I




So should I choose for some medicine **** like antidepressants ?
I know its chemichal ♥♥♥♥ but I heard that a lot of people could feel after taking them


Or should I just wait ? but I don't think that there is matter dark night of the soul of me, since I experienced trauma it is totally diffrent..

or perform shamanic healing instead ? but the problem is, there isnt any shamans in my country and im too young for traveling alone.

i belive God will heal you. ask him to. also pray out loud this prayers from plsalms in the bible 13, 23, 41. you'll be well.

[Darky]

Originally Posted by Wombels

You are welcome,

No need to meditate ;-)

Give it a chance,

Reiki is for other purposes than the one you which could maybe serve you best… ;-)

This might be just what you need, a real brain kicker, awesome, the best, amazing, supernatural and ecstatic genius Masterpiece of the King himself!

Lol…it’s true!

Check him out,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Requiem_(Mozart)

YouTube - Mozart - Requiem

Dwell away in it!

YouTube - Bach, Toccata and Fugue in D minor, organ

That's it, no more ;-)

I kinda like it..

[Darky]

Originally Posted by nietsdoen

Darky, I'm not sure if this will help, but I did a youtube video on finding true happiness based on my experience of it, and if you like you can watch it. It's about 6 minutes:

YouTube - Finding True Happiness

It may help to give you perspective, and know that there is hope in finding your soul again. Rest assured, you didn't lose it, but you lost connection with your soul and with God (whatever you see God as -- I see God as the unity of everything).

What others said about soul retrieval seems promising. I don't know much about shamanic healing, but it's definitely worth looking into.

Never lose hope. I know you feel your soul is dark, empty, gone right now, but there is light, however small, at the center that you can access. It will take work, but you can do it. It was unclear to me what seemed to cause this, was it the trauma or the weed experience, or a combination? I've smoked weed before, even a lot of it in one sitting, so I know it can sometimes be confusing or a life changing experience if it goes wrong. Hope is never lost. People always care about you and love you.

Nice video I can see your happines clearly and pure. Im glad that you want to show others how to find it.

but you are saying the things that I can not do. For now..

It was mixed. I also had very unwanted sex experience few days before trauma..

Yes, I know that people always love me and don't stop caring. But its not the same as Understanding..

And the more I see one who love me, the more irritating I become, because there is nothing I can give back... Nor I can accept this love.

Nothing..

[Darky]

Originally Posted by Maguru

Yes, and also changing it by putting in new thoughts.

Yes, but my memory is always asleep.. well I mean, what I thought yesterday is already gone, I don't remember..

[Darky]

Sorry you guys to be so denial about what you all wrote, I am thankful to you.

But here I am, again.

I am irritated, almost tired of waiting.

I know tommorow it will be diffrent, but those kind of days can really give me pretty much to think about.

Is my life even worth living ? And if my Spirit really left me, why didn't He took my life with Him ? Why did he left me here,unable to grow or move forward ??
What if my Spirit really decieded to go away , because I betrayed Him ?
I know that I've done so, even if I was on drugs, I still did it..

And I know that my Self loves me unconditionaly , but I cannot feel that.

[Wombels]

Originally Posted by Darky

Sorry you guys to be so denial about what you all wrote, I am thankful to you.

But here I am, again.

I am irritated, almost tired of waiting.

I know tommorow it will be diffrent, but those kind of days can really give me pretty much to think about.

Is my life even worth living ? And if my Spirit really left me, why didn't He took my life with Him ? Why did he left me here,unable to grow or move forward ??
What if my Spirit really decieded to go away , because I betrayed Him ?
I know that I've done so, even if I was on drugs, I still did it..

And I know that my Self loves me unconditionaly , but I cannot feel that.

We know you are thankful, so don’t worry about that.

What kind of day did you go trhough?

Your spirit can not leave you, just like your soul it is driving you inside this platform.

I guess you are dealing with huge amounts of guild to begin with, right?

So what is the biggest guild you carry within?

You like more music, let me know while you answer my question, ok?

You will return, let’s start with the guild.

Take care :-)

[Darky]

Originally Posted by Wombels

We know you are thankful, so don’t worry about that.

What kind of day did you go trhough?

Your spirit can not leave you, just like your soul it is driving you inside this platform.

I guess you are dealing with huge amounts of guild to begin with, right?

So what is the biggest guild you carry within?

You like more music, let me know while you answer my question, ok?

You will return, let’s start with the guild.

Take care :-)

Well I am not feeling anything at the moment, but when I am close to make some progress inside of mind and my "hearth" start to "move" againe, I experience feelings of great guilt and sided empytness.. I can not stand above it. I can not be still and say, don't go away , but don't bother to stay too.. I reject it . I reject it faster than I can be aware that something is happening..

Ps2 : I am experiencing "feelings" only when I smoke weed, and even this is very rare for me to "feel". Why I am writing "feel" is because this , what I felt few weeks ago was only shadow of real feeling I guess. But it still brought so much with It. So much pain that I even dont know from where it came.


P.S Bach is fckin GENIOUS!! I LOVE HIM

[Wombels]

Originally Posted by Darky

I experience feelings of great guilt and sided empytness..

What is the nature of your guild?

What did you do, It is hard for me to understand you are already dealing with guild, you’re a teenager right? How old are you, 17?

Bach is indeed a genius, lol

[xermes]

hello Darky

Not feeling anything is impossible.
What is possible, is your lack of perception.

We always feel everything at the same time. For every thought there is certain felling in body.
How am I 100% sure that you still feel something? If you truly didn't feel anything, then I assume you would not give a f about your self.
It is obvious that you still feel something, it is obvious that you have not lost connection with your self(you would be dead if so) and its obvious that you have made huge resistance towards something.

It is not possible to not feel anything and be tense at the same time.
What I assume, is that you are very angry/ashamed/afraid.
I dunno what it is and I don't claim I am right, but this is something that is very logical to consider.

It is obvious that you are in a very depressive state.
See, there is a threshold so to speak, to how much one can withstand.
You can suffer so much, when it gets to a certain point, unconscious mechanism shuts your emotions down in order to protect you.
As a result you stop feeling anything. It can also happen because of trauma.
I know this is possible, because I experienced it myself.
Thing is, this is not supposed to extend so long, as in your case. Or is it?

So what I assume is, that beneath your "feeling nothing" is a pretty dang huge pain, so huge and unimaginable that your unconscious wont let you experience it for your own good.

I must say, you are in a pretty undesirable reality. But, you can't blame anyone for that. You created it yourself(as everyone does) and YOU, are the only one who can get yourself to more desirable reality. No word, no reiki, no meditation, no weed, no drugs can ever do that unless you choose so, correctly.

What is also obvious is your intention. You posted here searching for help. Which means that somewhere deep down within you is a desire. As long as you have a desire, no matter how small, unnoticeable..you can create desired reality. There is no power and no cage to hold you, because truly you are a Creator with all the power always.
Only one standing in your way is ever you yourself. No one else.
Sure there can happen to be some malevolent entity ought to get you, but no entity can harm you unless you allow it by making a certain choice.
So in a way, even if something/someone hurt you in any way, its your responsibility, again.

What I would do if I were in you shoes, I would work on my inner perception.
You need to develop inner perception, so you can notice the differences in your feelings and intentions. That would be the first step.

Developing perception is not a big thing itself, in my opinion at least.
Big thing is actually, admitting to YOUR SELF that you still have some feeling for something, that you still have intention or desire.
Mind can be very deceptive bastard, let me tell ya

Please consider what I wrote. I sincerely wish you the best. If you find something I wrote as wrong or whatever, please don't mind me.
I don't claim I am right. It is up to you to decide.

[Darky]

Originally Posted by Wombels

What is the nature of your guild?

What did you do, It is hard for me to understand you are already dealing with guild, you’re a teenager right? How old are you, 17?

Bach is indeed a genius, lol

What do you mean by the nature ?


Oh I haven't mention.. Sometimes when I smoked a Joint and listened to the music that I was listening to when I was with the person I loved so much and my other friend with who I had sex with...

I felt then. I remembered.But I was seeing myself from distance. But still a little of "feelings" was present during that memory...and I haven't felt guild this time.

Yes I am 17.

[Darky]

Originally Posted by xermes

hello Darky

Not feeling anything is impossible.
What is possible, is your lack of perception.

We always feel everything at the same time. For every thought there is certain felling in body.
How am I 100% sure that you still feel something? If you truly didn't feel anything, then I assume you would not give a f about your self.
It is obvious that you still feel something, it is obvious that you have not lost connection with your self(you would be dead if so) and its obvious that you have made huge resistance towards something.

It is not possible to not feel anything and be tense at the same time.
What I assume, is that you are very angry/ashamed/afraid.
I dunno what it is and I don't claim I am right, but this is something that is very logical to consider.

It is obvious that you are in a very depressive state.
See, there is a threshold so to speak, to how much one can withstand.
You can suffer so much, when it gets to a certain point, unconscious mechanism shuts your emotions down in order to protect you.
As a result you stop feeling anything. It can also happen because of trauma.
I know this is possible, because I experienced it myself.
Thing is, this is not supposed to extend so long, as in your case. Or is it?

So what I assume is, that beneath your "feeling nothing" is a pretty dang huge pain, so huge and unimaginable that your unconscious wont let you experience it for your own good.

I must say, you are in a pretty undesirable reality. But, you can't blame anyone for that. You created it yourself(as everyone does) and YOU, are the only one who can get yourself to more desirable reality. No word, no reiki, no meditation, no weed, no drugs can ever do that unless you choose so, correctly.

What is also obvious is your intention. You posted here searching for help. Which means that somewhere deep down within you is a desire. As long as you have a desire, no matter how small, unnoticeable..you can create desired reality. There is no power and no cage to hold you, because truly you are a Creator with all the power always.
Only one standing in your way is ever you yourself. No one else.
Sure there can happen to be some malevolent entity ought to get you, but no entity can harm you unless you allow it by making a certain choice.
So in a way, even if something/someone hurt you in any way, its your responsibility, again.

What I would do if I were in you shoes, I would work on my inner perception.
You need to develop inner perception, so you can notice the differences in your feelings and intentions. That would be the first step.

Developing perception is not a big thing itself, in my opinion at least.
Big thing is actually, admitting to YOUR SELF that you still have some feeling for something, that you still have intention or desire.
Mind can be very deceptive bastard, let me tell ya

Please consider what I wrote. I sincerely wish you the best. If you find something I wrote as wrong or whatever, please don't mind me.
I don't claim I am right. It is up to you to decide.

Well this sound to me pretty dang true too..

But, I am in this state for over than 9 months now.

First 5 months I really didnt give **** about me. All I had was terryfying emptiness inside of me, every morning when I woke up. ( This emptiness was feeling of dying, not feeling "empty" or in Void. I felt like I seperated from everything. From every memory I've made, from every experience I lived, from every bound that I had to share with it. and most important, I couldn't sense my inner presence. All that there was left for me was a picture of my own cage, which I MYSELF created.. )

I was unable to move first few hours when I woke up. I was seeing everything falling apart. I couldn't stop that. Then few months ago I had huge attack of unknown emotions. I cried out so much that my eyes were burning. They were tired up, they couldn't handle anymore of crying.
I cried for hours, almost half of the day. Then I went a sleep.
I woke up. There was nothing. There wasn't me, there was a man who didn't care about his friends, himself, his mother, his sisters.. no one.

I found it that it isnt worth feeling it because it is not what I wanted. What I wanted was my True Self. The one who knew me in everything. The one from who I felt everything in my life.

Well , what made me known about how much feelings and thoughts are important were my friend and family.

I was very aware of that, that I can not love them , I can not care about them, no matter how much I've tried.

And what I also know is, untill I start to feel again, I can never find my true Self.

and Againe , you are very wise one about those aspect in life , but for me its pretty much complicated..

ps: i am pretty much aware that i've done this for myself.
I just don't know why..

I can't make any new memories, my past seems like to faded away. Nowdays I simly arent PRESENT. Maybe with my body, but for sure it is not my Spirit or hearth. It is not even my mind.

[Wombels]

Originally Posted by Darky

What do you mean by the nature ?


Oh I haven't mention.. Sometimes when I smoked a Joint and listened to the music that I was listening to when I was with the person I loved so much and my other friend with who I had sex with...

I felt then. I remembered.But I was seeing myself from distance. But still a little of "feelings" was present during that memory...and I haven't felt guild this time.

Yes I am 17.

You shouldn’t feel guilty about anything, your too young.

Many other persons who you will love will enter your life, they always do.

Did you lose your first love?

[Darky]

Originally Posted by Wombels

You shouldn’t feel guilty about anything, your too young.

Many other persons who you will love will enter your life, they always do.

Did you lose your first love?

Yea, but I must get better in order to love them back.

Yes , I lost her.
I let her go.
I didn't cared for her.
I couldn't stand before her anymore.
I even havent got that desire or any thoughts about it..

After my sex relationship I wasnt even willing to talk to this girl.
I simply put everything about sex and her aside.

I've changed after sex. There was something huge going on i guess, but I havent even bothered looking. I was well aware that I wasn't "in control" when I had sex, but what hurts me the most is that I regained my councsiciouness for tiny secound , just before I start to make this mistake. I have not done it. I even havent thought about her. I just banged another girl like some fcking 50 y'old dude. I've betraied everything that I felt that was Love. I've betraied myself, my feelings, my LOVE.

This experience was just like spiritualquake for me. And with few days later something much much worse has come, you know about what I am talking about..

[Wombels]

Originally Posted by Darky

This experience was just like spiritualquake for me. And with few days later something much much worse has come, you know about what I am talking about..

Someone got pregnant?

[Darky]

Originally Posted by Wombels

Someone got pregnant?

NO no no .. luckily no..

after few days I've experienced this trauma.. seeing myself "sealed" within mysterious box made of wood and chains crossed around it.

And it happened just as my other self, looked at me , I also looked at him at the same time. And I am sure that I have not done a thing to create this for me. It must been him, I dont get it otherwise.

[Wombels]

Originally Posted by Darky

NO no no .. luckily no..

Lucky you and her

[Darky]

Originally Posted by Wombels

Lucky you and her

I totally agree

[Wombels]

Originally Posted by Darky

I totally agree

We almost all lose our first love, although circumstances in which this takes place may vary a lot.

I’m sure she will be fine, instead of trying to figure out the why and what, you might try to let go of it.

Do know, females are the best healers around, just being around them could trigger you out of your situation.

Another love will cross your path, you know how to handle and deal with guild?

I will explain you later if you don’t.

Take care :-)

[Darky]

Originally Posted by Wombels

We almost all lose our first love, although circumstances in which this takes place may vary a lot.

I’m sure she will be fine, instead of trying to figure out the why and what, you might try to let go of it.

Do know, females are the best healers around, just being around them could trigger you out of your situation.

Another love will cross your path, you know how to handle and deal with guild?

I will explain you later if you don’t.

Take care :-)

I already let her go.

I was with my female friend just yesterday. We were together at party. We even slept together. But we had nothing, I havent feel nothing toward her.

I also had new girl friend ( and I still have ) and we were making up together. kissing, talkking blablabla.

She told me that she felt somehow that I lack of something. So i descriebed it a little. she then felt very sad and all I want from her was sex. I hurted her in so many ways but I havent even moved about it.

that is why I want so bad to feel againe. I keep hurting people, and I even dont know about it..

I would love your opinions about the guilt, but remember.. when I am high I can not control my mind properly.
and I can "move" only on weed. My chemichals runs diffrent when I am high.

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by Darky

Yes, but my memory is always asleep.. well I mean, what I thought yesterday is already gone, I don't remember..

Dear David, I'm speaking of changing the repetitious thoughts you have surrounding your trauma that you do remember. If you look over your past posts you will see the pervasive thoughts/beliefs that are keeping you in it. The mind is very powerful but so are you. Hope this is a little clearer. with love, Paula

[xermes]

Your original question is "What should I do?"

I am going to reply to that question now Darky and chances are....
you ain't gonna like it. I wish that there is a easier way, but there is not.
You will need a lot of courage.

What you need to do Darky, is to stop running away from who you are.
You need to stop imagining and fantasizing and look at the FACTS.
You need to look at the facts about your life. Not what you would like to be, not what you used to be or what you plan to be.

Look into the reality of now, the fact of who you are now.
No matter how painful it is, or no matter how afraid you get.
This is the only way. You will get afraid, and you will try to deny every way possible.. the obvious facts. You will feel like running away, getting back into feel nothing illusion. You will feel like you're gonna die or disappear.
When you feel these sings, it means that you started to progress and you must press onward.

You have to admit to yourself who you truly are.
Not to others, but to yourself. To admit. Most shameful and painful experiences you had.

If you are ashamed of something, you are going to be ashamed till the day you die..unless you learn to accept and love yourself for who you are.

You already are who you are. You already are your true self. Thing is, you are not willing to admit that to yourself. Because you are conditioned that who you are is wrong.
You cannot change or transform. Never. That is not possible. All you can ever do is accept yourself, see who you truly are(whatever it is) and admit it to yourself. Once you completely accept yourself, you are truly free to do whatever you like with your life.

I wish I could tell you that there is easier way, but there is not.
If you saw what I see, it would be clear to you that it is the only logical way to go.

You cannot deceive yourself. You cannot just chop off parts of yourself you do not like. You are who and what you are. The more you resist what you obviously are the more will it manifest as circumstances in your life and harder will be for you to live.

So stop the resistance, stop the madness. Stop justifying yourself.
Stop pretending. Look into yourself. Who are you? What are the undeniable facts, that you are so denying and so afraid to accept as REAL.

Anyone who tells you otherwise, is just dragging you backwards.
If you are ever to become your true self, this is what you must do.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sincerely wish you all the best

P.S. What you are is never right or wrong, good or bad. It is just your interpretation of yourself that makes it this or that.

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by xermes

Your original question is "What should I do?"

I am going to reply to that question now Darky and chances are....
you ain't gonna like it. I wish that there is a easier way, but there is not.
You will need a lot of courage.

What you need to do Darky, is to stop running away from who you are.
You need to stop imagining and fantasizing and look at the FACTS.
You need to look at the facts about your life. Not what you would like to be, not what you used to be or what you plan to be.

Look into the reality of now, the fact of who you are now.
No matter how painful it is, or no matter how afraid you get.
This is the only way. You will get afraid, and you will try to deny every way possible.. the obvious facts. You will feel like running away, getting back into feel nothing illusion. You will feel like you're gonna die or disappear.
When you feel these sings, it means that you started to progress and you must press onward.

You have to admit to yourself who you truly are.
Not to others, but to yourself. To admit. Most shameful and painful experiences you had.

If you are ashamed of something, you are going to be ashamed till the day you die..unless you learn to accept and love yourself for who you are.

You already are who you are. You already are your true self. Thing is, you are not willing to admit that to yourself. Because you are conditioned that who you are is wrong.
You cannot change or transform. Never. That is not possible. All you can ever do is accept yourself, see who you truly are(whatever it is) and admit it to yourself. Once you completely accept yourself, you are truly free to do whatever you like with your life.

I wish I could tell you that there is easier way, but there is not.
If you saw what I see, it would be clear to you that it is the only logical way to go.

You cannot deceive yourself. You cannot just chop off parts of yourself you do not like. You are who and what you are. The more you resist what you obviously are the more will it manifest as circumstances in your life and harder will be for you to live.

So stop the resistance, stop the madness. Stop justifying yourself.
Stop pretending. Look into yourself. Who are you? What are the undeniable facts, that you are so denying and so afraid to accept as REAL.

Anyone who tells you otherwise, is just dragging you backwards.
If you are ever to become your true self, this is what you must do.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sincerely wish you all the best

P.S. What you are is never right or wrong, good or bad. It is just your interpretation of yourself that makes it this or that.

Thankyou for having the courage to speak what I comprehend to be the 'truth'.

[Darky]

Originally Posted by Maguru

Dear David, I'm speaking of changing the repetitious thoughts you have surrounding your trauma that you do remember. If you look over your past posts you will see the pervasive thoughts/beliefs that are keeping you in it. The mind is very powerful but so are you. Hope this is a little clearer. with love, Paula

If I am honest, I sense that my subconsciousness "believe" that I am really isolated inside of "cage"...

[Darky]

Originally Posted by xermes

Your original question is "What should I do?"

I am going to reply to that question now Darky and chances are....
you ain't gonna like it. I wish that there is a easier way, but there is not.
You will need a lot of courage.

What you need to do Darky, is to stop running away from who you are.
You need to stop imagining and fantasizing and look at the FACTS.
You need to look at the facts about your life. Not what you would like to be, not what you used to be or what you plan to be.

Look into the reality of now, the fact of who you are now.
No matter how painful it is, or no matter how afraid you get.
This is the only way. You will get afraid, and you will try to deny every way possible.. the obvious facts. You will feel like running away, getting back into feel nothing illusion. You will feel like you're gonna die or disappear.
When you feel these sings, it means that you started to progress and you must press onward.

You have to admit to yourself who you truly are.
Not to others, but to yourself. To admit. Most shameful and painful experiences you had.

If you are ashamed of something, you are going to be ashamed till the day you die..unless you learn to accept and love yourself for who you are.

You already are who you are. You already are your true self. Thing is, you are not willing to admit that to yourself. Because you are conditioned that who you are is wrong.
You cannot change or transform. Never. That is not possible. All you can ever do is accept yourself, see who you truly are(whatever it is) and admit it to yourself. Once you completely accept yourself, you are truly free to do whatever you like with your life.

I wish I could tell you that there is easier way, but there is not.
If you saw what I see, it would be clear to you that it is the only logical way to go.

You cannot deceive yourself. You cannot just chop off parts of yourself you do not like. You are who and what you are. The more you resist what you obviously are the more will it manifest as circumstances in your life and harder will be for you to live.

So stop the resistance, stop the madness. Stop justifying yourself.
Stop pretending. Look into yourself. Who are you? What are the undeniable facts, that you are so denying and so afraid to accept as REAL.

Anyone who tells you otherwise, is just dragging you backwards.
If you are ever to become your true self, this is what you must do.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sincerely wish you all the best

P.S. What you are is never right or wrong, good or bad. It is just your interpretation of yourself that makes it this or that.

Very beautiful thank you.

But, I am nobody.

There is no NOW for me,
I can not look for who I am, since there is no mine I.
There is a Vast, I can not overcome it. I can not break the curse and make the look into the inside. Something termendeous is blocking me. And I cannot resolve this. YET

[Wombels]

Originally Posted by Darky

I already let her go.

I was with my female friend just yesterday. We were together at party. We even slept together. But we had nothing, I havent feel nothing toward her.

I also had new girl friend ( and I still have ) and we were making up together. kissing, talkking blablabla.

She told me that she felt somehow that I lack of something. So i descriebed it a little. she then felt very sad and all I want from her was sex. I hurted her in so many ways but I havent even moved about it.

that is why I want so bad to feel againe. I keep hurting people, and I even dont know about it..

I would love your opinions about the guilt, but remember.. when I am high I can not control my mind properly.
and I can "move" only on weed. My chemichals runs diffrent when I am high.

Hello Darky,

Have another question.

What age did you start smoking pot?

[Darky]

Originally Posted by wombels

hello darky,

have another question.

What age did you start smoking pot?

16