when did you first 'really' question existence?

[stroodle]

and make a giant leap in your level of awareness and consciousness

for me the big kicker was a year ago when i was 22


sure, my whole life I've wondered about life and bought into a lot of the 'stories' i was taught in religious day-school, but i was still thinking 'down there' as opposed to 'up here'...where i am now

[Natasha]

I don't know if this is what you mean, but I was about 16 when I came to the realization that I did not believe in the religion I was practicing (Christianity).

This sounds really silly, but what I remember setting off the process was an Arthurian fantasy book called "The Mists of Avalon." It just gave a different way of looking at things, that I wasn't used to. As I thought about it a little more, I found my previous beliefs more and more absurd.

I think a big point in growing, is being able to think independently. For example, now, even if God came down out of the heavens, and proved he was God, and said "Hey, I command that there should be no same-sex marriage." or something, I would have to politely disagree with him.

My current "growth spurt" so to speak, started when I was 23, and decided to make my hobby into my job.

[thestral]

I've spent my entire life questioning existance, wanting to know why we are here, what the meaning of life was. I was 23 when I found the answer, and my life did a 180.

[Simmiah]

I guess I would say in high school/junior high. It could've been teenage angst hehe..but I was questioning things all the time & wondering why people did what they did. When I heard John Mayer's song "No Such Thing" I thought, wow that was me! There was a lot of pressure to be a certain way & be intelligent & go to college & get the perfect SAT score... & I sort of rebelled against it.

I was reading buddhism books at that age too in search of some kind of answer & actually, haha, I wanted to be enlightened but didn't have a clue at the time. Silly me.

[openeyes]

Around age 6 I was reading everything on Native Americans I could get my hands on and spending a lot of time in the dream world. By age 8 I was going out into the woods and meditating on my own initiative. Around 13 I was seriously studying various spiritual texts and meditating for 2-4 hours per day. Then at 17 I had my own little "dark night of the soul" and realized I could never accept anyone else's belief system. My world fell apart for while.

My dad had already made a point of shielding his kids from conventional religion, but suddenly I couldn't even fully accept any of the "spiritual, not religious" lines of thought. I had to make my own way, simply using outside sources for a bit of inspiration at times. It took three years to get a strong enough hold to make my way out of the abyss and continually feel vibrant again.

Crying most every day during that time, sometimes out of joy but often out of sadness, was quite an experience. My current life and strength was definitely watered by an ocean of tears. Now virtually nothing can shake me for long. Pain is mostly forgotten, and as the night passes one is left with sunshine.

[Bruce Achterberg]

After thinking about this for a moment, interestingly, I found that I don't think I really ever hit the "subscribe" system to any form of reality, so the question of “when did you first question existence?”, assuming I have interpreted it correctly, is kind of a non-question for me since I’ve never really stopped questioning (I literally can’t remember a time when I was really 100% sure about any particular belief system or anything like that).

Throughout most (if not all) of my childhood I had no real beliefs religious/spiritual beliefs -- reality was largely unlabeled for me and I took things as they came and was largely fascinated with life and had pretty much zero scepticism (which doesn't mean I was a gullible dummy, I just didn't discount anything until my personal experience gave me damn good reason to). Since I never had any pressure to subscribe to any sort of religion or belief system when I was younger, I was free to chose/create my own model.

Only problem there is that I... didn't (subscribe to a belief system, that is). While I definitely (unconsciously) let certain beliefs/thought become dominant so that I could function in reality, I was never really invested in them, and honestly, I can say that hasn't really changed. I kind of feel that "I" -- at least "me" at the core (whatever that is) -- operate outside of any particular mental (or other) belief system that I could learn about or come up with.

It’s kind of hard to describe, because I feel I’m trying to describe a feeling-realisation type of thing (which is like trying to describe the experience of being submerged in water in words -- you’re better of just jumping in and finding out for yourself), but if anything, I’d say that regardless of the beliefs I hold, I never really believe them 100%. It’s like I have this constant question in the back of my consciousness asking “what if?”, keeping me sort of unattached to any sort of context, regardless of how hard I try to attach. I guess the best way to say this is that I use the tool of “Spirituality 2.0”, which you can listen to Steve talk about in his Podcast #13: Beyond Religion. Although I’ll note that I’ve been practicing this long before I even knew about Steve, or for that matter, computers or the internet.

One thing I can say for sure is that this particular “tool” (if you can call it that) that I use gives me great flexibility in my life. Much like I’ve never had much trouble with social conditioning due to a fairly sheltered upbringing and a lot of stubbornness (probably not the best word, but I’ll go with that) on my part, this particular unattached “perspective” I assume makes me very, well… unattached. For example, ever since I was young, I’ve always had an almost unlimited level of patience.

While I do have preferences, if I chose to, I can simply dwell in the present moment with little to no resistance, simply because I’m not attached to any particular outcome. People often become frustrated with me because of my complete lack of resistance to things. They get frustrated because they expect and are attached to a certain outcome, and when they don't get it, they resist that (it's pretty amusing to watch sometimes while I remain 100% calm and serene). When I was younger I had very little understanding of how I did this, I just knew I could do it. But now I have a much better understanding the “how” (the book "The Power of Now", a book I highly recommend, helped me with that, as did lots of personal introspection through journaling), although the understanding merely points to the natural ability I know so well. It doesn’t replace it with some sort of process or technique.

I’ve also observed this “unattached” perspective in use when I view the forums here. Often I see people debating over one subject or another, but personally I can’t really relate to any of what I see. I can make judgements if I want to, but generally I just see things as they are (as in, neither good or bad, black or white... and please don't mistake this as some sort of elitism thing, because the actual experience is very different to that).

So I hope all of that rambling gives you an idea of what my particular perspective is like. I don’t claim it’s a unique perspective, but I don’t think it’s terribly common either (at the very least, the way it came about for me, but that's another story for another post). Feel free to prove me wrong, fellow StevePavlina.com/forums'ers.

[stroodle]

Originally Posted by thestral

I've spent my entire life questioning existance, wanting to know why we are here, what the meaning of life was. I was 23 when I found the answer, and my life did a 180.

and what did you find?

Originally Posted by Bruce Achterberg

After thinking about this for a moment, interestingly, I found that I don't think I really ever hit the "subscribe" system to any form of reality, so the question of “when did you first question existence?”, assuming I have interpreted it correctly, is kind of a non-question for me since I’ve never really stopped questioning (I literally can’t remember a time when I was really 100% sure about any particular belief system or anything like that).

I think I'm kinda the same way now. Even when I start to believe a ‘theory’ on Life, I always wake myself up at the end and remind myself that it's just a theory and its not fact. I don’t think I can truly subscribe to any one belief system. All I’m certain of is ‘we don’t know’…….well at least not yet.

I find it funny how so many people believe what they’re taught to believe. Are there really not that many ‘conscious’ people out there? I think religion’s at fault for this. I’m not knocking religion, I think it’s healthy for humanity to have faith in something. But sometimes I just don’t get how people think that they have the answers.

In a recent episode of South Park, they made a great (and hilarious) comparison of humans living on earth to lice living on a kids head. The lice don't know anything beyond where they live, kinda like how we don't know anything beyond our world/universe. So if the lice aren't aware of everything else going on (like how they're actually on another living species head, which lives on a living planet) HOW can humans think they know what's going on?! I think religion is just a coping mechanism for humanity. Cause without 'thinking we know', we'd probably be scared out of existence.

ok, now for another question…

Do you think that world leaders are at a higher level of consciousness than the majority of people? Maybe that’s how they got to where they are, because they ‘get it’ more than the rest of us.

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by stroodle

when did you first 'really' question existence?

The furthest back I can recall is when I pretended to be asleep so that I didn't have to go to church and swearing to myself that I would figure out a way to raise my family such that they weren't Christian. I don't remember the particulars of my philosophical thought beyond that. (I believe I was in elementary school. Couldn't get more specific on my life.)

But like Bruce says, I don't think I ever really accepted some model of reality; in high school, I became a Christian precisely because I questioned other things. I eventually walked away from it for the same reason. I have a few friends who knew me both before and after, though I have some doubt they recall that far back themselves...

Originally Posted by stroodle

I think religion is just a coping mechanism for humanity. Cause without 'thinking we know', we'd probably be scared out of existence.

Everything is a coping mechanism. Or nothing is. Coping is a perspective.

Originally Posted by stroodle

Do you think that world leaders are at a higher level of consciousness than the majority of people? Maybe that’s how they got to where they are, because they ‘get it’ more than the rest of us.

It's difficult not to laugh at this question, but you sound sincere and intelligent, so I'll merely ask if you would still ask this based on the thoughts, words, and actions of world leaders, both past and present.

In case it wasn't clear, my answer is a simple "No".

[Basu]

I don't think I ever questioned reality, I just went through various explanations of it. I've gone from a semi-devout Hindu, to a completely scientific/logical and then to a dissillusioned/apathetic view of reality. I'm only just coming out of that state and entering a phase of believing in an "underlying order" to the Universe. I'm starting to explore various belief systems (by which I mean trying to get to the core and not settle for popular interpretations) but at the same time, since I've always been scientifically inclined, I'm trying to consolidate spiritual theories with scientific ones. My life was in a downward tumble and I'm just now starting to plan my way out of it.

[Michael Chui]

Basu,

If I may recommend: take a look into chaos theory. It may be very worthwhile. Also consider the book "The Tao of Physics", which talks a great deal about the intersection between the spiritual and the scientific.

[Basu]

Actually, I've read both Tao of Physics and Chaos by James Gleick. I guess you could say that they kick-started my current journey.

[DaveTyler]

At 5-6, then surpressed it and it came back like a PTSD at 16, and I'm still 24/7 wondering what it is, now 2 years later, it's the biggest curse who completely robbed me from life, I don't understand how people find happiness with this:|?

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by DaveTyler

I don't understand how people find happiness with this:|?

I've never felt I understood why people seek happiness so ardently. I have some theories, but they all seem very, shall we say, unrealistic.

[Akashic_Librarian]

Well I am 16 now. When I was....lets see 5, when I started mainstream shcool I was outcast :-S

So that kind propelled me into an introspective childhood. I questinoed the nature of reality and I loved programs that gave a sense of empowerment to me. Stuff like Might Morphing Power Rangers, Cardcaptors, Salior Moon, Pokemeon, Digimon, Shaman King, Outlaw Star, Cowboy Bebop, Spawn. By age 11-12 I was getting into Paganism, for a couple of years I followed it. But I found it too...faniful, I didn't quite get how ritiuals could do anything, but i liked the wiccan creed and the Wiccan Reed, I liked those aspects. Then at age 14...I discovered Steves Blog, well that just did it for me, I forgot about Paganism, and rocketed off into a whole new psiritual world, I read books by Robert Bruce, and got a hold of any and all occult books I could find, I even have all the Occult Philosophy Boks by Cornelius Agrippa. Then...finally...Not too long ago I started reading Terry Goodkinds books, The Sword of Truth series...And here I am. Only now am I really starting to question my reality to the fullest...