I think meditation has left me emotionally blank

[Andrew Brunelle]

I've never seen this thread before and I have to say that sometimes, especially in the past for over a year, I had this feeling. Or lack thereof. I felt nothing but pure emptiness. I don't know what caused it, but I eventually got over it somewhat. I still don't feel too many emotions. But I feel some and they feel good to me.

I don't think what you are experiencing is enlightenment, because enlightenment does come with the constant euphoria package I believe. But that's not from personal experience, just from what I've read. I'd say you've lost a part of yourself, and it is a pretty important part. Your emotions are very crucial to making any decisions. The empty feeling and apathy could very well be a different form of depression.

I would go to get some kind of psychoanalizing done. Some kind of mental health assessment. Something to bring light to what you are going through. Another opinion, and one of a professional. At least then you'll have some idea of what is going on. Otherwise, you're just kind of getting opinions of people who are not certified in any way to tell you what is wrong. They can try, and some of them may be right, but they are not trained to make any diagnosis. Get help...seriously.

[ChrisGinsburg]

Originally Posted by Andrew Brunelle

I've never seen this thread before and I have to say that sometimes, especially in the past for over a year, I had this feeling. Or lack thereof. I felt nothing but pure emptiness. I don't know what caused it, but I eventually got over it somewhat. I still don't feel too many emotions. But I feel some and they feel good to me.

I don't think what you are experiencing is enlightenment, because enlightenment does come with the constant euphoria package I believe. But that's not from personal experience, just from what I've read. I'd say you've lost a part of yourself, and it is a pretty important part. Your emotions are very crucial to making any decisions. The empty feeling and apathy could very well be a different form of depression.

I would go to get some kind of psychoanalizing done. Some kind of mental health assessment. Something to bring light to what you are going through. Another opinion, and one of a professional. At least then you'll have some idea of what is going on. Otherwise, you're just kind of getting opinions of people who are not certified in any way to tell you what is wrong. They can try, and some of them may be right, but they are not trained to make any diagnosis. Get help...seriously.

Even if some of us were trained to diagnose, I think the advice would still be to seek help face to face. The internet has many limitations.

[AdoptedOne]

Originally Posted by Andrew Brunelle

I've never seen this thread before and I have to say that sometimes, especially in the past for over a year, I had this feeling. Or lack thereof. I felt nothing but pure emptiness. I don't know what caused it, but I eventually got over it somewhat. I still don't feel too many emotions. But I feel some and they feel good to me.

I don't think what you are experiencing is enlightenment, because enlightenment does come with the constant euphoria package I believe. But that's not from personal experience, just from what I've read. I'd say you've lost a part of yourself, and it is a pretty important part. Your emotions are very crucial to making any decisions. The empty feeling and apathy could very well be a different form of depression.

I would go to get some kind of psychoanalizing done. Some kind of mental health assessment. Something to bring light to what you are going through. Another opinion, and one of a professional. At least then you'll have some idea of what is going on. Otherwise, you're just kind of getting opinions of people who are not certified in any way to tell you what is wrong. They can try, and some of them may be right, but they are not trained to make any diagnosis. Get help...seriously.

Hi there first off I want to touch on what you said about emptiness. Obviously I don't you or what you experience, or the feelings you experience but I find when most people talk about feeling "empty" they are refering to some sort of depression. I don't feel depressed I haven't for a longtime. I used to have depression often as a youth I even saw a psycholigist regularly at 13 and 14 years old. This is not depression, I don't feel "down", pessimistic, lonely etc what I am experiencing is more like nothingness, a constant (near constant) state of being neutral or indifferent.

By the way I may not explain myself very well in my posts but I do experience emotions including posititve ones however compared to before they're short lived and for whatever reason I no longer feel emotion or feelings through my thinking or thoughts anymore I can choose to have a thought or not to. For example the other night my brother came home late I was in bed but I came down to get something to drink and we were just talking and having a laugh and it felt good but 5 minutes later it's like it never happened, the same if I watch a favourite comedy I will laugher a lot sometimes to the point it hurts in sides because it's so funny. Actually the other day I felt annoyed and bit angry with someone in which we don't seem to get on with each other. Again though the feeling dissapeared some minutes later. Anyway I honestly don't think I am depressed I have a good idea what It used to feel like when I was in that place it's like unless something triggers emotion in me or a response to events outside of myself or certain stimuli I am in a state of constant inner peace and calm in my mind I guess you could say being neutral is a feeling and in a way it is. I could see a doctor it certainly wouldn't hurt but I doubt they'll find anything, I have looked into various abnormal states and mental disorders and I can't find anything I identify with or which could be related to what I am experiencing.

By the way I think it's a bit of a myth or misconception that those who are "enlightened" are constantly happy and full of joy. I could be wrong.

Cheers

[marinaRedhead]

Hey adopted one...I came across ur posts through a google search and I decided to join this forum just so I could say one thing.

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW U FEEL....because I feel exactly the same! Only difference is I have never meditated. I tried sending u a personal mgs but being new to this forum I didn't know how to...I'm not a great help because I haven't found a cure but I thought it might be nice to know ur not alone! Feel free to send me an email or wateva...

Marina

[inri]

Originally Posted by AdoptedOne

Hi there first off I want to touch on what you said about emptiness. Obviously I don't you or what you experience, or the feelings you experience but I find when most people talk about feeling "empty" they are refering to some sort of depression. I don't feel depressed I haven't for a longtime. I used to have depression often as a youth I even saw a psycholigist regularly at 13 and 14 years old. This is not depression, I don't feel "down", pessimistic, lonely etc what I am experiencing is more like nothingness, a constant (near constant) state of being neutral or indifferent.

By the way I may not explain myself very well in my posts but I do experience emotions including posititve ones however compared to before they're short lived and for whatever reason I no longer feel emotion or feelings through my thinking or thoughts anymore I can choose to have a thought or not to. For example the other night my brother came home late I was in bed but I came down to get something to drink and we were just talking and having a laugh and it felt good but 5 minutes later it's like it never happened, the same if I watch a favourite comedy I will laugher a lot sometimes to the point it hurts in sides because it's so funny. Actually the other day I felt annoyed and bit angry with someone in which we don't seem to get on with each other. Again though the feeling dissapeared some minutes later. Anyway I honestly don't think I am depressed I have a good idea what It used to feel like when I was in that place it's like unless something triggers emotion in me or a response to events outside of myself or certain stimuli I am in a state of constant inner peace and calm in my mind I guess you could say being neutral is a feeling and in a way it is. I could see a doctor it certainly wouldn't hurt but I doubt they'll find anything, I have looked into various abnormal states and mental disorders and I can't find anything I identify with or which could be related to what I am experiencing.

By the way I think it's a bit of a myth or misconception that those who are "enlightened" are constantly happy and full of joy. I could be wrong.

Cheers

It really does sound to me, through reading your posts, as though you've accessed the observer within..silent witness...whatever you choose to call that part of self that is not swayed by emotion, either positive or negative. This is definitely the hallmark of a certain level of expanded consciousness.

In this state, (which is really just an expanded perspective of self) the circumstances that present within our physical experience will lose their ability to affect us as from this position, we are capable of choosing the level of identification we will engage in. We are able to remain peaceful regardless of what may occur.

However, the very fact that you are on this forum seeking 'help' regarding your perceived state of being seems to signify that you are not 'neutral' or at peace regarding this state of being that you are obviously striving to understand and having a certain amount of difficulty in doing so.

It seems that this state of being itself is causing you a certain amount of angst...? If you really are in witness mode, then what is it about this state of perception you are currently experiencing that is upsetting you?..(and can you see that in actuality, if you so strongly felt the need to 'get help' for your present circumstances, that you came to a forum to start a thread in hopes of getting assistance, then you are likely really not 'feeling' neutral about all things after all?

[inri]

Just to add; If you are really interested in 'getting back to identification with your old self' then I'd suggest identifying the part of yourself that is having a problem with your current state of being...its a good starting point as from there you cannot deny that you are having an emotional response to a certain aspect of your reality...this identification and admittance just may open the door for further self identification, (if that is what you are seeking).

[AdoptedOne]

Thanks for the replies inri. Some of my early posts from last year were a bit extreme about suicide especially. It's not that I "feel" worried about this change it's more not understanding it and wondering what the hell I am going through. I went through most of my life feelings emotions, lots of ups and downs then suddenly (and I can't exactly remember when) but it was over a year ago now probably longer, while meditating I felt some energy shoot up my spine and I felt this euphoria my vision seems really clear all of a sudden when I looked outside. I was aware my mind was totally empty and free from "inner chatter". This "No mind" state has been with me ever since and I guess like you said I have achieved a "Silent Witness", "Enlightenment" state of mind. You know something weird I often find men and women, even animals staring at me people even stare at me If I look scruffy or whatever. It doesn't happen all the time of course but it's something iv'e noticed since this change happened. Perhaps they can feel my prescence or something? I have heard "Enlightened" people give off a certain prescence that others are aware of. Honestly I don't think I can go back to the way my mind was it has definately evolved I tried doing affirmations some months ago and really trying to get my mind to react I would tell myself how attractive I was and that I'm confident, but my mind had no reaction. Even If I tell myself I suck, I'm a loser etc again my mind has no reaction no emotional association with the thoughts. I guess in a way this is a gift I just need to try and give off a better energy I don't seem very approachable to people. Something else I have noticed is I feel the same when alone or with others I don't get lonely anymore, I don't feel I need to be with a partner need to have friends I am content alone or with others although before I was always quite an introverted person but I realize now loniless is all in the mind.

A person I was casually introduced to in a bar a while back knew I was "different" he said I was quiet and when I asked why he said something about me being psychic or something but it seems he could pick up on something about me.

[inri]

Originally Posted by AdoptedOne

Thanks for the replies inri. Some of my early posts from last year were a bit extreme about suicide especially. It's not that I "feel" worried about this change it's more not understanding it and wondering what the hell I am going through. I went through most of my life feelings emotions, lots of ups and downs then suddenly (and I can't exactly remember when) but it was over a year ago now probably longer, while meditating I felt some energy shoot up my spine and I felt this euphoria my vision seems really clear all of a sudden when I looked outside. I was aware my mind was totally empty and free from "inner chatter". This "No mind" state has been with me ever since and I guess like you said I have achieved a "Silent Witness", "Enlightenment" state of mind. You know something weird I often find men and women, even animals staring at me people even stare at me If I look scruffy or whatever. It doesn't happen all the time of course but it's something iv'e noticed since this change happened. Perhaps they can feel my prescence or something? I have heard "Enlightened" people give off a certain prescence that others are aware of. Honestly I don't think I can go back to the way my mind was it has definately evolved I tried doing affirmations some months ago and really trying to get my mind to react I would tell myself how attractive I was and that I'm confident, but my mind had no reaction. Even If I tell myself I suck, I'm a loser etc again my mind has no reaction no emotional association with the thoughts. I guess in a way this is a gift I just need to try and give off a better energy I don't seem very approachable to people. Something else I have noticed is I feel the same when alone or with others I don't get lonely anymore, I don't feel I need to be with a partner need to have friends I am content alone or with others although before I was always quite an introverted person but I realize now loniless is all in the mind.

A person I was casually introduced to in a bar a while back knew I was "different" he said I was quiet and when I asked why he said something about me being psychic or something but it seems he could pick up on something about me.

Yes, there is no doubt that if one reads through your first posts to date, there is a definite indication of your movement towards more acceptance of this state you describe.

It's seems to me that your initial activation and identification of the silent witness within, caused an egoic/lower self reaction of resistance to this new and strange seeming perspective...this would explain the great emotional angst you were feeling 'about' this experience.

I imagine the more you move into greater levels of acceptance regarding this state of being, the more you will in fact experience the peace of this vantage point of non-judgment...and with this, you will likely lose your desire to change anything about your state of being.

the observer within does not judge in the sense that it experiences emotion....it's an experience of pure 'isness'...simply observing dispassinately...therefore, whenever we are feeling contrary emotions, it's a sure bet that we have moved from the position of the observer, to a perspective that is more egoic in nature.

I've had some similar experiences myself and all I can say is that when I resisted the experience, not only did I suffer, (lol...and wonder if I was going nutty!).... but my resistance ensured that I remained 'stuck' in that perspective...however, when I completely accepted my experience (stopped entertaining negative perspectives about it)...it evolved and actually transformed.....I moved from feeling 'empty' and devoid of anything to experiencing the profound peacefulness of the silent witness...in my estimation,it's really all just about making a minor shift in perspective.

Once you accept what's happening with all levels of your being, it will evolve....we only stay 'stuck' in a perspective or experience of reality when we focus upon the negatives inherent within it...to accept is to allow the flow of energy....I do think you're seeing this yourself and I suspect that very soon, you'll be coming here to post about the deep peace you are experiencing...hope so!

[AdoptedOne]

I've had some similar experiences myself and all I can say is that when I resisted the experience, not only did I suffer, (lol...and wonder if I was going nutty!).... but my resistance ensured that I remained 'stuck' in that perspective...however, when I completely accepted my experience (stopped entertaining negative perspectives about it)...it evolved and actually transformed.....I moved from feeling 'empty' and devoid of anything to experiencing the profound peacefulness of the silent witness...in my estimation,it's really all just about making a minor shift in perspective.

I hope to go the next stage to experience more joy and happiness but I am not there yet, I am certainty "in the moment" almost all the time and my mind is silent but I am stuck in the emptiness phase I have also realized most the feelings I had were part of my mind/ego I guess died (ego death) so therefore I don't experience emotions as much as before.

So how did you evolve from the emptiness phase and feel more of the higher emotions like joy and happiness etc. I do think I am nearly there.

[DeepGrowth]

I can completely relate to your experience because it is something that has happened to me as a direct result of meditation. That is, my emotions seem more tuned out or reduced.

The first thing I noticed was that I no longer experienced the state of boredom. I no longer feel bored because what could be more boring than sitting in silence for an hour?

Onward to the blankness of emotion - it is a centered state where your emotions are held in control, where they don't wildly jump up and down. To me, it provides me with an inner warmth and slight internal happiness that is difficult to break.

I believe meditation may be bringing you into states of increased inner-knowing and awareness where your 'insides' are more exposed and you are in a more vulnerable position. You are in the process of understanding and learning - and it will make you stronger. You will radiate more beauty and love in a comfortable and safe way.

A random question: What makes you really happy and joyful these days?
Do you love seeing your best friends and being happy with them?
Do you enjoy an inspirational movie or book?
Do you play in a team sport?

We are here to assist you and love you because ultimately, we are all family. Share your feelings with us and we'll be ready, waiting to listen.

[AdoptedOne]

Originally Posted by DeepGrowth

I can completely relate to your experience because it is something that has happened to me as a direct result of meditation. That is, my emotions seem more tuned out or reduced.

Onward to the blankness of emotion - it is a centered state where your emotions are held in control, where they don't wildly jump up and down. To me, it provides me with an inner warmth and slight internal happiness that is difficult to break.

This sounds similar to what I experience I would say it's a state of unflappability which is undoubtedly related to having a still/silenced mind. I have noticed others have made some comments about my state saying I'm placid, "so calm all the time" one guy said I was psychic. It certainly takes some getting used to because where as before I would think constantly hang onto my thoughts and feelings (live inside my head etc) now it's total the opposite in that that my mind silenced all the time, thoughts occasionally will come and go but naturally I don't really think about anything I find I rarely ever daydream anymore.

Originally Posted by DeepGrowth

A random question: What makes you really happy and joyful these days?
Do you love seeing your best friends and being happy with them?
Do you enjoy an inspirational movie or book?
Do you play in a team sport?

I can't honestly say most of the time I feel really happy but I rarely feel sadness or depression either. I find with this state of "emptiness" (no mind) comes indifference but not in an arrogant way. Since this shift of state of mind there is rarely any real ups or downs (unlike before).

Well I don't really have that many friends certainly not best friends. I find I do get on well with most people but I don't tend to get that close to them. Having said that I like doing social things with others who I really like and who like my company as well. I like spending time with my family and enjoying the moment.

I don't play sports no Why? Well partly because I haven't been that much into them but also as I have mild Dyspraxia it has often made playing sports more difficult. This was definitely the case growing up in school etc.

[ChrisGinsburg]

I would like to add that meditation is not just an overwhelmingly positive experience. Meditation will frequently dig up old thoughts and feelings we had long since suppressed. Kind of like kicking up mud on the bottom of a lake. Sometimes if we are not emotionally able to handle some of that repressed pain it can be blocked from entering our consciousness. We experience to a great degree only what we are able to currently handle. I think it is quite within the realm of possibility that some people step away from meditation feeling numb because a great amount of discomfort has been brought up that exists just below the surface. Until our subconscious is able to sort it out it's almost like you're on autopilot so you don't get too upset and it all comes surging up at once.