|11-19-2010, 08:15 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2010
I think meditation has left me emotionally blank
Hi everyone. I wanted to post something and I am hoping at least someone here can relate. Someone who knows what I have been experiening. It is frustrating that I find very few who seem to have this problem. Most signs point towards depression but it doesn't seem to feel like it. More profound emptyness and apathy if anything.
I will try and keep things short. Basically in the last few years I got into self improvement just basic affirmations at first mainly to combat my low self esteem and self image which were poor. I started to notice after a while I really did start feeling great and more alive and I was even finding women flirting with me and hitting on me for no apparent reason which never used to happen previously I became more sociable etc.
However for some reason I started to delve into Spirtuality and meditation at first it was just Hypnosis MP3's on my Ipod which put me into a meditation state. Then I started trying basic meditation while listening to music. I remember feeling very overwelmed with emotion listening to a certain song and I felt a very brief feeling of energy shoot up my back. It felt odd to say the least. I don't really believe in a lot of this New Age stuff but apparently it may of been Kundalini energy I felt. At this time I started to notice I was much clearer in my mind and I felt great at first. However I don't know when I noticed it but it was becoming apparent over time that I had a feeling of emptyness in me emotionally I felt detached from my thinking and thoughts It felt hard to feel much emotion at all. I later heard of Eckhart Tolle and it freaked me out from listening to his material that I may of put myself in a permanent "being" or "now" state of pure prescence. I feel like I am not 100% with it most of the time during the day. Almost like I am walking around in a daze with no thoughts. It's like my thoughts have lost their substance. Even If I do think it's hard to daydream anymore (I honestly can't remember the last time I had a daydream) and when I do have thoughts I just feel blank emotionally. Whether I think something positive or negative this seems to have no real affect on my state emotionally. Why? I don't know but it really concerns me and I doubt I have slowly turned into a Psychopath.
This is becoming a frustrating state to be in and I feel "stuck" like this one theory I have is perhaps I accidentely put myself in a Hypnosis state and my conscious mind slowed down/ feel asleep. I have been considering suicide because I feel so numb, dull and blank emotionally. Trust me this isn't depression I have been in that state before this is something else entirely. I am finding it very difficult to relate to others socially more than before because of being so numb and most of the time I feel at a loss of what to say to people. I seem incapable of feeling the emotions I once could such as anger, joy, excitement (which I miss the most), jeasously, depression etc. The only emotion I seem to really feel theese days is laughter. Okay at times my mind drove me mad and sometimes the negative thoughts made me miserable but now I feel so blank it's scary I barely feel human anymore if this is "Enlightenment" I don't want it I would rather be dead. What is the point of even continuing to live If I can no longer seem to really feel anything?
Has anyone, anyone at all been through this?
Last edited by AdoptedOne; 11-19-2010 at 09:17 PM.
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