I'm too New Age-y for my kids.

[curiouslyrandom]

I know I'm kind of funky-California-granola and all that, but it really bites that my kids won't even take me seriously.

Okay, pity statement over. Just needed to say it out loud.

Were you raised by spiritual/hippie/alternative parents? What did it do for you?

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Most kids are embarrassed by their parents. My Dad purposely wore a horrible red plaid sport coat to every formal school function with some garishly unmatched tie just to humiliate me. Character building.

[Curtis2011]

Originally Posted by Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi

Most kids are embarrassed by their parents. My Dad purposely wore a horrible red plaid sport coat to every formal school function with some garishly unmatched tie just to humiliate me. Character building.

Lol true that.

I think every child is embarrassed by every little thing that their parents do.

[curiouslyrandom]

My dad was so embarrassed by my marrying a total @sshole that he grew a beard, then shaved it after the wedding.

I remember the kids in my Girl Scout troop saying "your mom is so cool! It must be fun living with her." I though they were insane at the time.

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Yeah my mom would always bring candy to hand out to my classmates when she chaperoned field trips, so everyone thought she was so awesome. Little did they know that when she yelled too much blood vessels burst in her sclera and turned the whites of her eyes blood demon red.

[curiouslyrandom]

Whoa. Mine was just bipolar, but a very good mother, for the most part. I was definitely a difficult kid to raise.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

Whoa. Mine was just bipolar, but a very good mother, for the most part. I was definitely a difficult kid to raise.

Were you a difficult kid to raise, or did you have a mom who had difficulty raising you? Symptoms of bipolar make it particularly challenging to raise any kid.

[curiouslyrandom]

Originally Posted by Angela

Were you a difficult kid to raise, or did you have a mom who had difficulty raising you? Symptoms of bipolar make it particularly challenging to raise any kid.

I'll rephrase: I was a challenging kid to raise. I see this in my son. He's a good, bright, considerate and compassionate kid, but most adults and many of his peers just don't understand him. I get flack from other people because I give him a lot of space, attention and affection. For some reason, this irks people who feel I should be clamping down on him, teaching him to be more respectful, and have him do more chores (actually, I agree with the last one).

I'm pretty sure my mom went through a lot of the same stuff raising me. She was always apologizing, saying she wished she could have done a better job. I adored her once I got past my early years (ages 8-13 I was pretty bitter and not a nice kid). I think my dad and everyone else blamed her for my bad choice in marriage, although it was more because of my relationship with my dad than my relationship with my mother that led me to it.

[theuprising]

When their kids are embarassed of you b/c of your beliefs, tell them that you are embarrassed at them that they believe that a guy, who is everything, came to earth on a suicide mission, walked on water, came back to life like a zombie, and then vanished. And if you believe in the story you will be saved in the afterlife, and there is absolutely no proof of this until you die.

:P

[curiouslyrandom]

Originally Posted by theuprising

When their kids are embarassed of you b/c of your beliefs, tell them that you are embarrassed at them that they believe that a guy, who is everything, came to earth on a suicide mission, walked on water, came back to life like a zombie, and then vanished. And if you believe in the story you will be saved in the afterlife, and there is absolutely no proof of this until you die.

:P

1) I would never tell my kids I was embarrassed by any of their beliefs.

2) We're not Christian.

[Lifeisamazing]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

I'll rephrase: I was a challenging kid to raise. I see this in my son. He's a good, bright, considerate and compassionate kid, but most adults and many of his peers just don't understand him. I get flack from other people because I give him a lot of space, attention and affection. For some reason, this irks people who feel I should be clamping down on him, teaching him to be more respectful, and have him do more chores (actually, I agree with the last one).

I'm pretty sure my mom went through a lot of the same stuff raising me. She was always apologizing, saying she wished she could have done a better job. I adored her once I got past my early years (ages 8-13 I was pretty bitter and not a nice kid). I think my dad and everyone else blamed her for my bad choice in marriage, although it was more because of my relationship with my dad than my relationship with my mother that led me to it.

I love how you remember everything from that far from the past. Is there a chance that you've been writing in a journal your whole life?

[seasidedaisy]

Me too!
My daughter is married and going to be a missionary in India.
My son is married and a Marine.
How I did that I'll never know.
I was a hippie, homeschooling, health food eating mom. Oh and we lived near an Ashram for many years.
My daughter had a difficult time with me because of spending so much of her youth at the Ashram. However that has changed, now she is grateful because she is going to India to be a missionary. She knows a lot about the culture and has grown to like curry.
I feel like I have to answer to my kids ... role reversal. lol
It's all good we love each other very much.
God does work in mysterious ways.

[Angelique]

Curious, this post reminds me of my mom.

She was wild and free and sensual and put honey on our bruises to make the swelling go down. (Little did I know her home remedies are not common..)
All my friends loved her! I do mean all. She'd dance with no rhythm and retaliate on unfairness. And she talked openly about sex like it was nothing. I would get sooo embarrassed.

I've felt like her parent plenty of times. But I'm not. And she really is a great, amazingly wonderful woman. Eventually, your kids might see that. It took me a while, too.

[Lifeisamazing]

The interesting thing is that I've always seen my mom as the best mom ever. I was embarrassed to call her to my school meeting or whatever else because she was overweight but that was the only part I ever found embarrassing about her. In every other way, she just seemed perfect to me as a kid.

[ssandra]

My parents are the most down to earth, standard Dutch people you'll ever meet

They are religious (my mom protestant, my dad catholic) but don't go to church. They don't believe in anything spiritual. They eat the same basic food every single day (vegetables, potatoes, and a bit of meat, always the same) and do the same thing for holiday year in year out.

For me it was difficult because I don't like doing things just because everybody else does them. There has to be a good reason besides "that's how normal people do it"...

"That's how normal people do it" has kind of been the mantra of my childhood...
"you have to shake hands and kiss everybody when you come into the room. That's what normal people do!"
"you have to get up before 9 and have breakfast together with us as a family. That's what normal people do"
"You have to clean up your room all the time, that's what normal people do"
"if you are being bullied at school try to fit in more. Like what the normal kids do".


No wonder my motto is "who wants to be normal anyway!"


But I know they meant well and just tried to do what is best for us. I can see how they both are completely stuck in their lives that they live because of what others expect from them instead of what they really truly love doing.

[gigij]

Running joke in my house...

When my kids go somewhere else:
“Come meet my mom – she’s in the kitchen making cookies.”

When kids come here:
“Come meet my mom – she’s in the kitchen hypnotizing somebody. Want to stay for dinner? – you can’t even really tell it’s not real meat. Oh don’t take your shoes off, the dogs will eat them.”

We have a crazy house. They are cool with it. All their friends like me. We even had random ones live with us now and then …

(I bet your kids are secretly happy that you are not the 'boring' mom ....)

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

Whoa. Mine was just bipolar, but a very good mother, for the most part. I was definitely a difficult kid to raise.

I'm OK with it, my mom is great with kids. I forget, and didn't really understand until I was an adult, that her culture has a different concept of what is considered acceptable discipline.

I was a golden girl - great grades, very hard working, obedient. Of course if you talked to her I don't think you'd hear the same story. Asian mothers are mostly pathological perfectionists. Did you ever read/see the Joy Luck Club? I'm Jing-Mae (June). My older sisters were "irish twins" and 5/6 years older than me so I always felt like an extra only child.

Because of my older sisters, and the asian family dynamic, I had three mothers and I am actually more embarrassed of my sister-mothers than I am of my ma. lol. Ma's unashamed of her bitchy/dorky essence.

[curiouslyrandom]

Originally Posted by Lifeisamazing

I love how you remember everything from that far from the past. Is there a chance that you've been writing in a journal your whole life?

Yes, actually, I have! My mother came across some of my journals from when I was with my ex husband. I told her to burn them. She read them first, and told me she had no idea it had been that bad for me when I was with him. She also liked the stories I wrote... it was the only way to maintain my sanity. Seriously. He was psycho and tried to drag me down with him.

When kids come here:
“Come meet my mom – she’s in the kitchen hypnotizing somebody. Want to stay for dinner? – you can’t even really tell it’s not real meat. Oh don’t take your shoes off, the dogs will eat them.”

gigij, this made me laugh!

Sometimes the kids and I just click. Lately my daughter and I have been talking more and really getting along well. My son has been angry with me, and he has a right to be. It's been tough raising them alone without any support or relief, and I've done some stupid things. I don't have a regular job with a safety net of health insurance and paid vacations, so they've missed out on things like braces and fun family trips.

I can't help feeling regret that I haven't done better for my kids. I know my mother felt the same, and she and my dad gave us everything we ever needed, at least materially.

This morning was rough. My son and I had a fight at 4 AM and once things calmed down he put me back to bed, sobbing and snotty, telling me to take deep breaths and get some sleep. He's an amazing kid, but he needs a man to teach him how to be a man. I can't do that.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

I don't have a regular job with a safety net of health insurance and paid vacations, so they've missed out on things like braces and fun family trips.

Your kids have no idea how lucky they are.

I got talked into needing braces, when I really didn't need them. I hated those things! I still have them now (behind my teeth) so I still cannot eat an apple like a normal person.

I hated our family holidays. Every year we went sailing (my dad owns a boat) and every year we would visit the same stupid horrible villages.

I get seasick if I'm inside and we are going away and I haven't eaten yet. So basically every day I'd ask my dad to wake me up before we go, so I can eat and not feel sick. And every day he would "let me sleep in".

And being on a boat, 5m2 for 4 persons, for 4 weeks... awful!!!

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

This morning was rough. My son and I had a fight at 4 AM and once things calmed down he put me back to bed, sobbing and snotty, telling me to take deep breaths and get some sleep. He's an amazing kid, but he needs a man to teach him how to be a man. I can't do that.

How old is your son?

(warning; unsolicited advice coming on, if you don't want it, stop reading now )

maybe you could find an organization like big brothers, or scouting or if he is older a soccer club or something where he can be around other males that can be a role model for him?

[curiouslyrandom]

Originally Posted by ssandra

How old is your son?

(warning; unsolicited advice coming on, if you don't want it, stop reading now )

maybe you could find an organization like big brothers, or scouting or if he is older a soccer club or something where he can be around other males that can be a role model for him?

He's 13. The standard protocols don't work for him. Scouting is an absolute no (neither of us likes the idea), big brothers doesn't look good, either (we move too often and he doesn't want to meet strange men anyway), and we did soccer when he was younger, but he isn't interested now.

I have a lot of close male friends that he's spent time with. They're nice guys, but none of them are fathers or really know how to respond to my kid. He's... different. Most men find him difficult to relate to as he's very independent, speaks his mind, is intelligent and strong-willed. I am too, which kind of explains why I can't find a man who will put up with me, either.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

He's 13. The standard protocols don't work for him. Scouting is an absolute no (neither of us likes the idea), big brothers doesn't look good, either (we move too often and he doesn't want to meet strange men anyway), and we did soccer when he was younger, but he isn't interested now.

I have a lot of close male friends that he's spent time with. They're nice guys, but none of them are fathers or really know how to respond to my kid. He's... different. Most men find him difficult to relate to as he's very independent, speaks his mind, is intelligent and strong-willed. I am too, which kind of explains why I can't find a man who will put up with me, either.

Maybe you are looking at it wrong.. You don't need to find a man who puts up with you. You need a man who loves you for your independent mind, who adores you because you are strong willed and who appreciates your intelligence!

And yes, they are out there, and yes, you will find him (or he you, or you each other )

But it must be difficult having the feeling that you cannot provide everything your child needs.
It is one of my worst fears. Knowing that my child needs something (not wants, but really needs) and not being able to give it....

[curiouslyrandom]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Maybe you are looking at it wrong.. You don't need to find a man who puts up with you. You need a man who loves you for your independent mind, who adores you because you are strong willed and who appreciates your intelligence!

And yes, they are out there, and yes, you will find him (or he you, or you each other )

Oh, I know! Just feeling mopey today.

But it must be difficult having the feeling that you cannot provide everything your child needs.
It is one of my worst fears. Knowing that my child needs something (not wants, but really needs) and not being able to give it....

Yeah, my daughter talks about having kids someday, and I think she'll be a very good mother. She worries about money, about being able to provide everything for her future kids. I didn't even think about that when I had her. I figured it would all work out. I had a business, a husband and a home. One by one that all fell apart. I've been trying to make it work ever since, and can't do it on my own.

[gigij]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

I can't help feeling regret that I haven't done better for my kids. I know my mother felt the same, and she and my dad gave us everything we ever needed, at least materially.

Nah ... you give them everything that is important. Everyone has regrets I think.

I had a very messed up childhood so family stability was very important to me. But we gave our kids everything to a fault ... to the point that they now expect us to come in and 'save them' everytime they screw up. Usually with money. It was actually hard to tell my son yesterday that, no, I would NOT send him any more money regardless of whether he had to eat Mr Noodles for the next two weeks till his cheque comes. (He's away at university.) I have given him enough and he should have budgeted better. He is an unemployed student and needs to live like one - it's a lesson he has to learn - but tough on the Mom.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by gigij

I had a very messed up childhood so family stability was very important to me. But we gave our kids everything to a fault ... to the point that they now expect us to come in and 'save them' everytime they screw up. Usually with money. It was actually hard to tell my son yesterday that, no, I would NOT send him any more money regardless of whether he had to eat Mr Noodles for the next two weeks till his cheque comes. (He's away at university.) I have given him enough and he should have budgeted better. He is an unemployed student and needs to live like one - it's a lesson he has to learn - but tough on the Mom.

That sounds like my parents and me... except for the fact that even though they did say no, every time I would come to visit my dad would sneak 50 euro's somewhere and I'd find it later...

Honestly? I'd have loved for them to do what you are doing with your son now. It would have saved me a lot of hearth ache. Especially because they always made me feel as if with money they could buy things from me, like obedience, attention, love etc.

[gigij]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Especially because they always made me feel as if with money they could buy things from me, like obedience, attention, love etc.

Wow - they must be related to my mom.

She is well into her 70's and still trying to control us with money ...